If you're used to the usual three act format, this may throw you a curve. But EE is meant to play out differently than most novels. You're living with us, and the story may zig when you think it should zag--like life does. There are a few more loose ends to tidy up, especially between Colt and Wyatt. This chapter leaves you hanging a little. But those of you who've been with me the whole time know to expect little miracles and surprises and "ambiguities" that lead to or refer to other things. Stay with it. We're really close to the end now, at last!

So Chase sits down next to me and hands me his cell. Last thing I'm in the mood for, but he looks kind of tired and rumpled, like he's been working all night on this thing. And probably giving the wife and kids holy hell, too.

He gets obsessed. Like a bloodhound, chasing that scent--relentless. And I owe him big time for that, because he has done things for me that nobody else could.

So I de-escalated a little bit to check out what he'd brought up on the screen. He'd lined up some videos, maybe to take my mind off the shit that's about to hit the fan. Or maybe because he saw that murderous stare I was giving the Child Protective Services crewe and wanted to calm my ass down.

So he hit the little triangle "Play" thing on the first video that was basically just a bunch of people on the street reacting to the praying and whatnot going on in front of the building. It was from KVOA News. One of our local talking heads trying to do a network news type of thing.

I hate to be mean, but Tucson gets the leftovers. Once in a while we get somebody good, trying to get some impressive video to help them get hired in one of the bigger cities. They do a killer job for a year or so, and then one day you hear the other ones wishing them good luck in LA or Chicago or New York or wherever they've moved up to.

But this one was sort of engaging, at least. She looked like she was right out of college and still kind of nervous in front of the camera. But she was personable, not shell shocked. She set it up with a little summary of what was happening to me that day and who I was.

And then this one young black dude with all these little D.L. Hughley dreads sticking up goes, "I mean, c'mon, man! He had a few guns? This is Arizona! You can get a gun at WalMart'n' then go on over to the drive through liquor store for a twelve pack and a box o' bullets. I got a neighbor could open his own gun shop! You name it, he got it-house fulla kids, too. Catholic dude. One o' them pistol packin' Christians."

That made me actually laugh. Because I had a friend who used to say there were passages in the New Testament that made him feel like if Jesus was alive today, "dude might just bus' a cap in yo' ass," if you riled him up enough. He meant how Jesus supposedly made that big scene in the temple, knocking tables over and calling the shop keepers whores and all. Plus, he hung out with thugs. You get the idea.

The next one was a young Mexican woman holding a toddler on her hip. There were some other little kids running around behind her, making faces at the camera and whatnot. I love how little kids just do whatever, whenever. I was more interested in the crazy stuff they were doing than what their mother was saying.

But she said, "I got a whole Thanksgiving at that food thing they do every year. A big old turkey and everything! And my kids, they get shoes an' their shots for school every year-there's a whole lot of people couldn't ever see a doctor if it wasn't for him. And I mean, there's boys his age out there runnin' the streets, doing drugs, shooting up the neighborhood and got a buncha baby mamas and kids running around that they don't even care about. Him, he wants his children! They should support that!"

And then these two girls, two really white girls, come on giggling and shrugging and one of them goes, "Like, I don't know what he supposedly did or anything, but I mean, if you just look at him--okay, I mean you shunt just, like, let somebody off the hook because they're good looking or anything like that. But--"

And the other one cuts in with, "For real, how bad could he be? With that face? I mean, like, please..."

They both started giggling again after that. And Chase elbowed me and said, "Your adoring public."

And I said, "Yikes," and gave him his cell back just as the two CPS babes who'd come after my kids that last time came in and sat, looking stiff as boards.

And I gave them a bad ass stare, too. I couldn't help it even with Chase there, trying to calm me down. The black one gave me attitude. But her hands were fidgety. The Mexican one wouldn't look at me full on. But I could tell she was feeling me because she was gripping the stack of folders in her lap like they were top secret Pentagon papers or something.

So then, this big white woman wearing one of those Old School sort of hippie maxi dresses with the "ethnic" print on it looked around the table and said, "We will be recording the meeting as usual. So the staff members who have not attended previously should state their names and positions clearly, and offer a brief explanation of their roles in today's proceedings. Are we all ready?"

She had real short, real curly hair and a pasty complexion like she stayed locked up in her office as much as The Harbinger, maybe. But when her washed out grey eyes accidentally landed on me, she flushed a little bit and those dead grey eyes darted over to the old tape recorder in front of her.

It was one of those old ones they still have in a lot of schools and government offices because they can't afford to upgrade to the little digital ones that make .mp3s. I have one the size of a flash drive that I might've offered them, but I wasn't going to do a damned thing to make life easier for them that day.

She punched the black button and the red button at the same time like you always have to do on those ones, and then recited this long paragraph of instructions she had to read every time we met.

Bonnie and I had to agree to everything aloud, after we'd stated our names, so that if we objected to anything they'd warned you about later on, you were just out of luck. And if you didn't agree, they'd stop the meeting and you'd have to take the consequences. I asked, of course. Thinking not agreeing might force them to let me change the rules or something. Stupid me, thinking it would be that easy, right?

So once we'd given away all our rights as usual, all those new faces gave us the lowdown on who they were and why they were at this particular meeting. Only they didn't really say anything real. Just a name and a title and some little quip about maybe not being sure why they were there, actually. Which didn't surprise or fool me.

They were like those witnesses they have to have at an execution. Watching so if they're asked they can say everything went well. The injections went in, the condemned prisoner died quietly and quickly...you get my point.

So after they'd all given their little spiel, Lydia-the Earth Mama was Lydia--opened a folder and said, "I believe Lorena has asked to speak first. Lorena?"

That was the Mexican one with the folders. The one I was pissed off at to the max for the shit that went down at the rehab center in front of my kids that time. She set her folders down in front of her and avoided my eyes as she started talking. But I didn't stop staring at her. She wasn't getting off that easy.

"First of all, if we're the reason for all the circus outside today, I want to apologize to my colleagues for that," she said. And then she drew herself up straight and tall like she'd hit her stride, and said, "But now we all know this young man can mobilize his troops with a waaave of his hand."

She said that doing that Queen of England wave. Mocking me, of course.

Chase went, "Wow. Okay," and shook his head. Trying not to blow up yet. I got a little hot under the collar, though. But I made myself calm down because I was starting to get a little light headed. I probably needed to eat something, but I didn't dare reach down and pull out a banana or something right then. She probably would've made fun of that, too. Asked me if I brought breakfast for everybody or something, the way teachers do if they catch you eating in class.

I was surprised when Lydia took her on, kind of. I mean, sort of like she was embarrassed but not with any real gumption behind it since this was all just a sham and nothing anybody said really mattered.

She said, "I know this has been very stressful for you, Lorena. But it has been stressful for all concerned. Including Colton. So..."

Lorena smirked and "tsked" and said, "Oh, let's be honest here, Lydia. Our young Mr. James can get the most influential people in the city to speak on his behalf. Including a judge, to give him a public pat on the back with the cameras rolling and a big crowd of supporters to cheer him on! I mean, I feel bullied right now! That's the only word I can think of. Bullied. And it's very frustrating and unfair."

The black woman, whose little badge said she was Idamarie Lewis-it was pronounced like Ida and Marie smushed together into one word--said, "See, that's the point we're trying to make. If we feel bullied, how do you think the grandmother feels?"

"Her name is Bonnie," I said. Bonnie put her hand on my knee as if to tell me to just let it go

And Lorena said, "You know exactly what we're trying to say though, don't you?" Giving me as much attitude as she thought she could get away with.

"No. Tell me," I said. Lifting my chin like it was on for sure. This was animal emotion, you know? Survival shit. I was stalking her ass. Looking for the slightest twitch, a second of weakness that'd give me a chance to take her down.

She didn't give in just yet, though. She snapped, "Oh, but you do! Bread and circuses! Who was it said that? You give 'em a carnival and something to eat and they're beholden to you, right? Law of the jungle out there! You give 'em what they want, you take care of business--"

Chase flung a pen down on the table and said, "Oh, for Chrissake! He gives 'em medical care, housing, clothes-a little dignity and respect, too, which is more than he's getting from you right now."

"In exchange for?" Idamarie asked.

"You're kidding me, right?" Chase finally said. "He's the Pablo Escobar of Tucson now? Is that how this thing's gonna go down? You got nothin' so let's just swing for the fences! Hell, say he's with ISIS, maybe! Give that a try!"

Lorena gave him a full on glare and said, "I am trying to bring us back to the facts of this case. The things that made us choose the grandmother as guardian instead of granting him full custody. I want you to think about what has transpired since we made that initial decision. Our young Mr. James admitted to owning those guns no matter what the judge decides to do next. That's on the record."

"And it's being stricken from the record," Chase said.

"Because?" Lorena asked, all cocky like Idamarie had been.

And Chase said, "You know I can't talk about that here."

Lorena shot him a hot smirk.

But another CPS woman asked, "But his plea was 'No contest,' correct?" This thing was well choreographed.

I had to fight back a little wave of nausea to say, "Yeah, I bought the guns. I couldn't exactly deny that."

I could feel Chase stiffen a little when I said it. My judgement may have been a little off. I did that thing where you close your eyes real tight trying to clear up your vision. I could see okay, I just wanted to wake up a little more. I was thinking I should have him ask for a little break or something soon. Not right then, but in a few minutes, so I could grab a bite and get my strength up again.

But he just sat back and folded his arms and said, "The gun buy was a set up. The person who arranged it was coerced into making the deal. The commission is aware of that now. Which is why they removed one of the biggest obstacles we've been dealing with here. The provisions of this case were based on the provisions of that case. But that conviction has been expunged from his record. You get the idea or do I have to keep going for the record?"

The same woman, I couldn't read her little tag thing from where I sat, gave me this smile that felt like a pat on the head, and said, "You were concerned for her, the mother, when you bought the guns?"

She was trying to sound sympathetic, but I wasn't buying it. And she proved that I was right to be wary when she asked, "Were you also worried about the drugs? That...she might be putting herself in harm's way though her interactions with...the people who supplied them?"

"Sure I was," I said. "I mean...she's dead. So I guess I was right to be worried."

She looked away as if she was almost ashamed of what she was going to ask me next. But she managed to ask me anyway.

"Did that concern ever...extend to possibly...helping her obtain the substances she needed? Offering money or...other assistance?"

Knew she was going to go there. I almost smiled. Or I would've if I hadn't started to feel really dizzy. I'd really messed up, leaving the hospital. I knew that by then. I wasn't nearly ready for that much stress. And if I passed out or something, it'd just make everything worse.

So now, I was not only dizzy, I was getting scared. Perfect storm.

I took a deep breath, got a grip somehow, and said, "No. I never bought her drugs, gave her drugs, helped her find drugs, none of that. After seeing my kids go through withdrawal for days in the hospital right after they were born, I wasn't about to do that. That's why we weren't really seeing each other all that much anymore. I cared about Maddie, but I couldn't be around her as long as she was on that stuff. She chose drugs over the kids, over me, over her career and everything else. I mean, maybe she didn't choose that, but that was the result, you know? She couldn't give it up. So she couldn't be around us."

She nodded and looked at some sort of paper in front of her-questions, maybe-and said, "So you didn't support her financially or otherwise, at any time, before or after the children were born?"

I thought I just might have a chance to flip the script right there. So I said, "Before they were born, we tried to help. Just before. She lived with us. But she kept running away to get high. She disappeared 'til the night they were born when they brought her in all messed up and...it was just...it was awful. They're lucky to be here, those kids."

"And after?"

"She had Yuri. He'd been trying to convince her that she could have a career again and...oh, I don't know, all kinds of crazy stuff. But he was getting high by then, too. Staying high. They were a perfect match. Made in Hell, but he let her have what she wanted. I couldn't. And I didn't want her anywhere near the kids or me or in our lives, period."

"Is there any possibility that the overdose was intentional? Given how you felt about her and her drug use?" another one asked-a guy this time. Hipster looking guy with one of those beards they don't trim right, and big old black glasses. I didn't remember his name, either. I'd forgotten almost all their names two seconds after they introduced themselves. I just wasn't all there.

And his question seemed a little bit "off." I couldn't read it.

So I said, "Sure there is. That's the first thing I thought of, when I heard about it. That she'd just given up. Or wanted to get out of my way. Let me live my life without all the drama."

He nodded, looked down at his papers, and then back up at me and said, "Did you know about the drugs she had obtained for sale?"

I sighed and said, "I didn't know the whole story, but I knew she was in deep. And that she wasn't capable of doing what she'd been asked to do."

"Given that...did you offer her any-"

"What, assistance again? No. I couldn't get involved in that world."

Chase said, "And it's irrelevant to this discussion."

"It speaks to his judgement," one of the older men at the table said. "How he makes decisions. And also, how his lifestyle influences those decisions. He's not your run of the mill mogul. He makes...adult...films! Games! You were all there in Vegas, I'd imagine. Some party, right? All the Hollywood high rollers, ballers, rappers-we know what happened that night, too. Would you like to address that, while we're at it?"

Chase gave me a really reluctant nod, because I was sort of sweaty by then. On the forehead and upper lip. But I did the hand folding thing and leaned on the table, like a kid in class. The room sort of spun around when I sat forward, but putting my hands down like that helped a lot.

And I said, "Look, what-I mean, yes, we run with some pretty wild characters. But if that's grounds for losing your kids, I don't know how any of the musicians or actors or even the businessmen we know have been able to keep their kids, then. I mean Kim Kardashian's claim to fame is a sex tape. And Kanye's a nut job! But they've got two kids. And nobody's tryin'a take them away."

I looked at Lydia and said, "I bet there's people here at this table who have friends and family members who are in the same boat as Maddie or worse. But you're here. And I'm still here, despite all the insanity I've lived through. I'm a survivor. And I can look my kids in the eye and give them advice from the heart. I've been there, I've done that. I can be honest and I can speak from experience."

"And there will come a day when you'll have to," Lydia said. "Kids are mean. And their parents or someone they know will eventually go to one of those Web sites or hand them a DVD of you and your lady friends-how will you handle that? Will you be prepared for that, too?"

"Yes," I said. And I made eye contact to make sure she saw that I meant it. "When they're old enough to know what I'm talking about, I'll give them the whole story. Because I'm not ashamed of it. I'm proud of it. I'm proof that miracles happen. And I hope I can show them how to prove that they're worthy of those miracles. That you're meant to do something with them. It's not...bread and circuses, like she said. I've been hungry. I've been homeless. I give people, like, all the money I have, when I see 'em on the corner with those signs, you know? Yeah, they're pro'bly hungry for something more than a hamburger, that's true. But...I wanna give 'em a few minutes of peace, if I can. Let 'em go find a room, get a meal-is that bad? I don't see how that's a bad thing. And I hope my kids'll see that'n' maybe wanna do the same. Maybe do more, even."

The room got kind of quiet. People started shuffling through papers. Reading things. Glancing at each other across the table. I wasn't home free yet, but I'd made them pretty nervous.

So I looked at Chase and was glad to see his eyes sort of shining again. He gave me a pat on the shoulder, looked at them and said, "Are we gonna get down to business here or what?"

And the older guy said, "Just...let's follow this thread for a minute. It's admirable, Colton, that you're so dedicated to...giving back to the community. But...your children will learn something else, as they move out into that community. Things you can't protect them from. Things about you and...your extended family, so to speak. How do you think they'll feel when the teasing starts? When they come home...crying about a remark someone made? Or a video clip someone showed them or sent to the whole...school, from a cell phone?"

"I can't control stuff like that, that's true. But I know they'll have a pretty amazing life, no matter what other people think, or say or do. And they'll always have me. I'll always be there for them."

"Will you?" Lorena asked.

Something in me said, "Oh, shit." And she smiled like she knew it-just a hint of a smile--and said, "On New Year's Eve, they almost lost you."

I said, "But they didn't." And it sounded like something a 19-year-old would say. Like I arguing with my mother and had run out of smart ass comments to lob at her. I wished I could take it back as soon as it came out.

And she folded her arms and said, "If the arresting officer had not believed you, if the arresting officer had found traces of her drugs in the car or on your clothes or anywhere else, where would you be now?"

I folded my hands on the table again. Since I'd sounded like a kid, maybe looking like a kid, reminding them they were a whole bunch of adults ganging up on a kid, would help.

And I said, "Did you ever go to a party where they were smoking weed or something? Or get in the car with somebody who'd had too much to drink and you knew it?"

"Colton--"

"Have your kids ever told you about somebody getting high in the bathroom or offering them something at a party or whatever? Did one of 'em ever even tell you they took a coupla hits or something? Maybe held something for somebody? What did you do?"

She sat back and said, "Make your point," in this dismissive tone that sort of pissed me off.

But I didn't show I was mad. I just said, "I bet everyone at this table can think of a moment like that. When they were this close to being arrested or something, maybe because of someone else. Maybe because of something they did themselves. I bet this very weekend, some of you will drink too much or somebody else will, and you'll let 'em drive home or...make excuses for them."

"She had heroin in her purse," Lorena said. "And you were with her. Your baby mama died of an overdose of heroin. And you had been with her. Are you seeing a pattern here?"

Chase said, "Okay, we're done."

But I raised a hand and said, "Let 'em get it said. Just for the record."

He watched me for a few seconds. And then almost smiled. I wasn't sure why, but it helped me relax when he did it. I felt like hell, until I saw that. Or rather, I still felt all clammy and dizzy, but my spirits lifted. All I had to do was make it through the rest of this thing without blacking out or something.

So I sat up taller. Let the room spin. Fought back the urge to upchuck one more time. And one of the other women at the table took another approach to the same subject then.

"Will you be working with her, now that you know? The actress?" she asked.

I sighed and said, "If I can. If she can. She needs this chance to make it right. Somebody gave me a chance once. Maybe that's not what you want to hear but..."

They looked all nervous again. I'm not sure why, since I thought they probably had wanted to prove that I was going to make another bad decision and I'd just made the mother of all bad decisions right in front of them when I said that.

But Lydia deflected over to, "Bonnie, we haven't forgotten you. This should really be your chance to speak. And to hear from us as well."

And then she gave Bonnie a smile that I didn't trust any more than the others I'd seen. She seemed like she was having trouble looking Bonnie in the eyes, too.

But she finally got up the gumption to ask, "How are you feeling? Since the, uh..."

I could tell she was waiting to see how Bonnie would describe the "uh."

"I got a little run down," Bonnie said. Glanced at me once, but she didn't look rattled. Not about the question, anyway. She touched my knee like she knew I wasn't feeling good. To reassure me or let me know she was going to get this thing over with so I could get out of there.

But Lydia said, "What was the final decision about that? The diagnosis, I mean."

Bonnie gave a little shrug and said, "Exhaustion. Like I said, I got run down. My daughter died'n' this one here got shot'n' I was just...out of it, sort of. For a while."

Lydia nodded and then opened a folder on her desk and slid one of the papers out. Slid it to the person to her right who started reading it like it was the smoking gun they'd been waiting for. She even got out her glasses to do it.

And Lydia said, "I'm concerned that...well, the...medical review we asked you to have your doctor complete indicates that your recent illness was caused in part by some underlying conditions you have been...reluctant to treat. And which will be difficult to control and may require more...drastic procedures in the future."

"Coupla things were a little high."

"Blood pressure. Blood sugar levels-the EKG wasn't perfect, either, was it?"

"I'm old!" Bonnie told her with this little chuckled. She got a few chuckles from people at the table, too. "I got a touch of arthritis, I couldn't read those danged letters on the wall, I got-"

"Oh, everybody here has a touch of this and that," Lydia said. "But they're concerned about your kidneys and lungs as well. And if you were incapacitated for a longer period of time-"

"He'd be there," Bonnie said. "The father. He'd be there in a heartbeat. You don't have to worry about that."

And as soon as she said that, Lorena tossed a folder onto the table and said, "Which takes us right back to what I was trying to get at earlier. Colton is the de facto parent here. And he has medical issues as well. For the foreseeable future and perhaps from now on. So we have two potential custodial parents with serious medical issues and no support system aside from each other. Now, we can side step and equivocate all we want about Colton's lifestyle and life choices, but the medical issues muddy the water even more. We don't know where these babies will end up, if one or the other becomes incapacitated. Or incarcerated. And I realize the boy has money. And power. But children need parents! Real parents! Reliable parents and a reliable circle of loving friends and family. It may not really take a village to raise a child, but it takes 'way more than just two people. Two people with serious health problems."

I threw my hands up and said, "Aw, c'mon! Really?"

I mean, I tried not to yell or sound real angry, but I'd had enough. And also, my ears were starting to ring. Like how they do when you're really getting sick. The little swirly dots would be next.

So I focused on the Harbinger and then Lydia and said, "She's like a dog with a bone here! Just gnawin' away at me like her life depended on it. But can I just speak on my own behalf this once, please? Because I feel like this is all just for show, you know? Before you deliver the coup de grace. Honestly, that's how I feel."

It got all quiet. I guess they'd figured out that they hadn't fooled me. And that tape they were making wasn't going to fool anybody either. I kept wiggling out of the trap.

So I gathered up all my wits and my anger and my pain and my fear and my nausea and looked right at Lorena and said, real sad, not loud and angry:

"Where were you guys when I was starving to death? Huh?"

She didn't blink. She just got stiffer. But everyone at the table started fidgeting with papers and stuff. Like maybe they were going to ask for a recess or something. And as much as I needed one, I couldn't let that happen yet.

So I put my hands flat down on the table to steady myself, and said, "I mean it! Where were you when we were livin' in the washes'n' under the streets and in old, rotted out buildings and cars tryin'a just survive, me and my brothers and sisters? How come nobody gave a damn about us then?"

They were looking at me then because I'd started to cry a little. You could hear it in my voice. But I couldn't help it. I was sick and I was scared and they were sitting there asking us a bunch of stupid questions they knew the answers to. They just needed the answers on that tape. As proof we'd gotten a chance to speak before they did what they came to do.

I wiped my eyes and said, "Walkin' around with shoes that didn't even have soles. Clothes damned near falling off our backs-you know how people wear jeans with holes at the knees or alla way up their legs? Mine didn't have a designer label on 'em. Whole damned leg fell off one pair I had, after the rip went all the way around. I started a new fashion trend all by myself. One legged jeans."

Nobody laughed. A few smiled a little bit, but the smiles were all guilty and sad.

"Yeah, we were pretty pitiful," I told them. "No clothes, no food. I got so sick of fried baloney-one slice, we'd get, maybe. For dinner. My poor mother got so weak and anemic from letting us have her share that she almost died a coupla times. And that trailer that they all fin'ly did die in, that one that blew up that night, that damned thing was so full of holes and rats and roaches and whatnot that the kids were always sick. Sure, winter in Tucson isn't all that cold but the thing was coming apart at the seams! It let in wind and water and all manner of wildlife-never knew what'd be in the bed with you. What'd bite you or be crawling up your legs-I didn't think I'd live to see 21 even. I expected to be dead before I'd even really lived."

I got a second wind, sort of. I could think more clearly.

So I said, "That's what happens to folks like us. Kids like us. Stupid, scary deaths, you know? Falling off things, getting run over, getting murdered by somebody you knew or maybe even loved. Or just sickness. We die of some ugly stuff. Medieval stuff. Plagues they thought were wiped out long ago. Happens all the time."

You could hear the traffic and stuff going on outside that door, but there wasn't a sound in the room. Just dead air. So I just figured it was time to wrap it up. To offer a few last words from the heart.

"So...I wanna know how it is that through all those years we struggled and starved and lived on the streets half the time, nobody gave a damn about us?" I said. "Oh, you would've taken us away from each other, sure, we knew that. We were scared of that. Alls we had was each other. But I'm talkin' about all those times we asked for help of some kind, and people were too busy or there were all these papers we had to fill out or get notarized or whatever-do you know what it felt like to sit there while some...paper pusher looks at you like you don't deserve to live almost? And starts running off all these things you know you can't do, that you have to find a way to do, if you wanna eat or have a bed to sleep in that day?

"Right now, while you're all here at this table, there's a child getting raped or beat up or just dying from hunger that you could be reaching out to. But instead you're all sitting here trying to take my children away from me. Children who will never know hunger or the kind of danger and desperation I grew up with, whether I die or get locked up or anything else! They're covered! For generations, we're covered. Nobody we know is gonna have to worry about money or anything else for centuries! And you want to take that away from them and put them where? Give them to who? I mean, tell me what you want'n' I'll do it! I'll do anything! Except let you take them away from us. What's the point of taking them away from us? I just...I don't..."

I wiped my eyes, sat back and quit begging.

And got that loud silence, again. Except for some little squeaks coming from that old tape recorder. The little turn-y things that made the tape go from one side of the cassette to the other were old and creaky. The whole business was like that tape recorder. All wonky and wobbly.

I watched the wheels turn for a few seconds. And nobody spoke. I expected somebody, Lorena maybe, to object or call me out of something. But nobody did.

So we just sat there for a minute or two. And then Chase reached over to rub the small of my back and snatched his hand back as soon as he touched it with this really stunned look on his face.

When we saw the blood on his hand, everybody gasped-I didn't, though. Even though it looked like someone had just shot me in the back again.

I was upset about what was going on in that room. Yeah, I was woozy and all, but since it didn't hurt, whatever was going on back there, I just figured it was sort of normal. I'd just had the damned operation. You leak a lot, right after. Especially if you move around too much.

But it got everybody else movin' for sure. Bonnie wailed, "OH, my GOD" and grabbed hold of me and Lydia came rushing over and somebody else got on a cell and started barking orders and nobody was sitting at the table anymore.

Even that damned Lorena looked scared. "End of the world" scared. Like if I really died that day, she knew she was going straight to Hell.

And then this real young woman came running in from one of those doors those rooms always had, the doors to the inner offices, and headed straight for Lydia throwing her hands all around and looking like she'd seen the end of the world, too.

Lydia sent her back and turned to the rest of us, but I could tell by her eyes that she didn't really know what to say. Another woman at the table got a cell call right then, which I suspected was about the same thing. Whatever the hell it was.

And the one on the phone said, "We...have been asked to...stand down."

Lydia found her voice then, and said, "There are some...state investigators in the building. They have...they've asked that we collect all of the paperwork from today's meeting and...records from...from-"

"You should all go to your work stations," the cell phone woman said. "They're removing hard drives, filing cabinets..."

Some people flew out of the room. Lorena, Lydia, Idamarie and a lot of the ones we knew didn't go anywhere. They just sat down or slumped in their seats looking defeated.

The cell phone woman looked at Chase and said, "There'll be a court ruling for you by the end of the week."

Chase looked up from wiping his bloody hand with some Kleenex somebody'd brought over and gave me a smile.

And went, "Whoop, there it is! Let's get you back to that hospital, huh? Can you walk, do you think?"

"You knew?" I said.

"They arrested a whole buncha people this morning, including your judge. They let him speak at that little gathering out there, the cops that came for 'im. He was supposed to be here for the meeting, but when they saw what was going on, they assumed there wasn't going to be one. So they let him say what he had to say, to keep these guys away from their desks for a while."

"He's in jail?" I asked.

"Not for long. He'll make bail, easy. And the big guys'll do what they can, maybe. Or distance themselves, which is more likely. Publicly, anyway. They owe 'im. So behind the scenes they'll pull the right strings."

"So...where does that leave us?"

"No worries, okay? Seriously. This is what I was waiting to hear, before I said anything to you. But we're home free, home boy. I just wanna make sure you're good to go."

"Wait, listen, if we get the kids back and then told them we didn't wanna, like, press charges on him or something like that, would they let 'im go?"

"Who?"

"The judge."

Chase shook his head and said, "You want to let Friendly go, too?"

"He was just a pawn, Friendly. I mean, he should do some kinda time, yes, given the mess he made but...Well, I dunno. I hate that the guys who are really to blame aren't gonna get caught. Maybe Nick can get after them. I bet he could. Should we ask him?"

Chase sat there staring at me for so long while Bonnie was trying to wipe up blood and check to see where it was coming from that I finally had to say, "What?" To wake him up.

And he goes, "What is it with you? Bleeding back, bleeding heart-"

"Stop talking and get him out of here!" Bonnie yelled. "It's busted open, where they cut on him yesterday! There's nothin' holdin' it together but some kinda...what is that?"

Chase stood up and said, "She needs to get outta here, too. The kids'll be released around noon or so."

"You knew that, too?" I asked.

"That was the plan, if it all went down smooth enough today," he said. "It'll be status quo for now, most likely. Bonnie'll have custody. But you're gonna get what you want. I'm sure of that now that they're actually arresting people."

"Who leaked it? The stuff we knew?" I asked.

Chase smiled and said, "The original source. Said it was the least he could do. I didn't see it comin' but I was totally stoked when it came."

"Yuri, right?"

"We got a call from this reporter who said he had been contacted. He said the info wouldn't be released to him 'til he'd called me to ask if it would help the case or not," he said. "And I figured what the hell, you know? Especially since he'd told the reporter that Maddie died so that you could have the kids. I mean, who's gonna argue with that?"

Bonnie sighed and said, "Well, if we don't get him outta here that won't happen."

"Yeah, it will," I told her. "It has to. She's up there pullin' strings like crazy, that damned daughter o' yours."

That made her tear up and smile, both. So I struggled up onto my feet and they hauled me out of there as quickly but gently as they could.

It caused a big old ruckus when they brought me looking all pale and wobbly. Everybody quit praying and started rushing after us. Cops had to come and move people out of the way. And the newspapers and TV news shows got onto it and made like these big bad guys had forced me out of my death bed to try and get my kids back.

I felt bad about the things I said about the local press, when I saw all the articles and news reports later. They made me look like an angel but I felt like an asshole for being so mean to them.

Anyway, Lakesha and Jamal were still parked across the street, but Lakesha'd been in that crowd out front. And when they got me down the steps and out of the swarm, she came rushing up trying to direct the cops to the Escalade.

"He come wit us!" she kept yelling. "That's his ride right there! Right there!"

They let Chase and Bonnie take me across the street once they'd stopped traffic to get us over to the lot. And boy, Lakesha went off on everybody the whole time.

"Wun y'all watchin' 'im in there?" she yelled at Chase. "Boy look like death warmed over!"

Chase got a kick out of that, actually. Bonnie didn't know what to say, though.

So when Jamal jumped out to open the door for us, I said, "We're classmates. She's somethin', huh? Picked me up 'way before dawn today."

"Well, we'll meet you back at the hospital," Chase said, offering Bonnie his arm. "I'll let her take it from here."

"You the craziest child I ever knew," Lakesha told me. "Why'n't you call me when you started feelin' bad?"

That's when the girls came running up, with Big Man right behind them.

"Y'all follow us," Jamal said. "I'ma git him back over to-"

And Aisha started yelling, "Jus' git 'im in the car now! We don't have time to be stannin' here worryin' 'bout who follow who! We gon' ride witchu, baby. Don't worry 'bout nothin', okay?"

Everything was a blur after that. I was lifted up and eased into the Escalade and I heard doors slamming and then we sped off. I had to close my eyes real tight. I felt like we were on a boat, going up and down in rough water. And I was getting seasick as hell.

I wound up laying across two laps-Aisha and Cat had me. Aisha hugged my head up against her and Cat held my hands. Mike sat on the floor in front of us with her hand on my arm. Jamal told her to just turn a seat around or something, but she didn't want to be that far away, I guess.

Anyway, I drifted off a few seconds into the ride. I wanted to know more, but something inside me was satisfied that I was safe. And that my kids were, too. Somehow, deep down, I knew that. Maddie had nagged the hell out of Yuri from beyond the grave to make sure. So it had to turn out right.

I smiled in my sleep, they said. Probably because I was thinking how Maddie had finally done that one good thing, you know? And I hoped that afterlife stuff was really true. Because the first thing I was going to do when I got the "all clear" to leave that damned hospital was take those kids to "see" her.

Maybe we'd have a little picnic for her. Like the Mexicans do, on the Day of the Dead. Just hang out by her for a while.

That's why I smiled. I could see us sitting there. The kids climbing on me as usual. And their mother off to the side--her spirit, you know? Smiling. Like she was feeling totally peaceful for once. Like she could rest in peace now. Finally.