This prologue got taken down because omfg it sucked xD I didn't realize how much it sucked because I was too busy trying to write good plot which I don't even know if I'm doing well with. I think so. It's my first shot at writing mystery, haha. (Any opinions on how that fanfic's going? I'd love to hear 'em.)

But anyways, there are reasons for why I took it down, and I thought I'd explain those reasons through the process of editing it in this book for all to see.

The key is the same as last time.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Prologue (First Draft)

Levi Ackerman was in charge of clearing out the rooms of the fallen soldiers that had not made it back from the most recent expedition. This may or may not include informing the families, but usually they just passed the message on to soldiers who were in the area. It was a hated job, but someone had to do it. Why not it be him? [I don't know exactly  why, but the first sentence doesn't sound right.]

Levi tried very hard to not think too much about what he was doing while he pulled a soldier's clothes [Is that grammatically correct?] out of some drawers and placed them in a box. If he thought about it too much, he would have to stop to keep himself from crying. [That doesn't sound very Levi-like.]He didn't usually show emotion, but his whole squad had been lost in the last expedition, and if he thought about other soldiers dying, then he would think about them. He was saving the job of cleaning out their rooms as a "special treat" for later. [How cynical.]

Levi's expression turned from hardened and blank to surprised as he moved away a pair of pants and saw a small notebook hidden underneath them. He set the pants down in the box with the rest of the clothes, then slowly took the notebook out as if it were an artifact of great value. He could practically feel the memories and thoughts radiating from it. The notebook was bound in leather, with a red string sticking out from the bottom. As he examined the exterior closer, he saw that there was a beautiful pattern of twisted strings along the binding. It made a knot that flowed out onto the two covers. Levi couldn't help, but admire the beauty of it. [More description would've been nice.]

He gently opened the cover to see who it belonged to. It read:

Kido Rubin

Squad 6

[More information would've been nice.]

Levi's face hardened when he saw the squad number. He recognized it as the one that gave their lives for them so that they could lure the female titan into Erwin's trap, which had ultimately failed and they'd given their lives for nothing. Levi still felt guilty, but was always comforting himself with his own thoughts of no one knows how it's gonna turn out. He refused to have any regrets, though lately it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. [Oh, please . . . he's got lots of regrets. Isabel and Farlan anybody?]

He wondered if it would be wrong to read what was in it, but decided after a few seconds that it didn't matter. Levi turned the page to read what the first page had written on it, and what he saw wasn't very surprising. A journal entry, at least, that's what Kido called it. He apparently refused to admit that he kept a diary.

Meanwhile, as Levi cleaned out that soldier's room in the men's barracks, Hanji Zoe was clearing out a female soldier's room when she happened upon a small notebook underneath the pillow. [What does the room she's working in look like? How's the temperature? Is it clean? And for that matter, what does the room Levi's clearing out look like? More description, please.] Hanji, being the curious person she was, decided to open the notebook after examining it. It had pretty hearts and twisting lines on the binding of the leather [What lovely description . . . ], and on the inside it read:

Cameron Blanc

Squad 6

After reading a few pages, Levi decided to get back to work. He found yet again, another notebook. It too was leather bound, with a different design on the binding that consisted of stars in a straight line with the star that was in the middle much larger than the others. He opened the cover and it read:

Kyle Gordon

Squad 6

"Get back to work, Hanji!" [Bad transition, right here.]Rico yelled at her [Isn't Rico in the Garrison Regiment . . . ? Wtf is she doing at Scouting Regiment headquarters?] as she passed by the open door, seeing Hanji slacking off and doing nothing. Her brow was furrowed and her hair seemed shinier than usual.

"Alright, alright!" Hanji said as she set the journal down and got back to work. As she began on the closet, she got hit in the head with something heavy. She looked down and saw that it was another journal. She quickly stopped rubbing her head and picked up the mysterious object [you  just explained it was a journal . . . ]. This was very plain and there weren't any fancy designs on the binding or the cover. Hanji opened to the front of the leather journal and saw name written in ink. It read:

Jessica Lamprey

Squad 6

Levi and Hanji, as much as they were curious about the books, were able to restrain their curiosity until a later time.

[Well okay then it's ending this quickly?]

The boxes of the dead soldier's' belongings were packed up, missing only one thing from them: their journals.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Perhaps all of this is just me being nitpicky, but seriously there needed to be lots more description. The lack of said description does not provide a nice image for the reader to imagine in their head and at this point, I'm realizing that there's actually a plot-hole here. You wouldn't believe for how long I actually thought Rico was in SC when she's even shown wearing the Garrison Regiment uniform in every single scene she appears in. Where did I even get that notion? Oh well, things are changing now.

I'm glad that no one's been able to see this atrocity for a while and looking back on it, it reads like an outline instead of a prologue. It doesn't get you into the moment like a good story should and instead feels like we're just narrating something. A reader cannot imagine themselves next to Hanji and Levi as they discover these mysterious journals. The whole purpose of this is to set the stage for a mystery/thriller/psychological story and it didn't go that way at all. It sounds like what an elementary kid writes when they're just starting out. To be fair, I really was just starting out back then. I first published this a little after "How To Be Brave" and . . . yeah I was just starting out.

What's really interesting about this particular work is that if you analyze the writing, you can tell I get better as I go on -- at least in my opinion.

I finished writing the second draft today.

Word count of first draft: 734

Word count of second draft: 6,185

That's a 5,451 word difference there! And you know it's full of? Description and it goes much more in depth of the character's feelings and situations. The word count of the third draft will undoubtedly be less than 6,185 as I'm contemplating removing a few scenes and lines. If it isn't then . . . well, things don't always go according to plan, do they!

Oh well. After I get someone to edit the second draft (heyyyyy if you wanna edit/revise something tell me a story I should look at of yours (the story you consider to be your best work) and I'll consider letting you help me revise), and I finalize the third (and hopefully final) draft, it might get published and I'll start writing that fanfic full-time again. Then again, I might publish something that's put even before this so in actuality this won't be a prologue anymore, but a full-blown chapter.

Anyways, if you enjoyed reading about me ridiculing my old writing, vote this chapter up. I love dem comments as well.

-Rose B.