I recently visited the house of my friend @LizyBee and for some weird nostalgic reason, she decided it'd be a nice idea to read my very first Attack on Titan fanfiction. Admittedly, the main character Rose and her best friend Eliza were based upon Liz and I (I even succeeded in giving Eliza the same nickname). If you're wondering who Aiden and Felix were based off of . . . well . . . I don't really remember. I just remember they were characters and I didn't understand characterization back then.

Note: all the writing in italics is apart of the original story and all the messages in bold are my comments.

"How to be Brave" was originally written back in April of 2015. Now, it's March 2016.

NOTE: I would recommend reading the original chapter (no matter how cringe-worthy) before this. You can find it under my profile as "How to be Brave (Attack on Titan)".

Let's see the power of not looking at something for a long time:

    There was mud and dirt in one of my eyes and I was blinking rapidly to try and get it out. I was trying to find her and him [why didn't I just say them], but they were no where to be found. What a nice kind of friend I am, I thought. My blades and gear felt heavier on me than they had a few minutes ago while I stood amidst the wreckage of the house. I heard heavy footsteps and knew that the thing from my nightmares had come to get me. It would chew me and swallow me and throw me up when it ate too many humans. I saw the image of titan throw up in my head and shivered slightly knowing that that was where I was going to end up.

    How did it come to this? Those, were my last thoughts.

[Overall, first paragraph doesn't seem . . . awful per se -- just really cliché.]

I sat at one of the tables of the library. I was reading a book and I remember thinking, I wanna be able to do that! I was incredibly naïve back then. I had no idea what it actually was like, [Hm I wonder what this random comma is here for. If it's for emphasis, I shoulda used an em-dash.]to go out and do those things. To come face to face with the dangers that lay outside the walls. I couldn't've understood how horrible and petrifying it was to see them in person and up close. [Also, I started my sentences with "I" too often!]

    Nobody seems to get it. Everybody these days think[s] that everyone in the MP or the Garrison are a bunch of cowards. Everyone is different though, and some people just can't handle it even though ["though" makes this repetitive] they want to with a fiery passion. Some people can learn. Some people are trying to learn [I probably would put an em-dash here for emphasis so --]to be brave.

[And that, is the magic paragraph. That was legitimately the only message that I wanted to come out of this fanfic: not everyone's a hero, but they try. That paragraph in general was just so cringe-worthy. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but perhaps it's the fact that I think it's too direct and points out basically the theme of this story a bit too early. Why are we even reading this now?]

My name was Rose Alkaline. I was a dreamer. I loved the stars because my father told me that they were millions of light[-]years away and that I was looking into the past each time I saw one, because if the stars are millions of light[-]years away, then we're seeing what happened millions of light[-]years ago. I always thought that was pretty cool, so I was became obsessed with astronomy. I would look at something and wonder what elements it was made out of, or when I would look at the soldiers use their 3DM gear I would wonder what the physics was. I just wanted to know everything.

[Okay so wait, they know tons of astronomy in the walls now? When did THAT happen?! I'm sure that they've figured out by now how to navigate by constellations, but to know how far away they are -- or even what a light-year is -- is too far off from the AOT universe so . . . PLOT HOLE. I apparently didn't know that light-year has to be hyphenated. Also, the past tense is intentional for something I had planned as the story progressed. The ending to this was always fluctuating so at this point I have no idea what it is.]

I guess it was only natural because my father played a part in developing the 3DM gear [and...how old is her dad? It explains in the prequel manga to AOT that the 3DMG was developed in year...745-750. I meant for her dad to be around 30 years old and never any previous military experience so... yeah major plot-hole]. You can imagine how happy I was when I found out that my last name was a group in the Periodic Table. [They've created the Periodic Table?] All of my thinking and wondering made me not much of  a social butterfly though. I was often a loner and sat by myself. I was such a thoughtful child and I believed that no one else thought like I did. They were all obsessed with silly child things while I was contemplating my future.

    The only real friends I had were my younger brother Felix, [cross out the comma] and my best friend Eliza. Felix was the happiest person I had ever met or seen and always cheered me up whenever I was falling into a pit of depression. Eliza was a thinker like me, and we both loved reading and learning. She was the person I went to if I didn't feel like talking about it to Felix. If you took a look at us though, you wouldn't think we'd be friends.

    Eliza had shoulder length blonde hair and brown eyes. [and that's just . . . it? I don't know about you, but I'd love some actual description. Perhaps what her face ACTUALLY looks like?] I always thought she looked very pretty, except her attitude towards people was a bit odd [rewrite: I always thought she was rather pretty, and her looks made her seem like she'd be rather nice as well, but in actuality her attitude towards people was rather aggressive]. She was the kind of person where you had to be nice to her first, [delete comma] or you were on her bad list forever  basically. I was nice to people wherever I went so Eliza liked me immediately. Eliza was a thinker and tons more social than I was, so she taught me everything I know. After meeting her, I wasn't so frightened of going up to people and saying hi. We were polar opposites with our personalities. I was bound to be extremely kind to everyone and ignore all the bad things that people did, whereas Eliza sometimes held grudges and got into fights more. [Bleeegghhhh. It just sounds so much like . . . middle school.]

    Felix is a whole different story. He had dark red hair and green eyes [Again, I'd like some actual description here.]. He's like a weird mixture between the two of us. He didn't like thinking all that much and accelerated at sports and physical activities, [delete comma/add em dash] something that me and Eliza hated and ultimately failed at. He was fantastic at drawing and even though he was younger than I, he [alright, if I see the word "he" another time, I'll murder a stuffed animal.] always seemed to be taller. That fact always annoyed me. I would try to look out for him, but he [THAT'S IT. *murders stuffed animal* *stuffing goes everywhere*] always acted he was supposed to be protecting me. He was very popular though he was shy and didn't like talking to people all that much. I would always wonder how he did it.

[I know I've made this comment before, but the repeated use of the pronoun "I" is slowly driving me insane.]

    I sat in the library that day, reading about brave soldiers and people who made a difference. I had orange hair and deep blue eyes, and my freckles were there just really light. The life that I was leading seemed pretty boring to me. We lived in Wall Maria and the year was 800. I was 13, Eliza was 13, and Felix was 12. I remember thinking about what I was going to do with my life. At that moment, I hadn't begun to think of the military as an actual option. I just knew that it was a job. I thought I might be a writer, or a scientist. Except, those jobs took dedication and determination. I wasn't sure if I had those qualities.

    I picked up my book that I was reading with a forlorn look in my eyes. I wanted my life to mean something, but I didn't see it ever happening. I smiled to myself to try and lift my spirits because I had read that if you smile you'll actually start to feel happier. That was the sad truth behind my smiles. I dropped the smile as I left the library and walked home alone.

    The librarian knew me quite well so she she [delete repeated word] said, "Bye! Have a nice day Rose!" as I left. She was so nice to me, it made me actually smile and pick up my pace.

    "Bonjour [,]Rose!" Eliza yelled at me as she popped out of some obscure alleyway.

    "Gah!" I yelped. I dropped one of the books I was holding. ["I" again . . . instead: A book fell out of my arms and onto the ground. Or something similar like that.]

    Eliza beat me to it when picking up the book. She gave me an apologetic look, "Sorry!" She held on to the book while we walked home.

    I smiled at her. "It's okay Liz!" I called her that when I didn't feel like saying the other syllable.

    She looked down at the book. "Hm... another one of these sci-fi books, huh? Is it any good?" [Sci-fi books? There's a sci-fi genre here?]

    "Definitely! It really makes me wish some of the things in there were real," I said to her with a dreamy look on my face.

    "Well I for one, would NOT like to have giant robots [GIANT ROBOTS?] rule over us. We've got other things that control our lives,[replace comma with a period]" she was still staring at the book cover. I pulled her towards me to keep her from bashing into a pole. She swiped some hair out of her face and said, "Woah, geez watch where you're going pole! Thanks [,]Rose."

    "In the pole's defence [*defense], it was there first," and I smirked at her.

    "Yeah, whatever. We were here first but the titans are still bossing us around."

    "Yeah, but the pole was doing something much more innocent."

    "It was trying to give me a concussion!"

    "Tis just how poles are..."

    "Are you really siding with the pole here?!"

    I laughed. "Maybe," I chuckled as I turned the door knob to my house and opened the door. "We're home!" I shouted to my Mom and Dad. "Eliza's here too, hope ya don't mind," I said much quieter. "Now I won't be lying when I say I said it," I glanced over at Eliza who took off her purple cloak and hung it besides the door. I grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs, "Come on! Let's go!"

    "Alright, alright! I'm coming no need to pull my arm off!"

    We sat down staring out my window. It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon, around the time that the sun set behind the wall. We stared at it as it fell, casting a shadow on the inhabitants. I was absolutely ecstatic because there was even less time before the moon could be seen. I liked the day just as much as the night. So many people these days liked the night better because they say something like, it's misunderstood, but really they're making the sun feel bad too. It's fine if you have your favorites, I just didn't like people offending others so I never said allowed that I favored the night over the day because I liked them both equally.

    "Night, night Mr. Sun," I whispered just loud enough so that Eliza could hear me. "Hello Ms. Moon." I always called the moon a miss and the sun a mister because I knew that there was always balance in the world and if there was a boy, there was a girl so the sun and the moon is a boy and a girl. [I just ... no that sounds stupid, younger me. There doesn't need to be a male and a female to balance things out . . . You need to understand that when I reread this, it sounded so homophobic.] I reminded myself of a short story I had written about the sun and the moon. I used to read it to Felix as a bedtime story because we both thought the book my Mother used to read to us from needed an update.

    "Well, we've still got some daylight to burn before we're forced home," Eliza said. "Wanna go find Felix?"

    I nodded my head in agreement, and then a thought occurred to me. I started to nod yes and no to myself. "Do you think it's weird that we have body motions to mean something?"

    "Not really because body language is just as important as spoken language though it can be a bit more vague, and I think it's fascinating that there are so many different forms of language."

    "A very well thought out answer as always. I'll meet you outside, I have to hide my books."

    "Okay!" She ran down my stairs.

    I stuffed my books into my pillow case and walked down stairs. I grabbed my teal cloak off of the hook and ran outside while I was still putting it on. Eliza immediately took my hand and started running. She was shouting Felix and though I was skeptical of the practicality of this plan, I joined in the shouting too.

    "Felix!"

    "Felix!" I echoed.

    "FELIX!!!!! [Well would you look at that. Even I did the too-much-unnecessary-punctuation thing.] We got a new puppy!"

    "Wait! That's going a bit too far! I don't want him to be all sad and disappointed when I see him for the first time today!" I shouted at Eliza as we continued to run.

    "Oh, you care too much!"

    Eventually we had to stop because my lungs weren't made out of steel. Eliza barely looked fazed. "How the hell are you not out of breath!"I said as loud as I could while gasping for air.

    She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really know, but don't let my outside appearance fool you! I couldn't do that for much longer either."

    "Right," I say to her whilst gasping. I wonder to myself if what she said is true or is she just lying to make me feel better.

    When I've finally caught my breath, the bell tower starts ringing.

    "The Scout Regiment is back!" Eliza said with excitement dribbling into her voice. She looked down at me, [Replace comma with period.]"Do you feel like running?"

    I groaned but I still got up and took off with Eliza close behind.

Overall notes:

Okay, so, that was pretty bad. I mean, it was probably better than what I wrote when I was seven, but it was still pretty bad. The main mistakes were using the pronoun "I" too often and plot holes (references to things that were either not invented in the year 800, or were inaccurate. There were lots of unnecessary commas. DESCRIPTION, DESCRIPTION, DESCRIPTION. I didn't know how to describe the surroundings apparently. Characterization wise, I think I actually got that pretty good. Felix is the quiet and anti-social yet somehow popular one. I mean, I haven't heard that combination before, but he wasn't even in this chapter so I shan't go into much detail about him. All I'll say is that even he needs more work. In later chapters, I had a hard time making him not like Eren, if you know what I mean. Eliza was based upon a real-life person so . . . I don't count that as original, and Rose -- well -- Rose was legit me. I don't know where I got that there-must-be-a-boy-and-a-girl-to-have-balance quote, because that's so drastically different than my current mentality, but hey, people change.

Hey, if you enjoyed seeing me ridicule my old writing, leave a vote. I would appreciate it. And if seeing me point out all the mistakes in my writing helped and you would like to see more, a comment would be awesome. Also, comments that also critique my works are totally welcome. I love seeing those. Bye!

-Rose B.