Jisung POV:

I leaned against the cold pale grey and white tiled wall. My heart hammered in my chest as if it were trying to escape. I sighed slowly and brought a shaky hand to my forehead to brush the damp strands of hair from my sweaty face. I hate throwing up. I hate the burning sensation of bile passing up my throat. I hate the vile taste it leaves in my mouth afterwards. I hate the lightheadedness and the pain in my stomach as a result of vomiting.

I turned my head and pressed my hot cheek against the cool tiles, seeking relief from the heat consuming my body. A coughing fit wracked my body suddenly and I groaned as all of my muscles ached in response to the violent action. I slipped sideways and allowed my head to rest on the smooth surface of the white cupboards beneath the basin. My eyes drift closed and I find my thoughts wandering back to Hyunjin and Minho's interaction. I feel a strange pang of jealousy in my chest as I remembered how Minho hugged Hyunjin and whispered into his ear.

A flash of anger and possessiveness sizzled through my veins. Minho and I aren't official but he is mine. He shouldn't be paying that stupid visual any attention. Fear flickered in my stomach, sparked from the thought that Minho will leave me for Hyunjin because he is beautiful- even I can't deny that. But that is the point of being a visual. So of course he looks good...

I groaned in frustration. Why did Chan pick Hyunjin? How do they know each other? Why does Chan smile so much wider for Hyunjin than the rest of us? What makes Hyunjin more smile worthy than me? Is it his looks?

A series of short loud knocks on the door startled me out of my question-riddled reverie. I jump and my eyes snap open. With blurry vision, I glare at the blindingly white door in annoyance. Who the hell is knocking?

"Jisung? Are you okay?" Chan's voice was muffled but I could easily hear the concern filtering through his words.

"Yes, Chan hyung. I am just fixing my hair," I reached up and grabbed the top of the basin before using it to pull myself up into a standing position. I don't hear a response from Chan and stupidly assume that he has left, satisfied with my answer. I move in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection. My brown eyes look dull, my skin unusually pale, my hair a disgusting mess. Overall, I look worse than a rat. But that is nothing unusual. No wonder everyone is all over that Prince. He looks so much better in comparison to me. Something inside me breaks a little. Of course, Minho will leave me for that visual. Minho will forget all about me with Hyunjin around.

I raked a trembling hand through my messy hair in a vain attempt to tame in before stepping towards the door and opening it slowly. Stepping outside, I come face to face with a worried blond whose lower lip is trapped beneath his teeth as he nervously worries it between them, his brow furrowed together as he seems lost in thought. His light brown eyes met my own and I am quick to glance away, the intensity of his gaze too much for me to handle. His voice is low, almost gravelly when he speaks. "For someone who spent fifteen minutes in the bathroom fixing his hair, it is still quite disheveled,"

I smile awkwardly as my face heats up in shame. Fifteen minutes? Was I really in there that long? "It isn't cooperating today," I reply slowly, my throat dry from vomiting. I leaned against the doorframe heavily as a dizzy spell suddenly caused the world to spin violently. Strong hands were suddenly on my arms, helping me stay upright as my vision swam. Wild concern shone brightly in Chan's eyes as the world slowed to a halt. The sick feeling in my stomach returned and I fought the urge to vomit again. Why do I feel like this?

"Have you eaten today?" I blinked and met Chan's gaze before looking away in shame as a realisation struck me.

"Of course, hyung," I lied. I haven't eaten today. I didn't eat yesterday either. When was the last time I ate? Perhaps Wednesday, the day before yesterday? I swiftly sifted through my memories in an effort to pin point when I last ate something. My legs trembled under my weight and I felt Chan's grip on me tighten.

"Are you sure, Jisung?"

"Yes, hyung," my answer came out as a weak shaky whisper. The last time I recall eating something was Monday morning. It is now Friday. How did I not notice before? I blinked as I thought about all of the times I kept putting off eating and just saying, 'I will eat once I finish this' or 'I will eat once we've done this'. I guess I never finished whatever "this" was...

Chan gently lowered me to the ground as my legs give out completely. He kneeled in front of me and turned my head until I was staring into his wide brown orbs. "Don't lie to me, Jisung," his tone was stern but his voice wobbled with worry as his eyes raked over my overall appearance. I swallowed slowly.

"I'm not, Chan hyung. I ate ramen earlier today," the lie passed my lips easily. I can't let Chan know that I forgot to eat again. He already has enough to worry about with preparing us for debut and producing new songs for our 3RACHA group. I don't want to add to that. I also can't have him know because he will tell everyone else. Which will mean that Minho will feel extremely guilty for not noticing as well as eating all of the ramen for lunch today. I don't want that. I hate a guilty Minho. And with living, breathing perfection joining us now, I can't risk Minho pulling away from me because of guilt, because he might just end up closer to Hyunjin because of it.

Chan sighed heavily, his warm breath fanning across my face as he moved closer. His hands moved away from my jaw suddenly. I almost whined at the loss of warmth because my skin felt strangely cold, but then I felt his fingers gently grazing my skin as he brushed my hair away from my face.

"Jisung-ah," I shivered as he ran a hand through my hair slowly. "You are freezing, can barely stand and are paler than me. The only time you were like this before was when you forgot to eat for a few days. You know your body can't handle all of the things we do if you don't eat," his voice was soft and his gaze unwavering as he spoke. I stared into his sad, kind brown eyes as he continued to run his fingers through my hair while his other hand rested against the right side of my face, his pinky sitting under my chin as if to keep me from lowering my head. It was moments like these that made me forget about everything. Made me forget about my worries, about everything going wrong... made me forget about Minho and fall head first into everything that was Chan until I found myself lost in the times when it was just Chan, Changbin, and I. The days when I felt like I could simultaneously drop off the face of the planet and no one would care but also never leave because I was important to Chan and Changbin- as vital to them as the oxygen they needed to breathe or the food they needed to consume to live.

I frowned, shaken violently from my wandering thoughts as Chan asked the question I didn't want to answer. "How many days?" I didn't respond and watched as anger flashed in his eyes. "Jisung," he whispered warningly. I shook my head slightly. His hand stilled in my hair and his grip on the side of my face tightened slightly. "I asked you, how many days has it been since you last ate?" His voice was dangerously low with whirling undertones of concern, anger and anxiety.

I glanced back at him, my eyes meeting his once again. I wasn't going to tell him but the second I saw the barely concealed desperation in the furrow of his brows, the downturn of his lips, the tightness in his jaw, I couldn't lie anymore. I couldn't keep it from him when he already knew. It was hurting him as much as the time he found me with a half-empty bottle of pills. He hated it – hated himself – when I was hurting and he couldn't fix it. It was why I didn't want him to know, ever. But he always knew. He always saw...Damn you Chan! Why do you have to be so perceptive? Why couldn't you be as oblivious as Minho? But even as the question filtered through my mind, I knew it wasn't true. Minho was perceptive in his own way. It was just that he had only known me for less than half of the time that Chan has and doesn't know me in the same way that Chan, and even Changbin do.

"Since Monday morning," I muttered, glancing away as a version of heartbreak consumed Chan's features. It was too painful to watch the blond in this state. It was too similar to how he had looked when he walked into my room right after I had just swallowed way too many pills

"Jisungie..." he breathes out my name with so much sorrow that guilt shatters my heart. I squeeze my eyes shut at the agonizing similarity his voice holds to that stupid day I let myself believe I wasn't important to anyone. His hands slip down to the bottom of my neck as he hangs his head. "I'm sorry," he whispers, his words almost inaudible. I look at him in surprise- both because of his apology but also because of the nickname that I had not heard since that day. I had never seen Chan so broken since that day. Even Changbin had broken in his own way. Sure, he scolded me a hell of a lot, but I came to understand that it was his way of trying to understand where he went wrong- what he had done to make me believe that I meant nothing to him. I came to understand that his anger wasn't directed at me, but himself.

"What are you sorry for, hyung? You've done nothing wrong. I was the one who forgot to eat. It's nothing serious, hyung. I swear I'm fine. You did nothing wrong," I inhaled sharply as I watched a tear slide down his face. Why does he always make our actions his responsibility?

"I am sorry because I didn't think to check on you and make sure you were eating. I am sorry for being a terrible leader. I am sor-" unable to handle his unnecessary apologies, I interrupted him.

"Chan hyung!" I brought my hands up to his pale face and brushed his tears away gently while speaking. "Don't apologise. You shouldn't have to check up on me to see if I am eating. I should be able to do that myself. Don't beat yourself up over it. I've just been so focused on everything else that I didn't really think about eating. None of this makes you a terrible leader, hyung. If anything, it makes me the terrible person for giving you another thing to unnecessarily worry about. It is me who should be- and is -sorry. I am sorry I forgot to eat. I will eat later, I promise. So, please don't worry about me," Chan opened his mouth to respond but I quickly clamped a hand over his mouth and glared at him half-heartedly. "Don't," I warned.

He gently removed my hand from his mouth with his hands before he spoke. "Fine. But to make sure you eat, we will have dinner together tonight. No if's, but's, or maybe's," I sighed but nodded in agreement. There was no point to arguing. Chan was past the point of negotiation. I gave Chan a small smile as he grinned at me, flashing his white teeth happily before he moved closer and hugged me tightly.

"What are you two doing?" A strained, loud voice startled both of us and we jumped apart. I stared in shock at a furious looking Minho as he stared at us, his eyes flicking between Chan and I, clearly taking in the lack of space between us. I swallowed thickly but acknowledged the sudden urge to grab Chan's wrist as he began to move away and stand up as a spear of anxiety spiraled into my lungs and severed the air from them.

I ignored Minho as his eyes narrowed at the action and instead stared up at Chan. I shook my head slightly trying to convey to him not to tell Minho what he had just found out. Chan's gaze softened but he gave no indication of agreement or disagreement. Instead, he leant forward, freeing his wrist from my grasp and slid his arms around my waist before helping me stand. I placed my hands on his shoulders and leaned against him heavily as I tested my legs before standing on my own. Chan's hands slipped off my hips as soon as I pulled away from him. A sneaky glance at Minho while Chan helped me stand resulted in me struggling to hide a smirk as jealousy ravaged his usually calm features. This was fun. A jealous Minho was new.

"What were you two doing?" He asked again harshly.

"Jisung hasn't-" I interrupted Chan swiftly the second it became clear that he planned to inform Minho of my eating habits – or rather, the lack there of.

"We were just talking, Minho hyung," I sent a subtle glare towards Chan before walking calmly past Minho as if I didn't feel light headed and like I was about to pass out if I didn't sit down. Despite my entire world swaying and feeling as if I was walking on freezing unstable air, I managed to follow a thought process well enough to decide that now would be a great time to get revenge on Minho for being so close to Hyunjin. I know it was petty, but I was still upset that a year's worth of friendship and eight month's worth of whatever the hell was going on between us seemed to not matter as he embraced Hyunjin like an old lover. "Now, if you will excuse us, Channie hyung just offered to help me with some choreography I am struggling with," I looked over my shoulder at Chan and watched as surprise etched its way onto his face at the use of Hyunjin's nickname for the blond. I smiled when Chan nodded and followed silently.

---

As we walked away from Minho, Chan gravitated closer to me and whisper yelled in my ear. "What the hell was that?" Genuine confusion radiated out of his question.

"What was what?" I asked innocently as I led him towards an empty dance room. I know I could have just told Minho that Chan and I were going to do some recordings for 3RACHA but then I would have had to ask Changbin to help cover for me as well, which means he would have to know why I needed a cover up in the first place, which kind of defeated the purpose of the cover up. Also, it wouldn't have been as effective as mentioning Chan helping me with choreography because normally that was what Minho did.

"You know what! Why don't you want Minho to know? Why did you behave that way? Why did you call me "Channie hyung"? Only Hyunjin calls me that," I remained silent until we entered the room and I closed the door. I made my way to the black painted wall before leaning against it and sliding down to the cold wooden floor. I met Chan's curious and bewildered gaze with my own tired one.

"Because I wanted to make him feel jealous," Chan's eyes widened at my admittance. The blond I had known for almost four years sat down beside me, his face scrunched in complete confusion.

"Jealous?"

"Yes, Chan. Jealous. Because that is how he made me feel when he hugged Hyunjin and whispered in his ear."

"Oh," Chan sounded lost as I explained. "I didn't realise that you two were a thing."

"We aren't," I groaned before sighing in frustration. "That's the problem. We aren't together but I get jealous when he is too close to someone else and how he greeted Hyunjin... it just really got on my nerves," I admitted.

"Oh," Chan whispered again. I side-eyed him. His expression now held a strange sadness that I couldn't decipher the cause of.

"Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"Don't tell the others that I haven't eaten for a while, please,"

"I-"

"Hyung! Please!" Chan startled as I suddenly shouted. He blinked as his brow furrowed and a frown tugged at the edges of his lips.

"Tell me why I shouldn't," I glared at him. Why does he have to be so difficult?

"Because I don't want anyone else to worry. Also, Minho ate all of my ramen today. I don't want him to feel guilty. I-I don't want any of you to feel guilty," I breathed out shakily before continuing, my voice pleading for him to just agree, to just keep this quiet. "Please, hyung. We can always organise to eat together so that you don't forget to eat either," I shook my head as the blond opened his mouth to object. "Don't think I haven't noticed that you forgoe eating when you think you are too busy to stop for a second. Hell, you don't even sleep some days, Chan hyung. So, please, hyung. Keep this between you and me, otherwise I will tell the others that you don't eat or sleep either," Chan's lips were pressed together tightly. I stared up at him, waiting for his response. I had caught him there. He hated others worrying about him. He hated being the reason someone was stressed. I knew he thought we didn't know about his sleepless nights, but it wasn't so hard to work out when Changbin and I walked into the studio on multiple occasions to find Chan already there, still wearing the same clothes as the day before. Changbin and I pretended not to know but would subtly do things to ensure that Chan slept as often as possible. Several times, Changbin and I blatantly refused to leave until Chan did. Of course it made us feel kind of horrible because we were playing off of Chan's compassion and hate of being the reason others are hurting or worried. But we did it. And it worked.

Finally, he sighed and nodded. "Fine. This stays between me and you. But, in return, you have to apologise to Hyunjin for being rude earlier when you greeted him." I smiled softly. His sigh of defeat was almost an exact replica of the one he had the first time he realised that we were not going to leave until he left.

"Deal."

Hey readers! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I feel like it is poorly written but I kept writting to try to overcome the writers block I am having at the moment. I hope it turned out okay and explains some things. Just incase I didn't explain it properly in this chapter, Jisung was not starving himself purposefully. I was trying to portray how busy or stressed people can often forget to eat or sleep as they are too focused on completing whatever tasks they are required to. I hope that clears things up. Have a lovely day/night ^-^