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Trigger Warning !!

This chapter contains emotionally unstable character ..

Suicidal Thoughts ..

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2 days later ..

I tried to cultivate but there's nothing I can focus on .. If I try to get a reason of me leaving Han Shou it might be that I have some uncontrollable powers , the one old timer wants me to use .. Those powers of mine are deadly dangerous , I once tried to harm Han Shou too .. I can't tell him that I have these weird powers and it gets out of control .. It's good that he gave me a divorce letter ...

Then this old timer making a deal with me .. If I do what he wants me to he won't do anything to Han Shou , my family .. He just wants to use my powers ..

I went outside my room and sat beneath a mango tree .. Over the bed grass ..

Getting flashbacks when both of us got drunk and laid down over the bed grass .. Him using his forearm to support my head .. My legs over his legs ..

Before I even realised a tear dripped from my eyes ..

But I still need a few days to be ready to focus on something .. I still miss him .. I will love him forever .. Our eye contact expresses more than words ..

Han Shou ... My wild bird ..

I am tired so much tired .. Feeling fu*ked up ..

Beneath my eyes flowed an endless river of tears , each drop heavier , with more memories , than the last .. It felt like a hundreds needles were driving through my body , yet even that paled in comparison to the pain I carried within ..

I broke into uncontrollable sobs , my cries echoing so loudly that even the sky wept alongside me .. My voice trembled , each words shaking with the weight of my despair .. In that moment , it seemed easier to disconnect the soul from the body by just drawing a line and leave the world behind .. I don't even wanna live anymore .. I am too tired .. First my mother and then I lost him ..

I was still crying .. My voice was barely coming out .. Then I noticed that someone was holding an umbrella above me ..

Poison Guy .. He tried to calm me down but not this time ..

I pushed him aside .. And continued crying like a small child ..

I cried , and cried and cried till there were no more tears left ..

2 days later ..

Due to my loud cries , I wasn't even able to speak anymore .. I had a raspy voice .. The doctor said I needed some tonics with cooling effects if I want my voice to be the way it was ..

News about Han Shou assassinating his emperor for his wife spread more fast than I expected it to .. But no one really knows who his wife is ..

I whistled in a birds tone to call the head of my shadow guards .. My paul .. Qing Feng

What Happened Qianqian ?? { My pet name .. }

You go and bring out all the books related to immortal sect or tribe The Winged Tribe .. { I remember fussy fish's companion called me the winged princess }

Why ... do you need this .. ??

Aaayaa just do what I asked you to do .. You were raised in a Taoists sect right .. Go to your sect and ask books that are related to the winged tribe and it's location ..

He nodded ..

Is it because of the old timer ??

I glared at him , my eyes widened ..

I walked towards him and closed his mouth .. And forbade him to speak ..

Aaayaa Qianqian this is not the time to shut my mouth .. Did you forgot we both have a Phantom Spirit Ring ?? I heard everything between you , poison guy , and your husband ..

I will help you ..

I know what you are thinking ..

I will seek help from my sect and we both will go towards the winged tribe ..

I smiled , he smiled ..

And I will help you grant a marriage as the royal commandery princess .. How does that sound ?? { I said with an eyebrow raise and a wide smile on my mouth .. }

He blushed and then said - Who needs your approval ?? Huh .. B.. but ... it ... , does sound good .. ... --- He bowed to me and then ran outside ..

Aaayaa I know he likes Su Xining .. After all when he was young , he saved xining and brought her to me so that she can live with me as my maidservant ..

They both are so shy .. But still they look cute ..

Then he got me some roasted chestnuts , to comfort me , lighten up my mood ..

Seems like he understands me the best ..

I just started to cultivate again but then a spell letter floated in front of me ..

I thought it was Qingfeng's message but it was not ..

The message said ..

In the Wei Dynasty , near the border between both dynasties .. There is someone from the Xia Dynasty who has planned to assassinate the new emperor and empress during their wedding night .. The people included are , The Imperial Tutor , Duke Lu , The Noble Consort Yulan ..

During the water dragon festival of Xia Dynasty .. When both the emperor and empress would be out for the city tour ..

Near the border between both dynasties .. 3rd street , near the wishing tree .. That's where the trap is set .. They want to frame the Chu family for this assassination , stating that the Chu family colluded with the emperor of Wei Dynasty ..

This is the evidence ..

In the bag , there were tons of letters , tokens exchanged .. Bank notes , copy of inn account books , pharmacy account books ..

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The sender of this message was anonymous .. But in the whole Wei Dynasty there would be only one person who might be worried about the Chu family like sick and that is Han Shou ..

I replied back to the spell letter ..

I got it .. Thank You ..

And then I captured the spell letter and evidence sent by him inside my Phantom Spirit Ring ..

{ this ring doesn't get affected by any spiritual or demonic power .. People can stay inside this ring too .. }

I know that since I came back , The new emperor with whom I used to train with for my academics , martial arts , art of music used in different ways has finally gotten married..

Who used to dream about having a beautiful , kind , happy partner , finally got his soulmate .. But here I am ..

Struggling .. Aaayaaa ..

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3 hours later ...

Just as I expected ..

The imperial decree arrived ..

He knew ... That if I came back , I would definitely go to meet him but this time I didn't .. So he sent an imperial decree stating that the empress is not feeling well , having headaches and illusions .. And I am exceptionally good at these things .. So I need to go to treat the empress ..

But I know this all is nothing but drama .. he just wants to see me ..

The cart outside was ready ..

I asked xining { my maidservant } not to follow me because a lot of things were going in my head ..

I can't help but think about him , my mind a whirlwind of memories and what - if's .. will we ever find our way back to each other ??

Amidst the chaos of my thoughts , my heart is consumed with concern for us .. We chose separate paths , burdened by the weight of our destiny and the responsibilities that tore us apart ..

Unfortunately , when we both parted ways ..

Two things died that day .. : Us and the chance of me ever loving someone like that again ..

Back then when we were still together and I was consumed by worries about what the future might hold when I turned to him and said , " What if I have to protect the world ? "

In response , he wrapped his arms around me from behind and whispered softly in my ear , [ Then I will protect you .. ]

His warm breath lingered against my skin , sending shivers down my spine ..

Confused , I asked , { But why would you protect me ? You have your own responsibility to safeguard the world too .. }

He tightened his embrace , holding me even closer .. { You're right , I do have a responsibility to protect the world , and I will fulfill that duty by protecting you , because you are my entire world .. }

At that moment when I absorbed his words , a rush of emotions flooded over me - relief , warmth and an overwhelming sense of gratitude ..

Yeah .. a rush of emotions flooding over me , relief , warmth and an overwhelming sense of gratitude is everything that I am not feeling now ..

Han Shou ..

When you left ,

You took away

The reason for my existence with you ...

Slowly , I began to cry , each tear falling drop by drop , tracing a path down my cheeks .. With every drop that dripped away , it carried the weight of our memories - moments of joy , laughter , heartache , fighting the evil side by side .. All merging into an ocean of longing .. Each tear felt like a tiny reminder of what we once had , amplifying the ache in my heart as I surrendered to the depth of my sorrow ..

My hands trembling , as I tried to take as much as heavy breaths I can .. It all feels like it's suffocating .. Everywhere I go .. These things never stops to haunt me ..

I ... I .. feel like I am suffocated in a big carriage let alone a whole room ..

In these falling tears ,

There's something that resembles you ..

But I wouldn't be lost in these tears now ,

If you were here , I wouldn't be crying ..

I tried to stop myself from crying .. I stopped breathing ..

Trying to hold on a long breath and take it all out in one go and stop crying ..

I tried to calm myself down ..

My trembling hands slowly reaches my chest .. And I gently pat myself on my chest to calm myself down ..

I tried to make myself understand that everything's gonna be fine ... I don't know what to do but it will be fine ..

He is not unfaithful ,

And neither am I unfaithful ..

He doesn't let go of me , like my habits ..

I already lost my mother .. Now I don't wanna loose anyone else ..

After a few minutes , I managed to find calm , though my face remained flushed and my eyes , swollen , bore witness to the storm within ..

Inside my carriage , there were seats available for four people ..

The carriage has enclosed wooden structure with latticed windows and sheer curtains for privacy .. I t has cushioned seats facing each other , creating an intimate space , with a curved ceiling ..

And the seat facing me was empty but still it felt suffocating ..

Suddenly , in a dazzling burst of glittering golden light , the poison guy appeared before me ..

Aaayaa young miss { he said teasingly } stop crying .. You are entering the palace now ..

Here .. { he held out his hand and a cotton pad appeared on his palm .. }

This is my precious chrysanthemum tea soaked in a cotton pad .. Gently place it over your closed eyes and it will reduce the swelling ..

My hands were still trembling .. I slowly took it from his hand and said thank you in a very low tone ..

You .. You're fine now ?? { he asked me .. }

I gave him a small nod but my heart said - How can I tell you this , Yes , I can't live without him ..

........ ............. .......... Silence ..... ... Dead Silence .... ..

After a few minutes , I thought about other things .. Such as the blur memory of mine while entering the herbal valley for the first time ..

Meeting poison guy for the first time but felt like I have known him for more than a decade ..

My legs were shaking with the immense amount of nervousness and pain that I have in my heart ..

He too noticed it but before he could say anything to break the silence between us , I broke it first ..

When will you tell me everything ?? Huh ?? How long will you hide that you work for that old timer and demon relam ?? What exactly is the old timer's plan ?? What will happen if that barrier is broken ?? { I kept asking these questions non - stop .. It was a lot for me to take in }

And most important question .. Who the he*l are you and why do I have these blur memories as if everything that I am going through right now has happened before and I experienced it many times ?? Why ??

I started to look for answers in his eyes .. My hands again started trembling and I knew that in a few seconds I am going burst into uncontrollable sobs ...

Y ... You sure ... You sure you are fine ?? { he said .. His hands trembling as he tried to gently pat on my head to calm me down .. }

Tonight ... I .. I ... will tell you everything .. Is that okay ??

B... but for that .. you need to be mentally prepared .. It might be a lot for you to take in ..

I gave him a silent nod ..

I think that gave him a wave of relief .. He chuckled and again patted my head .. Before I could look up to him .. he vanished ..

I smiled and braced myself to enter the palace ..

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And .. This chapter ends here ..

I just posted the trailer of my novel that I edited myself .. It's not that good but still .. It's fine ..

Go and watch it on my Instagram profile

@_aditi_2226

Byee byee take care ..

Word count - 2523