A little song, a little wine

Hopelessly outta control tonight

Say I'm okay but I'm crying

Texting you, so you won't know I'm lying

Lying through my teeth, tears in my eyes

Sitting on a heap of my own twisted lies

Feeling despair, feeling it rise

Trying to keep it together to claim my prize

Forty days away, it feels like a fucking dream

I am stuck in a nightmare and can't even scream

Feel so unprepared, feel the pressure on me

Like being scared of the water and being thrust into the sea

Hands around my neck, they hate me

Stealing all my breath, can't you see?

Keep telling me to keep my goal in my sight

But what if I don't survive to see that day come to light?

Feel like I should make the most of my time

Stay focussed 'cause it's the climb of my life

Still, I'm sleeping ten hours, but feeling like its four

I don't want to do this anymore

I want a pretty aftermath to justify all this pain

I'll need a lot of sunshine to make up for this rain

Hope is the only thing I have got at this point

Hope all this positivity shit doesn't disappoint

Because I'm fucking tired and losing my will to fight

And what's left of my 'hope' might be gone in a matter of time.

-Vaish
(18/3/23 & 18/5/23)

* * *

A/N: Heyyyyy. Miss me? (idek who I'm talking to lol I don't think anyone is even reading this shit XD)

I'mma talk anyway though, for those of you who might stumble across this in the future and find yourself caring. I started writing this a few weeks before my second attempt at a life-altering exam. I was really stagnant and losing hope. I was pushing people away and unresponsive to help and love. This is the only way I coped/vented. But even so, I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't complete it back then. 

Now that everything is done and I am free, I was going through my drafts today. I saw this and decided I should complete it and here we are. 

I'm quite proud of how this turned out tbh. Lmk what you think!