It has been a while since I've been in love

I listen to songs, but the stimulations are not enough.

Inside I feel dead,

I wish for anything else instead.

I scored the highest in my class

But the joy barely grazed me, it didn't last

Now I see the expectations in their eyes

I look away in a silent question: Why?

I smile everyday

Either I'm a good actor, or they're fools;

They see it happen

They have the power to perceive and choose;

And choose they do: they ignore

It hurts every time, and that smile feels more forced.

I haven't felt unadulterated happiness in a while,

However hard I try I can't seem to keep a genuine smile;

The worst part is that I've learned to fake it bulletproof,

Now I'm trying to fool myself to match them and be aloof.

I ignore the hollow in my chest

But it's stubborn, keeps growing, it's relentless;

It tries so hard to consume me

I close my eyes and count in my head: one, two, three.

It recedes to the back of my mind,

It's not gone just biding its time;

It'll come back when I'm in my bed

Tired from the day's events;

It knows I'll be weak so it'll attack me

It'll steal my sleep and it'll plague my dreams.

I'm restless and I am sad

Can't someone notice that I'm going mad?

How selfish are you to smile in front of me

When you see the dead that lives in my soul for free?

How dare you perk up and give me a gift?

If it's not my happiness I don't want it!

I don't know where I lost it

I'm unfortunate I didn't notice

I'm hollow inside, it feels like it's forever

But everyone says it'll go away, they dismiss it with a 'whatever'.

Will they say this too when they're dressed in black

And see my truly smiling face at last?

Unmoving as I finally find peace,

Will they regret neglecting me?

-Vaish
(2/4/22)

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A/N: It was a bad day. I'm okay now. How are you?