An inky man(?) perched on top of a building, his skirt, collar, and gloves being a bright orange color. His face was hidden behind a beige and black cartoon demon mask, decorated with a gold tiara with an orange gem.

Necro Sailor Venus.

"I am the pretty guardian," Venus spat out, "who fights for love and for beauty! I am Necro Sailor Venus! In the name of Venus, I'll punish you with the power of love!"

Mars burst out laughing.

"Mars..." Jupiter warned.

"Do I get one of those?" Mercury whispered to her.

"Love and beauty?" Mars cackled. "On a scale of one to ten, you're barely a two!"

"What was that?!" Venus shouted, leaning forward to get a closer look. "Say it to my face!"

"I said you're an ugly ho!" Mars yelled back.

"Come up here and say it!" Venus gestured wildly at him. "I dare you!"

"Why don't you come here so I can beat your ass?" Mars challenged, setting his hand on his hip.

"Like hell I will!" Without warning, Venus lept from the building, coming right at Mars. "Venus Love-Me Chain!"

He conjured a long, golden chain of hearts, slashing down at Mars.

"Stupid fuck, begone!" Mars quickly countered with an ofuda, engulfing Venus's chains in fire.

"Playing with fire," Venus swung his chain, "will get metal burning hot!"

The chain cracked over Mars's absolutely rancid head, denting the still-fragile metal plate.

"Both of you," Jupiter snatched Venus's chain with one hand, Mars's new ofuda in the other. Both began to sting, but she was too busy, "stop it!"

She grabbed Mars's bow, dragging him closer to her face. "You're so damn lucky you're Mars."

"He started it!" Mars squirmed in her grasp.

"I don't care, you two are supposed to work together." Jupiter shook him as she talked. "We're Sailor Guardians, dammit, we're not enemies."

"Like I'll ever work with Discount Lola Bunny." Venus scoffed.

"Wh-" Jupiter shoved Mars back before he could finish, plastering on a fake smile.

"I'm sorry." She told Venus, "I'm Necro Sailor Jupiter, and this is Necro Sailor Mercury."

Mercury gave a shy wave, shrinking inwards behind Jupiter.

"Let me guess," Venus clicked his tongue, "that... horrific smelling bunny boo is Mars?"

"Unfortunately." Jupiter scoffed.

"Are you really Necro Sailor Venus?" Mercury slithered up to Venus, tilting their head.

Venus blinked (at least, the mask did), replying, "Of course I am, didn't you hear me?"

Mercury hummed, tilting their head. "Funny. I thought you were Minako."

There Mercury went again. Minako. Jupiter felt like she had heard that name before, like it was a friend of hers.

And Makoto.

Jupiter wasn't sure who that name belonged to, or if that name had been hers. But the name dredged up a very faint memory, of flowers and tea and laughing girls surrounding her. The memory was so fuzzy, she couldn't even make out their faces.

"What about your plan, Jupiter?" Mars interrupted her pleasant thoughts. "We were gonna lay siege to the Nightmare Kingdom?"

"Lay siege???" Venus screeched, staring at Mars as if he had burst into flames. "Are you all insane? Had the princess chosen absolute idiots?"

The...

And just like that, memories came rolling in with the force of a thunderstorm.

She was human. She was a girl named Makoto Kino, tall for her age, and strong, so strong.

And she was friends with Usagi Tsukino.

"...and if she were to hear about this!" Venus rambled, interrupting Jupiter.

For a brief moment, Jupiter scrambled to hold on to those memories. But they were gone. She was just Jupiter, chosen by a girl with buns to defeat the Nightmare Kingdom.

"And who the hell do you think you are, prancing in here and telling us what is and isn't ok?" Mars demanded, shoving his pointer finger into Venus's chest. "Acting like you're all that and a bag of chips."

"And maybe I am." Venus fired back. "Maybe I'm the leader here, not you. You think seniority makes you in charge?"

"Yeah, because I got my pen first, so fuck off." Mars shot at him. "What makes you think you have any authority?"

"I was the princess's right hand woman!"

Jupiter twitched, the headache that had been developing turned into a full on migraine. She gritted her teeth, trying to convince herself not to slaughter both of them.

Anger won out in the end.

Jupiter seized both of them by the backs of their necks, lifting them up.

"I had faith in you two," she growled, relishing in the terrified looks they gave her. "I truly and honestly did. But since you two can't do anything but argue about the stupidest shit possible, I'll have to take drastic measures."

"I can hold them!" Mercury chirped, already wrapping their wires around the two.

"Put me down!" Venus yelled.

Jupiter reached down into the front of her uniform, feeling around in her chest cavity until she found what she was looking for. "Mercury, be a dear and give me their hands."

"Ma'am!" Their wires forced Mars's hand out, entwining with Venus's opposing hand.

"Jupiter, don't do it, whatever you're doing!" Mars pleaded.

Jupiter pulled the roll of duct tape out of her chest cavity, an evil grin on her face. "Since you two can't get along, I'll have to force you to hold hands."

Venus wailed, kicking at Mercury's wires.

Jupiter blocked out their agonized screams, carefully taping their hands together. Maybe this will get them to get along.

Venus's hand was cold, and squishy for some reason. Jupiter ignored this, uncomfortable as it was. By the time she was finished, their entwined hands were absolutely trapped in tape.

"Your hand is so cold!" Mars complained, tugging back away from Venus.

"And you're burning me!" Venus argued, swinging at him.

"So now what?" Mercury asked. "Where are we going to find the Nightmare Kingdom?"

"Find it?" Venus snorted. "We'll need to teleport there. And to do that," He felt around his bow, pulling out his pen. In a flash of yellow...

The uniform and tiara vanished, replaced by beige, ink stained overalls and black boots, also covered in ink. "Go back to our usual selves."

Jupiter tilted her head, doing the same thing Venus -or whoever he was- had done. She retracted her pen, that feeling of power vanishing. Once again, she was just Lefty.

"Now what?" Molten waved their pen.

"Oh, of course I only have one hand." Mars grumbled, poking his bandaged shiv into his chest.

"No fucking way." Venus rolled his eyes, then grabbed Mars's bow.

"Assault! He's assaulting me!" Mars screamed, kicking Not-Venus in the shin.

"Give me your fucking pen!" He yelled back, tearing Mars's bow open and grabbing his red pen.

"Here, dumbass, I'll hold this for you." He shot a glare at Scraptrap, holding both pens up over his head. "Repeat after me, you guys. Guardian Planets, take us to our destination!"

"Guardian Planets, take us to our destination!" Molten repeated, raising their pen up.

"Guardian Planets, take us to our destination." Scraptrap did a very dramatic eye roll.

"Guardian Planets," She glanced over at the restaurant, her restaurant. If she didn't make it... "take us to our destination!"

In four flashes of red, green, yellow, and blue, they were gone.