A scream breaks though Luella's throat, it would almost be painful if she wasn't already used to the feeling. The pain that comes with the screams was familiar, but that didn't mean the feeling was welcome. The nightmares were never ending, and peaceful nights of sleep were a delicious luxury that was hard to come by. It was easy to pretend to be unaffected by trauma, it was another thing entirely to overcome that trauma.

Luella sighed as he ran her hands through her hair, her body covered in a thin layer of sweat as she did her best to even out her erratically beating heart. Looking out the window she could see the sun rising between the mountains. Knowing she'll never be able to go back to sleep she pushed the bedsheets off as she scrambled out of bed opening the window to let in the fresh air.

Looking at the scenery and the tall buildings before her she feels it again. The burning hatred towards her own district and what it stood for. What it did to her.

What it turned her into.

But that hatred extended beyond District 2 and towards The Capitol. She felt that desperation at knowing that there was nothing she could do but continue to play along with their games. The ugly truth being that victors never truly left the arena. They continued to be a piece of The Capitol's games until the day they died all over again. At least that was how it felt to Luella.

Like a piece of her died during her games. And more of her continued to crumble every time she lost another one of her tributes in the arena. There were too many, but each one haunted her like she was the one that tore their life away. In many ways she was.

Even as she stepped out of the shower and got ready for the day the pressure never really lifted from her chest. Though if she was honest it always lingered in the background even if she tried to ignore it. It was a feeling that had burned into her eight years ago and refused to leave since.

As she walked down the marble staircase she heard a quiet conversation coming from the kitchen, coming to a stop she ran her fingers through her hair in frustration at the realization that her parents were here. Her father, Anselm Finley, was the mayor of District 2 earning the position shortly after Luella won her games. Usually he and her mother, Eiza, stayed at their mansion near the Hall of Justice. But on occasion they spent a couple of nights at Luella's mansion in Victor's Village only to remind everyone that their daughter was a Victor. Not that anyone needed a reminder.

That hatred that Luella felt towards District 2 included her parents. She hated them with every fiber of her being for everything they had done. And yet through all that hatred she protected them. Protected them from Snow's threats, leaving her to do everything that Snow asked of her. What he ordered her to do because she was a Capitol favorite, a victor desired by many.

"Good morning." Lu stated in a bored tone as she walked over to the refrigerator getting a hold of the freshly squeezed orange juice and pouring herself a cup. Her parents politely returned the gesture as they continued eating their breakfast, at least her mother had the decency to look up.

With a sigh Lu reached across the table picking up a roll of sweet bread and eating it quickly already in a hurry to get out of this house. She couldn't stand being in this house when her parents decided to stay.

"Are you sure you should be eating that?" Her mother questioned as she looked at the sweet bread with distaste. "Willow will not be pleased if you can't fit into your dress for the feast at The Capitol next week."

Luella looked at her mother as she stuffed another piece of sweet bread in her mouth enjoying the irritation that washed over her face. She couldn't be sure if her anger came from her mother's comment or the reminder that she would have to return to The Capitol so soon. Six months had already gone by since she returned from The Capitol with Brutus after the 74th Hunger Games. In another six months she would have to return again with two new tributes to mentor. "You always were the rebellious one. If only you could have been..."

"Like my brother?" She snapped back, but immediately regretted her words as she felt the heavy weight of grief weigh her down. Hearing this caught her father's attention as he looked up at Luella with irritation that matched her mother's. Any mentions of Atticus always led to fighting. Maybe what irritated Lu more was that her mother was right. Addie was the obedient one, the one who always did what their parents asked without hesitation. That fact was the reason why Addie was dead.

A silence fell over the room, everyone knowing it was better to let the subject go. Pretending problems didn't exist seemed to be this family's strategy anyways.

Suddenly the large screen settled in the kitchen came to life, unmistakably due to some important Capitol announcement. Looking up she saw the annoyingly familiar face of Caesar Flickerman project itself onto their television screen. Annoyance flooded through her at the sight of the lavender haired man. For the last four years she had to watch him interview and comment on her tributes, criticize and mock the ones who clearly were not ready.

"Welcome. Welcome. Last year in the 74th Hunger Games, promised the greatest love story of our time. Two days brave young people against all odds chose to die rather than to lose each other. As a nation we shared their agony." Caesar went on in a serious tone knowing the perfect way to pull in the audience in the Capitol. But after having been the presenter for the games for over 40 years he had mastered how to engage the audience and how to treat the tributes. "But we had so little time to revel in their joy."

Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark appeared on the screen, the two star crossed lovers from District 12. To this day Luella was still amazed at the amazing tactic the District 12 team was able to create, all The Capital citizens absolutely adored the pair.

Lu rolled her eyes, not believing their little act, or at least not believing Katniss Everdeen. If she was going to survive being a victor she really needed to become a better actress, completely embody the role of a girl so desperately in love that she would rather kill herself than be away from Peeta Mellark.

Luella did not envy Haymitch Abernathy and the complicated position that he must now find himself in. She wondered if the two victors were aware that this was a game that they would have to play for the rest of their lives. That they would always have to pretend to be in love. Their upcoming Victory Tour would be a true test of how well they would be able to accommodate to their new life.

Luella's mother sighed as she looked away from the screen taking a delicate sip from her tea. "I truly cannot believe Cato didn't win."

"Hopefully this year we get tributes that will honor our district." Her father went on as he gave Luella a pointed look. One that told her it was her fault that District 2 had not gained another victor, that she either chose incorrectly or didn't do enough while mentoring. She did everything she could, but that didn't make the guilt fade away.

Her hand tightened around the glass as she heard Cato's screams as he was torn apart by those mutts. She heard Clove's desperate cries for help as the boy from District 11 crushed her skull. Cato and Clove were far from perfect. They were arrogant, stubborn, and could be cruel. They were everything they were trained to be, but sometimes training and strength wasn't enough to win the games.

"Cato and Clove did great." Luella found herself saying as she took a long drink from her orange juice. Not daring to look at her parents knowing that the looks on their faces would only fuel her anger.

"They lost to children from District 12 of all places." Lu's mother commented in disbelief, looking truly disgusted.

In District 2 where participating in the Hunger Games was considered one of the greatest honors, losing to one of the poorer Districts was seen as a dishonor. It was embarrassing. The only ones left to suffer were the parents of the tributes who lost their lives in the arena, while the rest of the District was angry and disappointed from the lose of another potential Victor.

"And that stunt they pulled in the arena. That is an act of defiance." Eiza Finley continued.

On that they could agree on. What Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark did in the arena with the berries was a dangerous move, undoubtedly Snow would keep a watchful eye on the two District 12 victors.

Since their victory something had undoubtedly changed, Luella couldn't be sure what it was. What she did know was that President Snow had to be angry because the two victors from the poorest District made The Capitol look like fools. If a pair of children could rewrite the rules then that meant the change was possible. But hope was a dangerous thing.

On her days away from the training center Luella had nothing to pass the time. She had no hobbies or activities that she was passionate about. She was never given the chance to discover if there was anything that she excelled at. Her whole life she had been trained to be a part of The Hunger Games. Trained to win. Trained to fight.

Trained to kill.

Always being told that it was an honor to be in the arena. It was an honor to volunteer and give up your life for The Capitol. For the longest time Luella believed it herself. She believed it when she trained, when she volunteered, and when she arrived at The Capitol. She believed it all the way until she was actually in the arena, when she took her first life. And then another. And another.

It wasn't until she was declared victor and she was out of the arena that her whole world came crashing down on her. The beliefs that were instilled in her mind all her life shattered. She lost her identity to have a new one thrust upon her. Another identity that was not hers to choose. In many ways Luella had died in that arena or maybe she never left. Because almost nine years later she was still fighting to survive. She knew that she would never be free.

Lu realized that these had been reoccurring thoughts lately, she was quickly growing tired. Suddenly her eyes strayed towards Zenobua's now unoccupied mansion further down the road, another one of Luella's many failures. She was her first victor, the first person that she was able to save from the arena. But she failed to save her from what awaited outside of it.

Zenobua shattered under the pressure, not able to comply with Snow's orders he had her family killed. Zen wasn't the first and she wouldn't be the last, but she was the first to take her life after. Her death quickly covered up and presented as a terrible illness that had taken The Capitol's beloved victor.

Sighing Luella stood from the porch step she was sitting on, at first she simply wanted to get away from her parents. Now she wanted to get away from this place that was also haunted with two many terrible memories.

She couldn't be sure how long she walked, but she stopped a couple feet from the lake just before the mountains. The largest mountain being what the children in District 2 referred to as The Nut, which Luella always found amusing. They had given a childish name to possibly the most dangerous structures in all of Panem, it was where they stored all the weapons that they manufactured. It was said to be impenetrable.

Though Luella could hardly care, she lost her interest in weapons a long time ago. Now as she looked out into the glittering waters of the lake she remembered that swamp. How utterly trapped she felt within those waters.

It seemed that everywhere she went brought horrid reminders of her past. So instead she thought of the ocean, remembering the brief glimpse she got of it during her visits to District 4. She had never had an opportunity to truly explore other districts, all visits being brief during the Victory Tours she had been a part of. The only two memorable ones to her always being District 7 with its magnificent trees and District 4 for its seas. Even with the brief glimpse of the ocean, it felt like a place that Luella could get lost in. And there were days where she wished she could simply lose herself.

But she wouldn't. She was a victor. A survivor.

She would not allow Snow to break her. Her whole life she had been trained to be a fighter. So she was going to continue to fight to survive.