Sanjana

I stand at the mesh windows and look at the beautiful monument of love through the pattern.

It's such a beautiful sight to behold - a larger than life gift of love, from a King to his dead queen. It's ironic though, what's the value of a gift after death?

Death makes everything void and meaningless. No matter whether it's the death of a person or a bond, once it's over, it becomes irrelevant where you bury the dead remains, they remain what they are: Ashes.

Just like this beautiful room, that witnessed a blossoming love - twice. What's the significance of this place now that he left? Again.

It should become meaningless now, so what am I doing here? Burying the remains of a failed love? Perhaps. Or perhaps, I'm grieving the death of our bond, trying to find the missing pieces of my heart that he shattered mercilessly.

I shut my eyes and think of the beautiful times we had shared here, and the memories we could have made. I think of the painting that had these windows as the backdrop, and the place he would've proposed at someday. It's all like a faded dream now. A distant memory, and a life that could've been, if he stayed.

But, perhaps my love wasn't strong enough for him, or he would've never left. I've lost him twice now, and I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I feel empty, like there's is a numbness in my soul, a void I can't fill.

It's funny how lonely my life has become, even my tears have abandoned me. They refuse to shed now. Perhaps I'm not even worthy of their company.

I sigh and lean on the wall behind me and allow the silence of the room to engulf me. There are no tourists in this part of the fort thankfully, so I can sulk and grieve in peace. My thoughts keep racing back to him - his hurt eyes, his face crumpled in pain from the thoughts of me with a man I'll never like, much less love.

Only if he knew I can never fancy anyone that's not him. I can never imagine sharing my life with someone else. I'll live the rest of my life in his memories, pining for a man I'll never have. I'll love him forever, even if he would never come back. The worse thing is I couldn't even tell him that I love him. Perhaps that's why he left. Perhaps I deserve this loneliness after all. I didn't cherish what I have, and now it's gone.

I lean harder on the wall behind me, resting all my body weight on the red brick stone, and a sudden jerk startles me. Before I know, the wall begins to shift, I lose my balance and fall head first into a dark, dingy room.

I get up quickly and dust my clothes, then turn around to see what kind of strange room this is. But it's too dark in here, despite the evening light filtering from the room I was previously in. I open up my handbag to pull out my phone and turn on the flashlight, but before I can even turn on the screen, a strong object hits me on the head, and the world spins around me.

A sharp pain pounds the back on my head as my vision blurs and my knees give out under me. I buckle forwards, my hands hitting the floor before trying and failing to support my body. My face touches the dirty, damp floor and darkness embraces me. The last sane thought on my mind before I pass out, is perhaps I deserve this cruel end after all.

______

Brandon

As I watch the setting sun through moist eyes, the car racing against the strong winds on the highway to the Delhi Airport, I wonder how it came to this.

A few hours ago, we were confessing how smitten we're with each other, dancing in each other's arms without a worry, and now, we're on our separate ways. And, perhaps we'll never meet again.

My heart breaks a little each time I remember how easily she asked me to leave. Just like that. As if the beautiful times we spent together mean nothing to her. How could she be so heartless?

But who am I to blame her? It's my own damn fault that she asked me to leave. I didn't trusted her. Even though she always trusts me, no matter what. Whether I guide her into damp and dark tunnels of a fort both of us haven't visited before, or I ask her to abandon her family and kingdom, and elope to a country her society hates with a passion. She follows me with a smile and a reverent trust I don't deserve at all. She decided to abandon her life twice for me, in two different lifetimes, without a second thought, and all I gave her back is heartbreak. Perhaps, twice.

Tears of anguish trickle down my face one by one as the beautiful times we shared flash before my eyes. The warmth we shared as we star-gazed from the cottage balcony; the comfort we found in each other's arms as worries of a dark past and vague future clouded us. I gave up all of that and so much more we could have had, all for a stupid insecurity.

I don't even love him. Does that mean nothing to you?

Her painful words ring in my ear over and over again. The hint of pain and betrayal in her voice, the anguish that I'm throwing everything away because of someone else. Because of something that happened in the past, that I'm afraid will happen again. I sigh and shut my eyes as her accusing face haunts my vision, but it's useless because I can still see it with closed eyes. She's everywhere, and I'm running away from her, but I can't because she's in every fibre of my being. She's beating in my heart and flowing in my veins, she's racing through my thoughts and there's no escape, there'll never be. I'm stupid to think that I can live without her, that I'll be happy when she finds happiness with someone else, I'll be miserable and I'll blame myself every waking moment of the day until I drive myself crazy.

As if my fate agrees that I deserve to be miserable, the car suddenly stops with a jolt, causing me to jerk forwards and collide into the driver's seat in front of me.

"What's wrong?", I ask him with frustration.

"Looks like the car broke down, sir. I'll look for a mechanic. Do you want to wait, or do you want to take a cab?"

"Get me a cab, please. Thanks."

The driver leaves the car to look for a cab or a mechanic, but it's the middle of the highway with no habitation nearby, there's a slim chance we'll find anything here. I pull out my phone to call an Uber, but there's no network coverage at all. Instead a smiling selfie of my beautiful princess in my arms looks back at me, making me sulk instantly and drown in self loathing.

A tap on the window suddenly startles me, and two cops clad in khaki uniform, on a motorbike look at me with concern.

"Officers, how can I help you?", I ask them immediately.

"You're a foreigner? Can I see your passport please?", one of them asks.

I show him my documents and he returns them after inspection.

"I reckon your car broke down, is it?"

"Yes sir, I was headed to the Delhi Airport for my flight to US. Is there a taxi stand or bus stop nearby?"

His brows shoot up in surprise.

"Don't you read or watch news young man? Delhi is on weekend curfews, you won't be allowed to enter at all. It's due to COVID second wave and even a lot of flights got cancelled. It's best you go back to where you came from, and book a new flight. Or find some hotel nearby to spend the night."

"Thank you, officer."

They kick-start their motorbike and leave immediately, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere in a broke down car.

I sigh heavily as the painful thoughts return, and a realization dawns. Even the universe doesn't want me to leave. My life is back there in Agra, so how can I leave? What'll be life without her in it anyways? Painful, empty and meaningless. Everything will be dull without her, and now that I know my dreams are a beckoning from a past life that gravitated me towards her, I'd die daily with the realization I gave up a beautiful future we could have built together.

We won't let the mistakes of the past affect our future.

My own words come floating back to me, and strike me like lightening in a thunderstorm. How could I be so stupid?

I left her behind.

Alone.

Abandoned.

Thrice.

I'm a special kind of idiot, that's what I'm.

It's like a bloody curse! I'm destined for a lonely life, no matter what lifetime it is.

Her words from the library stab me in the chest like a knife.

How could I do this to her?

I left her alone all over again. She's so right, I fled at the first sign of trouble. Perhaps, that's really what I did last time too. It's possible after all, considering where I'm right now. In her own broke down car, running away from her, even though everything pulls me like a magnet backwards. I'm a bloody coward and now there's no network coverage, no mechanic and no cab on this highway. What do I do?

I shut my eyes and the newspaper article from the library pops into my vision out of nowhere.

The Viceroy ditched the Princess and escaped to Britain, which left Princess Inaayat so heartbroken that she committed suicide the same night.

I sit up with a jolt as the thought freezes my heart. She wouldn't do that, would she?

Oh God! Please, no. She promised me she wouldn't. But I made so many promises to her too, and I look where I'm. I broke them without sparing a single thought.

No no, I can't just sit here and wait for a damn cab. I need to go back now.

I jump out of the car and dash towards the opposite side of the road, my eyes set on the highway, praying to any God's who'd listen to keep my princess safe and help me find a way back. Thankfully, some mysterious force favours my luck, and a truck shows up in some distance.

I'm going to take a lift and go back to my princess and apologize as many times as she needs until she can forgive my stupidity. I'll throw myself at her feet, and worship the ground she walks on, for the rest of my life.

"I'm coming back, princess. Please be safe."

________