Sanjana

Few hours later

I'm sitting crouched in my balcony, with my head buried in my hands, as shaky sobs and whimpers escape my lips. I rock back and forth ever so slightly as I try to console myself, but it doesn't work. It never works. How does one even console oneself in grief?

"Sanjana?" I hear the odd pronunciation of my name in his deep, husky voice and for some reason I feel the urge to cry even harder. I overcome it somehow, and suck in a deep, broken breath in an utterly futile attempt to calm myself.

Slow, cautious steps approach my side and a soft touch brushes over my forearm, the warmth emanating from it making me shiver inside. The memory of the phone call I just received comes crashing back, making me break down even harder. I don't want to break down in front of him, but it's beyond my control already.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" His voice is laced with genuine concern and for once, it feels good to know someone cares, even if it's temporary.

I shake my head and push the feeling away. I'm not going to be a charity case. I wipe away the tears trickling down my cheeks hastily and brace myself to see pity in another pair of eyes. But when I look at his beautiful ocean blue orbs, I'm met with worry and confusion written across his handsome face. The realization dawns immediately, of course he's not pitying me yet, he doesn't know my sob story.

"You can tell me, let me help you", He says softly, his voice filled with such sincerity, I get an urge to spill my deepest, darkest secrets to him. I don't even know him well, yet I feel an inexplicable pull to him. A connection that makes me want to trust him with my troubles.

Perhaps it's due to our shared bond over distressing dreams. Or perhaps because I don't have any real friends or family around me, and right now, I'm in desperate need of a friend.

I gulp and nod at him and he sits across me on the floor as he prepares to listen, not giving a damn about soiling his expensive clothes.

I open my mouth to tell him about the phone call, but nothing really comes out, words refuse to escape me. He notices and cautiously takes my shaking hands resting in my lap into his own, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles in a soothing manner. I sigh and pull myself together, my eyes concentrating on our conjoined hands as I begin from the beginning - how my parents died on my eighteenth birthday as they were traveling from Mumbai to visit me here and how I've always been alone.

He listens patiently, his thumbs never ceasing the calming motions, and I can feel his gaze on my face throughout, but I don't look up, not ready to see the pity yet. I can also feel the unasked question hanging in the air, why am I crying over them now if they died several years ago?

"I feel like I'm cursed or something, why does this keep happening to me? Why can't I be happy for once?"

"You're not cursed", he whispers softly, and I feel another urge to look at him, but I don't.

"You don't understand. I am. She was coming for me. Now, she's in hospital because of me. She'll probably die-"

A muffled sob escapes my lips as I try to finish my sentence but fail.

"She'll die because of me." I whisper, but the ceased motion on my knuckles tells me he heard me.

"Who?"

"Sia."

I take a shaky breath as I continue explaining, "She's my best friend. My sister from another mother. My o-only f-family."

I sigh brokenly, "She was coming to attend my graduation tomorrow. For me. And, she met an accident on the way to airport. It's all predestined. She was supposed to come two days ago. But those jerks postponed the damn ceremony. She should have gone back by now. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have invited her in the first place. I should have known something awful will happen. I'm jinxed. It's all because of my stupidity. It's-"

My rambling is cut off when Brandon pulls our conjoined hands suddenly and his warmth embraces my shaking form. His off-white t-shirt gets drenched where my head rests, making me realize that I'm crying hysterically. Great, now I pulled a stranger into my pity party.

His steady hands softly rub my back as he whispers calming assurances in my ear. Nothing he says makes sense to me right now, but I don't feel lonely anymore, so I don't push him away like I would have if I was in my senses. His proximity feels nice and soothing and strangely overwhelming. It makes no sense to feel comforted by his words of assurance, after all they are just words, but I've never heard them before from anyone, and his warmth is calming my soul, so I'll heartily accept what I can get.

He pulls away a few seconds later and cups my face in his strong hands. I focus on the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"Please look at me."

His voice is calm and gentle, and the urge to oblige to whatever it says returns manifold. I slowly look at his face and there's no trace of pity or sympathy like I expected. Just pure concern. There's a hint of determination in his eyes too, but I don't understand what for.

"There's nothing like being cursed or jinxed. It was just an accident. Accidents can happen to anyone, any time. I'm sure she'll be fine. Should we go and visit her? I'm sure we can get a domestic flight easily."

I shake my head. "She's in Mumbai and, we have to leave for Jaipur tomorrow. There's also my graduation. I can't call you all the way here and leave myself for somewhere else, or worse drag you along-"

"Everything else can wait, if you want to go and see if she's alright, let's go see her."

I look at him and all I see is sincerity on his face. I shake my head again. I can't do this, it's so unfair to him. But what if something happens to Sia? I don't really know what to do anymore.

He opens his mouth to say something, but he is cut off by the sharp ringtone from my phone. I grab it immediately when I see Sia's contact name flashing again.

I brace myself for the worst as I answer the call on speaker.

"Sana?" The familiar soft voice speaks out from the other end and I break down in uncontrollable sobs as relief washes over me.

"Sia?! Oh my God! Are you alright? Somebody called from your number and said you met an accident. I informed your mom immediately. How are you? Please say something, are you okay? You're killing me here."

"Calm down, Sana. Take a deep breath. I had fainted but I'm perfectly fine now. Just a few scratches, a tiny concussion, and a broken leg. Nothing major to worry about. I've ever got discharged."

I deflate with relief. "Thank God."

"I'm sorry I won't make it to your graduation though."

"Are you crazy? I was going insane here, thinking you're going to die on me. Please tell me  you weren't the one driving recklessly, what am I going to do without you?"

"Damn, calm down woman. I'm fine now.  I'll be up and running in no time. Please don't tell me you went on another guilt trip again. Stop blaming yourself. I should be blaming myself for ruining your graduation. Your tailor-made designer dress is with me and neither it, nor me will make it by tomorrow. What are you going to wear?"

"I think I'll just skip it. I'll send Tanya to collect my degree on my behalf."

"No damn way. You can't-"

"Shush. Go rest and get well soon. I'll talk later. Bye!" I say and hang-up immediately.

As soon as I put the phone away, my gaze meets Brandon's and he offers me a heartwarming smile.

"Told you she'll be fine."

I look away from his assured gaze and gulp away the knot in my throat as my brain sends me a million theories of how everything could have gone wrong.

I feel his warm hands gently lifting my chin as he brings my gaze back to him.

"It's not your fault."
But, it is.

"Stop blaming yourself."
Trust me I have tried.

"Some things are just beyond our control."
Like my fate to live and die alone.

"Let go of this unnecessary guilt."
But will the guilt ever let me go?

His thumbs swipe across my cheeks softly, and that's when I realize I'm crying. Again. I mentally groan at myself. Way to bother a guest, you big crybaby.

"I'll be fine."

"You don't have to lie, you know. I know we just met, but you can trust me. I am not judging you."

"I have already bothered you enough. I'm sorry you got dragged into my mess. Anyway, do you think we should leave for Jaipur tonight? I just have to make a few calls and we can leave in a few hours, maybe we should-"

Another warm hug shuts me up and I deflate again.

"Stop trying to act like everything's okay. You're hurting. Don't run from it, or it will eat you up and make you hollow inside. Just let it out. I'm here."

His words trigger a switch deep within my conscience and I find myself sobbing all over again. He rubs my back soothingly as he pulls me close. In no time, I'm sitting in his lap, with my head tucked under his neck, his warm breath tickling my neck and his hands wrapped around me tightly as he rocks me softly. 

This should feel all wrong and awkward. We've just met, we hardly know one another. But why does it feels so relaxing and safe and right?

I melt into his embrace and soon, my sobs die into hiccups and shaky breaths. He pulls away from me slightly to offer me a glass of water.

I gulp it down immediately.

"Feeling better, princess?" He asks softly and the endearment escaping his lips flutters my insides softly. The word feels so familiar and natural coming from him that it tugs at my heart, bringing a genuine smile on my face.

"Yes. Thank you. For everything."

His ocean blue eyes sparkle in the afternoon sun as he offers his charming smile to me.

"You're so brave, princess. Never forget that. If you can manage such a tough life at this young age, along with those god-awful dreams every night, I'm sure you can handle anything life throws your way. Just chin up, and put on that smile, it looks really beautiful on you."

I find my cheeks warming at his praise and my heart flutters when he calls me princess again.

"Thank you."

"Nah, don't thank me yet. Thank me after I help you find a dress for your graduation ceremony."

My eyebrows lift in surprise and he chuckles at my reaction.

"We're going shopping and you're giving me a tour of Delhi after that. We'll kill two birds with one stone. I didn't come to India to stay holed up in your home, you know. Come on, let's go exploring Delhi."

His excitement is contagious, and I find myself chuckling in response. He pulls me to my feet and we both part to go get ready for shopping and sightseeing.

________

"So, because this fort was built from red sandstone, they named it Red Fort? How creative!" Brandon says with exasperation and I snort in response.

"Yeah, they also called it Qila-e-Mubarak, which means Blessed Fort, but Red Fort just stuck around for obvious reasons."

He nods absentmindedly as he observes the patterns engraved in domes exemplifying the beautiful Mughal architecture that is a unique blend of Persian, Indian and European art. We explore the entire Red Fort Complex open to public and once we feel tired, we decide to call it a day.

The shopping spree earlier at Connaught Place was a huge success too, and I ended up buying three dresses instead of one. Even Brandon bought a few t-shirts. We had a lot of fun. I was worried things will get awkward between us at some point, especially after the earlier moment in my room, but there was never a dull moment with Brandon. I feel like we are like long lost friends united after decades, instead of two strangers who just met this morning.

It's an odd feeling, an understanding unlike any other. I really look forward to exploring the city of his dreams with him tomorrow.

________