Sanjana

I wake up from my unsettling dream as a disoriented mess, breathless and sweaty, a dull ache simmering in my chest. I suck in a long breath to come back to senses and wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. Turning on the night lamp, I grab the glass of water from the side table, gulping it hastily in one go. Another glass of water and several long breaths later, I find myself a bit calmer than before.

I reach for my mobile and check the time: 04:35 am. I look for my planner and note down the time next to other entries this month. All between 4 am and 5 am. I make a mental note to carry the planner to the therapist appointment today, before grabbing my running shoes and getting ready to go out for a much-needed run.

Few hours later

"Hey Sana, how was the appointment today?", my best friend Sia asks cautiously, as soon as I answer her call. She is a tall, petite brunette, with calm brown eyes, fair skin and a heart of gold. She's my soul-sister, the only glimmering light in my dark, gloomy life. She keeps me going during my lows, checks on me occasionally and always manages to cheer me up somehow. 

"Same old babe, the therapist gave different relaxation tips and new sleeping pills. But nothing really works anymore, it's been three years now," I vent with a huff as I look outside the window of my Mercedes Benz at Delhi's peak afternoon traffic zooming past me. The driver is my loyal, family chauffeur, so I am not really worried about privacy during the conversation.

"I know Sana, it must be tiring for you. I wonder why your pills don't work anymore, you went out like a light those first few weeks after your parents' accident--," she abruptly goes silent as she realizes she just mentioned my late parents. Their death took a huge toll on me, I was alone and inconsolable, with nobody to call my own in this huge world and so much money to my name I had no idea what to do with it.

"It's okay Sia, it's not such a sore subject for me anymore. If I can tell over a dozen different therapists how I begun having these dreams after their demise on my 18th birthday, I can definitely talk to you about it. You know, these therapists tell me that I somehow feel guilty for their death, because they were travelling from Mumbai to New Delhi just to meet me and surprise me, and that guilt has triggered these dreams. But I have made peace with their death after all these years, so why don't these dreams go away? Instead, they're becoming more urgent and insistent every night, I somehow feel they aren't related at all," I sigh as I wonder if I'll ever get a peaceful night of sleep again.

Sia picks up on my gloomy mood immediately and thankfully, changes the topic. "Let's not fret over them. How were your final exams anyway? They are over right?"

"Yeah, I took the last one yesterday. I can't believe I have finally completed my MBA and I'm officially qualified to handle the family business now. All these years, I felt so under-qualified and unfit for dad's job. By the way, the graduation ceremony is in a week, so you better be here. You know, you're all I have now," I tell her with a deep sigh, gulping down the heavy ball of emotions that suddenly emerged in my throat.

"Of course Sana, I wouldn't miss it for the world. I have already ordered a special tailor-made dress for you at your favorite designer's boutique, I'll bring it along. I love you babe!", she promises me with sincerity. Her enthusiasm brings a smile to my face.

"I love you too Sia, take care. See you soon!", I hang up, wiping away a stray tear from my cheek.

I look outside the window at the passing traffic as I reflect on my lonely life. So many people in the world, and I have nobody I can call mine. I have nothing to look forward to, except the business meetings and financial decisions that motivate me to wake up daily. Thankfully, assignments and exams aren't in that list anymore. It's painful and tiring, a life with nobody to come home to. Except, maybe a couple of house helps who treat me like family. I can't help but wish for a carefree and happy life, away from all the responsibilities, the pain, and especially, the haunting echoes in my dreams.

Suddenly, the car halts at a traffic signal, which pulls me out of my thoughts. I grab my phone and begin a random google search about the meaning of my reoccurring dream of running desperately, when a website grabs my attention, an online user community that claims to find answers to everyone's bizarre questions, by asking people from all over the world. Being curious and bored, I decide to check it out.

I absentmindedly check out the list of categories until I stumble upon "Reoccurring dreams." I quickly open it up and keep scrolling. Most of the posts are stupid dreams posted by teenagers, and I'm almost about to close the tab with a huff when a strange post and the sketch next to it makes my heart stop momentarily in shock. The place is familiar, but it's the dream description and the desperation behind finding answers that pulls the strings at my heart. I read it twice to ensure that I've not misunderstood anything.

When I'm sure my eyes aren't deceiving me, I quickly call my secretary, "Tanya, I am forwarding you a US based contact number, please schedule a call with Mr. Brandon at the earliest. Tell him it's about his post on a website, I'll send you the relevant screenshots as well."

I put my phone away as I sigh with hope. If this Brandon guy gets his answers, maybe I'll get mine too. These therapist appointments aren't helping anyway. It's time I finally do something concrete to put an end to the haunting echoes.

______

Brandon

One week later

"Hey Ells, I just landed," I text my best friend and business partner, Ellie, as soon as I set foot on the foreign soil. She had insisted that I inform her as soon as I land, more like nagged me to do it if I don't want to regret it. I chuckle as I remember her fiery eyes and adorable pout when I told her she can't come along, this is a journey I need to undertake on my own, without any friends or family. 

I shoot another text to mom to inform her of my arrival too. 

I hardly stand at the terminal 3 of Indira Gandhi International Airport for five minutes, when Sanjana's driver arrives to receive me and helps me with my luggage. I sigh with relief as the cool air blasting from the car's AC greets me. The climate in India is insanely hot and humid, I am sweating profusely and it's just 5 in the morning.

My phone vibrates and I notice Ells is calling.

"Hey B, when are you coming back?", she asks with childlike innocence and mock curiosity. I can already imagine her sitting in her office cabin and sulking at my absence.

I chuckle at her antics, "You know my return flight is pre-booked for next week, Ells. Stop being so dramatic, I'll be back before you know it."

She sighs loudly, "I wish you had let me come with you, B. It's boring here without my bestie to gossip with. Anyway, just take care of yourself okay. Keep your passport close, watch out for thieves, avoid spicy food and don't trust strangers."

She rambles on with her list, and her concern brings a sweet smile on my face.

"I'll be fine Ells, it's not my first foreign trip. And, how will our company run if both partners go away on vacation?", I tease, and she chuckles in response.

"Yeah I know. Have fun B, you deserve this break. I just hope you get over your obsession of that place when you're back. I've heard too many conspiracy theories from you several mornings after your weird dreams," she says with irritation, before quickly adding, "I'll miss you B, come back soon."

I ignore her comments on my dreams and disconnect the call with a quick "Take care".

Ells is a darling, but she'll never understand how my reoccurring dreams make me feel. I'm not obsessed with them, they're a mysterious part of my identity that I crave to decipher. She lacks the empathy to understand my need to find answers. The curiosity to know why those echoing voices keep asking me to "come soon," and what do they mean when they say, "it's time."

So, even if I'm truly obsessed, I don't really care. After all, nobody understands how I feel.

I sigh as I look outside the car. My thoughts drift to Sanjana and her offer to help me find answers, and I can't help but wonder if she'll understand the frustration I feel.

When she had called me last week, I could hear it in her soft, silken voice, the desperation to find answers too. The excitement to finally have even one clue that could unravel the mysteries of our dreams. For the first time in twenty-four years of my life, I heard from someone who reciprocated my curiosity and anxiety. Even if her dreams may not be like mine, it's good to meet someone who shares a similar experience. Yes, I'm sure she'll definitely understand how I feel. Because, my family and friends sure never did.

I can't wait to see her. When she had invited me to come to India, so we could visit the place in my sketch together, I was overjoyed. She said she recognized the place immediately from my post and it's just a few hours' drive from her home. It's a popular tourist place according to her, a historic monument. I can't wait to visit it. She even offered me to stay at her place when I expressed my concern over low immunity and spicy food. I couldn't say no to that kind of hospitality.

And even if I don't achieve anything from this trip, I get an opportunity to explore India. I can see why they call this a land of diversity; I have already observed many different dressing styles, heard different languages and accents at the airport. 

I somehow feel a strange connection to this place, like I know it from somewhere. The red-bricked monument I saw on the way, the fragrance of mud and spices, the hustle and bustle, it feels familiar.

I have many Indian employees working with me back home, so I have a fair idea of the lifestyle I should expect here. But I am thankful that Sanjana advised me to bring some anti-pollution masks along, the air quality in this city is pathetic. I already took a COVID vaccine shot, so I am not scared about that anymore. I just hope I don't have to wear these masks all the time, it's sweaty and I'm tired of them already.

Though all this is least of my concerns. I'm excited about what will I find when I reach the place I dream about. I wonder if it'll be as beautiful as it appears in my dreams. I had never even thought it will be a real place somewhere on the other side of Earth.  I had woken up disturbed from one of my dreams one morning, and in desperation to find the meaning of it all, I had posted on that website. I had never received a response, nor had I expected one. Until now when this opportunity literally fell in my lap. Fate works in mysterious ways sometimes. It's finally time to finally discover a part of my subconscious that I've always been curious about, and I just can't wait.

______