It was Tuesday.

I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. I was pissed at everyone and everything. Everything got on my nerves. But, I was doing a really good job at covering it and simply replying with a smile.

"I'm sorry," Khalid apologized, making me want to smack those silly apologizes out of his mouth.

When we had first started talking, it was really cute that he apologized when he thought he needed to. Even though he was right or wrong, he always apologized. If I ignored him once, he'd apologize. It was all cute, but it started irritating me. Like, he should at least stand for himself once. I can't be always right. That alone made me uncomfortable.

I looked at him with a frown, making him apologize again. "Can you stop it with the begging? Can you freaking stop it?" I was beginning to lose the cool I was doing well holding.

He was about to open his mouth and apologize again when it dawn on him, making him quickly cover his mouth. I sighed, walking away from him as I made my way out of the hall, straight to my room.

"Sup," Tosin greeted me slightly absentmindedly as she was busy tapping away on her phone.

I spared her a glance as I replied, "Hey."

I fell on my bed with a thud, as I brought out my phone from my jean skirt and tried to keep myself busy. Khalid wanted to know what he did wrong and was willing to make amends. And, it was there and then I realize. I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed, it had started to happen again. My feelings for Khalid were disappearing as fast as they came. I wasn't pissed at anyone or anything, I was pissed at how I was going to hurt Khalid soon, so instead I wanted him to hurt me. Or rather, make it seem like it hurt me. I wanted him to be the one to end things. But, he was too good of a person to do such, he instead wanted to right a wrong that he never committed in the first place. I was pissed. His message was what I woke up to, and realizing how I was feeling was what made it seem like I had woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I had been able to keep my cool around others, because I was never mad at them in the first place.

I unconsciously sighed out as I ran my hand over my face.

"What's wrong? Your mind seem heavy," Tosin asked, making me realize I had actually sighed out.

I sighed again as I sat up right on my bed as I began to wonder if I should tell her or not. It wasn't something I was comfortable telling people, because I really hated when people judged me, or when I explained everything and then they wouldn't be of help. But, at that point, I wanted to be the one being advised, not the one advising. It might have been easy telling Ethan, I really hoped Tosin wasn't going to think I was capping.

I cleared my throat, then adjusted myself. "You might think I'm bsing, but what I am about to tell you is actually true," I began, making her nod as she dropped her phone on her table. "You see, I haven't really been able to fully like someone for a while now."

She looked at me with a frown. "What of Khalid?"

"That's where I'm heading to." She shrugged and then nodded. "I have this thing, where I fall for someone really quickly, and then loose the feelings as quickly as they came."

Tosin frowned, tilting her head to her right in confusion. "I'm not understanding," she informed.

"I like someone, after some time, the feelings just disappear," I tried breaking it down, only earning from frowns from her. "And then, there's just this blankness I feel. Like I never liked the person, romantically, in the first place."

She thought for a while, before her eyes then widen like she had an idea. "And when did all these begin?"

I shrugged. "For a while now?"

"Like how long?"

"I don't really know. For long." I shrugged.

"Who did you date after Joseph?"

Her question made me come into the realization of things. I tried to date Ethan after Joseph. I never liked anyone after Joseph. Felt no romantic attraction in anyway to anyone, I felt blank. I wasn't sad, depressed or anything, I was simply empty. Nothing.

I frowned at the realization.

"You're scared of getting hurt," she said in a calm tone, as she began to use her hands to explain, alongside her mouth. "So, you're unconsciously blocking yourself from fully falling from someone. To the extent that you do not make any effort to fall at all, which causes the blankness. And then when you fall, it is like there is a reminder in your mind and heart that turns it off."

I sighed. All what she said, was making sense. I was scared, I was scared of letting myself feel. I was scared of getting hurt. But the issue was that, I had let myself go too far. I had gotten to the stage where I really couldn't help it.

"Talk to him." I looked at her strangely, making her break it down. "Talk to Khalid, let him know what's wrong. You can't just let him feel something and then cut things off or run. Let him know what is going on and then break it off in an understandable way."

I looked at her sadly, then sighing. "You think?"

She nodded. "Don't let him think there's something wrong with him, putting him in a situation where he'd be unable to love and think he's got an issue and everyone would leave."

I had never told her about Khalid's girlfriend that left him, so the fact that she was talking like that meant she knew stuff. She knew what she was saying.

I sighed then nodded. "I'm going to try."

She nodded. "Good."

With that, we both fell into silence, while I felt bad. The anger I was feeling towards Khalid had disappeared, I felt pity for him instead.

'I should have left him alone earlier', I scolded myself.

I felt so bad I wanted to scream. But instead, I plugged my earphone into my phone as I began to listen to songs that calmed my nerves, while looking out the window, into the serenity of the night.