Chapter 10

Tainted Memories

"Lord Ichigo!"

Said man turned behind him to watch his apprentice approach him. "Merlin, please, I've asked you not to call me that."

The middle-aged man shook his head at his mentor. "No matter how many times you ask, I just can't. You've created everything that we are, and you've been my personal mentor for almost two decades now. The amount of respect I hold for you holds no bounds, sire."

Ichigo sighed as he pulled the scarf tighter around his neck. "Still doesn't hurt to try. C'mon, it's bloody freezing out here." The two entered a relatively new tavern on the relatively new Diagon Alley. Ichigo was working personally with the ministry to create a safe haven for magical folk, but the progress was slow and taxing.

The smell of butter beer and greasy meat assaulted the men's noses as soon as the door opened to the establishment. They pick a table off to the side and out of the way, after all, they weren't exactly unknown wizards, and they wished to converse in peace. "Merlin, I was searching and found a book that I want you to read." Ichigo pulled out a hefty leather-bound book from his satchel and slid it across the table. The younger wizard accepted the parcel and opened it, staring at the small handwriting lining the pages.

"Honestly, I'll never know how you manage to find all the books that you do. I don't even want to imagine how much you've spent on your collection."

Ichigo waved his hand dismissively. "You just have to know the right people. Plus, I've lived for an extremely long time, so my contact list is quite extensive." The two laughed as a woman approached the table.

"What can I get for you boys... oh my word, are you...?"

Ichigo sighed while Merlin laughed some more at his mentor's expense. "Yes, yes we are. We'd prefer, however, if you didn't make a big deal out of it ma'am." Merlin winked and the woman blushed.

"Of, of course! I just saw his hand wave, so I thought he wanted to order something."

Ichigo smiled, but shook his head. "No, sorry. I was just speaking with my friend here."

"Oh, but my lord, please, I insist! I'll be right back with our best butterbeer." With that, the woman scurried off to the kitchen of the tavern. Ichigo scowled and murmured profanities under his breath.

Merlin nudged his arm playfully. "Awe, c'mon Lord Ichigo, accept at least a little of what's offered to you."

"But I don't want it," the shinigami protested, slumping down into his seat. "I just want to go outside and be treated like a normal, everyday wizard."

"Are you kidding? Everyone in the wizarding community knows who you are. You are the founder of our kind, the Ebon Phoenix, you deserve the praise given to you. All the work you've done, all the people you've saved, it's the least people like us can do."

"But I'm the one that caused it."

Merlin glared at Ichigo. "Did you out the wizards and witches?"

"Well, no." he answered.

"Did you hunt them down and take them from their homes?"

"That has nothing to do with--"

"Then tell me, did you tie the nooses? Light the pyres? Chain the weights to their ankles?"

Ichigo looked at him, offended. "Of course I didn't!"

Merlin sat back in his chair. "Then I don't understand why you feel that you're responsible for things the muggles have done."

"But... if I hadn't given you all the powers in the first place, then the muggles wouldn't be hunting down our kind and murdering them left and right. Mothers have been taken from their children, husbands from their wives, I can't just stand by and watch them perish for the things I've given them. The powers from my past lives allow me to bring some back. They allow me to fetch the souls of the recently deceased that are stuck in limbo before Death's claim on them, and return their souls to their body with the help of my magic."

"You people call me a phoenix for bringing the dead back to life," Ichigo's hands clenched into fists on the table, "but I can't save everyone. My powers only work a few hours after their death, and only on beings of magic. I can't help but feel responsible for these witch trials, so I attend all that I can, and I try to bring them back after their killed. They shouldn't have to die for an ability that they didn't choose, that they can't control, that I gave them..."

"But sometimes," If Ichigo's voice wavered, Merlin didn't comment on it. "Sometimes, I'm not fast enough, sometimes from a few days, to a few hours, to a few minutes, and I can't do anything. I get there, and I find their cold corpses, or what's left of them, and I can't help but feel that it's my fault someone just lost their loved one. Everyone praises me for saving the few that I do, but I shouldn't be praised, I shouldn't be thanked. I should be punished, I should be cast out, despised, because it's my fault and I just, I can't..."

Merlin had never seen Ichigo lose his composure, and to watch the man in front of him break down like that, well, it was a sight Merlin was content to never see again. Ichigo wept, and it wasn't manly, it wasn't pretty, it was human. He was silent except for his audible breaths, but he did not wail. When he finally did calm down, he did not speak for the rest of the night, and Merlin did not see him the several days that followed.

When Ichigo showed up a week later with a new set of books to start a new lesson, Merlin didn't question it.

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"Mr. Kurosaki, can err-, may speak with you?"

Ichigo looked up from where he had been standing in front of his door. It seemed as though he had been lost in his memories again. "Ah, Mr. Malfoy, of course." Ichigo turned to his friend. "Winky, why don't you go grab us something to snack on while we chat?" The house elf nodded as she scampered to the kitchen to do as he asked. The shinigami nodded to the wizard, "come on in."

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"But I don't understand where I went wrong, my lord. Is this not how the number chart should look?" Merlin asked. Ichigo leaned over his shoulder to gaze at the numbers on the parchment once more and shook his head, pointing to a specific number.

"This one is off by four. You assumed the number of months instead of using the formula for it. It's alright though, Arithmancy is a hard subject to grasp. With your abilities, I doubt it will be too much longer before you get the hang of it." Ichigo looked at the darkening skies outside the window. "It's getting late, I'll go grab us some dinner. Continue working." Merlin nodded as Ichigo disapparated out of his study.

The shinigami apparated outside the tavern they had begun to frequent over the past few months. The woman who had witnessed his, unsavory state, earlier in the year, had grown close to the two wizards, acting as an aunt to them. Carowin was a good woman, and Ichigo enjoyed her company and would often come with Merlin to visit her throughout the week. Tonight was no different.

The staff greeted him as he entered, and he returned the politeness, waiting for his friend to finish serving a table. Carowin finished and walked up to him. "Well, hello there Ichigo. Here for your usual, I assume?"

Ichigo nodded and smiled. "You always know just what I need."

The woman's eyes widened and she placed her hand over her chest. "Did you doubt me? Please, I know you boys like the back of my hand, you know. It'll be out in a few minutes."

True to her word, Ichigo's and Merlin's food was ready a few minutes later. Ichigo thanked the woman with a warm hug and a couple galleons. He bid the rest of the workers a good night and stepped outside, relishing the warm air.

"Petrificus Totalus." The bag of food fell from Ichigo's hand as his body crumpled to the ground. The shinigami tried to force his limbs to work, but he knew it was a fruitless endeavor. The stiff joints and frozen muscles remained paralyzed. Ichigo wasn't surprised when he saw several hooded figures approach his from warily. When they saw he was no threat, two of the dark wizards hoisted him up and carried him off.

Ichigo lost consciousness on their journey, which wasn't uncommon considering the cursed placed on his body. When he awoke he found himself sitting down, blindfolded and tied up from his wrists up his torso. If the situation wasn't so dire, he would have applauded their captives for being so cautious. Obviously, the ropes kept him from using his wand, but the blindfold kept him from using wandless magic as well. He couldn't cast spells on something he couldn't see. He tried to disapparate, but there was a ward against that too. Ichigo cursed under his breath.

"Glad to see you're finally awake, I didn't think the curse would disable you so." The voice belonged to a male off to his right, if Ichigo's hearing was anything to go off. At the moment, it was the only thing to go off.

"What do you want? You should know that you aren't the only one to attempt something like this, and you won't be the last. What makes you think this time will be any different?" Ichigo replied, his tone one of indifference.

"You seem pretty sure of yourself for someone who's indisposed at the moment."

"Well, I know you aren't going to kill me, if you were going to, you would have done so already."

"You know wizards are dying, don't you?" Ichigo's breath hitched as the man moved closer. "Of course you do, we know what you're doing. You've been bringing them back to life."

"No, that's not--"

"Imagine what we could do if we had that kind of power." The was a rustle of fabric and Ichigo sensed the man even closer, his breath brushing against the shinigami's face. "Everyone would cower at our feet. We could rule the world, magical folk and muggles alike. We'd live forever, with your help, Ebon Phoenix. Not only can you bring people back, but your destructive power is one to be reckoned with as well. There's no telling how you could bring our enemies to their knees, begging for mercy"

Ichigo shifted backwards as much as he could, trying to get away from the man. "I'll ask you again why you think I'll help you. You and your followers, you're crooked people."

"Who'll be there to look after your apprentice? And what about that woman at the tavern, Carowin? And surely with such a tragedy, the construction of Diagon Alley would be put to a stop as well. All your hard work, for nothing."

"Merlin can take care of himself, that of which I have no question, and he'll look after Carowin. You have nothing against me." Ichigo's voice was firm. The chillness of the room settling against the base of his spine.

"And what about those trials? If you're stuck here, tied up, who's going to save all of your little children? If you help us, we'll let you save all those inbred half bloods and mudbloods. If not, well, all those poor innocent souls will die, all alone, desperate and in pain. And who knows, out of boredom, we may just kill some ourselves."

Ichigo's anger rose with each passing word and he shifted his arms, trying to get ride of his binds. "You cruel coward. You know that you have no power of your own, and so you steal it from the weak who can't defend themselves. And you have the gall call yourself a man." Ichigo shouldn't have been surprised when he was backhanded, but he still was.

"Hey, I'm not done talking with you!" Ichigo called out as he heard footsteps back away. "Damn it."

'Ichigo, you need to calm down.'

Ichigo paid no heed to warning voice inside his head, his emotions swirling around his mind without relent. Ichigo wasn't angry, he was down right furious. These men, these purebloods, thought they could get away with hurting innocent people? They thought that they could try and force him to do their bidding? What imbeciles!

'Ichigo, stop!'

Ichigo's emotions and thoughts continued to spiral out of control. The shinigami's magic and spiritual pressure released in a sudden burst, burning the ropes on his body. The searing pain snapped Ichigo out of his stupor and he tore out of the rapidly deteriorating rope. Ignoring the burns on his arms, he peeled off the blindfold over his eyes, horrified at what he saw.

What did I do...?

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Ichigo sat cross-legged on his bed, as per his usual. What was unusual, was the blonde-haired boy stiffly sitting across from him. "To what do I owe this pleasure, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco shifted uncomfortably. "Well, er, it's just that I heard that you helped students with their problems and... my friend has one he needs help with."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Yeah."

Ichigo chuckled. "What is your friend's problem?"

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"Merlin, there is something I must ask of you..."

Ichigo's thoughts were interrupted by Draco leaving his room, but they quickly returned to him.

Ichigo and his apprentice were in the latter's study, although 'tower' would be a better word to describe the building. Merlin was sitting at the wooden desk in the middle of the round room. His black hair was beginning to grey at the edges and the ever-present beard was sharing the same effects. The wizard had been hunched over, pouring into a book that Ichigo had given him. Said man was standing against the windowsill behind him.

Merlin's attention, now, was on Ichigo's request. "Lord Ichigo, I think you're over reacting. The wizarding world needs you, I need you! You've already taught me so much more than anything I ever learned at Hogwarts. You still need to pass on your knowledge, I still have more to learn from you. It was an accident, tragic, but it's no reason to-"

Ichigo shook his head. He moved towards his apprentice and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You are an amazing student, I have no doubt of the great things you will do, but you won't need me to do them. If there's a chance that something like this could happen again, then the world doesn't need me anymore." Ichigo's eyes were drawn to the bandages on his arm. "Once all of this is over, I want you to make sure that I never existed. Take out all the books I'm mentioned in, act like you've never heard my name. Tell people that I'm a myth, a fable made up to comfort children."

Ichigo took his wand out from his robe. "This will be the last spell I ever teach you."