CHAPTER NINETEEN.

After Elly fell asleep in Obi-Wan's room, he became her permanent safe space again. If either of them were having a rough night, they found each other. It was nice to return to that familiarity and Elly could feel herself healing the more and more time she spent with Obi-Wan.

That particular night, Elly had been fine and so had Obi-Wan. Neither had sought the other out so with the sun breaking across the horizon, Elly pulled her training gear on. She wasn't sure if Obi-Wan would be around yet or if he would be up to train her but she wanted to practise her lightsaber technique for a little bit with or without him.

With her training gear on, she grabbed a snack to keep her going from the mess hall. A few Jedi were lingering but Obi-Wan wasn't among them. So, she snacked on the apple as she headed into the training room. Her lightsaber hung loosely off her belt, a symbol to remind her that she was still the same Jedi she always had been.

It felt good to be invigorated and the more Elly thought, the more she realised that she felt like herself again. Actively choosing to train and enjoying it. Getting a snack and doing training before most people started the day was her routine before everything had gone wrong.

Back then, she would wake up early, practice in the training room and then meet her Padawan at breakfast. They would spent time together in the morning before her Padawan had classes in the afternoon. They would meet at dinner, talk, meditate if they wanted to and then return to their rooms with free time in the evening.

Elly had somehow slipped back into that old habit and it felt good. It felt familiar and she couldn't help but enjoy the newfound confidence in herself.

Once she was in the training room, she took her cloak off and flicked her lightsaber on. The orange lit up her face as she moved to the center of the room. It was only a few moves that she wanted to practice. Her lightsaber techniques were rusty, the theory had stuck in her mind well but she needed to put it into practice again.

Especially if she was going to be sent out into the field again. At some point, she heard the door to the training room open and she flicked her lightsaber off. It was Obi-Wan. She could feel that familiar Force presence. The comforting blue that had always enveloped him, growing stronger and more beautiful as he aged.

"Don't stop on my account," He said as they met gazes. The door whooshed closed behind him and she smiled. She flicked her lightsaber back on and turned her back to him again.

"I'm still rusty," Elly said as she began the practised moves again. To an outsider, she would look perfect. As if she was following the theory to a T but Elly could see the imperfections in what she was doing and she wanted to fix that.

"We should focus on technique then," Obi-Wan retorted from the bench. His gaze was fixed on her movements. The way she arched her lightsaber and the subtle flex of the muscles as she twisted her wrist.

"It's frustrating," She added after a moment before she dropped her lightsaber to her side. She deactivated it and twisted around to face him. She had done nothing too strenuous yet. Though she knew that if Obi-Wan was here then it would certainly push her to her limits. He had done it the day before, he would likely do it again.

She pushed the hair that had strayed out of her ponytail behind her ear as she looked down at him. The ponytail needed redoing but she would much rather Obi-Wan offer to braid it. It would be easier, it would keep it out of her face for longer and it meant that Obi-Wan would be close to her again and that is exactly what she wanted.

"Is your ponytail getting on your nerves?" He asked. Elly hummed and clipped the lightsaber onto her belt. She then pulled the hairtie out. She would have to retie it whether Obi-Wan braided it or not, "Would you like to braid it?" Her face broke out into a grin and she nodded. He chuckled and stood up from the bench, offering his hand out for the hair tie.

"I only have one hair tie," She admitted as she dropped it into his palm. He stuck his free hand into the pockets of his training robes and pulled out another hair tie. A slight smirk on his lips. She chuckled and looked at him, bemused by it, "Why do you have more?" She asked curiously as she sat down on the floor in front of the bench. He sat on the bench and began to run his fingers through her hair to unknot it and fix the parting.

"For Anakin. He was awful with his Padawan braid. He would mess up the braid all the time and snap the hair ties out of frustration. It's a habit I suppose," He responded. Elly smiled at that and let him begin to braid her hair. The feeling of his skin against hers soothed her. She already felt calm but his presence made her feel so much more relaxed. She wanted to melt into him.

"Do you remember when you used to get so frustrated with your hair during training?" He asked. There was a sense of nostalgia to his tone and Elly chuckled. She hummed in response.

"I contemplated getting rid of all of it a few times," She admitted. Obi-Wan chuckled and continued to braid her hair. He was so good at it. He found it so easy, methodical and it always looked perfect.

"You cut it in class once," He said after a few beats of silence. Elly remembered that. It wasn't anything detrimental. But it had been getting in her face while she worked and she had left her hairties in her room and it was so frustrating. She picked up a pair of scissors and just cut it all.

It was only cut shoulder length but Obi-Wan - who had been sat beside her - looked horrified. His face fell as she snipped off the pieces of her hair that were getting in her way. The teacher was equally as horrified when he saw the mess she had made.

"Another reason I keep hairties on me at all times. You cried and cried and cried after you cut it. I remember you hating it for weeks," He added after a moment. Elly smiled. She had completely forgotten about that. Obi-Wan seemed to remember so many stories that she had forgotten. Her younger years had been full of chaos.

"I forgot about that. I was so young then," She muttered as she tried to keep her head still for him. Her hands moved to mess with the bottom of her pants as she tried to remember anything else she could remember from that age but there was nothing, "It feels like so long ago," She added after a moment. He finished with the first braid and let it fall against her back.

"It was a very long time ago now. You've had two Padawans since then," He said as he moved to work on the other braid. The way his fingers felt gently running through her hair made her weak at the knees. The gentle touch he always had when he was with her was enough to make her melt.

"I suppose it is. Do you think you'll have another?" Elly asked curiously. He did have a Padawan of sorts though it wasn't really in the traditional sense. But whether he wanted to admit that to her was something he mulled over for a few minutes before he realised that he trusted her.

"I have another. Her name is Lili," Obi-Wan said and he could feel the confusion. Elly's eyebrows pulled together and she twisted her head so she could look up at him.

"I know every youngling in this Temple. I've never heard of her," Elly mumbled. Obi-Wan forced her to turn her head around. Her eyes facing forward as he took a deep breath. He had promised himself that he would never tell another soul but he had to. He may have broken the Code and grown attached to her but it was his daughter.

"Do you remember Aldra?" He asked curiously after a few minutes of silence. Elly's eyebrows furrowed before her stomach dropped. She already knew where this was going. He had broken the Code with her. That much Elly knew but she dreaded what he would say next, "Well, it turns out I got her pregnant." Every thought in Elly's head stopped and she turned on Obi-Wan quickly. Not one part of her caring that he was still braiding her hair, "And she had a daughter. I've been teaching her the ways of the Force while she tries to find Aldra. Though she was believed to be dead," Obi-Wan's word suddenly felt cautious as he looked at the blonde. She looked distraught, confused and utterly heartbroken.

"You have a daughter?" She asked softly. Obi-Wan nodded his head and Elly didn't know what to say. She just stared at him. It was unheard of. A Jedi to break the Code like that was unheard of. Completely and entirely unheard of. She didn't know what to think and yet she understood why he had said nothing to her until now.

"She was an accident. And people have gotten hurt because of her," Obi-Wan suddenly felt the need to justify himself. Elly's gaze on his face made him self-conscious, concerned and then she looked away from him. He could feel the heartbreak through their bond, "I didn't want to make another mistake like that and hurt someone I care about." They both knew why he had said that. They both knew what the other felt and yet, Elly was still hurt by it.

"That's understandable," She managed to stumble out before she turned back around. Obi-Wan was cautious but after a few seconds, he began to braid her hair again. His touch still felt the same, warm, comforting but she didn't know what to think anymore. She didn't know how to feel. It made sense why the thought of breaking the Code even in a less than romantic way terrified him. He had done the one thing he was never supposed to.

He had a child.

"Is that why you are so terrified of breaking the Code with me?" She asked after a moment. It was something that had gone unsaid between them for so long but Elly was tired. They both knew what they felt for each other and she was tired of it ignoring it. She was tired of tip-toeing around her feelings.

He had broken the Code for Aldra once, he could do it again now. They both felt too much to ignore it but Elly could feel his hesitation.

"Elly." He uttered her name so quietly. It was so delicate, fragile. Almost like he was too scared for what would happen if he engaged in this conversation, "We need to remember our places." She scoffed and then she felt him tie the braid off. She whipped her body around and looked up at him.

"You may be terrified but I'm not. I have felt like this my entire life. I had to watch as Aldra slept with you over and over but because I was younger, you saw me as nothing more than a child back then. Do not deny me this now." Elly couldn't tell if she was frustrated or begging but he made her feel like a child again. A child that was begging to get their own way but she was helpless, there was nothing else she could do.

"How do I know that I can trust you? How can I trust that this won't affect you in battle? I may feel this way but I can't let myself do this if it will harm you. I want to protect you," He responded as he slid off the bench. He sat across from her and Elly stared at him, her whole face crumpling. He may have been terrified weeks ago but now, there was a calm acceptance of his feelings. Elly wasn't sure what had happened but she just wanted him.

"If I fall again, it will be a mess of my own making," She retorted. Obi-Wan gently shook his head as he looked down at the floor. He couldn't let her do that. He wanted to be with her. He desperately wanted to kiss her but he knew he couldn't. Not until he was sure.

"I promised you that I would never let that happen again and if that means keeping this how it always has been then I will." There was a firmness to his tone and she stood up abruptly. She ran her fingers across her face, so exhausted all of a sudden. He had told her. He knew. They loved each other and yet, she couldn't tell him that.

He wouldn't let her and she knew why. She understood why and she hated him for protecting her. Because he was right. If she wasn't careful, it would cause her to fall but she had tried. She was trying so hard to keep herself safe and she felt so much better than she had a few months ago. She was better than she had ever been.

And yet, Obi-Wan had to be sure. He watched her ruminate, he could feel it down the bond and he tentatively reached out to her. He gently pushed against her mental barriers and when he was met with acceptance, he was surprised. If he had done the same thing just a few months ago, there would be hostility, violence. And yet, she was calm.

He explored her feelings in that moment as she dropped her hands to her side and he could feel it all. But instead of a tsunami of emotions that threatened to knock him down, the ocean waters of her mind were still. There were bits of annoyance and hints of sadness but there was still a quiet acceptance of the facts.

"I need to return to my room. I'm tired," Elly said after a moment. She turned around to face the older man and he stood up quickly. He looked at her, searching her eyes for some indicator of how she felt but there was just quiet acceptance.

"Will you train tomorrow?" He asked. Elly nodded and he seemed pleased. That wasn't a lie. She fully intended to be here. And so, she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you for your honesty." Elly then turned and left. The state of calm that had overtaken her vanished the second she stepped into her room. The tears filled her eyes and she sobbed. She felt ridiculous, sobbing over a man but it hurt. All she wanted was his love, his adoration. And after so many years, after she had craved it all her life, he had very nearly given her everything she hoped for. But she lost it again.

-