A/N Big shit is happening!! oooOOooOOoooOooooO ok I'm sorry its pretty much a week since last chapter but Microsoft Word decided to fucking shut down so yeah I couldn't reach my chapters *cri*

ALSO I JUST WATCHED BOTH THE ARROW SEASON FINALE AND SUPERNATURAL 10X22 AND (no spoilers) I HAVEN'T CRIED THAT MUCH IN FUCKING MONTHS I MEAN WHAT THE HELL EVEN JFC anyways I really hope y'all like this chapter ^^

The next morning, Dean woke up with a twisted feeling in his stomach. He had been having weird dreams all night, and they were all the same. It was him, and someone else, doing everything a couple does. But he could never see who it was, if frustrated him. He got out of bed and showered quickly, feeling the need for a big breakfast.

As soon as he walked into the kitchen, he saw Sam sitting there. When he heard Dean coming he looked up with an expectant look on his face.

"Not yet," Dean grumbled. "Why didn't you tell me anything?" he asked when Sam's face dropped.

"I couldn't, it was the best for you," Sam replied. "Why haven't he told you yet?"

"Because I told him to piss off after I knew what happened. Look, I know I overreacted, but it's a very common reaction when you hear your memories are stolen, and you can't get them back immediately because of some stupid rules. And now, if you don't mind I'd like to enjoy my breakfast without having to talk about this."

Sam nodded and went back to whatever he was reading on his laptop.

Dean got some eggs and bacon and started frying them. He was just about to get the cheese when Charlie walked in, with the same look on her face as Sam had. "Not you too, please," Dean said.

"Alright... Your eggs are almost burning," she just answered. "Can I have some too, please?"

He made another pair of eggs with bacon and cheese, and he could almost feel the conversation Sam and Charlie had with only their eyes and face movements. "Can you stop, please? Both of you," he said and put the eggs on two pieces of bread.

He and Charlie ate breakfast while Sam kept working on his laptop while he ate some healthy and probably crappy as hell. When they were done, Dean took the plates to wash them and suddenly he heard the familiar swoosh of wings. He didn't say anything.

"Hello, Dean, Sam, Charlie," Cas said.

"Hey Cas," they answered. Dean still didn't say anything.

"Dean..."

"I'm still angry," he replied. He heard Cas sigh but he kept silent.

After he was done washing the plates, he walked off to his room, expecting Cas to follow him. he closed his door, and turned around to face Cas. "Well, you can start," he said.

Cas nodded. "Before I start, I want you to know that this will change a lot between... us."

Dean raised his eyebrows, but gestured Cas to go on.

"I can't erase the memories again after you have them back. You have seen what it does to you, and that's not a good thing."

Dean nodded.

"Okay, I was thinking I could just... show you them, but not all at once. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Dean said. Suddenly, he felt uncomfortable, almost afraid for what they had been holding back. What if it was something terrible, what if it really was for his own good, what if...

"Are you sure?" Cas asked, noticing how Dean's mood had twisted.

"Yes," Dean said again, more stable this time. He wanted to know it. He needed to.

"Close your eyes."

Dean closed his eyes.

He thought he was ready, but as soon as Cas' fingers lightly touched his forehead, he stopped breathing.

'Do what?' Dean asked as he wondered how Cas could possibly read his eyes as a human. Is thoughts were interrupted by Cas who said 'this,' and gently pressed his lips to Dean'

His eyes flew open. "Did we...."

Cas nodded. "Do you want to stop?" he asked, and Dean shook his head.

"No, I want to see. I need to see it," he replied and he closed his eyes again.

Dean's hand touched Cas' abs. He didn't know angels could even have those, but he wasn't complaining. They kissed, until Sam interrupted them

 Dean told himself to keep breathing. How had this even happened? Was Cas even showing him his real memories? He didn't have really much time to think, because the next memory came in.

'Dean... do you have a moment?' Cas asked as his hands slid around Dean's waist.

'Depends,' Dean answered. But as soon as Cas asked if he could kiss Dean again, he smiled and leaned in.

They all felt so true and real.

Dean woke up to find Cas snuggled against him. He smiled and kissed the top of Cas' head.

Did they... sleep together?

"No," Cas said, scaring Dean. He had totally forgotten Cas was there too. "We haven't really done anything so far, we never had the time," he explained.

Dean nodded and closed his eyes again, gesturing for Cas to go on. He needed to know the whole story now.

Cas always admired Dean's full body, including the scars and cuts he had collected over the years. He'd kiss every scar, every wound, everything got a light kiss. Dean thought it was because Cas couldn't heal them.

"That, and because I wanted you to know that you're still beautiful, even with so many scars," Cas admitted before he sent the next memory in.

Sam knew Dean and Cas had something for a while but he never said anything. Once Dean told him, he made sure Dean knew he'd always be supporting his big brother.

The memories came faster and faster.

Gabriel gave Dean some of Cas' grace. Dean always held it in his hand before he fell asleep. 'I'll find you. And I'll save you. I promise,' he whispered.

Dean heard Cas' voice while fighting Metatron in heaven. He'd recognize that voice everywhere. It made him strong enough to finally win from Metatron.

Dean woke up and Cas wasn't there. Cas wasn't there for the next days, and further. Cas had denied Dean on almost everything Dean said. Cas didn't want a hug.

Dean felt more miserable every day. Cas was back and angel, and now he didn't want to do anything with Dean anymore. Had Dean done something wrong? Sam and Charlie had to take care of Dean because Dean had just given up.

 Dean talked to Cas. Cas promised Dean the next morning when he would wake, everything would be better. Dean believed him and let Cas put him into a deep sleep.

The next memory wasn't Dean's. It was Cas'.

Cas watched Dean sleep. 'I'm so sorry, Dean' he said. 'This is the only thing I can do for you,' and he pressed two fingers on Dean's forehead. It was almost magical, seeing all the images go from Dean's head to Cas'. 'I'm sorry,' he said again, and left.

Dean opened his eyes. It was dead silent.

"I don't... I don't understand. Why would you take these away from me?" he asked.

"Metatron," Cas said. "He imprinted my mind; he made me believe I was worthless and that I needed to prove myself. I couldn't have you worrying over me while I needed to prove myself. You were so miserable; it was the only thing I could think of.

They weren't meant to return. You shouldn't have had those... feelings and things. But that's just the profound bond, I could only remove the memories of myself in you... I am not able to remove me. Your soul and mind are connected to me, I'm sorry," he said.

Now, Cas was the one looking miserable. He blamed himself for everything that happened.

"Cas...." Dean said.

Cas looked up, blue eyes as ever, full of sadness and regret.

"I'm not angry anymore. I understand why you did it," he said. Cas opened his mouth to say something, but Dean interrupted him. "Just one thing...

Never remove those memories ever again," and with that, Dean took the final step and pressed his lips to Cas.

It had been Cas in his dream last night

He brought one hand to Cas' cheek, caressing it softly, feeling the familiar feeling of Cas' scruff against his hand.

He had been with Cas for so long, without even knowing

The other hand went around Cas' neck and gently touched Cas' neck hair, moving up until his hand was fully in Cas' soft hair.

It was Cas he had missed all this time

Slowly, Cas seemed to realize it and brought his hands to Dean's lower back, only lightly pressuring it.

Cas, who woke up, only to roll over and snuggle next to Dean

That's when Dean lost it. He took Cas' head in both his hands and kissed him harder, Cas finally giving in and pressing him and Dean together.

All those times he couldn't sleep, he had been missing Cas next to him

He kissed Cas until he thought his lips were going to burst, and even then, he didn't stop.

Cas, who adored him. Cas, his best friend. Cas, who had saved him so many times

When he finally pulled back, he immediately wrapped Cas in a hug. A single tear rolled out of his eye.

"Never," he only said.

"Never," Cas promised.

They stood like that for what felt like hours.

Sam and Charlie were in the library when they finally heard footsteps coming their way. They had talked about how Dean would react. Sam said Dean would be so pissed, Charlie agreed, but she said he'd forgive Cas once he knew.

When Charlie was the first to see it and squealed. Sam noticed it too, and once he saw how happy both Cas and Dean looked, he hugged them. First Dean, then Cas.

"I am so happy," he only said and Dean nodded. He now knew what Sam and Charlie had been going through while Cas had been away.

An hour later, they sat on the couch, catching up on all 'cute things Cas and Dean had done together', Charlie's word choice, not Deans.

Their hands were still intertwined.

A/N SNVCSKDLROFHMGNFCQRFHXNRQ FLUFF AF I ALMOST CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS CHAPTER I COULDN'T EVEN HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW NICE IT IS TO WRITE THIS AFTER ALL THAT SADNESS I'M TRASH

So yes, I went back to the first few chapters to write the memories Cas gave back to Dean. I spent some real time writing this chapter, see what I would do for you? I hope you liked it, some light in the darkness :D