"I've never fallen from quite this high,

falling into your ocean eyes"

- Ocean Eyes

...

"This coffee tastes like shit." Seokjin mutters to himself before grabbing his plastic bag full of snacks and drinks for the rest of the boys. He sent Namjoon off to find blankets and pillows, while he pays for their food and drinks.

"Hyung! I got blankets and pillows." Namjoon yells while running to Seokjin.

"Good, let's go back." Seokjin says before starting to walk away from the cafeteria and up the stairs. Namjoon follows in a rush, grabbing his own plastic bag and following his Hyung.

"You think he's gonna be okay?" Seokjin suddenly hears Namjoon ask. Honestly, he has no clue and it's frustrating. He likes to be in control; the person everyone can rely on for information, and now he feels so helpless. The only thing he can do is pray for Hoseok's safety and that fucking infuriates him.

"I have no idea, Namjoon. We can only pray." And after that, it's silent between the two boys.

...

"Yoongi, please, stop bitting your nails." Jimin mutters before forcefully ripping his friend's finger out of his mouth.

"Sorry." Yoongi whispers, unintentionally curling into himself. Not only is he worried for Hoseok but he's surrounded by all these nurses and doctors, and it's giving him really bad anxiety. He's tried his regular breathing exercises but they've been ineffective. Jimin sighs before pulling Yoongi off a sleeping Jungkook's lap, and wraps his own arms around him.

"Hey, we're back." Three heads turn to look at the two people entering the room (Jungkook sleeping and Hoseok, well, he's in a coma.) Taehyung jumps up and runs into Namjoon's arms, although everyone else didn't even bat an eye. They're all use to the skin ship between their two friends.

Taehyung tightens his told on Namjoon, his anxiety suddenly disappearing. He and Hoseok had always been close, and he wouldn't have ever guessed his best friend was dealing with so much demons to try and commit suicide.

Seokjin takes a deep breath before handing the bags of snacks, blankets, and pillows to Jimin.

"I have class early in the morning so I'm gonna go home." Seokjin says to no one in particular. Jimin whips his head back to facing Seokjin, his neck cramping from the strain.

"What the fuck?" Jimin looks at his friends with a scowl. How could his Hyung just leave? Hoseok was in a coma for crying-out-loud, and honestly Jimin hadn't seen his Hyung care that much since they'd found out about Hoseok. Does he not have any concern for Hoseok?

"Jimin, I've already missed my classes today, and I can't just disappear from school. I take more advanced classes than you, and that means I have harder and more work." Seokjin takes another deep breath - why can't he breathe? - trying to calm his nerves. The last thing he needs right now is for Jimin to start yelling at him.

"All I'm asking is for you to show some concern. The whole day you've been spacing the fuck out and you don't seem to care at all. If anything, this whole thing looks like it's a burden to you." Jimin ends his rant, subconsciously tightening his grip on Yoongi's waist, the said person whimpering from the pain.

"Not everyone is a fucking crybaby like you Jimin. I have my own way of dealing with sadness and stress, so fuck off." Jimin looks at Seokjin with surprise in his eyes. His Hyung didn't curse often.

"Honestly, I'm sick of all this bullshit from you guys," Seokjin says coldly, then proceeds to grab his backpack from the corner and puts it on his shoulder.

"I know I'm the oldest but you act as though I'm not a person with my own preferences. I usually deal with my feelings alone." Seokjin finishes before rushing out of the room, running past a shocked Namjoon and Taehyung.

Jimin's form stays tense for a couple of seconds before relaxing into Yoongi, breathing in his scent.

"I'm sorry guys, I'm just so stressed and worried about Hoseok. I shouldn't have reacted like that to Hyung. I'll apologize to him tomorrow." His words are muffled by Yoongi's shirt but they're all able to understand him clearly.

"Let's just all relax, okay?" Namjoon suggests before taking Taehyung over to the empty chair near the window.

Jimin makes a small noise of agreement and Yoongi just looks at Hoseok in longing. After the fight between Jimin and Seokjin, all he can think about is Hoseok, the outside world almost a blur. Although his anxiety is very high, all Yoongi can think of is how Hoseok was his sunshine, and now that light is completely gone. Without the sun, earth and all its organisms couldn't survive, just like how Yoongi can't survive without his sunshine, Hoseok.

...

Yoongi steps outside the hospital for the first time in what feels like weeks, but is actually only a couple of hours. The snow flakes gracefully fall down from the sky, landing on his baby blue sweater. He's leaving just to pick up some items from his dorm.

He opens Namjoon's car door, and gets into the car, then closes the door. Yoongi starts the car and is off to his dorm.

When he arrives he grabs a duffle bag and packs both his clothes and Taehyung's. He also grabbed items such as a toothbrush and deodorant for tomorrow; surprisingly the hospital allowed over-night stays.

After closing the cupboard in the bathroom, his line of vision goes to the scale just laying there on the floor. Yoongi remembers all the memories that come with this scale. The first time he weighed himself and saw how fat he was, when he first purged, and let's not forget when he passed out after a panic attack. He knows he's about to make a bad decision but he can't help it, he can't.

Yoongi slowly steps onto the scale, scared to look at the number. He's so disgusting and fat and just a fucking ugly person.

He looks at the number and feels himself become lightheaded. 106 pounds. He's so fucking huge, and gross, and all he wants to do is cry. Why can't he just be naturally skinny? Why is he so fat? Why can't he just be happy? He rushes off the scale, and runs out of the bathroom, not before looking at himself in the mirror, and seeing all the fat on his arms, and just everywhere.

Yoongi quickly grabs everything else he thinks he'll need, including a hat since his bald spots have become more noticeable which just adds to his list of insecurities. Yoongi knows he's killing himself, he just can't stop.

He exits his dorm room and proceeds to find Namjoon's car in the parking lot.

All he can think about is that number, that god damn number. It needs to be lower, he needs to loose all his fat, that number needs to go down. Yoongi repeats this in his head like a prayer.

106 pounds is way too much.

...

If anyone is wondering 106 pounds in kg is around 48.

Also, for anyone who is interested, I did a little bit of research and in this story Yoongi is around the age of 20, a male, and is around 5'8/5'9 and the average weight for a person like him is 140-150. This is why he is very underweight. I hope this makes everything less confusing.