Quick shout out to Meowzilla0w0 for this episode idea!

*The camera pans across Wayne manor, no tents in sight. A car door slams and the camera cuts to the family vehicles where the Waynes are unloading their luggage. Dick sighs dramatically, throwing his arms wide.*

"Ah, home sweet home. I will never take you for granted again."

"Ha! I give it five minutes."

*Cue intro video.*

*The scene starts in the dining room where the family is gathered for breakfast. Dick is on his phone, chuckling to himself. He looks up at the family and a wicked grin crosses his face.*

"My wife-"

"Since when did you get married?"

"Its part of a joke, Damian."

"Oh. Continue."

"As I was saying, my wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right."

"..."

"...I hate you."

"...Our first day back in our home and you do this shit to us. This is why you aren't the favorite."

"Hey, okay, sorry. Here's an interesting fact to make up for it. Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?"

"Dick, no-"

"They were cooked in Greece."

*Everyone groans, standing up and mumbling excuses about needing to be anywhere but there. Dick is left chuckling by himself.*

*The camera cuts to Terry's bedroom where he is fussing, fighting against Bruce's efforts to put him down for a nap. Dick walks by the doorway, peeking his head in.*

"Hey, since Terry isn't going down for a nap, does that mean he is resisting a rest?"

*Bruce sighs heavily and Terry cries louder. Dick continues on his walk, stopping by Helena's room. She is reading on her bed. Dick grins.*

"I'm reading an interesting book right now."

"Oh. What's it about?"

"Anti-gravity. Its impossible to put down!"

*Helena throws her alarm clock at Dick and he shrieks, running down the hallway. He bumps into Cass.*

"Hey, Cass. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent."

*Cass cracks her knuckles and Dick pales.*

"Alright, see ya!"

Confessional- Damian

"Richard needs to be stopped. He sent this text to me earlier today."

*Damian holds his phone to the camera. The following is shown on the screen.*

Richard: What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

Damian: What now?

Richard: GRAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNSSSSS

Damian: I'm blocking you.

"This is getting out of hand."

*Scene shifts to the family living room where the whole family is gathered, a movie long forgotten on the television as they all text on their phones. Dick snickers, typing rapidly. Everyone's phones vibrate with a text.*

Dick: 3 Unwritten Rules of Life:

1.

2.

3.

Tim: ...u suck

Dick: rude.

Dick: Did you hear the news? Fed-Ex and UPS are merging. They are going to be going by the name Fed-Up.

Duke: That's what we all are.

Damian: Can someone fill me in? I blocked Richard's number earlier so I have no idea what he is saying.

Jason: Oh, word. I'm going to do that too.

Dick: Wait, no. Don't leave me!

Helena: Are you going to stop?

Dick: Yes.

*Everyone put their phones down, staring skeptically at Dick. He fiddled with his thumbs, looking down at his feet.*

"Dick-"

"What has two butts and kills people? An-"

"Dick-!"

"-assassin. Sorry, sorry. Last one, I promise."

"..."

"..."

"...What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!"

*Duke threw a pillow at Dick. Helena tossed the remote at Dick's head as the rest of the family groaned and yelled in disappointment. Dick snickered, running from the room.*

Confessional- Dick

"I can stop anytime. Will I? No. Our family needs some light hearted bonding after Jason decided to throw a bitch fit for being left behind-"

*Camera cuts back to the Kent house living room. The Waynes and the Kents walk in to find Jason sitting there, staring at the fireplace with hollow eyes. When the families enter, he turns and glares before bombarding them with accusations, demanding to know why he got left behind, how dare they go get all you can eat bread sticks with out him, continuing his yelling until Cass shoves her leftovers at him, saying he isn't Jason when he is hangry.*

"-and if they bond over their hatred of my awesome puns so be it. Although my jokes are hilarious."

"No they're not!"

"You're just jealous you didn't think of this first, Tim!"

*Scene shifts back to the living room where the family is still gathered.*

"We need to stage an intervention. He is getting out of hand."

*A cry is heard from down the hall.*

"Dick! Are you alright?"

"No, I'm half left!"

"I swear, I am going to murder him..."

"Jason, put Damian down. What did we say about throwing your siblings at each other?"

"I have to eat all my broccoli first?"

"No."

*Alfred walks into the room with a piece of paper. He clears his throat.*

"When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding."

*Everyone groans.*

"Not you too, Alfie."

"I'm sorry, Master Richard asked me to read his note to all of you."

"Alfred...don't go to the dark side, his cookies aren't worth it."

"I bet he can't even make cookies."

"Well, I mean, this is Dick we are talking about..."

"Hey! I heard that!"

"Then hear this; your jokes aren't funny!"

Confessional- Bruce

"I actually think the jokes are kind of funny."

*Scene shifts to night time. The camera pans over the dark mansion as most of its residents are in bed. The scene cuts into the living room where Duke sits on his phone. He chuckles, typing a message quickly, mumbling to himself.*

"Dick is going to love this one."

Confessional- Duke

"Yes, I was the one supplying Dick with the dad jokes. Sue me. I like to stir the pot of chaos in the family occasionally."

*Duke shrugs, looking down at his phone as it vibrates.*

"Don't let anyone know though, okay? Tim and Cass would never let me live it down."