Confessional - Duke

"The family finally got some sleep after five nights of no sleep. Tim was in a much better mood after he got some rest, he no longer wanted to rip all our heads off. Damian ordered a new coffee maker and had it express shipped to the house so hopefully it will be here today. Oh, and like I predicted, Cassandra was mad that nobody filmed Tim being pushed from the car. She'll get over it though."

*Cue intro video*

*The episode starts with Terry waking up. He gets out of bed and runs through the house, screaming. Bruce and Selina come out of their room, frazzled expressions on their faces.*

"Terry, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just felt like screaming. I see everyone else do it. I wanted to try it."

*Duke comes out of his room and stares at Terry, Bruce, and Selina. He overheard what Terry said and just looks at him.*

"This kid gets it."

"Duke, don't encourage this kind of behavior!"

"Why not? Expressing yourself is important."

*Selina gives Duke an exasperated look as Bruce kneels down next to Terry.*

"We thought you were hurt, Terry."

"No, I'm okay. I just wanted to see if screaming would help."

"Did it?"

*Terry lets out another blood curdling scream. Bruce covers his ears. Duke applauds. Selina pinches her nose. Once he is done, Terry grins.*

"I feel better now."

"I am so glad, sweetie. How about we go get some breakfast?"

"You and daddy go ahead, I need to get my blankie."

*Bruce and Selina walk away, leaving Terry with Duke. Terry turns to Duke with an expectant look. He holds his hand out. Duke smirks.*

"I knew you were my favorite brother for a reason."

"Pay up. I got you venge for daddy not getting you coffee. We had a deal."

*Duke reaches into his hoodie pocket and pulls out a handful of candy. He hands it to Terry.*

"Remember, hide it from the 'rents. If they find it, I will deny giving it to you and so should you. If they press, it was Jason or Dick. They gave it to you for the same reason. Got it?"

"'course. I'm no am-ma-ture."

*Terry takes the candy and runs to his room. He comes back out with his blanket, looking the picture of innocence. He nods at Duke as he walks past, heading to the kitchen. Duke watches Terry walk away, turning around to see Jason and Dick standing there with their arms crossed over their chests. Duke gulps.*

"Uh-"

"Run."

*Duke takes off running, Dick and Jason hot on his heels.*

Confessional - Tim

"I'm so glad Jason and Dick are off my back now. Poor Duke though. I wonder what he did to have them go after him? Oh well, hopefully whatever it was is enough to make them forget about the Molotov cocktail incident. I mean, they really shouldn't blame me for that! They were about to kill each other, I didn't really have any other choice but to throw one. And now they are being little piss babies over it. At least, they were. Until Duke happened. I'll have to ask Hel and Cass to see if they know what happened. They always know these sort of things."

*The scene shifts to around lunch time where Cassandra is sitting on the kitchen island, a sandwich in one hand, her phone in the other. Helena is standing by the fridge, looking through its contents. Duke runs in and scales the fridge, squeezing himself tight into the back corner. He pulls boxes of cereal in front of himself to block himself from view. Cass and Helena don't blink. A minute later, Dick comes sauntering into the kitchen.*

"Hey, have you guys seen Duke?"

"He went outside."

"Thanks, Hel."

"No problem, Dickie."

*Dick exits. Helena grabs the bag of shredded cheese from the fridge and grabs a handful, stuffing it in her face.*

"I owe you one."

"Damn right you do, Duke. But don't worry, I'll go easy on you. I'm not like our brothers."

*A few minutes pass and Damian walks into the kitchen, looking down at the book in his hands.*

"Why is Duke on the fridge?"

"Aha!"

*Jason pops the screen out of the window above the sink, crawling through, Dick right behind him. They stand up on the kitchen island and Cass rolls her eyes, moving out of the way as they pull out Nerf guns*

"Thought you could hide from us, eh, Duke?"

"Damnit, Damian!"

*Jason lifts his gun and fires at Duke. Duke opens a box of cereal and begins flinging the content at his brothers. Dick jumps off the island to avoid being hit by the cereal, flipping to land behind Helena, using her as a human shield.*

"Fuck off, Dick."

"Et tu, Hel?"

*Helena brushes Dick off and salutes him, running out of the room with a smirk. Damian reaches calmly into the fridge and grabs out a water, ignoring the hailstorm of cheerios and nerf darts. He walks out of the kitchen, Cass right behind him.*

"I have unlimited ammo, you assholes. Our family eats so much cereal, I could do this for days."

"You'll have to come down to pee eventually."

"...shit."

"And that too."

"Nasty."

"You said it."

"Not like that and you know it."

"Ah! Cheerio dust in my eye! It hurts so bad!"

"What the hell is going on in here!?"

*The three brothers turn around to see Selina standing there with an annoyed look on her face.*

"Somebody better start talking now or so help me-"

"Sibling rivalry?"

"Global warming?"

"Outrage over the disproportionate distribution of wealth to the one percent?"

*Selina blinks. She sighs.*

"Clean it up. Then meet me in the living room. We have something to discuss as a family."

Confessional - Dick

"Snitches get stitches. And I ain't no snitch."

*The scene shifts to the whole family gathered in the living room, looking expectantly at Bruce and Selina. The two adults nod, looking seriously at their children.*

"We have noticed an increase in misbehavior over the past few months. A lot of interfamily conflict. And there is only one way to solve this."

"I swear if you say therapy-"

"Are you two separating? 'Cause that won't solve anything."

*Selina shot her kids a look and they fell silent.*

"The only way to solve this is to unleash...the strangler."

*It was quiet for a half a second before all hell broke loose.*