Confessional - Cassandra

"I invited Stephanie to stay the night after the costume party. Not like that, weirdo. I did it because she had a long commute home and it was late. Anyways...the night she slept over, the family did not sleep. I don't know why. None of us slept. Not that night. Not the night after. Not the night after that. We are going on night four of no sleep so far. It is one am currently and not even Terry is sleeping. I don't know what is happening. But I want it to stop."

*Cue intro video*

*The camera pans over a dark Wayne manor, the lights on in the kitchen. The scene shifts inside the home where the family is gathered, bags under their eyes, as Selina brews coffee.*

"Why are we drinking coffee? Shouldn't we be trying to sleep?"

"If we can't sleep, we might as well be alert and not groggy."

"Good point, good point."

*As Selina goes to pour the coffee, she sneezes and drops the pot of coffee on the floor. It shatters. Everyone screams.*

"Well, this sucks. We might as well kill ourselves now."

"I'll get the bleach."

"How come we never invested in a Keurig or something?"

"Because coffee from a coffee pot tastes better?"

"Touché."

"Yeah, she got you there."

"Now what are we going to do since we don't have coffee?"

"Suffer."

"Don't be dramatic, it won't be that bad. I mean, Terry has survived without coffee, hasn't he?"

"He is a child."

"Your point?"

"He has never had coffee a day in his life. He doesn't know what he has lost."

"Oh, to be young and ignorant once more."

"You could've just stopped at young. Your bitch ass is still ignorant."

"That's it."

*Tim dove at Jason. He tackled him to the ground, punching him on the arms and chest. Jason tossed Tim off himself.*

"What the hell is the matter with you? Psychotic asshole."

"You're the psychotic asshole, always causing problems and antagonizing people! Why do you do that, huh? Do you find it fun?"

"Yes, actually."

"God, you're a dick."

"I take offense. Don't use my name in vain."

"Oh, shut up. You feed into so much. You know he is just trying to get under your skin."

"Note to self, always supply Tim with coffee. He gets a bit cranky without it."

"No, I just get honest. Can't handle the truth, you big baby? Cry about it."

"Damn, go off, Tim."

"Kids, kids! Everyone settle down. I will just run to the twenty four hour Starbucks, no biggie. Anyone want to come?"

"Me!"

"Me!"

"If it gets me away from these people yes."

Confessional - Bruce

"I should not have offered the option to have anyone come with me. Now I have a car full of bickering grown children with me at an obscene hour driving through Gotham to get Starbucks. The day all my children get along is the day the world ends."

*Scene cuts to a view of the inside of one of the family vehicles, Bruce behind the steering wheel with Helena in the passenger seat. Duke and Tim are in the middle two seats while Jason, Damian, and Dick are crammed in the back row, all of them glaring out the window. Dick leans forward and slaps Tim on the back of the head.*

"Ow! What the shit was that for?"

"You know."

"Actually, I don't. That's kind of why I asked."

"I thought you were being rhetorical."

"Ooh, big word. Surprised you know what that means."

"I will throw you from this moving car."

"Try it."

*Dick unbuckles and leans forward, unlocking the back door. He unbuckles Tim and opens the door in a second flat, shoving him out the door. Tim screams until he realizes they stopped at a red light. He gets back in the car, a look a cross between rage and respect on his face.*

"You crazy son of a bitch! You actually did it."

"I told you I would."

"But the car wasn't moving."

"Take two."

*Bruce hits the child lock button on the driver door, locking all the doors and windows in the car. Dick pouts and Tim cheers.*

"Ha! Take that!"

"I'll spit in your coffee."

"I've drank worse."

"Ew."

"You asked."

"I didn't, actually."

"Cass is going to be so annoyed she missed Tim being pushed out of the car."

"Nobody filmed it?!"

"You moved too damn fast!"

"We'll have to try again. Helena, unlock the doors."

"Helena don't you dare."

*Helena grins and reaches for the door. Bruce glares at her, going to slap her hand away. Helena screams.*

"Dad! The road!"

*Bruce turns back to the road as Helena unlocks the doors. Bruce sighs.*

"Richard, if you push Timothy out of this car, I swear I won't buy you a coffee."

*Dick gasps.*

"Blasphemy!"

*The entire car, minus Tim and Bruce, starts chanting 'blasphemy' over and over again for the rest of the car ride. Bruce pulls into the Starbucks drive through and rolls down his window.*

"One black coffee."

"Dad!"

"What the fuck?!"

"What about mom and Cass? They are going to freak!"

*Bruce sighs.*

"Two black coffees and a venti java chip Frappuccino no whip."

"This isn't fair. I didn't do anything!"

"You breathed too loudly, Duke."

"At least I didn't get shoved out of a car, Timothy."

"I hate my life."

"Oh, mood."

*The scene shifts to later in the car ride back to the manor. Bruce pulls up to a red light. Helena turns to her siblings with a wide grin.*

"Fire drill!"

*All the siblings unbuckle and jump out of the car, running in circles around the vehicle. The cars behind Bruce start honking as the light turns green. Bruce leans his head out the window.*

"Get your asses back in this car now!"

*The siblings all jump back into the car in different positions then they were in before, mischievous grins on their faces. Bruce looks Tired.*

"What did I tell you about playing that game?"

"Not to play it with Terry around because he might get hit by a car?"

"Yeah, but Terry is at home so all's fair, right?"

*Bruce leans his head against the steering wheel, letting out a long, sad, honk.*