【Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 4】"ɪ ᴀɪɴ'ᴛ ɢᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇʟʟ ʜɪᴍ ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ʜᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡꜱ."

𝕊𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕀𝕟𝕤𝕡:"ʟʏʀɪᴄᴀʟ ꜱᴍɪʟᴇ, ɪɴᴅɪɢᴏ ᴇʏᴇꜱ, ʜᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ᴛʜɪɢʜᴡᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴘᴀʀᴋꜱ, ɪ'ʟʟ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ. ꜱᴏ ᴡᴇ ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ɢᴏ? ɪ ᴡʜɪꜱᴘᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋ. ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴇ ɢᴏɴɴᴀ ɢᴏ? ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ʜᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡꜱ."

Tαყʅσɾ Sɯιϝƚ "I Tԋιɳƙ Hҽ Kɳσɯʂ"//𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼: 𝓙𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓐𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓷𝓸𝓯𝓯 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓣𝓪𝔂𝓵𝓸𝓻 𝓢𝔀𝓲𝓯𝓽     

Dear Journal,

It's Tuesday and it's time for me to tutor Dylan. I'm a bit nervous. It's my first time tutoring in calculus. I can pass calculus in my sleep. But what if I get frustrated with Dylan or he gets fustrated with me over how bad I am at explaining words.

I'm trying not to think about it too much, but I can't help but worry. I'm just hoping that I can help him understand the concepts and that we can work through any issues that may come up. I know that tutoring can be a challenge, but I'm determined to do my best and help Dylan succeed in his studies.

I'm going to review some of the material before our session and make sure I have a good understanding of the concepts that we'll be covering. I'll also try to come up with some creative ways to explain the concepts to Dylan, in case he's having trouble understanding them.

I'm confident that with some hard work and determination, we can make progress together. Hopefully, by the end of our session, Dylan will have a better understanding of calculus and feel more confident in his abilities.

XOXO, KittyKat

I arrive at out scheduled tutoring session time in the library 20 minutes early. It gives me time to brush up on calculus so I don't sound like a fool. That's when I see Dylan sitting in the corner near the math section--which is my section, I always sit there when I study.

I approach Dylan, trying to hide my nerves. 

     Katherine: "Hey, what's up? I didn't expect to see you here already."

Dylan looks up from his textbook and smiles. 

     Dylan: "Hey, Katherine. Yeah, I like to get here early and get a head start on things. I figured we could review a bit before our session starts."

I nod, feeling a little relieved that he's just as dedicated as I am. 

     Katherine: "That sounds good to me. I was just reviewing some of the material myself. Do you mind if I sit down?"

Dylan gestures to the empty seat next to him. 

     Dylan: "Of course not, go ahead."

I take a seat and pull out my textbook and notes. 

     Katherine: "So, what do you want to go over first?"

Dylan flips through his notes. 

     Dylan: "How about we start with limits? I know that's always been a bit tricky for me."

I nod, glad that he's being honest about his weaknesses. 

     Katherine: "Yeah, limits can be tough. But don't worry, we'll get through it together. Let's start with the definition of a limit and see where that takes us."

As we work through the problems, I can feel the tension between us building. I can't tell if he feels it too, but I can't help the way my heart races every time he glances at me.

     Katherine: "So tell me what else do you need to know for the exam."

As I gaze into his eyes, I am struck by their deep, algae greenish/blue color. They seem to hold within them a sense of carefree wanderlust, as if they have gazed upon the vast expanse of the ocean and all its creatures. I realize that I have never before taken the time to truly look into his eyes and appreciate their unique hue. I want to remember this so I can doodle in my journal. It is as if, in that moment, my mind is completely at ease and I am able to focus solely on the beauty before me.

     Dylan: ...and that's all we need to know for the exam. So, where do you think we should start?

Having no idea what he just said my mind instantly comes up with something random.

    Katherine: Let's do implicit differentiation.

    Dylan: Well, okay, but that's smack in the middle of the material and I barely understand derivatives. 

    Katherine: Ummm, okay, well then let's start there.

I think I played that off smoothly. (I'm not going to include a bunch of calculus mumbo jumbo. You're Welcome!)

For the next hour I suffer though trying not to let out an "I love you"—specifically at times when he pushes his hair back, when he smiles after understanding a rule, when he touches my hand, when I get a whiff of his "Old Spice" cologne, when he smiles at me. My heart is going wild. We delve into the material, I can't help but feel a sense of excitement. 

    Katherine: And so, all you must do is remember the rules and you'll be fine.

    Dylan: Okay, that's not hard at all. I wish I met you sooner and my grades would've been way better.

I do my best to ignore the "I wish I had met you sooner" part.

    Katherine: Well, I guess they'll be fine now.

As I'm grading his practice exam, I felt him staring at me. It affected me in all sorts of ways.

    Katherine: Do you mind not looking at me like that?

    Dylan: Like what? (smolders in a silly way)

    Katherine: (smiling back while trying to hold back laughter) Like that, like you're into me.

    Dylan: What if I am into you?

    Katherine: Then you're crazy?

    Dylan: Crazy for you.

I hold back my grin. What if he's just kidding? I don't want to seem too desperate. As I finally finish grading his exam, I decide to just ignore his comment.

    Katherine: 85. You get anything less than a B- I'm going to kill you.

    Dylan: If I get a B you must tell me if you're single or not.

It's not a secret. I would tell him right now, but I like the thought of making him wait. 

    Katherine: Okay.

We get up and start for the door. 

    Dylan: How are you getting back to the dorm? Do you need a ride? 

   Katherine: Umm, I was just gonna walk. 

    Dylan: It's way too late for you to be walking by yourself

I agree with him. It's way to dangerous. 

      Katherine: You're right.

     Dylan: Okay. Follow me.

We walk in the moonlit night to his car. To our surprise Dylan's car doesn't look okay.

     Dylan: What the ... 

     Katherine: Is this your car?

We both stared at Dylan's busted car.

     Dylan: Who the fuck did this?

He inspects the car and there's a note on the window. Dylan looks at it and walks over to me.

    Dylan: I'll deal with this in the morning. 

    Katherine: Now, how are you gonna get home? 

    Dylan: Let's just walk to your place and I'll get an Uber from there. 

My dorm isn't far at all. It could take us about 5 minutes, but a part of me wants to take the long path now.

    Katherine: Don't worry. It's not too far. Only 15 minutes give or take. 

      Dylan: Okay.

His voice sounds different.

     Katherine: What did the note say? 

     Dylan: I don't want to talk about it. 

     Katherine: Okay.