┌─────━┿──┿━─────┐

𝐎𝐍𝐄 : 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆

└─────━┿──┿━─────┘

"Honey, breakfast is ready!"

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking the sleep away as I stretched my legs. It was early, nearing seven o'clock already. The sky through my windows was still dark, clouded over as always. It seemed our little town was always stuck in the middle of rain and cloud, always on the brink of something more.

Rising from my bed, feeling the chill of my room from the loss of blankets, I padded my way over to my dresser. I had laid out an outfit the night before, thinking I would be getting up late, like I tend to do more often than not, but I spent the majority of my night staring up at my ceiling and stressing over today.

Mom had gotten a new job, right smack dab in the middle of the school year. She lost her position from her prestigious hospital on the outside of town and was now being transferred to the local unit. It pays less and the hours are hell, at least, that's what she's told me about it so far. And, because of her getting the downgrade of the century, we could no longer afford the pretty school I was attending before. It was either stay there, get a decent education and continue to go to school with all the people who pitied me, or start over fresh at a completely different school in the middle of senior year but be able to keep our house.

I chose the house.

I've grown up here all my life and I couldn't imagine giving up our family home, not when it held memories of him. It felt, sometimes, like he still haunted this place. His spirit still floated about, memories of our lives together trailing behind in his absent wake.

I turned my focus back to my outfit, now regretting the shirt option I had laid out and leaned over to dig out a new one. I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself, coming in the middle of January already did that for me. Instead, I wanted to go for a more chilled out look, something casual that didn't scream 'new kid, new kid!'

"Blaire, baby, you better be awake up there!" yelled my mom, her voice coming from the stairs.

I opened my bedroom door, giving her a smile and shouted back, "Getting dressed! Be down in a second!"

I could smell the bacon sizzling on the stove and I smiled as I closed my door. She was trying to make this okay, I knew that so I couldn't exactly be too mad that my life had been uprooted. Hers had too.

I dressed silently, struggling only slightly to pull my jeans up. I ran a brush through my hair, working the tangles out and noticing a near red sheen to my lifeless brown hair when the light hit it just right. I smiled, working out the last hard knot and wondering if his hair ever did this, too. I had his hair; dark, almost chestnut in the light. Sometimes, if I studied myself closely enough, I would see bits of him in my face, as if he truly were haunting me.

But, it wasn't his looks that were always reflected back to me. I had my mother's nose, her smile, and her beautiful green eyes. Although mine are dulled compared to hers, it gave me comfort to know she was looking back at me.

Louise Lake was (and still is) one of the most effortlessly beautiful women I had ever seen. As I came down the stairs, backpack slung over my shoulder in silent dread of the day, she stood behind the island in the kitchen with a mug of coffee in her hand and a spatula in the other. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, little strands dancing around the edges of her face. She was beginning to gray, the little streaks resembled woven strands of silk. Her skin was lightly tanned from a hike she had gone on a few weeks ago with some old work colleagues out of town, and I could still see the beginnings of freckles across her nose and cheeks.

She was leaning over the counter, reading the newspaper in between sips of her coffee and flips of the pancakes she had cooking behind her. I pulled out a seat at the island and she looked up from reading, smiling at me with a knowing grin.

"You'll do great today," she said, her voice soft and smooth like she had once been a singer. As she stepped back and turned for the food on the stove, I caught a glimpse of her "#1 Coolest Mom' apron I had gotten for her last year on her birthday. "You're a beautiful young woman, you have absolutely nothing to worry about."

I forced a smile as she turned with a plate of bacon and pancakes. She slid it across the counter, along with the syrup and her mug of coffee for me to sip. It wasn't like I was scared that I'd be bullied, or even made fun of for randomly transferring in the middle of the year. I was worried that I would be too far behind. I knew my credits transferred with me but there was still that little slice of worry gnawing on the back of my brain that I'd have to make up classes.

Which was ridiculous.

But, that's besides the point. My irrational, paranoid brain was working me up to a panic attack that would hit and I'd have to hide in the girls bathroom until lunch.

I would never admit this to myself, but I was scared I wouldn't fit in. I wouldn't find a friend to latch myself on to, that I'd be just as alone as I was before at my other school. Since he died, it was like my classmates didn't know how to handle such a horrific tragedy that they left me to myself.

She needs her space, she needs her time-

What bullshit.

Wooden High would be different, no one would know me or my past. I would no longer be the calamity, the walking heartache. I would just be Blaire, nothing else and nothing more.

"Remember, you need to meet with the principal when you get to school," my mom said as I dove into my food to distract myself from my nerves. "He'll have your schedule and give you another rundown of the rules."

"No drugs, no fighting, no curse words, blah, blah, blah," I said through bites of pancake, mocking the man.

She laughed, her eyes crinkling around the corners that made her, just for a moment, look old. "Maybe you'll be put into a nice French class, wouldn't that be great?"

"Mom, I suck at French," I said with a small smile.

"Okay, yes, maybe you're a little..."

"Bad?" I offered.

"Experimental."

I rolled my eyes. I had taken the class for almost eight years back at my old school because I just didn't know when to quit and I figured if I'd already taken it that long then why stop now? It did give me the slight peace of mind to know I could be put into a French class, to have something I was remotely good at if I focused hard enough.

It was all the same with my other courses. I've always been a bright student, when I needed to be that is. But, I was ready for it this year. I was going to hunker down for the last four and a half months, really put my head down and do the work. There wasn't much need to do anything else, not when graduation was so soon.

"Listen, sweetie, I know we've already talked about this," said my mom, drumming her fingers against the counter, "but I think you should still consider applying to some colleges before the year is up-"

"You know we can't afford it."

"Not yet." She brushed a strand of hair from her face with the back of her hand, sighing. "I just want you to be absolutely sure you want to take a gap year. I don't want you to have any regrets this year."

This year will be good, this year will be our best yet, she had whispered to me the night before. No regrets, okay? We live to our fullest, nothing to hold us back.

Not anymore, I had said back, letting her run her fingers through my hair.

"I'm happy with waiting, honestly," I said, finishing off my bacon. "Besides, it gives me a chance to really think about what I want to do with the rest of my life. It gives us a planning year."

She reached over, taking her mug from me and raising it to her lips with a firm nod of her head. "A planning year, I like that. Hopefully by this time next year I'll have better pay at the hospital."

"Still trying to work your way up the promotion tree, huh?"

She nodded, happily. "They already know I'm a hard worker, and you should've seen the recommendation the board at the old hospital put down for me. We'll be rich in no time, honey."

"We'll be so rich that we'll have gold spurting from our faucets and diamonds sewn into all our clothes."

"King Midas will be rolling in his grave when he hears about us," she joked further before smiling softly. She always did know how to relax me, the nervous pit that had opened up in my stomach last night was slowly vanishing. She placed her mug on the counter, running her palm over the marble surface before looking up and meeting my eyes, whispering, "He'd be so proud of you, you know that, don't you?"

I nodded, swallowing thickly.

"Our beautiful, baby girl, so grown up." She pressed a hand to her mouth, as if she were beginning to cry. She let out a small laugh, waving her hand towards me and beckoning me closer.

I got up from my seat and circled the island, folding myself in her arms. She held my head to her own, rocking me slightly in our embrace as she whispered, "We'll get through this, right? We'll be okay?"

I nodded, wrapping my arms tightly around her. She smelled of cinnamon and coffee. "Of course we'll be okay," I said back, pulling back just far enough to look her in the eyes. Green on green, a forest looking into itself. "We have each other."

She brushed my hair back from my face with a watery smile. "Of course we do."

"Always?"

"Always." She held me back at arms length, laughing as she said, "Now, come on, get your things together and get out of here. You have first impressions to make and will you at least try to make a friend today? It'd be so nice to see another face around here."

I rolled my eyes, returning the laughter as I watched her wipe her eyes. "Will you be home after school?"

"I should be, but not for long."

"Another night shift?"

She nodded, groaning as she grabbed a pancake from the stake she'd made and taking a large bite from it as she checked her watch. "I'll leave you some cash for dinner, okay?"

I scooped up the rest of my food on my plate and shoved it into my mouth as I nodded. "Pizza?"

"Get it with those little banana peppers I like, okay?"

I grabbed my backpack and my car keys and shouted over my shoulder to her as I headed to the door, "I'll see you when I get home!"

"Have a great day, sweetie! I love you so much!"

"Love you more!"

The air was colder today than it was yesterday. It made me regret not grabbing my hoodie from my closet as I unlocked my car. The red paint was chipping, the bed of the truck still covered in leaves from the last storm. As much as I hated the old thing, it still ran smoothly and I even loved the little purr it made when it rumbled to life. We had to sell my old car, a sweet little Volvo, when mom got demoted. The truck, which we got for next to nothing, had been an apology from mom for having to get rid of my car. I didn't mind, I would've sold the damn thing myself if it meant we could pay the bills properly.

I pulled out of my driveway, soft music cooing out from my speakers. I reached forward, turning it all the way up, the pounding in the bass easing my nerves. Just another thing to distract me, just another loud, feverish distraction.

I had been happy to find that I didn't live too far from Wooden when I first toured the school. It was only two and a half miles away once I turned out of my neighborhood. It was just another reason why I couldn't bear to give up our house, it was in the perfect location for school and the middle of town, which was in the opposite direction down the main road.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I was surprised to find it exactly how I imagined. Students hanging out by their cars, groups heading inside, even more of them hanging around the courtyard near the main entrance.

There were so many people it was enough to send me into a nervous breakdown as I parked my car. I rested my hands on the steering wheel, running them up and down the handle as I breathed through my nose and out my mouth.

You'll be fine, you'll be fine. You're just the new kid, okay? You can do this.

I got out of my car, backpack in hand and turned over my shoulder to lock it when I struck something hard. I gasped, bouncing back a step in shock as the boy steadied me with both hands on my shoulder with a laugh.

"Whoa!" He smiled down at me, flashing a perfect set of teeth and a strong jaw. He was wearing a varsity jacket that did nothing for my imagination, he was strong.

"I'm so sorry," I breathed as he dropped his hands from me. I rubbed the back of my neck, looking at my truck and then back at his as I said, "I totally wasn't paying attention."

I noticed he was amongst a group, three faces staring back at me from over his broad shoulders.

"All good," he said back, cocking his head to the side as he added, "I haven't seen you around here before, you're new, aren't you?"

"Of course she's new, John," one of the girls snapped. She was beautiful and even then I didn't think beautiful could properly describe her. She had long, blonde hair that cascaded perfectly down past her shoulders. It was near platinum, so sun-kissed that it made her look like an angel. "She's got that lost puppy look in her eyes."

Blondie laughed, as did her friend who had linked their arms together. The other girl was just as beautiful, a little mousy compared to Blondie, but nonetheless just as gorgeous. I noted her cherry red lips, jealous that she could rock something that bold at school. They weren't afraid to stand out.

"You need help getting to the office?" offered John, his eyes running over me.

I swallowed, hard, and shook my head. "No, it's okay, I can find it on my own."

"You sure?" said the other boy with them, winking.

How can all of these people be so stunning? I thought to myself as I shook my head. "Thanks though."

John smiled in a way that made my stomach flip involuntarily. "We'll see you later, newbie." And with that, John, Blondie, Winker, and Cherry all set off through the lot like a pack of hungry wolves.

I just hoped I wouldn't accidentally end up their prey.

I readjusted my grip on my backpack and looked towards the building as more students passed me by, chatting and laughing. I just needed to get through today, and then the next, and the next, and the next until the four months were up and I was free.

Just four more months, I thought to myself as I began to walk towards what could possibly be my new personal hell.

Just four, long, long months.

ok lol i rewrote this chapter bc i hated it and now i don't hate it as much as before

If you go back to this in a few weeks or even days and it's changed AGAIN, so sorry!! Let me know in the comments, more help the better ;)

vote/comment or blaire will get u