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𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 : 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑

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I stood in the shower, carefully pulling the stitches from my thigh. It'd finally healed sometime between falling into bed with Crow and hearing him whisper the dirtiest things I could've ever imagined in my ear as he ravaged my body. I let the water clean the little marks the stitches had left, running a finger over the raised white scar that would stay there against my skin for years to come. A memory of darkness had stained me there, left me forever unhinged and shredded, even if the wound was healed and only a scar would remain.

A hand ran itself over my back and to my waist, a kiss peppered to my shoulder. "You should really let me heal this." His free hand touched my neck.

"Then all the others would heal too," I muttered back as he dipped his head back under the water. I didn't want the marks he'd left between my thighs and across my chest to disappear quite yet. I liked knowing he'd done that, that he couldn't help himself when it came to kissing and touching me. It only made me disappointed to see the scratches I'd left on his back disappear shortly after making them.

"So you're what?" he chuckled, wiping water from his eyes. "Going to go out and show them off?"

"Might as well," I joked with a shrug. "Gotta let everyone know I'm spoken for."

"Trust me," he muttered, "seeing you with me, they'd know."

I rolled my eyes and wiped the droplet of blood leaving one of the punctures from the stitches away. It'd turned pink under the water. I didn't feel any different after Crow, only more open. I felt like whatever had been hiding inside of me was now free, but that was a cliché and I hated falling into them. Yes, I'd let him see every inch of me, inside and out of my damaged chest and heart. And still, it all felt normal. Nothing changed besides the barrier finally breaking. We were still us with our sneers and rage but now there was nothing hidden. The love was free to move between us, free to grow and change, while we still acted independently.

He motioned to the water and I nodded my head. He turned the water off and opened the door to the cold outside world, reaching for a towel. He wrapped me in it once I stepped out of the shower, his arms going around me as he dried me off carefully. This would be something I would never get used to.

"I hate that damn thing on your neck," he murmured, pulling back to look down at me.

"It wasn't from you."

"Doesn't matter." His finger traced the outline of the purple bruising. "I hate that someone did this to you and I couldn't stop them."

"He's dead–"

"Not all of them."

A cold smile reached my lips as I said, "They will be, soon."

He reached for his own towel, wrapping it around his waist. "And if John still steals you away like he intends? Then what?"

"Then we'll make sure he regrets it," I said with a shrug, turning to dry my legs and backside. "I think somehow making my blood...unattainable or poisoned would be good, to keep him from taking it."

"He'd still want it," said Crow in a low voice, "tainted or not, he'll drain you."

"He just lost the one thing that'll seal him to me," I explained. "If he gets my blood, he'll need one hell of a spell or–or something to give him what he really wants." Crow handed me my clothes, a shirt of his and a pair of underwear. I tried to hide the giddy feeling rising in my chest knowing I was finally getting something of his.

"You don't think he'll try to purify you? Restore you?"

"A born again virgin?"

Crow nodded.

"I don't think it'll hold the same power as the original does."

"If he could nearly kill me, he could find a way to take you from yourself," he said, padding out into his bedroom for his own clothes as I dressed, still speaking to one another.

"Why do you think getting the cure was so easy, anyway?" I asked, something that hadn't struck me until this very moment. "If I'd been John or even Blood, I wouldn't have actually brought it with me. If I did, it would've been fake, something that'd kill you further."

"John's smart," said Crow, searching through his dresser. "He wanted to show you he can be trusted. That you can still hold him to his word, he's not a liar, not really."

Yet, everything John had done, poisoning Crow, sending him back ruined, it was all to kill me. If Crow couldn't heal himself, he couldn't heal me. My little tryst by the lake with Blood, it had all been meant for me to get so critically wounded that Crow would be forced to watch me die and shrivel away, or at least watch John and his minions cure me. But that would've been a violation of my body, of the depth of my soul.

"Victor and the others will know what to do," added Crow, pulling out a pair of underwear. I watched him dress from the doorway, his muscles flexing and constricting as he bent over. "We can cultivate an actual plan, find a way to stop John before the full moon next week. You said you've been training?" I nodded. "That's good, we can go over what you've learned. Victor and I can create a strategy that suits everyone's current abilities."

"We're going to war, aren't we?"

Crow glanced back at me as he dried his hair. His broad chest welcomed me so dangerously, I wanted to run my fingers over the grooves and curves of his strength. I wanted to trace every little scar and memorize how they felt under me. "We've been at war for centuries."

"But this is worse. It all feels so much worse."

"Because it is."

"Okay, thanks for not sugar coating it, I guess."

He sighed. "What's the point in lying when we both know how this all ends?"

When one dies, the other goes too. Not because of connection, not because we're linked, but because of love. Of devotion. Of something far beyond anything we'd ever known. When one dies, the other will die too. It's always been like this, one love dying for another. We'd seen it in romance since the dawn of time. Love dying.

"You think there's a way of beating fate?"

Crow shook his head. "When things are supposed to happen, they happen."

"You sound like someone who's ready to die," I murmured, repeating his own words back at him just not in true verbatim.

"I'm only happy I go first," he said with a shrug. "I..." Vulnerability was spilling between us as he hung up his towel. "I wouldn't be able to bear it if I saw you killed."

I wanted to shout at him, ask him why he thought I'd rather see him die than anything else but we both knew what it meant. A final push. A devastation leading towards resolution. "I wish we'd met sooner."

He slid a hand over my waist and pulled me towards him. "I wish we'd done this sooner."

He kissed me just softly and warmth settled over me like flames from a fire on a cold night. The chill I'd had by the lake had finally left my bones and Crow was the warming heater I'd so desperately needed. He kissed me again, parting my lips as I tilted my head back to greet him.

"There were times when I wanted to tell you," he murmured against my lips, one hand against my waist and the other caressing my cheek. "When I wanted to tell you everything, from the very start, but some things were better left unsaid."

I could've argued that it wasn't better that way but I held my tongue, for the most part. "The prophecy, blah, blah, blah..." I said as I left his side to crawl into bed.

He turned and his voice followed me. "Did John's...intentions...did they pressure you into...?"

His question shocked me, a twist in conversation entirely. From my spot on the bed, I crossed a leg under me as I rested against the blankets and pillows. "No," I said, truthfully. "What John wanted of me...it made everything more clear, you know? Yes, maybe it rushed our slow and natural process up a bit but we were lagging here, Crow. We've been like snails trying to get here for the past few months."

He pressed a knee against his side of the bed. It was dark but I could still see him clearly. "I don't want it to seem like the...urgency of the situation or John's threats pressured you into something you didn't want so soon."

"Trust me," I muttered, shaking my head, "I've wanted this for a long time." I let my eyes run over his chest, bare still and so inviting. "Would you have finally made a move if I hadn't told you about John's plans?"

Crow looked away from me and I saw shame shudder through him.

"What is it?"

He sighed, like he hated what he was about to say.

"Tell me, it's okay."

When his eyes met mine again, he spoke softly, "John, when he had me, he...he taunted me about it, you know. Said he'd have you for himself, that he'd have you before I did."

The truth left a nasty taste in my mouth but I swallowed it down anyway.

"Said how he'd touch you," whispered Crow, a slow creep of disgust moving across his face, starting with his nose and ending with his mouth. "He said he'd make you bleed for him, said he'd have you moaning his name and for more by the time he was finished." His hands were balling into fists.

"Jokes on him," I said in a dry voice, my throat tight, "I was moaning yours instead."

Crow pulled back the covers and slid into bed as he spoke, "It wasn't even a competition for me. John's taunts had no power, no real truth because I could see in his eyes that he knew he never had you. Not even when the prophecy was made, you were never his. Not really."

"Then who was I for?"

"Yourself." He shifted until he was facing me, on his side and playing with my fingers. "You were made for yourself, and not even John could try and take that away from you."

I had my own autonomy. I liked that Crow was reminding me of this, that it wasn't lost on him that I didn't belong to anyone but myself. I curled my fingers into his as he opened his arm for me. I crawled up and against him, feeling the strong length of his body along mine.

"I think, maybe, our hearts were still made for each other," I whispered, clichés running off my tongue like syrup. Our minds and bodies were separate but there was still something within us that drew the other in, that even in death we would find the other. Not even John and prophecy could keep us apart. "Or our...our souls, maybe."

His hold tightened on me and he pressed a kiss against the side of my head. It was all the reassurance I needed to know he was there with me, on the same page. Not even a beat out of sync.

~

When sunlight began to stream more heavily into the room, I still found it hard to wake and open my eyes. I was warm and safe, curled up against Crow like this had been normal our entire lives. That we'd been like this for decades, wrapped up in the other and their love.

Love.

I wouldn't get used to that, that feeling surrounding me. It wasn't a warm blanket or a hug that encompassed me but something far greater than that. It was safety. It was security, plain and simple. It wasn't a level of comfort that I kept against me, it was knowing he was there and I would be too. Yes, the fates had created our love centuries before we'd been graced upon this planet but we still chose the other. We looked into the other's eyes and saw home, saw a reflection. Mirrors. Always mirrors.

Crow's fingers moved against my back, pulling me closer as he tucked his hand under my side to keep himself pressed to me as I breathed deeply against his neck. I wasn't usually good with sleeping with other people in beds, I'd get hot, feel trapped, but this was home. This would always be home.

Sappy, obsessed, love sick puppy.

I closed my eyes only for a moment until he began to speak, softly against the skin on my shoulder and neck. "We need to meet the others at Clandestine. I'm thinking around noon."

I nodded, pressing a little kiss to his neck before murmuring, "Should I call Cass and Luke?"

He nodded back. "We need to start planning. If we really have a week left until the full moon, we need to gather everything we can into our arsenal."

"Finding out where John's hideout is should be step one," I said as he rolled us over gently, keeping the length of his body against mine. "If we can locate and corner him, we'd have a better chance of prolonging both our lives."

He rested above me on one arm as his free hand brushed the hair out of my face. "You mentioned the other night how Cassandra was looking into answers for us about the damage John had done to me. What did you mean by that? What does she know?"

I ran my fingers against his forearm and up to his shoulder, feeling the strength residing beneath him. "She can touch my mom's journals."

Crow's brows furrowed slightly. "Without any harm?"

"Her family is descended from Salem, there's residual witch blood in her veins," I said as I nodded. "She's getting good at translating the spells, she's learning more than I ever did."

"And what about Luke? Anything special about him I should know about?"

"He's just Luke," I said back, "but that makes him special too." Crow tucked another strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers like beams of sun on my face. "He's gotten really good at hand-to-hand work. We've been training with Eva and Monroe, and Luke's caught on really well."

"Is that how you got that little scar on your stomach?" he asked, his hand touching me there.

"You can thank Eva for that," I said with a little laugh. "We got a bit too...competitive during our solo rounds."

He pressed his lips together, his jaw clenched as his thumb rubbed over the scar. When he spoke, his voice was low. "I hate seeing you hurt, I don't like seeing what...what our blood doesn't heal." His thumb pressed gently to me. "A permanent reminder."

"Not all of them are bad," I whispered, holding my palm out for him. Our blood oath scar would always be a steady reminder of what we'd overcome and how much we'd grown.

"But most are."

The scar against my side from Tobias, the scar across the bridge of my nose, the one lost in my hairline, across my cheek, the one Eva gave me, the one still thick over my thigh, he touched them all. Then, once he was done, he kissed them too.

~

I messaged Blondie and Winker to meet at Clandestine around noon as Crow called Macabre. We sat in the kitchen, eating from bowls of cereal, we had to be there in thirty minutes. We'd spent a little too much time running hands over heated skin and planting sloppy kisses on parts we didn't get to kiss before we fell asleep.

My phone buzzed and I glanced down.

11:27 AM. glad to know u didnt die last nite

I responded quickly. I'll fill u in l8r

11:29 AM. crow OK?

better than OK

Blondie responded with a group of colorful hearts and another text came in minutes later.

11:32 AM. does he no he's going 2 die?

ahhh yea.

11:32 AM. wow OK rough nite then?

sorta but not really, you're gonna b surprised lol

11:33 SURPRISED?????

I sent her a smiling face back and turned my phone off to eat the rest of my cereal before it became mush. Crow sipped at his coffee across from me and raised a brow, glancing at my phone that buzzed a few times in a row. No doubt all from Blondie wondering what I meant.

"All set for Clandestine?" he asked with a small chuckle and I nodded.

My phone buzzed again. "She's a little...curious about last night."

"Did you tell her...?"

"That I told you how you're going to die?" I murmured and smiled. "Then yeah, I told her that."

"But not about...?"

A laugh fell from my lips. "I think she'd rather be surprised, don't you think?" I ate the last bite and chewed with a grin. "She's been a little too eager about this," I motioned between us, "and it'll give the hopeless romantic in her something to look forward to." I leaned forward on my elbows. "Why? Did you tell Macabre?"

"Well, no."

"Ashamed of me already?"

"Blaire..."

"I'm joking!"

He shifted and gave me a long look. "Do...do you want them to know?"

My brows furrowed. "Of course, I do."

"So, you have no shame?"

I sighed. "What would I be ashamed about?"

"I'm a demon and, well, I'm older. It won't go over well."

"If I'm okay with it, and I am, then does it really matter?" I asked, standing and taking my bowl to the sink. "There's no one we have to prove our love and devotion to who would try to split us up. Trust me, I don't think anyone in this town is going to care."

"If word got out..."

It doesn't matter, I wanted to say. I'll be dead. None of it even matters because I'll be dead.

He finished up his breakfast and drank the rest of his coffee in his mug, motioning towards the door. "Go grab your things, we should head out in the next five."

I ran my hand across his back as I left to find my shoes. My boots were still wet and the only pants I had to wear were old gray sweatpants. It was going to be my most comfortable and laziest outfit as I wore a big white shirt of Crow's and my converse. Something about not wearing jeans made me feel less productive but today was a recap day. It was a day to sit down with the entire group and go over all that had happened the past few days.

Brent Maxwell dying and being brought back to life. Crow coming home. Jonathan Blood being killed. Spiorad back with her rightful handler. The impending demise that was looming over my shoulders on the next full moon in the coming week.

"We need to figure out how to keep you alive," said Crow as he grabbed the car keys and handed me my bag by the front door.

"We'll look through the journals."

"Then we'll figure out where John's hideout is located."

It sounded like the perfect plan, even though there was worry still working its way through my chest like some loose gem in a crown. Even as I claimed my spot in the car, nothing felt as it should've. Maybe it was just the dried blood against my seat, crusted in the grooves of the fine leather and against the door handle, but there was a nervousness to me as we headed to the church. There was so much to think about, so much to find and understand, and there wasn't much time left.

~

Descending into the morgue with Crow felt like a dream. It felt like I was stepping into the past altogether. The last time we'd been here, together, we'd been alone in the dark. I'd been grappling with my mom's death and with understanding Crow's place in my life. Understanding who'd killed Cage and who was going to kill me. We'd stood there, in the darkness, alone, and it'd felt like the beginning of something dangerous. Of something that had a purpose and hope. It'd felt like we were stepping into something far greater than us. We'd been alone and now...

He turned the lights on and headed towards his office, pulling out his key ring and unlocking the door. I'd been in there more times than I think he would've liked to have known but I followed him inside to wait for the others to arrive. Leaning against the door frame to watch him as he rounded his desk and began to pick up loose papers Macabre had been working through on his and the church's behalf.

I watched his shoulders slump, a weariness creeping in the room and over him as he sat down. He rubbed a hand over his mouth and murmured, "I've missed so much."

It was dreary. The way he said that.

You'll miss more.

"Detective Ronaldo's funeral expenses," he said, waving one of the papers. "Bills from last week that need to be paid by the end of the month but..." He sighed. "If things don't go right, I'll be dead before the month ends."

"Not unless we figure something out first," I said, coming to rest against the edge of the desk beside him. "We still have time."

He looked up and his dark eyes met mine. "But not the forever you deserve to have."

"Maybe...maybe this was never something I deserved," I whispered, feeling a tightening come to my throat. "Maybe I'm supposed to be–be on this plane just for this amount of time to get the job done. That's been my purpose, right? Through all the prophecies and bullshit we've had spewed at us, my only purpose has been to serve and soldier on."

"You can't believe that to be true."

"Can't I?" I watched him stack his papers back on the desk. "Everything has been leading to this, we've never heard of a future past this one. There's nothing in the prophecies, nothing from the ghosts. This...this feels like all I've got but for you–"

"No. Don't even say it, Blaire."

"–you still have more time–"

"Not without you."

My heart skipped a beat. I reached for his hand and he took it without hesitation.

"I swore to always be by your side," he whispered, as if afraid to speak. "That I will protect you, until my last dying breath, and I meant it. I swore it."

"Crow..."

"Where you go," he said, squeezing my hand, "I go."

It was a comfort to know he'd go with me. That he'd be by my side until I could no longer see or breathe or simply be. But he didn't understand how I would never let that happen, that I would not be able to move on from this world knowing he was dead and I didn't do anything to stop it. Yes, he'd lived more than me, but the people need a leader. There was no one better suited than Crow to lead. He already had a reputation, a following, he was made to stay on this earth for however long he could.

And that didn't mean dying with me.

So, instead of arguing, I nodded and gave him a smile. He rose to his feet, pushing between my legs gently. He released my hand to rub both his up my thighs and to my hips, scooting me closer to press against him. I dipped my head back to meet his gaze and whispered as he leaned closer, "If you hadn't fallen in love with me, this would've been a whole hell of a lot easier."

"Yeah," he murmured, lips brushing mine, "but where's the fun in that?"

He dug his fingers into my hips and kissed me, a hand sliding to run up my back to my neck. I sighed against him contently as he curled his fingers in my hair and I gasped when he tugged back so I'd meet his gaze once again.

It was easy for him to capture my lips, pressing against me as if ready to lay me flat against the desk. I almost thought he would but the sound of soft chatter and footsteps above us made us stop. He pulled back and released my hair, only to reach forward again and tuck it behind my ears and give me a small kiss. He rounded the desk as the steps descended down the stairs.

My fingers went to my lips as booming voices echoed outside the office. I cleared my throat softly, hoping I didn't appear as flustered as I felt before joining the others in the main room. Macabre and Crow were embracing tightly, clapping backs and laughing. Monroe and Eva were next in line for hugs as Blondie and Winker came down the stairs, Winker holding a box of donuts and Blondie with two carriers of coffees.

"We come bearing treats," announced Blondie with a beautiful smile, "to celebrate the return of dear ol' Crow." She placed the coffees on the table and turned with her hands on her hips as Crow shook hands with Winker. "But, as much as I want to know all about your time with John," she turned to me, "what the hell happened last night?"

Macabre nodded, taking a coffee and handing it off to Monroe. "We received no true word from either of you about the events that took place. It was safe to assume, at the time, you didn't survive the night or your meeting with John's associate."

"She met with Jonathan Blood," said Crow, arms crossed. I could see the veins in his arms when he did so.

"And?" said Eva, taking a chocolate frosted donut. "Is he dead or not?"

"Dead," I said with a nod. "Gone for good."

She took a large bite and got chocolate across her lips as she smiled, greedy.

"What did he have to say? Why bother entertaining John and Blood?" asked Macabre.

"He had something I needed," I said with a shrug. "It was...non-negotiable." Crow met my eyes and I looked away to continue with, "He explained how John wants me dead by the next full moon, that by having me and my blood, he can control heaven, hell, and the astral. He wants to, I think, open hell."

"So, he wants power," said Monroe as Blondie's face lost its color.

"But...Blaire..." Blondie reached out and touched my shoulder. "The full moon is next week."

I nodded, forcing an awkward smile. "Which means we've got a lot to start preparing for."

"But how were you able to kill Blood?" asked Eva, licking her lips. She gave me a quizzical look, like she didn't think I was capable of stopping him. In a different life, I would've believed her. I would never had been ready without her training, without understanding that even if I kick and fight, I wouldn't have made it out of there alive. Through the different trials and errors I'd experienced from different Morticianers coming to kill me and Eva's training, I'd grown.

"I don't know who Blood was before he got twisted up with John," I said as I grabbed my bag from Crow's office to dig my precious blade free, "but he was a moron."

"The great demon blade," whispered Eva, her eyes going wide. Beside her, Monroe audibly gasped. "Spiorad. Demon killer. The great demon...tamer."

I smiled. "She has many names and it seemed her power was overlooked by Blood and John entirely. Once I was able to get her back, killing him was easy."

"And..." Blondie bit her lip with worry. "And he didn't hurt you? A lot happened the past few days and when we didn't hear from you, it's exactly what Macabre said. We thought the worst."

"I was fine, only a few cuts and scrapes–"

"She's lying," interrupted Crow, arms still crossed tightly. "Found her nearly bleeding out."

I sighed. "It wasn't anything serious–"

"Lying, again."

"–because I'm fine now, thanks to my own personal healing blood bag," I said with narrowed eyes towards Crow. He was always one to call me out on my shit when needed and I'd forgotten. With him gone, without his voice over the phone or his presence over my shoulder as a protector, as an equal, I'd forgotten how essential he was. He would never let me hide, not when I didn't need to. "Had a few spirits bring him to me and he found me when I was, well, just ending the fight. But that's not the point."

"The point," said Crow, "is that we have a week before everything we've been preparing for finally comes to an end."

I nodded, picking up a coffee with my name scribbled on the side. Blondie remembered my order. "We need to find out where John's been hiding and if there's anything in my mom's journals that can keep us alive through the end of the week."

"Take John out before he can take you out," said Winker with a firm nod. "Pull him away from his minions and all of us should be able to take him working together."

"Where do we start?" asked Blondie. "No one's heard from him for months, if you don't count our little encounter with him in your house, Blaire. He's completely M.I.A."

"I'll start asking around through the astral," I said as I motioned to the other girl. "For now, you and I are gonna look through the journals. There's gotta be a tracking spell or something in there."

"I think Luke should work with us while you two dive into those," said Monroe, motioning between him and Eva. "He's been excelling in our combat exercises and I think it'd be fun to see you with a little target practice." He clapped a hand down on Winker's shoulders and the boy gave the older man a worried smile in return.

Macabre nodded. "Archer and I will start mapping out where to find John, try and piece together what he knows about the location he was being held in until we're able to track him properly."

It was settled before we even began to move to our designed spots. Blondie and I retreated into Crow's office to sit at the desk to flip through the journals while Winker practiced with throwing knives Eva had brought in with her, and Crow and Macabre searched through old maps of the town and looked through coordinates on Macabre's computer.

Even with my feet kicked up on the desk and my fingers flipped deftly through the second journal, I couldn't help but feel Blondie's eyes on me. I sighed. "Is there something on my face?"

When I turned to look at her, she had her eyes narrowed. "Just trying to see what's so different about you."

"Huh?"

"You're...different." Her eyes narrowed more before she straightened and relaxed. "What really happened last night, Blaire? What did Blood say? Or...do?"

I lowered the journal into my lap. "When Crow said I'd been lying about how hurt I was...he really meant it. Blood overpowered me, he got in my head and he..." I dragged my fingers over my thigh where the scar would remain. "Cut me up pretty good."

"What'd he even say to you?"

"Nothing great."

"You can tell me."

I shifted in my chair. "He said, well, um...he said John wanted my virginity. That taking my–my innocence and my blood combined would give him my powers, it would link us together further than we already are. It'd open the barriers between us and well...he'd get everything he ever wanted."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"How're you going to fix that?"

"Huh?"

"You know, how are you going to fix that?" said Blondie, a small smile coming to her lips as her eyes dashed towards the open office door and where the men were sitting at the table. It seemed we both had the same ideas, she just didn't know I already acted on it. "Because I see a perfectly good remedy to this disgusting John situation."

"Trust me," I mumbled, "John's not gonna want to even touch me by the time we're finished with all this."

"I thought he was bad before but this makes him worse, I don't know," said Blondie with a shrug. Her hair was pulled back and away from her face, and it was the first time I noticed how tired she looked this morning. Now that I thought about it, everyone looked tired. Keeping them up with worry was something I was now mentally checking off the list of things never to do to my friends again. Was this how Pandora always felt? Tired? Worried? "It's crazy to think that, once upon a time, I thought I'd end up with him and we'd go to the same college and be in love forever."

"When did it all change?"

A small smile found its way to her face, lighting up her eyes. "You know when you've always known something but it doesn't make itself, like, apparent for a while? Until you see them do something and it just hits you that you've been in love with them the entire time and just didn't know it?" I nodded and she continued. "It was just some stupid day in the cafeteria. I don't even remember what we were eating but Luke was laughing at something I'd said with his head thrown back and it just hit me, you know? Suddenly he wasn't just Luke, John's friend, the boy I'd get rides from before anyone could drive. It was Luke. The boy who'd asked me to the dance when John took Gretchen or the girl from English class he always sat by. The boy who held the door open for me in biology, the boy who always shared his lemonades and sodas with me at lunch and dinner, the boy who's laugh was like literal sunshine in my chest. Is that cheesy? Whatever, it was like sunshine and happiness and ooey-gooey things in me."

She held one of the journals and ran her finger down its spine. "John became a distant memory ever since. I'll be glad to finally be rid of him once you kill him. Dark, I know, but it's the truth. He deserves to die and I'd never say that if I didn't truly believe he was the worst possible thing to ever walk this earth." Her eyes shot up from the book and she rushed out, "Oh, I nearly forgot."

She reached for the journal, my mother's grimoire, in my hands with a grin as I asked, "What?"

"I forgot all about this but listen, I found something last night that might help but...I didn't want to bring it up in front of everyone in case, well..." Her eyes darted to the door and she whispered, "I didn't wanna make lover boy angry."

"What'd you find?"

"A last resort, really," she said, flipping through the pages until she'd found the one she was looking for. "It's a binding spell."

I stood to look over her shoulder, reading through the incantation slowly before murmuring, "It says only the necromancer can be bound."

She nodded. "That's why it's a last resort. We can't bind John and Ace together, or John with a little ant we can squish. It has to be your blood bound to his blood for it to work."

"We could kill him, just like that?" I asked and Blondie nodded with a grim look. We were both thinking the same thing. "I think we should tell the others what we found, get their opinions, find out if there's another way to bypass the 'only the necromancer can do it' thing."

She nodded and closed the journal, marking the page with her finger as she stood. I let her take the lead as we left the office, Blondie clearing her throat to stop Monroe, Eva, and Winker from their exercise and to force Macabre to look up from the computer screen.

"I found something," she declared, holding the book to her chest. "It's...not good but it's not that bad, either. Just a last resort type of thing."

"What is it?" asked Winker, wiping a bead of sweat from his temple.

"A spell," said Blondie, taking the book to the table so everyone could gather around. "It's a binding spell..." She explained it slowly, her brows furrowed deeply and when she was finished, I heard my name be spoken sharply through gritted teeth, forcing me to look up with my own brows furrowing.

"What?" I asked, pushing back from where I'd been leaning over the table.

"You can't be serious about this," snapped Crow, gesturing to the journal. His jaw was set and his arms were crossed, muscles flexed with his attempt at restraining himself from yelling or cursing. "You'll have to kill yourself, Blaire. You'd have to die to kill John. Bound or not, you'll die. Don't you understand the severity of that?"

"It's our best option," I said before adding, "and our last one at that. If we can't find a better solution, this is the only one we got."

"You'll have to kill yourself."

"I understand that–"

"Do you not get that? That you'll be fucking dead if you go through with this?"

"No one's saying I should do it now."

"It shouldn't even be an option," snarled Crow, fire growing in his eyes. "It's fucking bullshit, Blaire, and you know it."

I frowned, trying to keep from biting back. "But what's better, me alive or John finally dead?"

Crow's eyebrows shot up before he narrowed his eyes and breathed in a dark voice, "How could you possibly ask me that?"

"I don't agree with this method," murmured Macabre in a steady voice, "but she's right. If it comes to this, John dead will always surpass anything else. It's what the prophecy needs of us, what it needs of her."

"Prophecies can be changed," said Winker. "There are always loopholes."

"How can any of you even entertain this?" snapped Crow in that same demanding yet cross voice. It was eating him up inside, everyone could see it. He wasn't very subtle with his feelings, not anymore.

"Because it isn't just about me," I said, shaking my head. "It's about everyone John's killed, everyone he's turned and tortured. He wants to open hell, he wants to split all three worlds open, he wants ours to bleed out. If me taking Spiorad against myself means he'll die, then I'll do it but for right now, it's not even a consideration until it's the full moon and we've got nothing left to try."

"I won't allow you to go through with it–"

"You don't have much of a choice. It's my body, my life," I hissed before pinching the bridge of my nose and saying in a softer and kinder voice, "and I get to decide what to do with it, okay?"

"Cage would never stand by this."

"I think he would."

Crow shook his head, glaring. How different this day could've gone if we'd never found the spell, if Blondie had overlooked it, if my mom had never written it. "Your mother didn't want this for you, Blaire."

I don't know why, but I was furious at her mention. "She wrote the spell for me. This was all for me, Crow. It was always going to end with me dead, but this gets me there on my own terms–" I stopped myself, there was a small headache forming. I shouldn't have even been entertaining the idea, Crow was right, but it was right there. A very possible and easy solution once I got John's blood. "But this isn't something we need to discuss now, because like I said–"

"Pandora will stop you before you ever use that knife against yourself," said Crow and her name shocked me back from the table a step. It always shocked me, knowing she was not here physically but somewhere in the astral and somewhere inside me. "If you won't let us stop you, she will."

I narrowed my eyes and said in a steady voice, "I'm not sure who's side you believe Panda to be on, but it isn't yours or theirs." I motioned to the group. "It's my side. She's been working with me for me. She wants John dead, she wants them all dead more than anything you all could say to change her mind."

"Maybe eternal life could change my mind..." murmured Pandora disembodied by my ear. "I'm your girl before I'll ever be one of theirs."

"If we find another way, perfect," I said, "but if we can't...and everything has gone to shit and this is all we have left, I'm doing it. The prophecy always meant for me to die alongside him and I know," I was begging with him to just understand and to take the glare off his face, "I know how badly we don't want this to be our solution but it might have to be."

Crow's glare intensified.

Monroe spoke up, adding a much needed new voice to the conversation. "You really think this could work?"

Blondie nodded quickly from my side. "Louise was one powerful witch. I trust her spell, I trust all of them."

"Too bad there's not another necromancer who could test it out for us," muttered Monroe before taking a long sip from his coffee.

Crow shifted where he stood, arms crossed tightly and that glare not leaving his eyes. "I want you to know even considering this spell is idiotic," he began, sighing and continuing in a softer tone that did nothing to hide his anger, "but John will also need to be bound to hell. We can't risk him finding a new host after this one is killed."

"Okay," nodded Blondie, grabbing one of the pens off the table and scribbling what Crow had said beside the spell in the journal. "So, not only do we need to bind Blaire to John, but Blaire needs to bind John to hell." She glanced up quickly and cleared her throat, adding, "Only if we were hypothetically using this specific spell, of course."

"You all look into potential binding rituals that can be used to tether a soul to hell," I said, with a firm nod. "Also we need to narrow down John's potential location. While you all please do that, I'm going to go get some air. I'll be back in a minute."

It was going to be a very long minute where I was going to smoke a very intense cigarette. I still had a growing headache and although nicotine wouldn't truly help, it was still a release I needed. Also, to sit down somewhere cool. I didn't like how angry Crow had gotten or how reactive I wanted to become. There were new levels to this thing between us and our fear for the other's life became way too apparent.

Once I got outside, through the back door by the small parking lot and where Michael West had lost his life not all that long ago, I sat down on the stairs to shield myself from the rain. I hadn't thought of West for some time, I hadn't thought of any of them. It made you wonder.

The door behind me opened just as I got my lighter flickering. Crow settled beside me and I passed the lit cigarette over and watched him take a long drag. He offered it back to me and said in a low voice as smoke pooled out from between his lips, "I'm sorry about how I spoke to you in there. It wasn't right."

"It was fair," I replied, taking a drag for myself. "We've been put into an impossible situation, it's hard to see past it sometimes."

"I don't want you to die."

"I know."

"But I understand how that spell might be our last option," he continued. "I just don't want it to be."

The headache sprang back behind my eyes and I sighed, leaning into him. "We'll try to find another way, I promise. There has to be one, I can't imagine there's not some spell to immortalize us or something."

"Messing with the laws of nature through necromancy is enough," muttered Crow, "but keeping someone from death through immortalization and preservation might take it a step over the line." His fingers found mine, slipping between them and bringing my knuckles up to his lips to kiss. "I need you to know that I'll do anything to keep you alive, even if it means I die."

"Crow–"

"I mean it," he whispered, speaking against my skin. "You're so important to this world, Blaire. You're needed here."

I shook my head. "Not without you."

"There's so much left for you to do," he said. "There are things you should be able to experience and I've lived enough. I'm old enough. I'm ready."

My mind was already racing, my heart galloping beside it with a wrenching feeling seeping through my lungs and chest. "Not without you," I repeated. "I...I can't lose you too."

"You know I will do everything in my power to stay by your side," he whispered, "but if things don't go that way, just know I'm ready. I'm okay with it. I'm already having the deed to the cabin be put in your name, along with putting your name into my will–"

"Why? What the fuck?"

"In case I don't make it out of this and you do, because you need to."

"I don't want to talk about this–"

He shook his head and held my hand tightly in both of him, his skin warming mine instantly. "If you find a way to bring yourself back after whatever spell you do or however way you go out of this world, you do it. You bring yourself back and you come home."

He didn't understand how he was my home, how he was the shelter I wanted to take place in. My heart, my soul, my driving force. But I nodded. I nodded because I knew what my duty was and my purpose was beyond just loving him. Being able to love him in this lifetime would have to be enough, a gift on its own I was lucky enough to have.

"You ready to go back inside?" he murmured, tucking a hand under my jaw to lift my eyes up to meet his.

I nodded even though I was leaning in and his fingers were getting lost in my hair. He would never know what this all meant to me and I hoped, if we played the fates right, he would. One day.

A pressure bloomed in my chest, where I'd felt agony moments before. I leaned away from him, brows parting when the need to cough crept up my throat and I was hacking. The pressure continued and Crow's eyes widened. I pulled away and felt another violent string of coughs erupt from me, wetness exploding from my mouth.

Why were there dots of red covering my hand, bigger and bigger droplets on the sleeve of my shirt? Why did my mouth taste like metal, thick and gooey and wrong?

Crow's face was splattered with red and I hadn't meant to cough without covering my mouth but it was getting hard to breathe. There was pain in my chest and right behind my eyes, red blooming over my shirt. Crow's hands were frantic against me, his mouth moving but there was white noise building. There were no wounds, but I'd experienced this before, hadn't I? I'd seen blood without cuts and scrapes. I woke up with it, not long ago. Cage...it'd been Cage, hadn't it? Was he summoning me? Was he trying to bring me to him in the worst possible way? Crow's mouth was moving and his face was blurred.

His hands were all over me, coated in the red seeping out from under my skin and through my clothes. It looked like paint. It felt like warm water. Something was wrong, so terribly wrong but I couldn't think. I couldn't even feel air in my lungs, only wetness and the feeling of being stung.

The pain crept so blinding behind my eyes, all I could see was red and my body was titling and the world was crashing and I was–

sorry for the baby hiatus there <33 but we're back for now!! next few updates will still b slow (computer can only run for so long bc i broke it lolll) 

it's a bit of a sloppy chapter as i get back into writing but i hope u all liked it <333 

lmk ur thoughts and pls pls pls dont b a ghost!!!!! 

vote/comment or blaire & crow will never kiss again