
3| Meet and greet
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"So how was the program? Did you like it?" Laura asked eyeing Lucas cautiously when he joined her at the dinner table.
"It was okay." Lucas lied, trying not to meet Laura's eyes.
"You're lying. Jake informed me you weren't there." Laura said, anger lacing her voice.
Lucas thought he could get past the whole "I skipped the group" thing without mentioning it because he was quite the self-certified sneaky bastard, but judging by the disappointment on Laura's face, now wasn't the time to joke.
"Why does that matter so much to you?" He questioned, scooting forward in his chair, not daring to meet Laura's narrowed gaze unless he wanted to drown in his guilt.
"Because you promised you'd try," She answered flatly, pressing her lips into a firm line.
"And?" Lucas inquired incredulously, helping himself to the pizza Laura bought, from the table.
"Lucas, this is the one thing I'm asking you to do," Laura spoke, her tone oddly similar to the doctor's voice she used whenever she tried to detach herself from his medical situation.
"And?" Lucas inhaled slowly, dropping his piece on his plate before leaning back, crossing his arms over his chest, and staring right back at her.
"I don't want to do it, it's pointless."
"You didn't even try!" Her voice broke a little.
"And so? I never tried any damn thing in my life and honestly? I am doing fabulous!" He shot back, watching her bite down on her lip.
"Lucas, this is different," Laura tried, but he shook his head, forcing out a bitter laugh.
"How? It's putting effort into something that'd go to waste in the end. It's like college. Why would I make a friend if I can't stay with them until the end?"
"Luc, it doesn't have to be that way." Oh, but it was. It unfortunately was, and she knew that.
"It would be unfair to them," He deadpanned. "I don't think it's fair to make friends with people with their own things and hurt them more with useless friendships."
"Getting a disease is different from making friends. Luc, it's not so bad—,"
"—I know that," He cried out, "But, I don't want friends. I don't want people to watch me die and feel pity for me." He reached for the pizza and took an angry chomp from it.
"I already have you doing that and you know what? it sucks," He said while chewing, "I'll be honest with you there. It sucks really badly."
A little too late, Lucas realized how heavy his words must have hit because she said absolutely nothing. Instead, she kinda deflated. But right as he swallowed to apologize, the scowl he wore softened as he watched Laura take off her glasses and set them on the table.
"I know it sucks, and I'm trying to make it a little better because I can't do anything else," Laura whispered weakly, staring down at her plate. "You know I'm trying to look for a cure Luc but it doesn't look too good."
"I know," Lucas whispered, shoulders slumping downward, and this time, a knot was tangling itself in his throat.
Having an unstable body wasn't his fault. It was not hers either. It was just the odds of whether or not he was going to be lucky enough to live.
"You know, when you first came into my apartment, you were unhappy," Laura murmured, the edges of her lips cramming into a trembling smile. Lucas stiffened, his fingers tightly gripping his plate.
"It was so obvious, and all I wanted was to make you happy. I still do, Lucas. It's all I want ever for you."
"Laura," He didn't like where this was going, but he forced down the snarky comeback, digging his nails into his palm. Unable to see her sad, he settled with, "Fine. I will try this."
"Lucas, I didn't mean to guilt-trip you," She raised her head, her eyes wide. "Oh god, no. If you don't want to do this, I can try to cut down on my surgery hours and—,"
"—Listen, you do a lot for me," Lucas cut her off, "it's only fair I do something you want back."
"Are you sure?" She asked again, raising an eyebrow at him. He nodded, chest easing as her frown started to fade away, "Well, alright. But what I said still stands. If you don't like it-"
"-I'll leave." He finished her sentence for her. "I'll try this for you." At that, he tried to crack a small smile to save the mood, and luckily Laura smiled back.
"I love you, kiddo," Laura reached over and squeezed his hand. "I loved you ever since that social worker ambushed medical student me in my shitty apartment."
"I was a blessing," Lucas bit into his pizza, guessing all of this would be worth it when his aunt smiled a brighter smile. That was what he kept telling himself— this was for her, not for him. That is what he took as a motivation to wake up every morning, not feeling like a lifeless corpse.
"Yes," Laura pulled back to help herself to some pizza. "You were all I ever needed Luc."
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The support group room was spacious for a small area, with big windows on some parts of the wall, a beige-blue color palette which was a bit of an odd mix of colors but somehow it worked especially with the large carpet on the floor, and the expanse of walls filled with fancy art pieces. There was a foldable table with refreshments and food pushed by a wall with a few chairs circled in the center. Other than that, the room wasn't special.
Lucas tried to lay low scooting himself by the table of foods, not wanting to talk to anyone because everybody already seemed familiar with other. He kept his hood on, trying to melt into the background. There were four more people there; three girls and one boy and all of them looked like good friends.
Lucas hated this; he hated this program with a new grown passion.
He was incapable of weaseling his way into an established friend group without getting punctured by anxiety and also the lack of a social battery to get him through any interaction.
He wasn't a person people wanted to be friends with. There wasn't anything special about him. He wouldn't even want to be his own friend.
Besides that, nobody seemed to acknowledge him, which was good. Lucas was fine observing, and maybe there was a chance he could get out of here without speaking--
"YOOO Snickers dude!!''
Lucas almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the familiar voice call him out. It was at that moment that Lucas wanted to drown the owner of the voice- Joy Jones in an ocean filled with piranhas because now everybody was looking at them.
When he begrudgingly whipped around to face her, he noticed Joy tuck her sunglasses into her pocket as she greeted Lucas with a bright smile fit for a pompous douchebag.
"You came!" Joy beamed, gesturing at him. "I am glad you are here. Everyone wanted to meet you."
"Oh sure," Lucas just nodded slightly, crossing his arms over his chest, letting his fingers dig into the sides of his biceps.
"Come on, lighten up, Andrews."
"I'm pretty pale already," Lucas rolled up his sleeve to show his awfully paper-white forearm, "Look you can see my veins."
"That's weird."
"I know. I was trying to scare you off."
"Well, it didn't work."
"I can show you my ribcage if that'll scare you away. Y'know I'm an alien in my free time?"
"Good god. Why are you so salty?" Joy scowled. "Come on, Bea wanted to meet you!" She was tugging his hoodie despite the angry glare Lucas was giving her.
"I don't want to," Lucas didn't even budge in his place despite the strength the shorter female was pushing into him.
"Why? Let the impulsive, daddy-issue-having, non-committing KitKat lover introduce you to her friends!"
Unable to create some creative comeback or at least being a decent human he didn't reply. Lucas just let himself get dragged to the center of the group and shoved right into the direct spotlight of other people he honestly didn't want to talk to.
Lucas despised the person beside him, their relationship bar teetering on hate, and before he could snarkily say something, someone called out.
"Joy Jones!" The person shouted out cheerfully with prominent eye smiles when she spotted them, mostly Joy coming towards them.
Lucas stared at the person for a while; the first thing coming into his view was a mop of blonde hair.
He took note of her bright demeanor and doe-like eyes. She seemed pretty friendly and approachable, maybe she was also sick. He couldn't tell but the hospital bracelet on her hand was a dead giveaway.
"This is Beatriz Smith," Joy said, pulling out a chair for Lucas to sit on. "She's my best friend."
"Hi!" The girl-Beatriz- extended her hand for a handshake, and out of sheer awkwardness, Lucas accepted the handshake. "You can call me Bea! Joy said you liked snickers!"
"And that's the only thing she will ever know," Lucas muttered angrily, side-eyeing Joy who made herself comfortable on the chair beside Lucas.
"Right, well, this is Alexis Ryder," Beatriz gestured at the girl beside her. She looked frail, and Lucas didn't expect the girl to wave her fingers at him. Awkwardly, he waved back.
"I'm Nora Hans," A purple-haired girl spoke up. Lucas only nodded a hasty acknowledgment to the girl.
"I'm Cole Roberts," The boy there gave Lucas a warm smile. Lucas tried to return one back, but that came out a bit weak.
"We haven't been introduced properly before," Joy said extending her hand for a handshake, with a bright smile. "Joy Jones, always at your service."
Lucas stared at her hand before accepting the handshake just for the sake of being polite and not upsetting Laura. After all, he was here for her.
Her hands were warm, unlike Lucas's cold ones. "Lucas Andrews."
"Lucas Andrews?" She repeated as if to test what it would sound like from her tongue. "That's a pretty name. It suits you."
From the corner of his eye, he noticed Dr. Jake arrive.
"Anyways," Joy tilted her head slightly. "I want to be your friend, Lucas Andrews!"
"Nobody says that crap out loud," Lucas forced himself to look straight ahead, knowing he'd only make himself more agitated if he looked at her.
"If you're gonna make friends with other people, it happens naturally. Like natural selection."
"So does that mean you'll naturally select me to be your friend?"
"No," Lucas snorted, "I'm going to naturally select you to leave me alone."
Thankfully, before Joy could piss him off any further, Jake Jones clapped his hands together, signifying the start of the meeting. At that, he bit back the smug smirk twitching over his lip knowing he got the last word, and with that, he tuned in to Dr. Jake as he started to speak.
"Welcome." He only said one word, and Lucas already knew why he was so compelling. It was the slicked-back olive hair, sharp jawline, and sophistication that oozed out of him.
Maybe he was worth listening to. For Laura's sake and just to stop letting Joy piss him off.
"Alright, for today since I noticed we have a new member, we should do introductions again. I'd also like to personally thank everyone for coming down here," Dr. Jake greeted. "I know it's tough being here, but hopefully this little group will make things a little more bearable." Damn. How could Lucas hate this guy?
Lucas sat patiently as he listened to everyone re-introduce themselves to the group. Cole suffered from leukemia. Then there was Nora, who was a cancer survivor and joined due to survivor's guilt.
The introduction went to Bea, who had a brain tumor that caused her to have amnesia. They were still trying to figure out how to get it out, so she was memory less for now, but she stated that she enjoyed making new memories with everyone. When it went to Alexis, she didn't have much to say except she had anorexia nervosa.
And then it landed on Lucas. He didn't know what to say. Was there even anything to say?
"Hi," He started, immediately cringing when he heard his own voice stark against the silence.
"My name is Lucas Andrews, I'm twenty-one, and I originally had cancer, but now I have a terminal disease that's probably going to kill me pretty soon." He said all in one breath, his face burning having to speak out loud with people staring at him.
Luckily, he turned to Dr. Jake, begging for him to say something when the silence made him fidget in his seat. Dr. Jake gave him a small smile in return before turning to face the group, "Thank you for sharing. I hope you'll have a good time here, Lucas."
"I hope so too," Lucas forced out, though he didn't believe his own words, wondering if Dr. Jake knew that too. If he did, he didn't mention it.
Lucas hated how he was under the spotlight, all eyes on him. It wasn't like this place was boring, but he just didn't understand how people wanted to talk about these things. It felt painfully personal like he wasn't supposed to hear this and things like this shouldn't be shared.
Why would they want to talk about what sucks out loud? It confused him because why would you let yourself relive it like that? You were already going through it, talking about it wouldn't do anything but make you feel worse, make things feel more... real.
The place felt stuffy, so stuffy it made his hoodie incredibly hot, but he couldn't take it off without looking like a loser. He tugged at the collar, leg bouncing as he incessantly tapped his foot on the ground. Now and then he would glance at the time, but that stupid minute hand didn't want to budge.
When it was Joy's turn, Lucas wanted nothing more but to get out of there.
"My name's Joy Jones, I'm twenty. I am here because my dear brother asked me to be here." Joy stated ironically pointing at Jake.
Jake was her brother? Maybe that wasn't something Lucas was expecting. He only caught some of her introduction but he didn't care to know more about her. Of course, she was healthy.
"Well then, that's everybody!" Jake smiled, though his enthusiasm did nothing to fix Lucas's spoiled mood. "Now that we're a whole group, I can assign your partners for your project."
"How does that work?" Cole asked. At that, Jake gave him a pleasant smile. Of course, every staff would be crazy over this man's smile.
"I picked the pairs out based on how I think you would accommodate one another," He explained. "I want you guys to be able to feel comfortable but at the same time try new experiences. Every week, we'll come back and discuss what you guys did and play some bonding games."
"So with that," He clapped his hands together, surveying the entire group, "I'll pair you guys right now. Cole and Nora, you're together. Nora, I know you're best friends with Alexis, but you and Cole also have a lot in common so I thought it'd be sufficient to pair you two."
"Next, I put together Bea and," Lucas hoped he would say his name because honestly, being with Bea didn't sound too bad.
He'd take anything, anyone, other than Joy Jon—
"Alexis! You guys are already acquainted yes?" Screw it. Bea and Alexis nodded. "Then I put you two together for that reason. With that, it leaves Joy and Lucas!"
Lucas hated this so much. So much so that he wanted to throw his body out the window. Defenestration sounded sexy right now since his terminal illness wasn't being helpful at the moment.
"Joy's a good kid, Lucas. You two would have an interesting time together." Jake probably sensed that he was unsure about this, hence the apologetic tone and the 'look at the Brightside!' vibe he had to his words.
"He's right," Joy nudged his side, giving him a smug smile even when the group dispersed to engage in small talk among one another.
"We'll have a good time, Andrews. I promise you that." Lucas only frowned.
"You arranged this, didn't you?" His eyes narrowed.
Joy raised her hands in defense, "What? Me? No, I didn't. Jake chose us, and I think he has really good judgment."
"I hate this," Lucas muttered, inhaling sharply.
"I'll change your mind about me," Joy said, "As I said, I promise I'll make you wanna stay around with me."
"Promises don't last forever," Lucas shot back bitterly, "And I can't stay around long. I have six months left." At that, Joy's eyebrows shot up and for a second, Lucas truly believed she was going to pity him.
"If you're gonna say some cheesy shit—,"
"— I'll make your time worth it." Joy leaned forward, resting her elbows over her knees. "Even if promises don't last forever, they can last a day. I'll fulfill it by tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Lucas glanced at her, the frown staying stagnant on his lips. "What makes you think I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Because we're part of the program" The edges of her lips curled upward into a blinding smile.
"C'mon, be my tomorrow, Lucas, and I'll be yours."
"Fuck off," He shook his head, scoffing. "Just go away and stop annoying me."
"Sounds like a plan!" Joy ignored him, sitting back up. "I'll wait for you in the front hallway tomorrow, and I'll take you somewhere."
"No," Lucas repeated. "I'm not going to go anywhere with you. What if you are a sadistic serial killer?"
"I am too cute to be a serial killer." Joy chuckled, cupping her face with her hands.
"We'll have a fun time. I'll take you to a really nice place," She proceeded to ignore Lucas's disgusted face.
He made the mistake to meet her eyes. Her eyes were warm, a weird warm that repulsed him because they were so lively... and hopeful.
He didn't like it, and immediately he snapped his head the other way, refusing to look at her in the eyes because that was weird to think about.
Lucas already decided that he was probably not going to show up tomorrow just to spite her. There was no way he will be part of the project. All he agreed to were the meetings and this wasn't part of it.
There was absolutely no way Joy would make his six months left living. There wasn't room for anyone else in his life.
If he were to die earlier, he didn't want to hurt her. That hope in her eyes, or whatever, Lucas didn't want to be the reason that would go away.
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