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"You look like absolute shit."

"Why thanks." Lucas scooted aside his plastic chair, making room for a smiling Bea to sit right next to him.

But Bea was right: he didn't look too great. His skin was paler and hollowed out. He experienced chills often, leaving him no choice but to stack layers upon layers of clothing. The layers weren't so bad since they hid his worsening health.

Other than that, Lucas sported a mask from time to time. Laura told him to be mindful of inhaling too much pollution or being in crowded public areas with Joy to make sure nothing would overwhelm his weakening immune system.

But he was managing! Even when he couldn't cross the parking lot without stopping in between to catch his breath or keep food down, he was doing his best.

"Can I ask why you tracked me down at the hospital cafeteria of all places?" He asked, watching as Bea slid her tray onto the table, filled with food that he eyed enviously.

He hasn't been able to eat anything other than pudding lately and he was managing just fine, but a rice bowl sounded so fucking good right now.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Bea shrugged. "I haven't spoken to you in a while anyway, so why not we eat lunch together."

He snorted and gestured at the empty space in front of him, "More like you eat and I watch you."

"Oh now you're making me feel bad," The corners of her lip curled downward. There was nothing mocking about it, which he appreciated. At times, she reminded him vaguely of Joy. The pair shared some odd similarities.

"Please," He shook his head, "It's really okay. I can't eat it even if I want to."

"That's just depressing," She muttered, shyly forking some rice into her mouth. "I'm sorry in advance." She added after swallowing.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," He mustered a forced smile, his fingers tugging the fabric of his beanie further over his ears.

"So," She started, refusing to let the conversation down, "You're dying."

"Pretty much," He nodded.

"And I saw you at the dialysis center the other day. Does Joy know about that?"

His stomach dropped. He blinked at Bea, "Um, what? You saw me where?"

"Too touchy of a subject?" She shrank in her seat.

"No," He licked his chapped lips, his fingers drumming anxiously over the table. "Not at all. But you saw me? At the dialysis center? Why were you there?"

She nodded, sitting up straight again, "I was just passing by that part, and I happened to see you. Since when were your kidneys failing?"

"Since when were you so nosy?" He grumbled.

At that, she nearly launched forward with a soft chuckle, "I told you-I'm just like Joy,"

"But seriously, have you told her? I know you guys have been hanging out more, and I'm glad to see that you guys are happy and all, especially in your current situations." She added, gesturing at him, the pained expression evident on her face.

"Joy doesn't know," Lucas answered curtly, almost adding- 'it's better that way' -but to keep her from butting in, he remained silent.

Being with Joy was like a dream. Maybe he should be honest with her sometime in their limited future, but he knew she wasn't that stupid. They both knew there was going to be an end between them; it was quickly approaching.

But even so, what was the point of rushing toward the inevitable? Joy didn't need to know how fast he was dying.

Part of Lucas was afraid; horribly afraid she'd treat him differently if she knew what was happening to him. It wasn't easy to tell someone your kidneys were failing and that your other organs were going to meet a similar fate.

Things would be different if Joy knew. And Lucas, call him a selfish coward, didn't want anything to change. If he could control at least something in his life, it would be his time with Joy. There was no way he wanted to give that up-her up just yet.

"I'm dealing with it though," He said hastily when her brows furrowed, the disapproval evident on her features. "My kidneys aren't failing yet."

"Yet," She repeated bitterly. "That's so assuring." Her words dripped with sarcasm.

"Okay, hey," He scowled, lightly kicking her foot under the table. "I wasn't there for treatment. Laura just took me there to give me a rundown of what was going to happen in the case they do fail."

"Lucas, I'm all for surprises but," She shook her head, "surprising Joy with total organ failure isn't...that nice."

"It's not total organ failure!"

"But it could be, so what's your point."

"My point is that I'm not dying." Lucas groaned.  "Yet."

"Stop with that word," She rolled her eyes. "It's not doing you any good."

"But it's true!" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Plus, I don't think it's the right time." His voice softened. "Joy's been stressing over her break-up with Noah."

The second those words left Lucas's mouth, Bea choked on her food. He nearly shot forward in his seat, water bottle in hand as she wheezed and coughed violently into her elbow.

Lucas, unsure what to do, watched with wide eyes as Bea patted her chest, "S-She w-what?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, watching as she chugged the water he handed her. "Did Joy not tell you?" His gaze narrowed. Bea shook her head, cheeks a bright red.

"No," She added, voice raspy. "She didn't mention that at all to me. What a bitch of a best friend."

"Well, surprise?" Lucas swallowed.

"That is a surprise. More surprising than your organ failure mumbo-jumbo," She sighed, carding her fingers through her hair. "She's really doing it?"

"Why do you sound so unsure?" Lucas asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

"Because it's Noah!" She shot back. "They've been together for so long, I didn't think they'd end it. Hell, I didn't think Joy would ever consider breaking up with him because she's so, so...so into him."

Lucas tried to ignore how her words dug sharply into his chest.

"But," He glanced up from his lap to see her flashing him a weary smile, "That's good for her."

"I'm glad she finally realized how shitty he is. Whatever pushed her to that point, I want to thank it. Or them."

Lucas merely smiled back at her, letting the conversation die down as Bea continued coughing into her fist.

However, he couldn't shake off her words from his conscious the longer the two sat there amid the sunlight pouring in from the cafeteria windows and the gentle chatter of doctors, patients, and families. For some reason, his thoughts were louder, roaring over the waves of people, over the thrashing of his heart.

Even when Bea chatted with pointless small talk, nothing could distract him from the fact that Bea, of all people, didn't believe Lucas. 

And up until now, Lucas didn't give it much thought that Joy still didn't break it off with her boyfriend. But now, it was all that he could think of. It consumed him, wrapped his lungs around his ribs, and filled him with this endless sinking feeling he couldn't attempt to escape without being dragged further down.

Joy didn't break up with him because she couldn't. That was what Bea said, but how could that be true? She didn't know what Joy told him. She felt something that night, right? She cared about him so that meant something. It had to have meant more to her because she told him she would break up with him. 

 So why, why hasn't she?

He leaned back in his seat, ignoring Bea completely. To think, that it wasn't his illness that snapped him out of his dream.

It was Joy's boyfriend.

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When Lucas exited the elevator and before he could round the corner to head toward the meeting room, he heard multiple voices.

It was easy to recognize Joy. He couldn't miss her voice even if he tried to block it out; it was that soothing, familiar feeling. But before any form of butterflies could flutter about his stomach, he heard a second voice; a masculine one.

And just like that, the potential butterflies became little push-pins inside of his stomach, digging into his gut. It wasn't Jake or anyone else in the program.

It was a completely different voice. One that was smoother and rich. It was like every word that left his mouth had to be alluring and demanded the attention of anyone who was listening.

Lucas pressed up against the wall, listening in to their hushed conversation. He peered curiously around the corner, only able to see Joy's stoic expression and a tall body standing in front of her. Her hands were tucked away in her jacket pockets and she was leaning against the door, gaze fixed on the ground.

"Why are you here?" Joy sounded tired. More so than usual.

"I already told you," The boy started, "I wanted to see you."

"Well you're seeing me," Joy replied wryly. "Can you leave now?"

"Why? I just got here. I wanted to see where you wasted your time. You always wonder why you're such a fuck-up but the answer's right in front of you," He retorted.

It was there did Lucas finally recognized the venom laced behind his words. It was anything but dreamy or alluring. It was a subtle, low jab. And yet, he could feel the force of it where he stood.

Judging by how Joy winced, she felt it too. 

This was him, wasn't it? Noah Anderson. Joy's boyfriend.

"I'm not wasting my time. If you're here to pick a fight, leave," She chided, glaring up at him with this weary agitation that Lucas never saw before.

"Why are you ignoring my calls? Did you find a new fucker or something?" Noah asked nonchalantly. "Did you lead him on and made him feel special 'cause an attention whore like you can't say no?"

"Fuck off," Joy shook her head, raven fringe falling over her eyes, the scowl she wore prominent. "I didn't do anything. Why do you always have to blame me?" She whispered, and Lucas hated how hurt she sounded.

"Because look at you! I can't trust you. People throw themselves at you, and you're such a fucking push-over!" Noah crossed his arms.

"You can't trust me?" Joy's lips pulled into a firm line as her jaw cleaned. "You can't trust me?" She leaned her head forward, shoulders trembling as she let out a dry laugh. "Look, Noah, we can't do this here."

"You're such a fucking pussy Joy," Noah spat.

"How does not wanting to argue with you make me a pussy?" Joy shot back.

"You always avoid shit," He countered back with ease. "You never want to be wrong-you never want to take accountability."

"Accountability? You want to talk about taking fucking accountability with me?"

"See! You're doing it again!"

"Doing what?" Joy shouted, chest heaving up and down. Joy scoffed, but Lucas couldn't ignore the defeat in her tone, "You say that every time."

"Dear god," Noah shook his head, spitting every ounce of venom he had into each syllable. "No wonder nobody wants you. You're lucky I even deal with your whining ass."

"You're unbelievable." At that, Joy forced out another empty laugh.

"Leave," Joy ran a hand down her face, shoulders hunched. "Get out of here. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I'm not leaving," Noah began, but before he could open his mouth to fuel the flames to another argument Lucas saw Jake jogging down the opposite corridor.

Part of him wanted to reveal himself too, to comfort Joy as best he could, yet something was preventing him from moving as if he was cemented to the ground.

For now, Jake was enough, and all he could do was watch and feel everything and nothing at all.

"Why are you here?" Jake sounded angry but Lucas couldn't tell by his features. Lucas never saw him look like that. He would always be seen smiling. But at this moment, his expression was hard, unreadable.

"I need to talk to her," Noah said, frustrated. "You are not letting me see her at your place."

"Then that's a sign she doesn't want to see you," Jake sneered. "I don't think you should be here, and I don't want to call security."

"I know you hate me that's why you are not letting me see her," Noah argued back, gesturing at Joy.

"And I have a valid reason to," Jake sighed, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "If you need advice, the receptionist on my floor would gladly help you set up an appointment."

"I'm not here for relationship advice, Mr. Jones," He snapped, not taking the time to comprehend his words.

"I want to see my girlfriend."

Lucas dug his fingers into his palms, hating how his stomach plummeted.

"Well she doesn't want to see you," Jake replied dryly. "Leave before I call security to escort you out. This is a therapy unit, Mr. Anderson. Not a drama set."

Noah seemed to mull over the situation internally, for a brief moment. Fortunately, with one final, stern, and challenging glare from Jake, he simply shook his head and left. He blazed past Lucas without even noticing him, making a beeline to the elevator and disappearing without another word.

On the other hand, Lucas peered over to where the siblings were standing. The entire time he somehow managed to hold his breath, but even so, he couldn't seem to untangle the tight coil in his throat. Not when he saw Joy like that.

Joy's head was in her palms, while Jake placed a hand over her shoulder, concern all over the older brother's face. She was still shaking; face red from where Lucas could see her. Jake squeezed Joy's shoulder and it didn't take long for him to drape an arm around her.

"It's okay," Jake whispered, soft enough for Joy and Lucas to hear. "You're alright."

"J-Jake," Joy's voice wavered. "I-I don't understand what I did wrong."

"You did nothing wrong," Jake replied, stroking the side of her arm with his palm. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

"I-I don't know what to do," She whispered, voice caught in between the heavy, uneven breaths she drew in.

Jake sighed. "Joy, you're an adult, so I can't force you to make a decision," he said softly, "but I'll tell you this."

"The longer love is forced, that's not love anymore."

Joy didn't react at all. Eventually, the two of them went to the meeting room, leaving Lucas alone in the hall. When the coast was clear, he inhaled sharply and let his body sink to the ground, 

Something else didn't sit right with Lucas. No. It wasn't Jake's words. What bothered him even more than Noah's harsh words was the fact that Joy still gazed at him in this particular, gut-wrenching way. A way that left Lucas trembling and his head sinking into the palms of his hands.

Even though her face was contorted with pain and anger and the words he weaponized were out of pure hatred and spite, Lucas couldn't deny how she looked at him like he took up most space in her vision. Like he was her everything- the beginning, the ending, and everything in between. 

Even though he ripped out her heart, tore it to shreds, and stomped on it until it was nothing but dust, somehow, she still loved him. 

She still loved him with everything she had.

Jake was right, but so was Bea.  

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