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Joy wasn't in the meeting the next day.

Or the next day. Then the next.

One week later, Lucas still hadn't heard from her.

At first, Lucas wasn't too worried. Joy was a big girl, capable enough to take care of herself and he shouldn't be too worried about her anyway. Even on the third day, Bea also assured him that there wasn't something to be worried about. Maybe she was just busy. 

It made sense. Lucas knew that beyond their dangerous adventures, she had her own life that didn't involve bland, sterilized rooms and an assortment of medical tests that poked and prodded at her every other day.

It would be stupid to think they could spend their time normally without fearing anything.

But when Joy didn't contact him for an entire week, he knew something had to be up. She missed the meetings and missed the days they were supposed to be working on the bucket list. She didn't text him. It was like she just vanished.

And as much as Lucas tried to act like it wasn't bothering him, he couldn't. It did bother him.

Her whereabouts lingered in the back of his mind, picking at his thoughts throughout the day as he lounged about in Laura's office. He no longer found any fun in making paper planes and throwing them at the ceiling or spinning aimlessly in her chair like he used to. Like he did before he knew Joy.

Time dragged in the worse kind of way when you had nothing to do. The way where dread gnawed away at his conscious and everything felt strangely claustrophobic. His stomach churned with every single day that passed, knowing the message he sent was still yet to be read.

It was weird worrying like this for a person that was a hundred percent capable of looking after herself. Plus he wasn't much of a worry-wart, so all of this was weirdly new. He never worried this much about anyone — it was stupid. Very stupid.

But Lucas would admit, as stupid as it was, it also sucked. He couldn't help but feel like he was missing something, like a part of his day was stolen from him, and no matter how hard he tried to search for it, he couldn't find it.

What shocked him the most was how he suddenly found lingering around Laura's office a greater waste of time than it usually was, and no matter how hard he tried to fall back into his usual routine, it all felt strange. Sitting in her chair left a bitter stain on his tongue, one that he couldn't ignore, and the paper he would fold into planes was shoved aside, unfinished, no longer in his interest to complete.

And yet, there was nothing he could do about it.

"No Joy again today?" Laura glanced over at Lucas as she shut the car door behind her.

"Yup," Lucas was standing beside her, debating to go to another floor and kill time there for today. It would be his shitty attempt at adventure. "Nothing."

"Awh, I'm sorry about that," Laura sighed, adjusting his collar. "Have you given her a call?"

"She didn't pick up," He fiddled with his hand, trying to hide the annoyance in his tone. He ended up failing when Laura gave him that unfortunate look.

"Maybe you should try visiting him," She said reaching over and ruffling his hair.

"Now why would I do that?" Lucas scowled, lightly pushing her hand away.

"I don't know. It will be nice for you to get out of the hospital." Laura shrugged in response. "Plus it wouldn't hurt to try."

"Okay, but how would I get there?" He crossed his arms over his chest. Laura rolled her eyes.

"Figure it out. Ask Jake." His face twisted into another sour scowl. "Or don't. I don't know, Luc. I can't drive you today, even if I wanted to. I got a few surgeries and a big one later tonight."

"Maybe I can take my bike," Lucas suggested, only to be shot down with a glare. He raised his hands in defense, "Fine. I won't."

"Just find a way okay?' Laura said with a small smile. "It wouldn't hurt to try."

It wouldn't hurt to try.

Laura fixed her bag strap over her shoulder and turned toward the hospital. Lucas, with no other choice, followed behind her. He didn't pay attention much as they approached the front doors of the hospital, but when he did happen to look up, his attention caught a familiar face.

"Oh! Laura and Lucas!" Jake greeted them as he held the door open for Laura. The three of them stopped in place. 

"Hello, Jake!" Something glinted in Laura's eyes as she greeted him.  

Before anyone could say anything further Laura added, "How is Joy doing?" Oh no. Oh no, no, no.  Lucas froze, knowing where this was going. 

"Oh, she's doing fine." Jake let out a smile. "Y'know what? Funny you mention her because I was just heading to our place. I forgot some paper I needed, so I was just gonna snatch that real quick." 

"Oh really," Laura chuckled lightly. "Well, Lucas wanted to visit Joy. You think you could give him a ride?" 

"Laura!" Lucas scoffed, elbowing her side. "Shut up." 

"Sure, why not," Jake shrugged. Lucas deflated further, hoping by some miracle Jake would decline. "I won't mind taking him to her." 

"Thank you so much!"  Laura said and winked over at Lucas. "There you go, problem solved." She gave him a thumbs-up, and before he could berate her, she dashed inside. 

"I hate her," Lucas mumbled, shrinking in his stance, wanting nothing more but to turn into dust. "I hate her so much." 

"Your aunt is sweet." Jake said, still looking in the direction she ran, "and pretty." 

"I've heard that before," He silently groaned. "Can we get going?" He added quickly, feeling his neck burn in the worst possible way. 

"Come on," Jake gestured him along, and with every inch of Lucas's dying will,  he forced himself to follow him. 

He wasn't too keen on getting in Jake's car, but he couldn't back out now. Laura literally gave him away, like she sold him to a drug dealer. Not that Jake was a drug dealer. He was pretty decent. 

Still, if something were to go wrong, he wouldn't mind jumping out of the car. At least he would die with pizazz. 'Kid with terminal illness dies in reckless car stunt' has a nice ring to it. 

"So, Lucas. Why do you wanna see Joy?" Jake asked after the both of them entered his car. 

"What? Oh- I just- she hasn't come by, so Laura thought I should check on her," Lucas muttered. 

"That's lovely," Jake mused.  

The car ride was awfully quiet and filled with dread that was hard to contemplate. Which was good, Lucas guessed. 

And when they finally reached their place Lucas didn't know what he was supposed to do when he stood in front of Joy's room, thousands of questions poking his head. Should he knock? Or just break in?

Was this even the right thing he should be doing?

Hell, he didn't even bother to give Joy a text to give her a heads-up that he was coming around. He wasn't sure if she would be okay with the fact that he came just to see her. How would that look from her perspective?

Maybe this was not a good idea. But it wouldn't hurt to try.

Even so, he couldn't stand around anymore and waste time wondering if there was some solution. If there was a chance to get her back, as stupid as it sounded.

So without a second thought, Lucas opened the door to Joy's room. He instantly squinted in the darkness, doing his best to see around. He held his breath, swinging it open a little more to let the light in, and by the looks of it, Joy was still asleep.

The room was simple. The walls were white with a few band posters on one side of the wall. The bed was comfortable enough for two people and a loveseat couch was pushed at a corner of the room. There was also a side table beside her bed that had a picture of young Jake and child Joy hugging each other.

The surrounding of the room was usual to what a teenager would have. Other than the fact it was dark. At least it wasn't too hard to make out her figure in the shadows.

Joy was sprawled over her bed sheets with an arm draped over her face. When Lucas approached the side of the bed, Joy looked... disturbed. Her usual messy hair was more untamed, her raven fringes strewn all over her forehead.

Lucas's features softened as he stared down at her sleeping body. There was a crease between her brows and when the light from the door flickered over her face, he could see the fine line of scowl etched over her lips. It also felt really creepy. Staring at someone while they are sleeping in their own room is pretty high up on the creep list. 

Lucas didn't know exactly what to say now that he was here. Joy wasn't gone, and the worry that relentlessly gnawed away at his conscience eased somewhat, knowing that all she was doing was sleeping. Maybe she was way too exhausted to consider Lucas was waiting for her.

Well, now what?

Maybe he should go back to apologize to Jake. Or wait till she woke up, which was even higher on the creep list.

Man, he really should have planned this out more.

However, there wasn't anything left for him to do. He might as well just go back and leave some note for Joy to text him when she got up. There weren't a lot of options to sort through.

This wasn't worth the effort coming here, was it? Well, what was done was done, and he couldn't take that back. The only hope he had was that Joy wouldn't notice him leave.

"See you later," Lucas breathed out softly that it was almost inaudible, his free hand coming to scratch at the side of his head.

But right as he was about to leave, from the corner of his eye, he caught Joy shiver.

Sighing, Lucas ran a hand down his face. He shook his head and leaned closer to Joy, guessing it would be an asshole move to let her freeze. He adjusted her sheets as carefully as he could, doing his best not to disrupt her.

Once he was done, he gave her one last look over and urged himself to rise and get—

Suddenly a grip wrapped around his wrist, yanking him forward. Lucas yelped, bracing himself over as Joy tugged him on top of her. He stared down in horror at the now-awake Joy, who was frowning at him with weary eyes, much to Lucas's shock.

"What are you doing?" Joy drawled, tilting her head to the side.

"You're awake," Lucas swallowed thickly, eyes still wide as saucers as he looked down at her. Her head was nestled between both of his arms, and the more she turned, the more he could feel her soft hair brush against his forearm.

"I am," She said dryly, the sound rasping against her throat.

"Now Andrews, were you trying to mess with me?"

"Excuse me?" He spat out, blinking slowly. "Mess with what? With you?"

"Yeah," Joy eyed him darkly, "I didn't see you as the type to hit on someone in their sleep."

"I wasn't— what the heck. What is wrong with you?" Lucas scowled, lightly shoving her back into the pillows. "You don't accuse people of stuff like this." 

"Hey," Joy grinned, sifting her free hand through her hair. "You could at least start with a Good morning since you decided to literally break into my humble abode."

Lucas scoffed and rolled his eyes before begrudgingly muttering, "Fine. Good morning."

"Why thank you—,"

"—what is wrong with you?" He snapped. "And I didn't 'break'. Jake let me in."

Joy tossed her head back into the pillow, staring up at him with a small smile, "Interesting. Well, Good morning to you too—."

"—where have you been?"

There was no use beating around the bush, and judging by the flicker of pain over Joy's eyes, she wasn't too keen on jumping right to it. Lucas swallowed thickly, eyes darting from the hand that was still wrapped loosely around his wrist and back to Joy's hooded gaze.

Joy noticed she was holding onto him, and right before Lucas could make a comment about it, she yanked her hand away from his hand.

Lucas watched as Joy's hand fell back near the side of her hand, her fingers curling inward, digging into her palm.

His stomach squeezed when he noticed the guilt etched over her features. Though it was dark, he could see how Joy was looking at him. Like he was fragile glass and if she were to breath loudly he would break. 

"I meant to text," Joy spoke up. He forced himself to meet her eyes. "I really did."

"But you didn't," He said matter-of-factly.

"Right," She nodded. "I didn't know what to say."

"So you avoided me," He blurted out without thinking— just feeling.

"I-I didn't mean for it to come across that way," She admitted looking anywhere but at him. "I really didn't mean to."

"But you did," His voice was brittle, unusually brittle. He didn't like it, but no matter how hard he tried to form a single, stable word on his tongue, it broke apart before it could come to fulfillment.

"I'm sorry," Joy met his eyes. She tilted her head to the side, unruly locks tickling over the ridges of Lucas's fingers. "I just didn't know what to do. I needed time."

"And you had your time," He said. At that, she averted her gaze the other way. "So? Now what? Have you decided?"

"Decided what?" Joy propped herself onto her elbows. Lucas backed away, brows furrowing when their faces nearly bumped into one another's, causing a ripple in his chest.

"I-," He bit down on his lip. He didn't think this far yet. What was he supposed to say without sounding cheesy? Melodramatic? "I don't know. I just— I'm sorry. For getting us in trouble."

"You don't need to apologize for it," She scoffed lightly. "It just happened."

"And it might happen again." His brows creased.

Joy swallowed, staring up at him, "Yeah, I know. And that's why I needed time to think."

"So," He forced out, his fingers curling into fists on either side, "You're thinking of stepping back from the deal?"

"I don't know," She tilted her head to the side. She glanced down and back up at him, eyes weighing down with exhaustion. "It kept me up at night— seeing you like that made me realize that this deal was dangerous." 

"And we know how it will end." She scratched the side of her neck awkwardly as he head hung forward. "Give me more time," His mouth became dry. she continued, "I can't— I just can't look at you without thinking about that night."

His entire chest squeezed unbearably tight and his heart incessantly throbbed. He understood what she meant all too well. Carefully, he sat up straighter, fingers trembling and his jaw set tight, throat dry, and eyes staring blankly at his lap.

This was not fair. But, it was what it was.

Lucas closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He stared hard at her trying to avoid the image of having her seared into his mind as memories.

"Lucas," She sighed, shuffling the sheets. "I just think that maybe it's best if we don't do the bucket list for a while."

"So you just want to rot away in the meeting room?" He said sarcastically, voice full of nothing.

"Not exactly," She answered. "We can still hang out. Just, we can't do anything more."

That wouldn't be the same; Lucas wanted to argue back.

But now they were back to the start as if they took one step forward and three steps back.

But this was all or nothing—as selfish as he wanted to be, as selfish as Joy made him; he had to respect the boundaries. This was the consequence of going too far to the point going back would never be possible. There was only so much time left, and even if it was spent in the bland meeting room, at least he would have her.

"Okay," He stood up, refusing to meet her eyes as he walked toward the door. "Sounds good to me," He said blankly.

"Lucas," She called after him, but he didn't hear her move off her bed. "Time—,"

"—is all you need. I know," Lucas held the door open. "I'll see you at the meeting." He left the room and closed the door behind him before Joy could formulate a proper response.

He ran his hands over his face, exhaling unevenly. He wasn't so sure that this little trip was a success. It honestly didn't feel like any progress was made, and the knot in his throat only grew tighter. Sure, he found out Joy was fine, but there was so much more left unsaid— left unanswered.

It did hurt to try.

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