Jokes:

*How do dwarves greet each other? ..small world isn't it.

*I said mountain hall ..not mount them all!

*Q: why do dwarves always laugh when playing kick ball?

A: the grass tickles their balls.

*Q: why are most dwarves good guys?

A: because they dont look down on people.

*Q: How do you remove a sea dock?

A*You d-warf it

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Dwarf and elf go camping:

A dwarf and elf went camping in the forest. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, the dwarf wakes the elf up and says ..

"Oi elf, look towards the sky..what do yeh see?" the elf replies..

"I see millions of stars."

"What that tell yeh?" asked the dwarf. The elf ponders for a moment then replies..

"Astronomically speaking: It tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically: It tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise: It appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically: The Valar is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorlogically : it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you , dwarf?"

"It tells meh elf...yeh are dumber than a rock. It means someone stole the tent."

Sayings:

*Dwarves are like potatoes..they fill you up right.

*Arguements picks no gems = Argane felek nai naur.

*He who sheds dwarf blood , by dwarf shall his blood be shed.= E'vu estveur khazad barath, khazad an emz barath bi estver.

* I like my ale like I like my men: strong and robust

*I like my beer like I like my women: stout and bitter

* only a fool tries to poison a dwarf. our womens cooking could kill an ogre, your poison is seasoning to us.

*dwarf women are like axes...as dangerous from the back as from the front.

*nothing evens a race like amn axe to the kneecaps.

*you can kill a dwarf but you cant vanquish one.

*the stones will sing if you listen to them (means -be quiet)

* marriage is like an anvil. it is always there. it is solid. it is quiet like a husband

*drinking contests with humans are unbearable. they drink, they collapse, and we have to drag them back home. the next day they never remember losing.

* better to try outlive a elf than change a dwarfs mind 

* sticks and stones won't break my bones, but your Waxer scares me

Funny songs:

#oh say does your beard hang low

does it dangle to and fro

can you tie it in a knot 

can you tie it in a bow 

can you sling it over you shoulder like a silly human soldier

oh say does your beard hang low.#

#hi  ho, hi ho,its off to war we go (whistling) hi ho, hi ho, hi ho hi ho hi ho.#

*Please..does anyone know any good jokes or funny sayings that I can add to this..I really would love to make a section in here for it thank you very much.