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CHAPTER 25

"Hindi parin siya gaanong magaling, she needs a lot of rest. Masyadong napagod at nasobrahan sa bugbog ang katawan niya, kailangan niyang manatili muna sa loob ng ospital ng ilang araw para gumaling siya kaagad."

'Yan ang narinig ko mula sa doktor habang nakatingin ako sa bintana. I still can't process everything, it wasn't that easy to put everything in my mind. My feelings was like a roller coaster, halo ang mga nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong maramdaman ngayon.

"Thanks, doc."

Umalis ang doktor kaya tumingin na ako kay Nana. "Are you alright? Kanin ka pa tahimik," naglakad siya papunta sa akin. "tell me if you need anything."

Umiling lang ako sa kaniya. "I just need to rest. . . I guess."

"Alam kong hindi madali para sa'yo ang lahat ng nangyari, but everything will be fine. It was always like that, our life is just a cycle. Sometimes we're fine, sometimes we're happy, mad, and angry. But, let's stay optimistic, it'll be over soon enough."

I smiled a little. Tama nga naman siya. Magiging okay din ang lahat, pero hindi parin no'n mababago na wala na si Aya. Just recently, everything is fine. I was doing my job just fine, but it's suddenly became a mess and was the reason why I became miserable.

I need a break.

Pumikit ako at saka nagpahinga ulit. I will pass my leave to Commander X kapag gumaling na ako. I need some fresh air, away from everything and away from everyone. I can't handle the pain anymore.

Nonetheless, I think I need to face all the people I've left before. Thinking about it right now, kamusta na kaya sila?

I slept for I think, three to four hours before I woke up because of the noise coming from the corner of the room.

"Shh, Zhail might wake up. Bakit kase hindi niyo maitikom yang mga bibig niyo?" I heard someone whispered angrily.

"Ikaw kase eh!"

"Anong ako? Ikaw 'tong ayaw matahimik eh!"

"Can you shut up?"

"Hey!"

I opened my eyes and a bunch of girls, women rather, were arguing in front of me. My body feels numb, I think I won't be able to move, even my fingers.

Andrea saw me first. "She's awake."

Lahat ng mata nila ay dumapo sa 'kin ng marinig ang mga katagang 'yon mula kay Andrea. It feels odd and nostalgic at the same time. Halo halo ang nararamdaman ko ngayon, parang no'ng kailan lang simula noong naging magkaibigan kami.

"Are you okay, Zhail?"

"Are you comfortable?"

"Do you want something to eat?"

Questions after questions, I should be feeling irritated right now, like I used to whenever they ask numerous stupid questions. But I just felt like crying, I miss them so much.

Hindi ko napigilan ang mga luha lo n tumulo, lahat sila ay natigilan sa biglaang paglabas ko ng emosyon ko.

Umiyak ako at humikbi sa harap nila, hindi iniisip na nagmumukha akong mahina. Hindi iniisip na mahihiya sa pagpapakita ng kahinaan. Gusto ko lang ilabas ang sakit, sama ng loob, at pangungulila ko.

"I'm s-sorry, we disturb your s-sleep." Nicole started the conversation.

"I-ingay niyo kase eh," sabi naman ni Angela sa mahinang boses. "pasensya ka na, Z-zhail."

Humihikbing umiling ako sa kanila. Kahit ramdam ko ang sakit ng katawan ko ay pilit kong pinunasan ang luha sa mukha ko.

I smiled, a genuine one. "I-i. . . I miss you guys."

They looked at me with a teary eyes. A long silence filled the room. These past few years, this kind of silence is maddening, pero ngayon. . . my heart can't stop beating erratically.

"W-we miss you too. . . b-badly."

Si Angelie ang unang tumakbo papunta sa akin at niyakap ako, hindi gaanong mahigpit sapat lang para maramdaman ko ang init ng katawan niya. Some of them joined the hug but in a gentle way, all of us were crying except Andrea. She's just looking at us with no emotion at all.

I stared at her until she felt my stares. She smiled a bit but it didn't reach her eyes. I may be feeling down right now but, seeing Andrea made my heart sink. This isn't right.

Tanging rinig lang namin sa loob ng kwarto ay hikbi at iyak ng bawat isa. Hanggang sa tumawa si Krizza ng bahagya.

"Dugyot niyo namn umiyak," sabi niya habang pinupunasan ang hilam na luha. "mabuti pa ako maganda parin."

A loud groan of protest coming from one another filled the room.

"So mataas ang confidence."

"Mukha kang tae, Kriz."

"Nanahimik ka na lang sana."

Lahat sila ay may kaniya-kaniyang protesta kay Krizza na inikutan niya lang ng mga mata niya.

"Mga pikon,"

Ang kaninang puro hikbi at iyak na naririnig sa buong kwarto ay napalitan ng asaran at tawa.

I miss this bond, this kind of friendship that lasts. Kahit nawala ako ng ilang taon, kahit inakala nilang wala na ako, kahit hindi ko sila nakakausap ay tinuturing parin nila akong kaibigan at kasali sa samahan.

All those days that I've been staying inside the hospital, they were there, waiting for me to get well as soon as possible.

Naipasa ko na rin ang letter ko sa isang buwang pagpapahinga mula sa trabaho. I just don't want to rest, I also want go make everything right. I want to spend my time the girls and make my vacation as memorable as what we have since junior high.

I also want to talk to Levi, even though I'm not that strong enough to face him. I don't know what to feel towards him, but the longing still remained the highest.

I was busy eating the orange when Andrea left the room, naigagalaw ko naman ang katawan ko kaya sinundan ko kaagad siya.

These past few days, even though she's with me the whole time, taking care of me abd make everything normal between us, I still cant ignore the big space that occurs her.

Alam ko at pansin ko na may problema siya, at gusto kong malaman 'yon.

Nakita kong umupo siya sa isang bench paharap sa hardin ng ospital.

"Andrea," tawag pansin ko sa kaniya.

Tumingala siya sa akin at tinulungan akong makaupo sa upuan.

"What are you doing here? Hindi ka pa magaling para maglakad-lakad."

Ngumiti lang ako sa kaniya at tiningnan siya. "Do we have a problem?" kaagad na tanong ko sa kaniya.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Akala mo ba hindi ko napapansin na may problema kang dinadala? I know we're not that close–"

"We're close, Aizhalie. Very close."

"Then why do I felt like you've been distancing yourself from me?"

Umiling siya ng ilang beses. "It's n-not like that."

"Then why?"

Hinarap ko siya na may pagtatanong na nakarehistro sa mukha.

"It's j-just that. . . I don't know how to talk to you. It's been years, alam natin na hindi na ganoon ang dating pakikipagkaibigan natin. I-i was. . . I don't know how to express my feelings towards you."

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying, I also don't know how to act normally.

"I miss you so much, Andrea."

'Yon lang ang nasabi ko, nabigla ako nang bigla niya akong yakapin at umiyak sa bisig ko. I've seen her being vulnerable, it's not new for me to see her crying but this time, I can feel her pain. It's deep, ni hindi ko man lang masisid.

I hugged her back and let her cry in my shoulder. "I'm here na, shh. Everything will be fine, I assure you."

Hinigpitan niya ang yakap niya sa akin at binuhos lahat ng sama ng loob at sakit na nadarama niya.