CHAPTER TWELVE:
CHRISTMAS

☍︎︎

WARNINGS: slight depression, disassociation, and mild forms of undiagnosed PTSD

THEY LOST THE QUIDDITCH MATCH.

The Slytherins were antsy the week leading up to the match, but Draco most of all. He'd steered clear of Daisy's presence, only speaking when necessary during Transfiguration, both too awkward with the other after the troll incident.

Still, that didn't stop him from ranting around the common room about how "terrible Potter would be on the Gryffindor team" and that "it was such a waste to put him on the team, and not put Draco on the Slytherin team." He couldn't stop mentioning that "Potter wouldn't have even gotten the spot had it not been for Draco."

Initially, people were interested in what he had to say. But as his jealousy and loathing for Harry grew, said people were bored very quickly.

So when the match actually happened and Gryffindor won -- Draco was perhaps almost as distraught as the actual team.

"Wait 'till my father hears about this," he'd said over and over again. Daisy was sure her eyes would roll out of her head. She and Theo exchanged annoyed looks at the post-match party that Marcus Flint had arranged as Draco continued his rants. The party was planned before the game because Flint was so sure they'd win he had house-elves prep extra food -- but instead, they'd lost.

Theo, Daisy, and Blaise stood near the treacle tart, guarding it from other occupants. It was too good to share. The music blared loudly, but no one exactly felt like dancing. Most of the older kids had wondered off, gone their separate ways -- studying for OWL's and NEWT's, respectively -- but the fourth years and under trickled in and out of the common room.

"I can't believe he's still going," Blaise muttered, nodding his head at Draco, who, to his credit, had consistently ranted about Harry for nearly an hour. He sat across the room in the big sofa, next to a very bored-looking third year checking her nails.

Daisy nodded, taking a sip of her butterbeer. "Honestly, he's ridiculous." She elbowed Theo, who was dozing off against the wall. For a party that was supposed to be the "first of many winning match parties," it sucked. "Oi, Malfoy!"

Draco stopped talking to the older girl, who took the opportunity to rush to her dormitory. He looked to Daisy, startled, swallowing thickly.

"Just start telling people you're in love with my cousin, already! It'd be easier than boring them to death!"

Malfoy's face warmed at the suggestion and his eyes narrowed into slits. He watched her for a moment, fuming, before stalking off to the boy's dormitory. Theo burst into laughter, shaking his head.

"You're my favorite Slytherin," he told her with a grin. "But this party blows."

Blaise shrugged. "I don't know, I'm kind of loving everyone just moping around miserably. Do you think the Gryffindor's are having a good after-party?"

The three exchanged a look. Of course they were.

☍︎︎

Christmas was coming. Daisy could smell it in the air. Her nose and cheeks flushed in the cold when she went outside and she had to start wearing gloves to herbology. She couldn't wait for the snow to cover the grounds like a sparkling, white blanket.

She loved Christmas.

She'd always loved Christmas. Each year, her family snuggled up with thick woolen blankets Daisy's grandmother made before she passed. They drank homemade hot cocoa and watched Christmas films on the television. Harry always spent time in his cupboard, but she gave him whichever spare presents she hadn't wanted.

Yet, as the days dragged on and the wind grew chillier -- Daisy found herself dreading Christmas. Students had the option to return home for the holidays or stay at Hogwarts, and Harry told Daisy without hesitation he'd stay at Hogwarts. It wasn't until Daisy received a short letter -- barely three sentences -- signed by her mother requesting she stay at school for the holidays, that Daisy regrettably told Professor Snape her answer.

Sadness followed her as she attended her final week of classes. Theo and Blaise noticed a difference, both trying to cheer her up with random bouts of humor and jokes. She laughed, but her chest felt hollow. How could she be happy when her family didn't want her home? Sure, they didn't want Harry around -- but they'd never liked Harry. He was always the outcast, the odd man out. She was their daughter, Dudley's sister.

She wasn't even sure she could call herself that anymore.

Only a handful of Slytherins were staying over break, and only because their parents were traveling for work. In Brazil, Germany, even the Americas. But they were all much older than her, with no particular desire to return home.

Daisy felt chillier in the dungeons now more than ever. Whether it be the lack of sun through the windows in the black lake, or the empty feeling in her chest, leaving her hollow and void, she wasn't sure. She wore heavier sweaters and trembled under her robe during potions.

"I do feel so sorry," Malfoy began as they sat in their final lecture before the holidays, "for all those people who have to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas because they're not wanted at home."

Daisy tried not to let his words bother her, she tried to shrug them off. He was looking at Harry as he said them, making Crabbe and Goyle laugh. But Harry didn't care -- Harry didn't consider the Dursley's family. She and Harry hadn't spoken more than a few sentences in months, they'd grown so distant.

Daisy didn't even have the energy to retort back at Malfoy, and Pansy snorted from next to her.

"Nothing?" She asked. "Pathetic mudblood. No one at home wants to see you ether, do they? I heard you talking to Nott and Zabini about it."

Daisy gave her a wary look. "Mind your business, Pansy," she said weakly, but her voice trembled. She couldn't stand up to Pansy -- she was right. This wasn't a matter of proving how good she was, how she could earn a place. Her family didn't love her anymore. They didn't want to see her at home. Her own mother told her so.

"Miss Dursley!"

Daisy's head snapped up to Professor Snape who sneered at her from behind his desk at the front of the classroom. "Do keep your personal matters to a minimum. Your family's lack of love for you need not exist in my classroom."

Daisy nodded, voice shrinking into her throat. Even Snape knew her family hated her. She heard whispers around the classroom -- no one knew about her personal life, not really. Aside from Harry, Theo, and Blaise, she'd refused to tell anyone about the letter from her mother. She'd mentioned offhandedly that her staying at Hogwarts had to do with Harry and her love for the castle.

Now everyone knew she was just as hated at home as she was here.

Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Daisy continued measuring the spine of powdered lionfish, ignoring Pansy's cruel laugh next to her. She wanted to dunk Pansy's head into the boiling cauldron in front of her. Everyday since that fateful first class, Pansy took credit for the work. And everyday, Daisy did the entire potion by herself. She was sure Snape knew at this point -- he just didn't like her enough to care. As long as his house was getting points and he could make a dig at Daisy, he didn't care who did the work.

☍︎︎

Once the holidays began, Daisy felt absolutely dreadful. She didn't feel an urge to get out of bed, she hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks, and Pansy's laugh mocked her each time she walked around the common room. She'd taken to spending her free time in the library, supportively joined by Theo, and occasionally Blaise, who spent more time in the kitchens than anywhere else.

But they left the day prior, and all of her doormmates had left as well. She was alone.

Sitting up in bed, she tucked her legs under her arms and watched the black lake outside. She wondered if another dormitory had a better view. The Gryffindor and Ravenclaw Towers were far in the sky -- they could see everything, Daisy was sure.

She wondered if it was snowing yet. Or, perhaps, the sky was just as sad and lonely as her and simply didn't have the energy to freeze water into snow and let it fall down to the ground. She decided to wander, but didn't bother dressing up. No one would see her -- at least not anyone she cared about.

Her thick, woolen socks and dark navy sweater layered her dark jeans. The colors clashed against her brightly colored hair. She slid on her paint-splattered shoes and exited the dormitory, wandering the halls.

She passed many small groups, people joking and laughing with others in their houses. Cedric told her he'd be spending the holidays at home as well. His mother had fallen ill with dragon pox and he wanted to spend as much free time with her as he could. She'd been given the cure months ago but things didn't appear to be looking up.

Her heart went out for her friend. Cedric didn't deserve to lose his mother. He didn't deserve any sort of pain. He was decent, kind, good. He always went out of his way to make others smile and checked in on everyone else before himself. Daisy admired him greatly. She didn't have the patience or mental capacity to care about anyone else's emotions.

Daisy spent most of Christmas break alone. She wandered the Hogwarts castle aimlessly for hours, even going so far as to stop right outside the third floor corridor. She watched the door cautiously for hours one day, sure the dogs would jump out and gobble her up.

But they never did.

She conversed with a few of the Professors, when she ran into them. Professor Flitwick was getting three new books this year, he was sure of it. Apparently, they were very old and very interesting reads, he'd told her. Professor McGonagall paced the corridor outside her classroom every night before curfew, and Daisy didn't understand why. She'd offered Daisy tea one night and they spent the evening chatting about Transfiguration.

Apparently, Daisy was very gifted in the class and Professor McGonagall was eager to see where she ended up in seven years.

Daisy sat alone outside the school, shivering in her gloved hands and woolen hat, leaning against the big, cold, stone steps. She watched the snow fall -- and fall, it did. It littered every inch of the grounds, covering the trees in the forbidden forest. Daisy watched it fall for hours, she spent nearly every morning and evening watching the snow fall.

She hardly slept the entire first week of break. Daisy couldn't force herself to close her eyes, not even in the early hours of the morning. Her mind drifted to her night terrors, which had begun to follow her during her waking moments. She read all night, even sketched on spare parchment. She drew her friends, she drew her cousin, Harry, and the three headed dog on the third corridor. She drew the snake that slowly poisoned her mind with it's memories -- she sketched whatever she could to stay awake.

When Boxing Day rolled around, Daisy spent a long time getting out of bed. She'd finally passed out the night before from exhaustion, not even realizing it was Christmas Eve. She didn't feel very festive.

She awoke on her favorite holiday, feeling guilty for making her family spend the holidays without her. She'd decided it was her fault they didn't want to be with her. If she hadn't agreed to go to Hogwarts, if she hadn't been so selfish, they'd still love her. She would be watching Christmas movies with them right now, eating a big breakfast of ham, eggs, sausage, and peppermint tea.

She didn't change out of her pajamas that day. She didn't wander the castle, or watch the snow fall. She sat next to the window on the black lake, staring at the single present under the Christmas tree with her name on it. The older Slytherins staying over break had come and gone. They bid each other happy holidays and grabbed their presents until only a single one remained.

Wrapped sloppily in green and red gift paper, a single red bow tied the box together. Daisy didn't mean to be ungrateful -- but she couldn't help it. Her family had always spoiled her. They'd always bought everything she'd ever laid her eyes on. Anything remotely interesting -- and it was hers.

And then her letter came and everything changed. The end of year always brought upon speculation and reminiscing, but Daisy didn't think her year could have been any worse. Perhaps, if Theo and Blaise hadn't decided to be her friends. Decidedly, that could have made things substantially worse.

She'd received a letter claiming she had magical powers and was accepted into a magical school. Then her family stopped loving her. They booted her off to the school without so much as a goodbye -- where no one seemed to like her either.

Daisy fiddled with a loose string on her cardigan, tugging at it, her head resting against the back of the chair. If she pulled hard enough on the string, it would unravel the stitching and the entire cardigan would fall into pieces. She dropped the string, thinking about her own life. If only one more string unravelled, she would unravel too.

Boxing Day passed her by and she spent it curled up in the Slytherin Common Room, focused on the string of her cardigan, debating on whether or not to pull the string. She debated on whether or not to open the gift under the tree. What if she got a pair of coat hangers and her father's old socks like Harry did each year? What if they showed their lack of affection for her through a single gift?

Someone cleared their throat.

Daisy jumped, turning around and straightening up at the person in front of the entrance.

"Professor Snape," she greeted quietly, surprised, wishing he would leave her alone. She didn't want to be bullied right now. She didn't want to lose points on Christmas. Why was he in here? He hardly ever made an appearance in the common room -- let alone on a holiday.

"The feast is beginning in the Great Hall," he started emotionlessly, as though this were a nuisance to him. She was a nuisance. Of course she was. She was a nuisance to everyone. "Professor Dumbledore would like everyone to join him. Make yourself presentable -- or don't, it makes no difference to me -- and be there shortly."

Daisy nodded. "Of course," she said quietly. He turned to leave and then -- "Merry Christmas, Professor," she slipped out, hoping he wouldn't belittle her for trying to be nice. She'd probably burst into tears if he did.

He didn't look at her.

"Merry Christmas, Miss Dursley."

He left shortly after and Daisy glanced down at the present under the tree. She shook her head, deciding against opening it. She changed into something a bit more formal, a form-fitting green sweater and dark overalls. She kept the same shoes and socks as before, but braided her down her right side.

As she braided the final bit, she glanced down at her left palm. Slightly raised skin, permanently a different shade, just on the palm of her hand, trailing up her middle left finger. Forever a reminder of one of the worst days of her life. It had healed quite nicely over the few months at school, only fully healing just after November began. Daisy dropped her hand, hating the new mark. She'd never have a smooth hand. She'd never have clear skin -- scattered with endless, stupid freckles that cascaded head to toe.

Daisy walked quickly to the Great Hall, glancing once more at the present under the tree on her way out, and was surprised to see the new formation of dining. Rather than four long tables, there was a single long one, with a little less than one-hundred seats, and the Head Table at the front of the room.

Daisy took a seat nearest the door, keeping to herself. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Not that anyone wanted to talk to her.

Harry and Ron entered a few minutes after her, not seeing her, talking about some cloak. She smiled into her hot tea -- Harry looked happy. He wore a bright green sweater with the letter knitted together. Ron wore a similar one, in maroon with the letter "R" on it. Daisy looked down at her empty plate, not feeling remotely hungry.

Ron's family seemed nice. Not for the first time, Daisy wished she were in a different house. They'd like her more. Perhaps she'd have gotten a homemade Christmas sweater too. But like Harry and Ron, his mother had forgotten her -- or not cared enough when Ron mentioned she'd landed in Slytherin.

Fred, George, and Percy Weasley all walked in next, laughing and shoving each other. They all had knit sweaters. They sat down next to Harry and Ron and soon the rest of the table filled up. A hundred turkeys coated in seasoning spread across the table, and mountains of roast and boiled potatoes; platters of chipolatas; tureens of buttered peas, silver boats of thick, rich gravy and cranberry sauce awaited them at the table.

Daisy picked at her potatoes, chewing slowly, shoving her fork around from corner to corner. She watched as Harry laughed along with his friends, and she felt happy for him. She'd had eleven wonderful Christmas's -- he deserved to have them too. He seemed so happy and joyous. His smile reached his eyes and he pulled wizard cracker after wizard cracker with different Weasley brothers.

Hagrid sipped his wine at the Head Table, growing more and more intoxicated as the night grew on. He even kissed Professor McGonagall on the cheek, and, to Daisy's great surprise, she blushed, giggling, her hat a bit lopsided. She was tipsy too.

Everyone was having a good Christmas.

Everyone, it seemed, except Daisy.

She wondered why she couldn't be happy this Christmas. She wondered why her family didn't love her as much as they had the year before -- why they couldn't accept her, differences and all.

Daisy supposed it was karma finally running it's course. She was rather spoiled growing up, a little rotten to Harry, and demanding of her parents. Perhaps, it was finally getting on par. She'd been a bad person for eleven years, and this seemed the beginning of the next eleven.

She didn't deserve a good Christmas. She didn't deserve a group of friends -- she should be grateful for Theo and Blaise. And Cedric. She should be grateful to attend such a magical school with such a magical gift.

But Daisy couldn't find it in her to be grateful. She only felt sad. Her magical gift ruined everything -- it broke her family. It broke Christmas. And she was beginning to think it broke her.

Daisy was one of the first to finish her food, not that she ate much of the grand feast. A few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs left before her, but she was the first Slytherin to leave. Even the older Slytherins appeared to be enjoying themselves.

She found the familiar chair again, in front of the tree, next to the fireplace. She sat in different clothes now, her overalls and woolen socks, staring at the present contemplatively. Deciding to get it over with, she pulled it out from under the tree and opened it.

A short note lay under the wrapping. It read: For Daisy. Love Mother, Father, and Dudley

Daisy's heart dropped at the message. So simple. 'Mother and Father.' She'd never called them that -- it had always been Mum and Dad, occasionally Mummy and Daddy. Had they really achieved such a formality in their relationship that all familiarities were lost?

She set the note to the side. Inside a thin brown box was a black hairbrush with thick bristles. Daisy's face dropped and tears rose to her eyes. A hairbrush. She had to be grateful it wasn't used like some of Harry's old birthday presents -- perhaps that was some sign of love? She had a hairbrush, her mother just bought her one during their shopping spree for her birthday.

And now -- they'd gotten her another. And it appeared to be far cheaper, as though bought from the back of a pharmacy, or in the front of the line at a grocery store. There was no engraving. No special marks, nothing to make it personal. Daisy stared at the black hairbrush, heart falling deeper and deeper the longer she stared.

Dudley was probably playing with one of his many toys. He'd probably gotten double what he had every other year -- since they didn't feel a need to buy her presents anymore. She wondered how her birthday would go this summer. It was supposed to be her turn to pick the activity and meal, but she had a feeling it wouldn't go that way. She'd probably never get a choice again.

Daisy wiped the tears from her cheeks, picking up the note and reading it over, searching for anything special at all. Not even a heart. Nothing.

Then something snapped. A white hot, burning rage filled her and she crumpled the paper into a ball and tossed it into the fire. Crying, she threw the hairbrush against the stone wall with a loud cry, shaking her head furiously. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to feel unloved by her family on Christmas. It wasn't fair!

The hairbrush bounced off the wall and landed near her feet. She picked it up, standing on her feet this time and threw it harder, channeling all her fury into the hairbrush. All her pain.

She hated Snape for bullying her and taking house points away whenever possible in class. She hated Pansy Parkinson's stupid pug-face and her stupid laugh. She hated Draco Malfoy and his mocking voice about her family. She hated her housemates for not accepting her. She hated her parents for being muggles and making her life so much more difficult.

She was sobbing now, tears pouring down her cheeks. But they weren't only tears of sadness, they were tears of anger.

She hated her parents for hating magic and not accepting her. She hated Harry for being happy when she was not. She hated the Weasley family for not liking her due to her Hogwarts house. She hated her life. She hated herself for being so different, for not fitting in anywhere. For being so unloveable that even her own family hated her.

And when she threw the hairbrush again with a loud cry, chest heaving, it slammed against the wall with a great thud, breaking straight down the middle, both pieces flying across opposite sides of the room.

She hated Christmas.

☍︎︎

sad sad sad daisy sad chapter made me tear up a little bit tbh. poor daisy just needs some love:(( don't worry she'll get it eventually but it'll be slow and gradual and she doesn't find familial love for a long time. I hope you guys liked this super depressing chapter! I was going to write her into the mirror of erised scene, but honestly this just felt more right. I feel like daisy is such a sensitive little baby who just loves simple things like snow and iced lakes and hot cocoa and so her Christmas not going the way it has for the past eleven years just really hits her. anyways! let me know if you guys enjoyed! and leave a comment with your thoughts! don't forget to vote, please don't be a silent reader! stay safe and wear a mask!! happy new year's!! hopefully 2022 will be better, but the only thing I can promise is a more consistent updating schedule hah. -osw