The first time I met Colby Hart, he was a scrawny older nine-year-old, nose stuck up in the air refusing to play with his kid sister and her best friend. 

He'd been more interested in playing basketball with his friends and was absolutely scandalized at his mother's request to have *gasp* girls join him. 

Throughout the years, his indifference to me evolved into friendly playfulness which then extended into teasing mockery, leading into a period of pranks which definitely left me on guard anytime I visited their household. 

Then something shifted, dramatically. 

His playfulness turned flirtatious in nature and, while he might've denied it, he definitely threw in suggestive innuendos every now and then just to see what color my cheeks would turn and then promptly laugh at my reaction to him. 

It was a mortifying turn of events, then, when my heart started fluttering nervously around him. 

When my breaths rocked my chest double time whenever he would enter a room. 

When I'd find myself focusing more on his eyes and the pit of feeling I'd never had before in my stomach than what he'd actually been saying.

There was a pre-kiss Colby, and a post-kiss Colby. 

Pre-kiss Colby would never have spoken to me the way post-kiss Colby had been lately. 

And maybe that was my fault, for asking for him to be my first kiss in the first place. 

I'd changed the dynamics so thoroughly that we couldn't go back to the way we were before, with the innocence and friendship that came so effortlessly between us. 

Or maybe it was his fault, for wanting what he wanted and committing to someone else, or multiple someone's. 

Or maybe he just didn't give a fuck at all, and this was all some kind of game to him that he got off on--waiting to see if I would hold out or using me as some kind of placeholder for when he dumped his latest girl. 

Whatever it was--it was becoming a problem.  It had already been a problem, but now...

Now he was staring at me from across the room during lecture in the class where I was the TA, and half the girls in the class had dated him for at least a week, the current girl hanging on his arm while Kalen shot him daggers with his eyes from the other side of the room.

Because the professor was on the other side of the room.  Because it was clear he wasn't looking at anything other than me. 

And Kalen...was not happy with this new development. 

His hands were clenched tightly into fists in his seat in the big auditorium style classroom built specifically for lectures like these, his navy eyes slated and downcast in obvious anger. 

Something roiling in my gut told me that the two men had had words about this situation already, and Colby hadn't taken Kalen's warning to heart.

Kalen couldn't afford another fight, either, not after the fiasco at their game and the fight he'd already had with Colby where I was sure there was still a light dusting of yellow across his face after all was said and done.

Sure they were on the same team and had to play nice, but it wasn't like they could just pummel each other and then call it even. 

Their feud had begun at the very beginning of the school year last year, or at least, that was what Colby had said when he'd come back for break last year ranting and raving about how much of an asshole his teammate was, and how he'd probably be captain the next year despite it. 

And lo and behold, that exact thing had happened, just as Colby had predicted. 

It grew until his mom had banned Colby from speaking of Kalen for the rest of the holidays.  

My proximity to his number one rival certainly hadn't helped things with their hatred of one another, either. 

And now Colby was adding fuel to the fire. 

The moment the professor ended the lecture, both men jumped up out of their seats to make their way over to me, but my professor had other ideas. 

"How's that internship going over at the museum, Gracie?"

"Um, it's going good, sir.  I'm hardly there long enough to have any problems, honestly."

His eyebrows quirked as Colby and Kalen glared at one another as they decided to wait for me. 

"Oh?  Would you like for me to see if they can have you over the weekends as well?  I know one of the curators, and I'm sure she'd love to have you for longer.  It would be a paid position as well, of course.  Wouldn't want you overextending yourself for nothing."

Thinking of the inconsequential internship at the museum where all I did was sort files and put them in the correct place in a dusty backroom, I cringed. 

"Um, I'm already pretty overextended as is.  I'm worried I won't be able to honor all my commitments.  Can I think on it?"

"Of course, you can.  But if you plan on working there after graduation or even going further with the school into research instead, it's good to get a foot in the door this way.  Just let me know."

"I will, thank you."

"Oh, and can you help me with my email again on Thursday?  I still can't get those links to work with the presentation."

Ignoring the urge to roll my eyes at my professor's complete inability to work technology I merely smiled and nodded my head as he packed everything up and steeled myself for what was most likely going to be another confrontation. 

Meeting me halfway to the door, Kalen sidled up to me and gripped me around the waist, pulling me in for a kiss on the cheek before slipping my bag off my shoulder and taking it for himself. 

"What was all that about?"

Colby was waiting for us at the door. 

"Nothing important, just stuff about my internship."

We neared Colby and he perked up, eyes darkening as he took note of Kalen's hand placement around my waist. 

"Hey."

His complete lack of vitriol as he stared at us was...different. 

"Hey."

Kalen tightened his grip on my waist. 

"Can I talk to you for a minute?"

It was clear his question was for me, seeing as he couldn't tear his eyes off me the entire two-hour lecture we shared together. 

He motioned out of the lecture hall and we all stepped into the hallway.

"Uh, yeah I guess so.  What's up?"

"Um.  I mean, like, can I talk to you alone?"

Glancing up to Kalen's stony face, I sent him a reassuring smile. 

"Sure.  I'll only be a minute."

It wasn't for Kalen's benefit, however.  It was letting Colby know he was only getting a fraction of my time, nothing more. 

"Alright, I'll meet you at our spot later after practice?"

"Oh, okay, sounds good."

He trained a warning glare on Colby once more before slipping my bag off and gliding back onto my arm gently, hand cupping my face before playing a soft goodbye kiss on my lips that left me tingling and wanting more. 

He pulled away reluctantly and stepped aside. 

"Love you."

The words "you, too," were out of my mouth before I had even had a chance to process his words, but by then he was already walking away. 

Wait.  What?

"So, I know you don't have a lot of time but I just wanted to talk and make sure we were good.  I didn't want you to think I was just dating someone else to make you jealous."

Colby's words were uttered but they didn't make it past the rushing in my ears. 

Love. 

He had said he loved me. 

What the actual fuck?

Since when did we start dropping casual phrases like that in passing?

Who ever said that was okay? 

Who?  What?  When?  Where?  Why?  How?!

Kalen loved me?  

Surely not. 

It was just something he said in passing, to show affection. 

He probably said it to everyone, all the time. 

It wasn't just me, right?

Oh, shit, Colby was still talking. 

Fuck, why was my chest squeezing so tightly? 

Why did it feel like I couldn't take a deep enough breath?

And oh shit, suddenly Colby wants an answer to what he was saying and I wasn't paying any fucking attention because Kalen threw a brick at my heart and expected a beating organ in my chest to fucking catch it.

What.  The.  Fuck.  Was.  Happening??!

Why did the phrase send a shot of white hot panic through my veins instead of elating me like it should've? 

And why was Colby looking at me like I was about to pass out? 

Oh, shit, probably because I really was about to pass out. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you this upset.  I had no idea I hurt you so much by moving on so quickly from our talk."

"Colby--this...just--please stop talking."

His brows furrowed but he thankfully shut the fuck up. 

He was staring at me like I was about to break down, and while yes, I was, in theory.  But it was more than that. 

Kalen couldn't love me, it just didn't make sense. 

None of this made any fucking sense. 

"Are you okay?"

I laughed. 

"No.  No I'm not fucking okay."

And then I turned around and walked out, Colby calling after me but I didn't care, not one single bit. 

Because I wasn't okay. 

Kalen said he loved me and I was not fucking okay. 

I didn't think I ever would be. 

So, no, Kalen couldn't love me. 

He just...couldn't. 

How could he love me when I didn't even love myself?

***

Author's Note:

What did you think of this chapter?

What do you think will happen next?

What do you WANT to happen next?

Until next time my lovely readers,
Kristen :)