Please stop
This endless nightmare

-eternally, txt

It was as if living in a nightmare only it wasn't a dream, but a tragic reality.

Living in Gaphae I certainly knew what was going around, though in bits and pieces. The clan club was still far from me, and the boys even further.

Murmurs were drifting in the grim neighbourhood, rumours floating in the air and in the news. That a lot had heard a gunshot. That two casualties were injured, one being in such a critical condition that they were hospitalized.

All I knew was that Shownu was hospitalized. I did not know anything else and nothing really mattered.

I had spent the whole day from morning to evening on my bed, not even able to go outside in fear of what I'd hear.

My phone was tightly clutched in my hand all day. Occasionally, I'd scroll through the contacts, read their names aloud. Shownu, Wonho, Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon, Jooheon, and Changkyun.

I would check the volume of the phone in case I would miss a call, or a simple text but nothing came. Kihyun promised they would contact me but when?

It was killing me being in the dark. What if something really happened to Shownu?

What if he...

Who did he shot? What was happening in the club? Were the boys safe? What was going through their head? Were they alright?

Hundreds of questions circled around my head and it was making me nauseated. A lot of the reasons pointed to not eating much the whole day too, pretending to eat just so my mom would not notice. Telling her I was sick and missing university with that excuse.

"Daisy, have you heard?" Lying on the bed on my side, I saw my mother putting down grocery bags on the dining table. "I heard things outside. Something horrible happened here."

Slowly I sat up on the bed using my hands as support. More than physically being weak, I was tired mentally and emotionally.

"A man got shot. Another got stabbed. The police came and since then they have been ransacking the whole place, what was it called, a clan club, I think. They're saying that a lot of illegal things has been happening there. It all came out to light because of those two men trying to kill each other."

"No! Mom, crimes don't happen there now, it used to before. W-when-" I managed to barely croak out before my voice gave up. It was like a punch in the gut.

I was scared of facing the incident but it walked right into me itself and I had to face the reality now. There was no denying anymore.

Shownu really was in a critical condition. The clan club was really vanishing.

It was not his fault, not their fault, they were trying so hard to clear the nefarious deeds their parents had done and trying to make their own names.

"T-they are not bad people! They were just trying to survive. They were trying to get out of it," I cried out, choking on my sobs and my body trembling on its own.

"Daisy... Honey," she said, incredulous, probably not understanding why I was on the edge all of a sudden. At the same time, she looked frightened, and I could not remember the last time I had broken down in front of her. All she had seen from the past few years was my strong facade.

With light footsteps, she approached my trembling body. Tears did not fall out of my eyes, only I was shaking badly. My throat felt constricted. As if a good scream or a loud outcry of helplessness would make me feel better but I just couldn't do anything with myself other than gripping on the bedsheets and gritting on my teeth to suppress the sobs.

"Talk to me, Daisy." She gently placed her hands on my shoulders, clasping on my joints to give me strength.

I could barely look at her. My stomach was twisting and turning. Nothing in it, yet I felt like throwing up. "You know them mom..., At the hospital, you saw them. They're the owners of the clan club. And I used to- I work for their management."

My vision was bleary. The words battled my closed-off throat to come out between the whimpers. I did not know if she understood but she pulled me into a tight hug.

"It's okay, Daisy. They did seem like good people. There's no one else who knows how it's like to be mistaken as a bad person. And how one's past could come back haunting them even when they try to live better."

Her hushed words lulled me into a calmer state. Only to stop trying so hard and let the tears flow like the loud thunders and gusts of wind before a raging storm.

My tears were wetting her shoulders. Every time I choked up and tried to stop she rubbed circles on my back making me cry even more.

There was no way to stop. She did not tell me to stop either. I wondered if she was talking about my unnamed father or herself.

My father who was in a notorious gang, hiding away from people after killing someone, only to run away in the end.

Or my mom, whose story only began after she got pregnant with me while she was a teen, and got kicked out of her conservative family.

What about me, who had fallen in love with those seven boys and a place only to get them snatched away.

Or what about the boys who were trying their best but in the end, none of it mattered and it all went to vein.

My mom did not ask me a single question. I was thankful, I would not be able to say much as I was already drained out. She made me dinner and observed carefully if I ate or not. Telling me that I would not be able to fight with others, or myself, with an empty stomach.

It was hard to get the food down my strained throat but I forced myself for the sake of my mom. She only had me, and I could tell how antsy she was seeing me break down.

The night was falling in deep and my mother did not leave my side, practically, when she laid beside me to sleep.

I could tell she was afraid I would have another crying session, or I would feel lonely. Worst, I could do something regrettable.

Being a sick person she fell asleep quickly. Looking at her innocent face that did not have any creases, yet the youth long gone from her features made me wonder what kind of pain she had gone through.

Worse kind of pain, to lose everything and start off a journey with an embryo inside of you. All of that, being merely eighteen.

I wondered if she would forget to eat too. If she would then force herself to stomach the food for my sake.

If she attempted doing something regrettable to be so terrified leaving me alone.

Suddenly my vision was getting clouded again. My phone lying helplessly next to me dinged for an upcoming message.

"Can you meet me at the garbage disposal place from before? Now." It was from Minhyuk.

I did not hesitate to get up to leave, even though it was already midnight. When I saw my mom stir in her sleep I felt guilty to leave her without a word.

That guilt only lasted for a moment. I was coming back to her. Right now, I really needed to know what was happening, for my own sake.

I left as quietly as I could, taking nothing but a warm coat and a few dollars with me outside. It was charcoal dark, the neighborhood deep in slumber. Only a few dogs howled and the dried leaves under my feet murmured with each step.

Taking a taxi I reached the place as fast as possible. From time to time Minhyuk and I had found myself here, to trash the garbage and 'let off steam'.

This could be my last time here.

There wasn't a reason to be so pessimistic. However, I could not help but feel all the hope drain away from me as I approached Minhyuk sitting by the door of the broken down minibus.

It had only been more than twenty four hours yet Minhyuk looked like he had not slept for days, weeks even. His red hair was tousled, dark circles beneath his eyes. I did not feel the warmth radiating from him anymore, he looked cold, numbed.

Even his eyes felt dead like the old and dusty furniture that surrounded us. He looked like a broken down doll, just sitting there with his hand limply falling on his laps. Even when he looked up at me there was no spark. He was just, there. He was barely even there.

"Daisy." He didn't smile at me like usual. "I think it's coming to an end, Daisy. This is it."

Something broke inside of me. Perhaps, I would become like him too but right now he looked like he needed someone. Though I was only a feeble person myself I went and sat next to him in the tight space.

From closer I could see how pale his face was. His eyes containing a void as he stared at the dark ahead, the part that was uncovered by the fluorescent light circling us in the bright.

"I did not think Ryujoon hyung would kill Shownu's father."

"Ryujoon?" I felt my throat going wry and the tremor build up again inside of me. The security guard from the club, Shownu's close handman who would always be by his side to look after the business.

Ryujoon's face visited my mind, the cheek scar on his left, his stout build and gruff voice. All the time there was a killer among us and none of us knew.

Suddenly I felt the urge of letting out the dinner I had.

"Why...?" My voice cracked as I spoke, barely audible.

"I don't know. And I don't even want to know. He survived the gunshot. If I was Shownu hyung I would've really killed him. The bullet just grazed Ryujoon's skin."

There was a hollow in his tone even when he spoke so clearly. I knew, he did not have to tell me. I knew Minhyuk would've really killed him, and maybe, I would've too if someone hurt my loved family.

"What about Shownu?"

He turned to me and my heart almost stopped. There was nothing in his eyes, there was no soul. This wasn't Minhyuk. He was always so filled with soul.

It really broke him, it really broke him so much that there was no Minhyuk left in the shell of his body.

"Here it is, Daisy. Shownu hyung was in the ICU because not only did Ryujoon survive, he stabbed his arm. It was a bad wound and it cut off some of his important nerves, his tendon," Minhyuk breathed out before continuing.

"Shownu will never be the same again, Daisy."

A tear escaped my eyes. Shownu would never be the same. What about Minhyuk?

Any of them? Or me? Would I be the same?

"They're closing the clubs. We can all be held accountable for the lobbying, drug or illegal firearms transfer, private loans that used to happen there before." Minhyuk again turned to stare at the dark.

I discreetly wiped my eyes. "Couldn't there anything be done? It was your parent's business..."

"Our parent's business. And now Shownu hyung wants to take all the responsibility because his father was the head of this."

Another attack, I could feel my fingers trembling so I balled them into fists. Why was Shownu doing this?

"We are trying to make him stop. But we know how he is. Fuck it, Daisy-" he almost shouted making me flinch. "Fuck this! Nothing good lasts! We were only trying to find happiness together! I wish I could see this coming. I wish I could stop this..."

That was the first time for the night Minhyuk had shown some emotions. While he bent his upper body forward and hid his face with his hands I wanted to tell him something, anything.

But no words came out. My throat had closed off again, as if something was stuck there making me unable to speak, or breathe. Tears flowed again.

We were both tumbling into an eternal darkness and no one was there to save us.

---
A/n: hello.

I love writing angst.

Since this book is coming to an end I'm editing the first chapters and let me tell you- I almost cried. You guys deserve an award for surviving the typos and grammatical mistakes.