I just wanna step on the white snow outside
With you, together

-Lonely Christmas,
Monsta X

"How long has it been since you joined us? Four months? Five?" Hyungwon with his silky hair, now cut shorter than before that fell onto his forehead in fringes asked me craning his neck from the furthest side of the table.

I tipped my head back to him. "Four months and two weeks."

"Wow," Wonho the bubblegum head laughed triumphantly beside Shownu, both of them sitting at the opposite side facing me. "It seems like only yesterday."

"It's been months really," I cackled back.

"You guys seriously don't see how much she has changed," from my left Minhyuk spoke, his hair a shade of burgundy red after dying it last week. A knowing look on his face as he pointed his fork to no one in particular. "You guys don't realize how much she laughs now. She was always grumpy before."

"I don't." Immediately my smile fell into a nonchalant grace. The rest of the boys wooed and shushed me with their loud voices.

"You definitely smile a lot more now," Changkyun had his eyes down at the opposite side, stabbing the piece of his cake then nibbling on the chocolatey mess on his spoon.

"I did notice," Kihyun stirred from my other side. No one seemed to notice his comment and I pretended I did not either.

Jooheon who sat by Changkyun in his hair gelled up showing the glory of his forehead and the slit on his left eyebrow gave me a grin. "You look prettier today. Is it because of Christmas or is it something else?"

The way his eyes subtly glimpsed at Kihyun then fell back to mine did not get unnoticed by me. I wondered for the umpteenth time why was this boy pushing his love agenda when he had caught us doing something which was actually nothing, only twice.

Why was he throwing hints here and there when I had been clearly avoiding being alone with Kihyun for two months since I had the realization that I was developing feelings for him?

"It's the dress. That dress is pretty, Daisy," Hyungwon commented from the corner again. "And you should let down your hair more often too, if you'd like."

"Nah, she always looks good," Wonho chided in, his eyes gleaming in the brown and dark atmosphere of the bakery.

"She does," Minhyuk added earning a small nod from Shownu.

I looked down at my knee-length dress, it was not anything extravagant but a cotton candy white dress with flower patterns that were so vague and yellow, but if you looked closely the details were intricate. The sleeves were loose and rested on my upper arms, the neck of the dress v-shaped making the silver chain with a golden pendant around my neck visible.

My hair, I could not remember the last time I did not have it in a ponytail, cascaded down to my waist where the dress also was the narrowest. A few stray strands falling by the sides of my face.

Looking outside at the glass walls of the warm and busy bakery I saw night of Seoul that seemed lonelier with snow falling down from the sky, ever so gently like the sprinkles of cocoa powder the bakers from this very shop would use to decorate their cakes.

As if I could feel the cold outside I hugged myself with my hands, my brown overcoat resting on my lap. The dress wasn't meant for winter, but for summer. After my mom gave it to me on my last birthday I could not find a chance to wear this. This was my time.

"You're not eating anything," Kihyun again whispered from my side with his dark shaded eyes observing my face.

"I am...." Turning away I took a sip of the hot cocoa as I focused on the group of boys discussing things among themselves with vigorous excitement and joy.

"Yeah, it's been hard with the English club but at least no more people left," Changkyun scratched on his eyebrow and I kind of missed him without a barbell or any kind of jewelry there.

Weeks ago he had stopped wearing those, saying that the piercing got infected. At least his nails were still painted black and his attire was dark. Even though it was Christmas his Gothic self barely strayed from the emo identity.

"And we have Daisy and Haneul to help around now," Minhyuk announced, not before giving me a proud smile.

"Oh," Wonho formed his mouth in the shape of an 'o'. "Who's Haneul?"

"She's my good friend and she's also from Jooheon's major," I replied and Jooheon lifted his hand up a little as if on cue.

"I think," Shownu quirked an eyebrow, with a thinking look on his face and then he turned to me, "I think I know her. She once talked to me."

His raised eyebrow died down and with a curious face he spoke again, "She said she liked my performances, it's long ago but... That's her, right?"

I could feel the corners of my mouth stretch to the furthest, knowing that my friend's crush did not go to vein as she had thought. Shownu still remembered her. "Yes! It's her! You should visit the university and the club sometimes."

I could not help but slightly put in that recommendation just so Shownu would visit. It had been some time since he and the others, Kihyun, Wonho, and Minhyuk graduated. The English club still felt empty without them.

"Maybe I should," Shownu gave me a curt nod.

Minhyuk beamed from his seat, obviously taking a liking of the idea. "Kihyun and Wonho too! I am the only one who makes unannounced visits even after graduating."

Jooheon shook his head to himself and turned away with a deadpan. "Nah. You just come here because some of the girls have a massive crush on you."

Minhyuk almost jolted up from his seat, pointing his fork to Jooheon threateningly this time. "I do not. It's because some of you suck in managing the club."

He then turned to Hyungwon, his fork moving too. "And you. Remember the last time I was there and you said never thought of it," Minhyuk mimed in a way that resembled the said boy's 'thert' or 'thot', whatever he wanted to say that day, I recalled and could not laugh a little looking down at the table.

"No one could understand what you said!" Minhyuk groaned and the table fell silent.

"You twink," Hyungwon scoffed before banging his head in the air letting out a massive sneeze at that very moment.

"My god, you'll spread a virus like this," Jooheon murmured and I saw Kihyun quickly pulling away the plate of donuts that sat before Hyungwon.

"By the way," Wonho rotated his head around to look at all of us with a lost expression on his face. "Did he really curse on Christmas eve?"

The saddening tone on his voice made me want to laugh again but Hyungwon let out another wheeze of sneezing spray and Changkyun shook his head to the sides disapproving.

"That's not even a swear word, should've said fucker," Changkyun shrugged with both of his shoulders and when he saw the boy beside me, Kihyun giving him a stern look so he shrugged again. "What?"

It was silent with only the scattering sounds of people moving around, murmuring in their own conversations from the other tables and a fresh aroma of winter laced with baked goods, vanilla, and chocolate dancing around us, a faint Christmas carol song playing in the background until Shownu let out a loud laugh.

It was momentary as he sobered up soon, but there was a glint of a tear in the corner of his eyes and I found all of us staring up at him. "Thanks for spending Christmas with me, together. Since father died I did not think I would ever come back on this bakery and eat a cake on Christmas Eve."

The melancholia on his tone made me walk down the memory lane of some time ago when it wasn't winter, but my heart wasn't so warm and I was only starting to open up to them. Shownu took me to this very bakery on Gangnam in an evening and he talked about his father, his childhood.

On Christmas this place was busier than usual, filled to the brim with customers and tables that were not there before and only for this special occasion. Even in the crowd, it felt like only seven of these boys mattered. As if only they were there.

"Thank you guys, and Merry Christmas," Shownu looked like he had held himself well as he smiled again, the disdain on his face gone. He held up his glass of sweet coffee and I felt Minhyuk sigh next to me.

"This scene would've looked better if we were in a five-star restaurant and you had a glass of expensive wine in your hand," he rambled on with a distant look on his face.

Hyungwon rubbed his reddened nose from the corner. "Way to ruin the moment."

"Merry Christmas!" Wonho held out his glass of black coffee mixed with coca-cola. Shownu burst out into a fit of laughter again, so did the rest of the table. Even Kihyun trembled in a silent chuckle by my side.

I inclined my glass of hot cocoa up in the air. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas!" The rest of them cheered.

The night grew on and thirty minutes later we had more sweets in front of us, chatting away as the group formed into bits and pieces. Minhyuk leaned in a bit, close to the side of my head. "Daisy, don't you have to go to your mom?"

"She would be sleeping by now," I answered taking a sip of my warm drink. "And I got to spend the whole day with her."

In between the low hums of the voices, I could pick up Shownu, Wonho, and Kihyun immersed in a conversation that was mainly about the beer promotions, how the ads grew on Japan too and how opening up another outlet of the clan club there would help with the international growth.

These boys and their commitment to business even on a magical day like Christmas eve.

I was brought back to Minhyuk when I felt his elbows jostle to mine. "You should bring your mom next time. How about on new years eve?"

A ringing sound of Shownu's phone interrupted the serene atmosphere but he quickly picked it up. "Are you kidding? She's only seen three of you months back and she's still drooling about you guys," hastily I said.

Minhyuk bit on his bottom lip fighting back a grin. "Really? Imagine if she saw me."

Jooheon seemed like he had heard our conversation as I saw him giving an eyeroll.

"Yeah," I bobbed my head lightly. "Plus she does not know much about this job yet."

"Guys," Shownu's voice commanded, a bit alarming. Everyone fell quiet and I realized I wasn't the only one who sensed the mild panic in the eldest.

His phone was still clutched to his hand as he let out an exhale. "Some guys, our old business partners that we decided to cut tie with and some of the ones we fired are creating a ruckus on our club outlet in Shinsa dong."

Shownu's voice and his face were calmer than before but the panic seemed like it had shifted to the rest.

"On Christmas night?" Wonho voiced out, clearly a bit petrified.

"Yeah, Ryujoon hyung just called me," Shownu answered.

"You have to be kidding me," Changkyun clicked on his tongue and Jooheon grumbled on his breath next to him.

"Here I thought I could watch home alone after this," Hyungwon commented.

Kihyun was the first one to stand up. "I think we should go to see the situation." Shownu followed right after.

Everyone else bristled, getting ready with their coats to face the cold outside, yet the air was so thick that I felt sweat trickling down my back. Leaving me shivering the next second.

I could feel the sudden surge of tension and anxiety in the air and truthfully, I felt it in myself too. This was my first time facing a real problem since I had joined them, if I crossed out the paintball situation that made Wonho a pink head months ago.

With a loudly beating heart thudding against my ribcage I quickly pulled on my overcoat, following the boys outside to meet the wintery snow. But I was stopped with a hand on my arm, a firm grip circling around.

It was Kihyun, he kept me from going forward. "You stay," he said in his hushed tone, the velvety voice that was always a haven for me but this time it was strict and serious. "It can be dangerous."

"I will be fine." Swiftly I jolted my arm away, a determination on my face that made him stare in my eyes for a few seconds before walking away.

From behind, I stroked on the place where he had touched just now, ashamed of myself. My heart still beat for him, this was not just because of the anticipation of what was coming. It was because of Kihyun too.

Carefully ignoring him for two months did not do anything to ease the feelings down, it only grew more. His presence lingered on my mind wherever I went. In the university and the English club too, though he was not there anymore.

As I followed the boys to the two black vans in the parking lot with a cloudy expression on my face just like the snowy Christmas night, I heard Jooheon whistle excitedly.

"I think," from a few feet away he turned to see Kihyun and me who were the only ones behind. "Shit is about to go down!"

---
A/n: I'm really really tired rn but here's a long update, the 30th chapter for my lovelies! Thank you for 10k reads!!

This is not much considering I have 13.5k followers as of now. But I know I don't have many monbebe readers. And the numbers does not mean much to me cause I'm really enjoying writing this.

Thank you for staying with me, reading this book. Yall are the real ones <3