Just looking at you
Makes me smile

-beautiful feeling, day6

"So you still have not finished them yet?" Kihyun said, his voice a stark above his usual tone.

To me it felt like he always had a cloud surrounding him, though I realized there wasn’t a cigarette in his hand this time.

It was a cloud of a dark aura. Which was almost invisible whenever I saw him at the university considering how his outfits would change, but if I ever looked closely, just a tiny bit, I would see it again. The aura surrounding him.

It was more visible when I was at the clan club like now when he was standing close to me.

It was as if he had a wall built around him.

Why was I even observing him?

"It's a lot," I said briefly, my eyes darting back to the table before me which had a pile of colorful files making a small mountain on top of it.

With a dramatic and fake sigh (clearly) Kihyun left me to that dark lone side of the couch with multiple paperwork in front of me. And when I took one from the pile I wondered what was I doing here again. I did not belong here.

Suddenly I felt the anger slowly boiling inside of me again. The printed letters on these papers seemed futile and empty. I knew there was so much going on behind the scenes yet I knew nothing and I wanted to know more.

There was so much to ask but why?

Why was I getting involved in this even more.

"I see you're taking this seriously," When a familiar voice said I realized how my nails were digging onto those papers, how I was on the verge of tearing them apart unknowingly.

"I'm trying," I let my grab go loose. It was Minhyuk sitting before me. Wearing a black tshirt and some silver coloured chains that adorned his slender neck well. He put a hand on the back of his head, looking at anywhere except me.

"I know you are avoiding me for some reasons but Kihyun told me to help you out."

I averted my eyes from him, as well as taking notes mentally that he had realized how often I ran away seeing him.

The word 'similar' ticked me off, he ticked me off, his presence annoyed me, it scared me because he felt like a psycho yet I understood why Wonho or Minhyuk himself thought I was similar to him.

Joining my hands together then setting them on my lap I took a moment to myself before I spoke up, "Yes, please. Help me if you can."

Enough running away. For real, this time.

And when I saw his face it had one of his brightest smiles on. "Well, thank god! I thought you hated me," his eyes glimmered even in the dark. "I just wanted to get close to you. Since you were from my major and the English club, then you're working here as well."

The moments he was blabbering nonstop, it all became blurry lines to me. Because I noticed something on him, something beautiful yet strange.

His legs were uncovered as he was wearing shorts and it was my first time seeing him like this. As he sat on the sofa my eyes first darted to his lap then to his thigh, right over his knee. There was a tattoo right there, inked across his skin making a beautiful pattern.

A whale.

"So this professor, Kim Shidae. Oh god, you’ll know how much of a shit-dae he is soon enough. I call his shibal. The amount of assignments he gives, as if no one has anything else to do-"

"That tattoo is beautiful," I muttered, my voice breathless and strange to my own ear.

He stopped and looked down on his naked thigh. "This?" his finger trailed down on the patterned ink. "Thank you, It's a whale."

"It looks pretty." Embarrassed I looked away just realizing for how many seconds I was staring at his thighs. But my eyes took me there once again.

"I like whales. I have a whale plushie that I can't sleep without. It just, gives me a peace of mind. When I was little I used to have dreams where I'm riding on a whales back. It's funny I  know."

When I looked back to him he still had this toothy grin on his face, but his eyes were filled with melancholy, his expression nostalgic.

"It's not funny. When I was a child, I had dreams where I would fight a tiger and rescue my mom. It was often the same." A lump suddenly formed in my throat. This was the first time I was sharing something personal to someone.

First time in my life.

A low sound of laughter filled the air. "Superhero dreams like that would be amazing to have any time."

And then the sound of his laughter died. "The whale calms me down when I feel angry for no reason."

There it was. All my thoughts were processed into one single static line. The anger, perhaps it was the thing that tied me to him. It was the thing in common between us.

"You know. We all have our stories. My mom left me when I was young. I had a hard time coping with it, I don't remember much but I do remember crying all day for no reason. And I don't even remember her face but I still feel angry at her, till to this day."

When he stopped his voice still lingered in the air for a while. And the words wrapped around my heart, tied around like ropes and I felt like choking.

Perhaps there was more in common.

"But I guess," I saw his index finger outlining the tattoo on his thigh and I could only focus on that. "I feel less lonely here, when I'm with them. Because I'm not the only one who had it rough."

His fingers were tracing along the lines, coloring the stomach of the whale as he spoke softly.

"Wonho is an orphan. He lost his parents when he was a child. Shownu lost his father a year ago. His father was killed, his mother lost her mind ever since. Kihyun stays to himself. I don't know much but I don't think he has a very good relationship with his parents.

"Hyungwon has a good relationship with his mother but hardly talks to his father. His father is a man with issues, that's all I can say. And Changkyun's parents sent him to the states alone when he was only a child. He grew up with his aunt. The only one among us is Jooheon who has a very supportive family, and we are really, genuinely happy for him."

The words were heavy. His voice was heavy. I did not dare to look up too see that melancholic expression again but for some reasons I felt like the tie around my heart was getting loose.

The ropes were untying one by one.

"Anyway," His voice was light again when he spoke a little too loudly. "Changkyun and Wonho has tattoos too but I'd have to strip them naked to show them to you."

Without even looking I could feel the glitters back in his eyes again.

"Wonho has a flower tattoo on his butt, one on his foot, there used to be another big one in his thigh too which was my favourite but he removed it because he wears shorts too much in the university. Oh, and, Changkyun has two on his back. Also, look closely on his left wrist."

There was a mischievous look on Minhyuk's face. He bit his lower lip hard before he proceeded to say more. "I actually got mine to cover a surgery scar. I hurt my leg badly trying to be bold. Damn, that gunshot hurt a lot."

"You were shot?" by the time my eyes were as big as a pair of soccer he burst out into a fit of laughter.

"See? I fooled you. Just what do you think I am?" In between his laughter he stopped just to give me a playful look. "You think we are gangsters, don't you? And that's okay. I'm just glad you're showing more of your emotions!"

"Will you stop with that chitchat!" A loud voice from Kihyun interrupted us and I could see the blonde head visibly deflate in his position. On the corner of my eyes stood A Kihyun right behind the couch Minhyuk was sitting with a glass of wine in his hand and then he disappeared right after.

Minhyuk bent a little forward, nodding his head to himself and his lips pressed into a thin line. Taking some of the papers in his hand he looked at me again.

"Do you want to go somewhere with me tomorrow?"

I didn't know what I was thinking when I nodded affirmatively.

---
A/n: I really like this chapter. A few days ago I was in a real shitty state of mind. I was crying, I had an attack and I wrote this chapter to calm myself down.

It helped. I'm better now and I hope you guys are doing okay too <3

I'll explain the tattoos to those who don't know! They are real. Minhyuk has 2. On his back and thigh.

He got the whale one on his thigh to hide a surgery scar.

Changkyun has three tattoos and an eyebrow piercing. On his shoulder, back and wrist.

The one on his shoulder says "one who wear the crown bear the crown"

Wonho 'had' 3. A flower on his butt and a huge one on his thigh which was my favourite. It said "life is c between b and d"

He got them both removed.

There's one on his feet which says "real knows real" and it has fake crossed out. It's a matching tattoo with another starship artist gunhee. I don't know if he still has it.

Do you have any tattoos or piercings? I have none lmao