ARI.

Chaos couldn't compare to my life at that moment. This was more than unjust frenzy. What this was, was bedlam at its finest hour. It was complete pandemonium; a war with no end and no hope in sight. This was an uprising turbo fueled with extreme pain and God, did I want it to stop. But there was no stopping it; it was like a fiery bullet straight through my heart and Luke was the one who fired.

Apparently I passed out.

And I don't blame my body's innate ability of falling straight into fight or flight. I just wished I could've fled farther in the unknown. I just wanted to be back into a state of happiness and carefree; a mindset of pure ecstasy. But life wouldn't let me.

I didn't know what extreme desolation felt like until this horrible Christmas morning. Even when my dad died, my shattered heart seemed to mend itself and I knew I was going to be okay. But this, this was a burning torture and I didn't think I could survive the impeccable pain that shredded every part of me. My head was throbbing, my heartbeat low and when my eyelids finally had the strength to open, the fluorescent lights above me blinded my weak eyes.

"Whoa there Ari," a voice softly spoke, "don't get up."

"What's going on?" I croaked. My eyes squinted, as my head slowly turned to find the mystery voice.

Calum stood at my bedside with concern painted upon his tanned face. As my vision adjusted to the light and I observed the boy before me, I could see that his brown eyes were glossed with fresh tears and that his cheeks were stained with dry trails of previous beads.

"You were sedated," he calmly spoke, but as his best friend I could easily hear the slight crack in his voice. Calum reached over to hold my hand, his nostrils flaring out slightly before he bit his bottom lip, "I thought we were going to lose you too."

Then it hit me.

"Too?" I breathed, "where's Luke? Where is he? Is he okay?"

I looked up at Calum with tears streaming and a pathetic pout on my face. Without saying a word, I was silently pleading that Luke was okay. Praying hard and pinching my innermost mind that what I saw earlier was just a nightmare; a cruel joke that the Devil was playing on me.

"Ari," Calum took a deep breath inward before exhaling. A solitary tear dribbling from his eye and I began to shake my head in denial.

"Don't you say it Cal," I whimpered, "don't you fùcking dare say it. God! Please, don't say it! I need Luke, please... just let him be okay."

Crying was inevitable - so I pulled my hands away from Calum's and hid my face into my palms. I gasped for air, struggling to breathe as I sat in complete, utter pain. I heard the chair next to the bed skid against the floor and moments later, two large hands cupped the sides of my face.

"Luke's not dead," Calum declared, and the second that revelation was spoken, my head slowly lifted. I was met with the truth in Calum's brown eyes as his hands trailed from my wet cheeks to assuringly hold mine.

"What?" I spoke cautiously; slowly even, in attempt to shield my heart from any unwanted slashes.

"Luke's not dead," he confirmed. "But he's not okay."

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

Calum swallowed the lump in his throat, "he was hanging for so--" he cried, hiccuping and stumbling across each word, "for so fùcking long. And, he, something about oxygen and the brain and I don't know what the doctors were saying and--"

My best friend couldn't hold it in anymore and an ongoing slew of tears filtered from his eyes. His normally strong demeanor faltered, and his knees buckled, prompting the tall figure to collapse onto the chair. This entire room spun at 360 degrees, as Calum was now the person who needed a friend.

"Love calm down," I cooed, my throat dry. "Please, talk to me about Luke. Please."

Calum looked up at me, cheeks tainted with tears clearly unwanted. I'd known this boy for 8 years and not once had I ever seen him cry this much; not once did I ever see Calum shed pain like he was at that very moment. It shattered my heart to see him in such a broken state.

"Luke," he slowly began, taking in a deep breath, "he's in a coma."

"C-c-coma?" I stammered, eyebrows narrowing in on the messenger, whose face was tainted with awful truthfulness.

"The doctors are unsure if he's even gonna wake up," Calum informed, wiping his dampened face with the backs of his hand.

"What do you mean?!" I was suddenly scared, fearing the notion of Luke's unknown fate. "He has to wake up. He's not leaving me."

"The doctors said it's unlikely. And if he does, there will be damage to his brain," he continued.

I sunk in the hospital bed, shifting my attention from Calum to the wall opposite of me where the unpowered television sat. Though dark, and slightly eerie, I stared at the reflection through the screen. In a bed, tangled in white sheets, with tubes running through thin arms, the frail creature stared silently back at me. Brimming with hollowness and specs of despair, the young girl was missing her reason to smile; her reason to live a colorful life. But that girl whose dark eyes aimlessly pierced through my soul wasn't some nightmare-- that girl was me.

"Calum?" I croaked, my vision never shifting.

"Yea?" He responded.

"Can I see him?" I asked, finally gazing over to the dark-haired boy next to me. "I want to see Luke."

"I don't think that's a good idea,"

"Why not?"

"I don't think you can handle it," Calum was blunt. There was no beating around the bush, nothing to buffer the blow of his true feelings. But he was being honest, a good friend, and I needed a good friend right now.

Calum was one hundred percent right. I didn't think I could handle it; I didn't think I could keep myself together in seeing the boy I so deeply adored helpless and hurt. It pained me just thinking about it, and to actually witness the idea, was making me sick to my stomach.

"Take me," I pleaded, "please Cal."

Calum sat stationary, staring into my pleading eyes and silently contemplating my request. I could see it on his face, see his mind vacillate between answers. But when he let out a heavy sigh, and brandished out his hand, I knew what words were about to come out of his mouth.

"Let's go," he gave me a small smile, a gesture not forced, but tainted with ache.

I grasped onto Calum's warm hand, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. Conveniently, a pair of slippers were placed at the bottom and my feet easily fell into place. With the help of my best friend, I steadied myself. I carefully unlatched myself from the heart monitor device attached to my finger and grabbed the IV-pole next to the bed.

"Are you feeling well?" Calum asked, and after taking a deep breath inwards, I nodded my head. The truth-- my head was throbbing and I was dizzy to the point of motion sickness by standing up. But this biological feeling in my stomach couldn't compare to what my heart was trying to tell me.

Exhaling, "yea, thanks Cal."

Hand in hand, Calum carefully and quietly lead me towards the door. He grasped the door handle, pulling it open slightly and peaked his head into the dim hallway. I watched him in curiosity, waiting for his next move. Calum turned his head over his shoulder.

"The nurses station is on the other side of this floor where the elevators are. We're gonna have to take the emergency exit across from this room. Is that something you can do?" 

"Yes," I answered, not the slightest bit of hesitation in my tone. If stairs were the only thing separating myself and Luke, then I'd climb them a thousand times over. 

Calum didn't respond vocally, instead he tugged onto the hand he was holding, leading me out of the hospital room. Being as nimble as possible, the two of us silently cross the hall to the heavy, tan door. Calum held it open, letting me inside the eerie stairwell first. The lights above us flickered like some cliche thriller, and when the door shut behind us, its impact echoed clamorously. Once again, Calum seized my hand, never letting it go as we ascended the first flight of stairs. Having the IV-pole with me made the climb more difficult, but it was tolerable. 

The first two flights of stairs were no problem, but by the time we had to go up another floor, I could feel my lungs burning and yearning for air. I was losing equilibrium by the second, and black dots plagued my vision. I felt my body slowly collapse, but before I could hit the hard floor, Calum was there to catch me.

"Whoa Ari," he breathed, "this might be a bad idea. You're so weak. Let's just visit Luke when you're well-rested." 

His words were in slow motion as it passed through my ears, and even slower motion as it passed through my brain for it to comprehend. When it finally did resonate, I shook my head in response. 

"No Cal," I protested, my voice trembling, "I can do this."

"I don't know," Calum argued, concern dripping from his tongue. "I should take you back to your--"

"Please," I interrupted, "for Luke." 

Calum could see the desperation in my eyes and hear the pleading tone of my voice. He knew the determination in my blood, and he knew that I was too stubborn to give up now. So he nodded his head, giving into my demands, but with a weary expression painted on his face. 

"Just pace yourself," Calum advised and I nodded, continuing our journey in the stairwell. 

Each step I took, my legs burned from pain and my head grew more dizzy. It was hard to breath and at one point I found myself pathetically crying, feeling Calum's hand squeeze mine every so often in support. But I just kept my mind focused on Luke - happy, healthy, and lovable Luke. My determination to accomplish such a small feat in climbing stairs was fueled by the idea of my favorite blonde-haired quiff boy. The tiny sparks of energy that was synapsing within my muscles to stay strong were ignited by the image of the blue-eyed, beautiful soul with the cute giggle.

Baby girl.

Luke's deep voice kept ringing in my ears, like a whisper of encouragement that made my entire body shiver. Wanting to give into my body's fatigue wasn't going to happen as long as I kept Luke's voice in my head. Though he wasn't physically by my side at that moment, his presence was still radiating all around me.

Calum and I scaled another three floors before we finally made it to the ICU. I was out of breath, panting heavily as my back hit the wall. I let myself slide down to the ground, succumbing to my tired legs, as I tried to catch my breath. Calum hovered above, observing me as if looking for any cue that I was going to pass out. 

"I think I'm okay now," I told Calum, holding my hand up for him to take. Without a word uttered, Calum grasped my hand and helped me up back onto my feet. My free hand held onto my IV-drip and like before, I followed a cautious Calum out of the stairwell door. 

The ICU was just as calm and quiet as the ward we were previously on. It was as if time stopped for us; like the Lord of Chaos decided to take a break in order for me to find my way to Luke. It shouldn't have been that easy to casually walk through that area and meander our way to Luke's room, but luck was on our side. Within a couple of minutes I found myself face to face with a light blue door that was closed shut-- behind it, was the boy I adored. 

"I'll be out here waiting for you," Calum's soothing voice filtered into my ears, his warm hand around mine finally releasing. He gave me a light push towards the door and with a reassuring smile, I took a step forward. 

I held my breath as my fingertips grazed the cold handle, pushing it down as I pushed open the heavy door. The room was dim, and familiar beeping monitors echoed in the small room. A blue curtain barricaded the bed, and I held my breath even harder as I slowly inched myself closer and closer. When I finally stepped before the bed, and the motionless figure on it, I let out my breath and let out a slew of tears. 

"Lucas," I whimpered, dragging my IV-pole behind me as I sauntered right next to the boy. I plopped down on the chair that was conveniently placed right next to him and without another second passing, I grabbed Luke's hand. 

It was so cold. It didn't feel like his hand. It wasn't warm or welcoming, and at skin to skin, I didn't feel surges of energy prickling my fingertips like I always felt whenever he touched me. Luke was here, alive and next to me, yet I've never felt more alone than I did than at that moment. 

"Baby," I whispered, stroking Luke's hand with my thumb. I gazed at the boy, pale pallor to his skin, messy blonde hair and purplish bruising on his neck that made my stomach drop. My entire body shuddered as my eyes released more tears. I held onto Luke's hand tightly, bringing it up to my lips to delicately kiss. "Please be okay, please wake up. I need you here, please Luke." 

I didn't know what else to do but to cry. I couldn't control my emotions. I was tired, I was weak, my heart was flustered, and all I had the energy for was to cry. I was so fucking frustrated because there was nothing I could do to make Luke better; no magical spell or fairy dust sprinkled that could wake him up. It made me angry to feel so helpless, and for that I cried like a pathetic little girl with a broken heart. 

"I love you, please wake up," I cried, pleading hopelessly. 

I lifted my head, resting it on Luke's hand that was wrapped up in mine, trailing my eyes around the dimmed room. In the midst of monitors, latex gloves and empty water bottles, I noticed something subtle yet off kilter about the room. By the window was a table, and on top of that table were a pair of eyeglasses on top. The dark brown rimmed spectacles looked familiar and I knew whom they belonged to: Mrs. Hemmings. 

Letting go of Luke's hand, I gently placed it back onto the bed. I eased my way over to the other side of the room, keeping my eyes on the pair of glasses and the peculiar object next to it. A neatly folded piece of paper sat nicely atop the table and my mind quickly flashed back to the identical one that was placed on top of Luke's guitar. With a trembling hand I reached forward, grabbing the smooth parchment and taking a deep breath inward. I unfolded it, finding two letters instead of one. The note on top was addressed to Mum, but the one beneath it, was for me.

Instantly my heart pumped in a frenzy and I felt my mind go dizzy again-- these were suicide letters. Written in black pen, messy penmanship, and sections of water-stained melting ink (to which I assumed were from fallen tears of Mrs. Hemmings), these strings of words were directly from Luke to me. I didn't want to read it, yet my mind yearned to know what was on his mind. So I put down the letter addressed to his mom, and let my eyes linger upon the one meant for me.

My dearest Ari,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I'm sorry for stepping foot into your life and ruining every ounce of good you had. I'm sorry for having the audacity to drunkenly walk into the alleyway by your work, and I'm even more sorry for letting you take care of me. I don't deserve your care. You have a big, open, loving heart babe, and it's fùcking beautiful the way it works. The world is more vibrant with you in it and I am honored to have spent some of my best days with you. Thank you for all you've done for me and for my mum. Thank you for sharing Calum, Ashton, and Michael with me-- their friendship meant so much. But mostly, thank you, for you. You were my favorite part of each day. 

I can feel my fingers become numb as I write this. The alcohol in my blood is kicking in and my thoughts are in overdrive. But drunk words are sober thoughts, remember baby girl? I hope you can understand my need to take myself out of the equation. I'm a burden. I'm a problem in your life and it physically hurt me to see you tumble into a mess that I caused. I vowed to protect you but I couldn't. I hope you could forgive me one day. 

I love you Ariane Genevieve Quiroz.  

-Luke xx

//

FINALLY.

Oh my gosh! It's been like 75 years since I last posted a chapter. I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY GUYS!!!! School kicked into full speed out of nowhere and suddenly I was drowning in school work. 8-10 page papers, midterm exams, group projects, and a part time job on top of that. I've been swamped that I had no time to sit and write. When I did have time, I honestly decided to sleep because I was lacking it. Thank you for not ditching me and for being patient! I felt so bad not being able to update for so long and I kept getting messages for me to update.

BUT hopefully this chapter is somewhat satisfying. The last chapter I would say is the climax of this story and now we're dwindling down to the conclusion of it all. We still have about 9 more chapters left with an epilogue before Drunk Words, Sober Thoughts is officially over. I will try to have the next chapters updated a lot sooner than this one-- even if I have to write a little bit each day.

THANK YOU so much for continuing to stick around, for commenting and for voting. It still surprises me to see what a milestone I've made with this story. 500K+ reads and 10K+ votes is so freaking mindblowing to me, and I have YOU to thank for that!! Love you all!!