***

[ J <•> H ]

J: let's get married.

H: why? A few days ago you were bickering on how we're still a married couple.

J: I meant for real this time.

H: so you mean to say that whatever we have had between us wasn't real, you bitch! Wait till I get my hands on you. Or better still I'll plunge my arrow into your heart.

H: for REAL this time.

J: hey, you don't really mean it darling...

J: Helena? 

H: you have one text to clear yourself up or else I would definitely do what I threatened you with just about now.

J: I meant let's get officially married, like with a priest and a whole ceremony.

H: you sure?

J: one hundred percent.

H: think again, Jay. Last time we gave it a try you got so freaked out while proposing that the ring fell into a sewer.

J: remind me again where I was proposing you?

H: Crime Alley.

J: how romantic.

H: but like you want to get legally married?

J: yeah...

H: we would be two criminals in a legal relationship, how ironic.

J: and that's the sheer beauty of it.

***

J: look, I promise I won't freak out.

H: no.

J: but I bought the ring already!

H: on second thoughts, maybe.

H: but I don't have any ring I could give to you.

J: take out the wire from your bow and twist it to make a circle the size of my finger. That would do for now.

H: you seriously think I would damage my bow for you?

J: ouch that hurt.

***

H: found one.

J: found what?

H: your ring, idiot. What else?

J: found as in not picked from a garbage can right?

H: of course not, dumbass.

H: besides, no one in their right mind would throw rings in garbage cans.

J: fair enough.

H: found as in I stole it but I'm sure no one would even notice.

J: oh, cool.

J: let's do it somewhere romantic this time. Like really romantic. And not Crime Alley because if this ring fell into the sewer, Dick won't lend me money for another one.

H: how about the Iceberg Lounge?

J: perfect!

***

H: I still can't believe this.

J: don't worry, you can have a picture as a proof.

H: I mean the ring is a proof in itself, you idiot.

H: by the way, who took this?

J: Ed did. He said he didn't capture our faces just so it would be more fitting with his aesthetic.

H: yeah right... But it's a nice picture.

J: how about we post it? On our Instagram?

H: that's like giving the press an open invitation to haunt us.

J: at least they will stop churning out the stories with me, Kori and Roy. You'd want that to happen, right?

H: I posted it.

J: that's my girl!

J: and I just saw the caption... Seriously, Helena?

H: what's wrong with that?

J: it's quite intimidating.

H: so?

J: could you not write anything other than that?

H: but it's true.

H: The hottest diva in town is taken, bitches, try your luck elsewhere.

J: and who were you referring to by the term hottest diva?

H: both of us, obviously.

***

[ Gotham's Lovebirds ]

Barbara: guys, do you know what just happened?

Richard: Jason proposed to Helena!

Barbara: Dick, you spoiled the moment! I was supposed to tell them that.

Richard: apologies, love. But I just couldn't resist.

Steph: really?

Barbara: really. He did it in the Iceberg Lounge though and later Helena posted a picture on her Instagram.

Tim: you're not kidding me, right?

Richard: of course not, kiddo.

Tim: ...

Jon: ...

Irina: I'm happy for them both even though this was really unexpected and my initial reaction was leaning more towards disbelief. I thought you guys were kidding again.

Steph: so are me and Cass. And we thought the same.

Cassie: I bet Ed took that picture.

Barbara: but doesn't it look lovely?

Damian: now we'll have another married couple around... Such a nuisance.

Selina: I just saw their post and oh my God, I had absolutely no idea this was going to happen.

Cassie: pack your bags, Steph, we're leaving for Gotham right now.

Jon: can I come too?

Selina: of course honey. Let's gather everyone up.

Selina: it's such a pity though that you guys never tell me anything beforehand and I'm finding it all out later from the press or from your Instagram.

Tim: we're extremely sorry, Mom.

Steph: we sure are, won't happen again.

Damian: excluding me. I'm not sorry in the least.

Tim: come on, Dami, we know...

***

Richard: does Bruce know yet?

Selina: I told him. He's happy though it's hard to tell just by his facial expressions.

Richard: I totally agree with you.

***

Irina: okay but where are Jason and Helena? They haven't been active here at all.

Helena: we're right here sweetheart.

Helena: just staying down a little and observing the drama.

Jason: but honestly though we're making a few arrangements.

Jason: like getting some stuff that would be needed for a permanent living arrangement with me and Helena.

Richard: very cryptic but okay I guess.

Helena: or in other words, we took a trip to the Mall today.

Jason: I hated it.

Tim: of course... As long as it doesn't involve shoplifting, the trip is an absolute mood killer for you.

Helena: he's useless when it comes to shopping. All he does is stay clinging to the trolley helplessly while I have to do the rest of the purchasing and selection. All by myself.

Tim: holy shit, that's a whole new level of lazy that I clearly didn't expect from you.

Jason: either you shut up or I'll send you with Helena next time she goes shopping. Maybe then you'll get to see my side of the picture.

Richard: but that's horrible, Jason!

Barbara: yeah, you should definitely take some tips from Richard.

Jason: no thanks.

Barbara: like he's great when it comes to shopping.

Barbara: well who am I kidding? He's great all the time at everything.

Richard: aw thank you, Babs. I love you 💕

***

Irina: has the press caught up with you guys yet?

Helena: oh yes they have.

Jason: and that's reminds me, I have to give a fucking interview tomorrow! Ugh!

Helena: you mean we have to give a fucking interview tomorrow.

Jason: of course, love, that's exactly what I meant.

Irina: best of luck.

Helena: thanks. We'll need that.

***