***

[ T <•> I ]

I: do you honestly never get tired of all this ridiculous shit that happens among you people?

T: we won't be the Waynes if we got tired of this.

T: for us, it is normal.

I: you guys have the weirdest family ever.

T: appreciate the compliment.

***

T: I don't even remember when was the last time I actually had fun.

I: you wanna try out something fun tonight?

T: for instance?

I: meet me at the rooftop at ten and I'll show you.

***

T: when I had said fun, I hadn't meant throwing rotten eggs at the press.

I: but you can't deny that; it was absolutely hilarious.

T: I just hope no one saw us.

I: I know no one did.

I: I have been planning this for days. And it feels so fucking good to give the asshats the treats they rightfully deserve.

***

T: though where did you get such a lot of rotten eggs?

I: I have my sources.

T: what sources?

I: Red Hood.

T: excuse me? Red Hood? 

I: yeah, Red Hood. 

T: you've got to be kidding me.

I: of course not. He's excellent at smuggling any thing of any sort whatsoever. Just name it and give him fifteen minutes. Easy as that.

T: but you do know that's illegal, right?

I: nobody wanted those rotten eggs in the first place.

I: stealing something which will go to waste otherwise is not as horrible.

T: I'm sorry, Ren, but vandalism is still a crime.

I: vandalism? Holy fuck, Tim, are you high? Of course that's not vandalism or shop lifting or whatever new accusation you have up your sleeve.

I: next time do not accompany me if you have to give me a lecture on legal codes later, you understand!

T: hey, I hadn't meant it like that!

***

T: you're still angry at me...?

T: Ren?

T: I'm sorry, I...

***

I: I forgive you.

T: I nearly died and all you're saying is I forgive you?

I: stop being such a hopeless romantic, princess. You and me both know you liked it.

I: plus, no one dies from an unexpected kiss.

T: well...

T: don't you think getting a heart attack is a very obvious reason of dying too?

I: why would you have a heart attack?

T: because I was not expecting you to be there at that time.

I: you really have to start being at least a little more aware of your surroundings. That's exactly why you get abducted so often.

I: always keep your eyes and ears open, love.

I: you can't always be lucky enough to escape alive.

***

I: and if you wear that turtleneck again, I swear I will not save you the next time you're in trouble.

T: Ren, I can not go to work like this!

I: take the day off then.

T: so that I get fired? No thank you.

***

I: do you know why I had forbidden you from wearing the turtleneck?

T: because I look stupid in it?

I: no.

I: because now the press has even more reason to think that you're having a secret relationship.

T: fuck!

I: though if you hadn't worn the turtleneck, it would have been even more disastrous.

T: you would have found me dead in my bathtub then.

I: what the fuck, Tim?

I: are you okay?

T: yeah, yeah, nothing to worry about.

I: I swear if you even think about doing anything to hurt yourself...

T: calm down, Ren, I'm absolutely fine.

I: I am coming over right now.

T: why?

I: I don't trust you.

T: Ren!

T: I'm fine, I'm absolutely fine.

I: open the window or else I'll smash it.

T: sweet holy Jesus, Ren, I'm coming.

T: just don't smash the window!

***

T: I can't, I simply can't do this anymore!

I: what's up, princess?

T: Bruce asked me about you.

I: oh...

T: he says he wants to meet you.

I: no, shit.

T: exactly.

***

I: what will you do now?

T: I managed to distract Bruce by the event details and guest list of that Fall Gala. 

I: are the Luthors invited?

T: yup.

T: though I'm pretty sure Lex Luthor won't turn up. But maybe his daughter would show up on his behalf.

I: and the press will be there. So you will have to stay at a considerate distance from her.

T: I know...

T: can I not just crawl into a hole and die?

I: don't you dare do that, Tim!

***

T: are you coming to the Fall Gala?

I: yes.

T: is there any chance for me to see you there?

I: nope.

I: I don't want the press on my toes again.

I: honestly speaking, they are even worse than Damian.

T: touche.

***

T: can you not whisk me away this once? Just like you promised on New Year's Eve?

I: look Tim, if we ditched the event together, we will only be giving them more to talk about.

T: why do they even exist?

I: calm down, it will be okay. Just focus on the event and trust me everything else will go perfectly.

***

I: so I was choosing dresses for the Fall Gala...

I: and I can't decide.

T: so shall I choose for you?

T: or shall I buy one for you? Trust me, that would be something to look forward to.

I: oh no, thanks a lot for the offer but I have to just choose the color.

I: red, green, blue or purple?

T: I have only ever seen you in black but I am sure you will look stunning in any other color.

***

T: though if I ever have to recommend you a color, it would be off white.

T: or cream. With golden embroidery.

I: looks like you have a specific dress in mind.

T: not really, it's up to you.

I: thanks for the help, Tim, I'll see about that.

***

I: why are you not on your seat?

T: sorry, I'm running late.

T: I sent my boss an email, I'll be back before lunch break.

I: where are you then?

T: in a meeting with the event planners.

***

T: red napkins or black?

I: cream.

T: done.

***

T: carnations or roses?

I: you know the answer very well.

T: carnations?

I: roses are the most common flowers ever so it would be great to go for something different.

I: add some morning glories as well and it would look beautiful.

T: sure.

***

I: did you submit your report?

T: sent it by email, why?

I: oh.

I: good.

***

T: you were right, the flower combo is excellent.

T: even Barbara loves it and trust me it's hard to make her approve of anything.

I: my pleasure, Timbelina.

***

I: can you sneak out for lunch break?

T: I'm sorry but not today.

T: I am stuck.

I: what happened?

T: so there's this whole thing of Lex Luthor coming up on an unexpected round and all the staff has to be there for that.

I: wait, since when? I didn't know about that!

T: and why should you know about that?

I: forget it.

I: focus on your work then and best of luck.

T: thanks. I would need that.

***

I: so the round has finished, I suppose?

I: Tim?

I: why the fuck are you not on your seat?

***

T: I got fired. By Lex Luthor.

I: but why?

T: I'm a Wayne, he's a Luthor. That's why.

I: but you don't work under him. So he can't fire you.

T: yes I don't. He has asked me to give in my resignation to Irina Luthor as soon as possible. Or else I'll have to suffer consequences.

I: he can't just threaten you like that!

T: it's okay, Ren, you don't have to get so angry on Luthor. What he's doing is sensible in his opinion and what I'm doing is sensible in mine.

I: what are you doing then?

T: typing out the resignation.

***