***

[ I <•> J ]

I: what are you up to tonight?

J: nothing much.

I: let's hang out.

J: sure.

***

J: can I bring Red Robin along as well?

I: on second thoughts, forget it.

J: hey, what happened?

I: I hadn't known you were on patrol with that red tornado of doom.

J: holy shit, that's like the perfect insult ever!

J: I just showed this to him.

I: and what is his reaction?

J: I don't know, he's the same as ever. An absolute emotionless little bitch.

I: that's mean, Hood, even by your standards.

J: I thought you hated him?

I: yeah but at least don't be so mean to him.

***

J: so what you're trying to say is that tying Red Robin upside down to a building so that he can freeze to death is not mean at all. 

J: but calling him an emotionless little bitch is very very mean?

I: you do have a point.

J: I told you, love, staying with little Timmy is having way too much effect on you. You're turning into a hypocrite. Just like him.

J: and I am minding my language here or else I might have serenaded you with the title I keep specially reserved for him.

I: what title?

J: a two faced bitch.

I: not at all. You're just being over dramatic. And that is clearly your fault.

J: I beg to differ.

I: and I entreat you to shut the fuck up.

J: now that was ruuuuuuuudddddeeeeeee.

I: exactly, just so you know that I am not as polite as Tim is and even spending hours with him won't ever change me.

J: touche.

***

J: so have you by any chance met Timmy's brothers?

I: nope. Not yet.

J: why? They're awesome. Especially Jason.

I: I think so too. All I know is that Richard is a hot cop, Jason is a fashion diva and Damian is a little gremlin who would bite people's toes off.

J: 😂😂😂

J: I'm sure they would love you, except for Damian.

I: of course, everyone loves me, why wouldn't they?

J: if you ever wish to meet Jason though, let me know. I can arrange something for you. He would totally be pleased to meet anyone who has the kind of attitude that you have.

I: sure, but not tonight. Some other time. Maybe tomorrow?

J: sounds good.

***

[ T <•> I ]

I: so that Jason dude isn't dead but you guys have a tombstone for him in the family graveyard? That's literally the coolest real life secret death stuff I have ever come across.

T: you met him?

I: yes. And tell you what, he's awesome. Another proof you're adopted.

T: technically he died but was revived and it's a horribly long story.

I: yup, he narrated it all.

T: I can't believe that. He would have murdered me if I let slip anything yet there he goes announcing it all to you.

I: that's because it is his life story, he can choose who can be trusted and who can not.

I: and as far as my first meeting with him went, he is actually really cool.

T: but tell you what, he's still a pain in the ass.

***

I: I just showed this to him and he's coming over to beat up your ass instead.

T: what the fuck, Ren?

I: sweet dreams, Timmy Tim Tim.

T: you sent a nightmare hurtling in my direction, yet you have the audacity to wish me sweet dreams!

T: oh shit, he's outside. Three minutes before he breaks open the door and I will be the one having a funeral next.

I: I have written you a eulogy already. It's so poetic, I can't wait to read it out loud.

T: gjero klf aaaaaashjllll bumffh!!!

I: what language is that?

I: how clever, the world will never know what were this century's greatest genius's last words. May his soul rest in peace.

T: no wait, let me send you the translation.

T: my middle finger salutes you.

I: ah... So I take it you're not dead yet? 

I: or am I supposed to engrave this on your tombstone? It would make a brilliant epitaph though.

T: I fucking hate you both.

I: aw, we love you too, my pretty damsel in distress.

***

T: I don't want to forgive you for what you did to me.

I: but you can't stay angry at me for long, right?

T: and you use that to your fucking advantage!

I: aw, Tim, you're so cute when you get mad.

T: well, just so you know... 

T: I am about to get real fucking adorable.

I: that's so fucking sweet...

***

I: okay but seriously, why do you have such an awful sense of humor?

T: I am trying to work, Ren. There's this report that I have to submit by four.

I: oh...

I: keep working then.

***

I: by the way, is there any chance you could sneak out for lunch?

T: why?

I: I was planning to order your favorite ramen noodles.

T: lunch break is in an hour.

I: I know.

I: finish the report before then and sneak out.

***

T: so now you have met Richard too?

I: it was Jason's idea.

T: and just so you know, Richard added you into our group chat and has given you a very specific title.

I: wait a second, let me check.

I: oh so this group titled "Not Superheroes" is your group chat?

T: unfortunately yes.

I: couldn't you think of a cooler name for this?

T: check your title first.

I: fuck. It says Timmy's Girlfriend.

T: exactly.

I: who told them that we are dating?

T: ...

T: are we?

I: you're blushing, aren't you? 😏😏

T: fuck you, Ren!

I: when and where?

T: stop it... Please stop it. 

T: or else I will die from a heart attack.

***

[ Not Superheroes ]

Timmy's Girlfriend changed the group's title to Awesome Bitches.

[ Awesome Bitches ]

Demon Spawn: who the fuck is this?

Demon Spawn: Drake, are you dating? Since when? And who?

Timmy Toes: none of your fucking business.

Demon Spawn: actually, I want to know who is stupid enough to date you.

Demon Spawn: and I know for a fact that this is not Brown.

Timmy's Girlfriend: hello Damian.

Timmy's Girlfriend: I can't change this title under which one of your brothers saved me as. Can you help?

Demon Spawn: you think I would be able to? If I could I would have changed my own.

Timmy's Girlfriend: you do have a point.

Demon Spawn: Grayson and Todd are the admins. So everyday my title is switching multiple times from Baby Bro to Demon Spawn.

Demon Spawn: and frankly speaking, I hate both of these titles.

Timmy Toes: how about Satan's grandson? Or The Grinch? Or Toe Biting Gremlin? Each of these suits you extremely well.

Timmy Toes: oh yes a new one! How about Count Dracula?

Demon Spawn: how about YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Timmy Toes: even better.

The Walking Dead changed the group's name to Gotham's Freak Club.

[ Gotham's Freak Club ]

The Walking Dead: get along guys, I do not want you people to go all ninja on each other.

Demon Spawn: awful joke, Todd, as always.

Timmy's Girlfriend: I can't believe it... You people use gifs as well?

The Walking Dead: we're the Waynes honey, we're always one step ahead.

Timmy's Girlfriend: Jason, you can change my title, right?

The Walking Dead: I thought you would love it.

Timmy's Girlfriend: technically I don't have any problem but Timmy might be a little uncomfortable.

Flying Grayson: hiya guys, whatcha doin'?

Flying Grayson: and no one's changing any titles. Big bro's orders.

Flying Grayson: and hey there, Ren, such a pleasure to have you on our group chat.

Demon Spawn: kick her out. At once. This is a family group chat and she's not family.

Timmy's Girlfriend: ouch that hurt.

Flying Grayson: exactly. That was so mean of you, Dami.

The Walking Dead: and what if she isn't family yet, she will be soon.

Timmy Toes: ...

Demon Spawn: I don't care, I will find a way to kick her off the group.

The Walking Dead: why? Did she bite your toes off, gremlin?

Demon Spawn: I swear, Todd, I will make you regret this.

The Walking Dead: oh I am so scared, you are no longer a kid. May the lords have mercy on me! The demon has been released from its cage!

Timmy Toes: and this is why I didn't want you to meet my brothers, Ren.

Flying Grayson: of course not, Damian is a lovely person who will just cool down in a short while. Nothing to worry about.

The Walking Dead: yeah sure...

The Walking Dead: he set my room on fire, Dickybird...

Flying Grayson: somebody call the firemen!

Timmy Toes: on it.

Timmy's Girlfriend: seriously guys? Are you people even normal?

Flying Grayson: nope. We're the Waynes, honey, we are limited edition. And if you've got to date our Timmy and hopefully become a part of our family one day, you will have to get used to the drama.

Timmy Toes: so about that dating part...

Timmy's Girlfriend: yeah... And that family part... 

Timmy's Girlfriend: I think you guys are really rushing into this. There's absolutely nothing of that sort between me and Tim yet...

The Walking Dead: shut up both of you, we know very well what's going on between you two.

The Walking Dead: so save all the justifications and lame excuses.

Flying Grayson: for us, you both are dating. Whether you like it or not.

Flying Grayson: case closed.

***