***

[ T <•> I ]

I: can you not stay out of trouble for one fucking day?

T: uh... Sorry?

I: Gotham has about a million residents but you're the one who is always in trouble. Always...

T: it's not my fault.

I: yes it is.

I: can you not fucking see where you're going? You would have dropped into a manhole.

T: what matters is that I didn't.

I: if I wasn't in the vicinity, you would have.

T: touche.

I: don't you touche me!

I: you have only two options; either you never forget to drink your coffee again or you just don't step out of the house.

T: I'll try.

I: in case of any third option, I'll kick you down a manhole myself.

***

T: have you met the Bats recently?

I: unfortunately, yes.

T: which one?

I: the tiny one. Robin, I think.

T: and did he say anything to you?

I: aside from the fact that he thinks me and Red Robin are dating, no nothing.

T: fuck.

I: what?

I: you do understand that I'm not dating that red tornado of doom, right?

I: Tim!

T: oh yeah, sorry I had to take care of something.

I: something or someone?

T: that someone is what we call a little gremlin. Or Satan's grandson. It depends upon the situation really.

I: are you talking about your younger brother Damian?

T: see, even you know who the gremlin is. His worldwide acclaim is unbelievable.

I: if he really is a gremlin, he'll be coming over in a second to bite your toes off.

T: yeah nothing new. I'll handle it.

***

I: sometimes I think you're suicidal.

T: sometimes I think you're obsessed.

I: that's not how you should respond to that, y'know.

T: and that's not what you ask in the first place when you clearly know the answer would be; I'm 90% coffee and 10% suicidal.

***

T: so I met Red Robin yesterday.

I: why?

T: got abducted.

I: who, him?

T: no, I did. Same old ransom story, same old rescue mission.

I: looks like you're too used to it.

T: we're the Waynes, Ren. Not a week goes by without one of us getting abducted.

I: I'd say you lot intentionally get yourself abducted if by now you haven't learnt how to avoid it.

I: besides I know how extremely easy it would be to abduct you. Because you never fucking watch where you're going and would happily walk into a sack if it smelt like even the slightest bit of coffee to you.

T: anyhow the point is, I asked Red Robin about you.

I: trust me, I don't want to know.

T: hey! You should know.

I: you're making it up.

T: no I'm not.

I: yes you are.

T: cross my heart and hope to die.

I: like you said earlier, you're fucking used to it so what difference does it make?

T: fine, have it your way then. I'm not telling you.

I: good riddance.

***

I: what did you ask though?

T: thought you wouldn't want to know 😉

I: alright then, the next punishment I have in store for Red Robin will be applied on you.

T: wait what? Why?

I: prepare to suffer, Drake! Muhhahahahahaha!!!

T: you do know that evil laugh bit was unnecessary...

T: Ren?

T: hey...

T: fuck, I'm screwed, aren't I?

***

[ T <•> R ]

T: Dick, I need your help.

R: what's up, Timmy?

T: can you please come to the Gotham tower? I need some help untying.

R: what are you doing at Gotham tower?

T: have you seen that gargoyle Bruce always perches up on?

R: Goliath?

T: yeah...

T: I'm hanging upside down from it.

R: the absolute fuck, Timothy!

R: how can you still text?

T: it's the speech to text feature, thank Lord I hadn't switched it off earlier. My fingers have gone numb already. Or else I would have untied the knots myself.

R: fine, I'm coming. Try not to attract any attention to yourself, okay? The last thing we want right now would be your photograph in the Gotham Daily, hanging upside down from a gargoyle.

T: if you don't come here quick, someone will see me and I'll make it to the cover page of tomorrow morning's paper even quicker.

***

[ T <•> I ]

I: I was seriously not expecting you to disappear within half an hour of being tied to the gargoyle.

I: and I am a little suspicious because you vanished just like Red Robin.

T: I didn't vanish. I was just lucky I could still text my brother for help or else I would have frozen to death up there.

I: no you wouldn't.

I: I would have gotten you down before that.

T: ah, how extremely generous of you.

I: what? I didn't want you to die up there, idiot, I was only teaching you a lesson not to take that many liberties with me.

T: lesson learnt.

T: please don't tie me to that gargoyle ever again. It's highly uncomfortable.

I: of course it is. It's a fucking gargoyle, not the back seat of a limo.

***

T: hey, do you know, LexCorp has the best coffee maker I've ever laid eyes on! Just one cup and I'm madly in love.

I: good to know you've found the love of your life, but what were you doing at LexCorp anyways?

T: I heard they were hiring so I grabbed the opportunity.

I: as far as I know, you're already hired in Wayne Tech.

T: nothing more fun than gaining a little more experience. Plus, Bruce would never mind it.

I: but still, LexCorp and Wayne Tech are rivals so unless you were planning on stealing their secrets, I see no reason for you to work there.

T: similarly, you and Red Robin are rivals but still turn up to save people every night. At the same time.

I: that doesn't relate to your situation at all.

T: so you do admit, you and Red Robin are intentionally in the same place all the time. 😏

Irina: try stepping off the roof this time and I won't save you. Let's see if Red Robin comes to your rescue instead.

T: ooops, too late.

***

I: Holy shit, Tim! That was about 300 feet!

T: worth a try. And you actually did wait for five whole minutes so that Red Robin would rescue me instead.

T: and let's just say that was extremely mean of you.

I: though I know now that Red Robin seriously doesn't give a shit about you.

I: he would have seen you fall and walked off thinking the world would be a better place without you.

T: there goes my heart, shattering into a million little pieces.

***

T: you've hurt my feelings.

I: I hadn't known you had any.

T: not fair. I'm not going to talk to you or even text you for a whole week.

I: a week? Like seven days... Good.

T: no, like a week is too long. Five days.

I: you're still texting me, Timmy Tim Tim.

T: nah, still too long. Three days.

I: go on. I'm still here.

T: one day...

I: best of luck for that.

T: screw it. I can't even go an hour without texting you.

***

I: shit, you really are working at LexCorp.

T: yeah but what were you doing at LexCorp?

I: I was not at LexCorp technically.

T: but it seemed as if you just saw me.

I: I was swinging past the gaming room (from the outside) and happened to glance in.

T: how do you even know LexCorp has a gaming room?

I: I just saw.

T: it has only one glass window which clearly doesn't show that it's a gaming room. Plus, it's at a height of about 175 feet.

I: so?

T: your grapple gun has a limit of fifty feet.

I: how the fuck do you know that?

T: they call me a genius for a reason, sweetheart.

***