I got up ready for the first day of school, after another normal boring summer I had. I walked into junior high "excitedly" I least that's what I believed, made myself believe. I found my locker, turns out my friend Sasha was the locker underneath mine, we hadn't been real friends in a while she was my first ever friend. I smiled and said hi like I was so happy, I believed I was so "happy".
Most of the first day, I got used to my schedule, my classes, my routine.
The first semester was great and amazing! I made new friends who loved books and shows I loved, but the difference this year was my "best friends" one had became basically done with me but I was so fake I didn't notice it... but the first semester was almost perfect until my life slipped from under me, like a rug being roughly pulled. You see I was 14 during this year about to be 15, and my grandma who basically raised me my whole life had, had cancer since I was 7. I was so caught in faking my happiness I tried to forget missing school because she had appointments at the doctor, her hair falling out, how hard she worked even when she retired, and I treated her like shit, I didn't help her do chores because I guess if I had done them it would have hit me she's not going to be around forever.
It was the week of my birthday, thanks giving, my birthday was great, that Thursday after it, we were at my aunts thanksgiving and we did thanks..... I won't forget her words "I'm thankful for living".
December 8th... the week after thanksgiving giving was great until, one night I guess it was in the middle of the night, I don't remember exactly but I know that my grandma didn't come home, you know I didn't think anything about it. The next day my step grandpa basically my dad he said that she got really sick and well the next day or so my dad took me to where she was..... it was a hospital and it was really empty and she was in a coma. Thinking about it if I were to go back I would slap my sister. She had her second child with her, her boyfriend, and my other niece. She has alway been a god damn fucking lier, and as we were in that room with my mother or grandma she was talking to my dad and basically guilt tripping him... she said that she was gonna ask something before this probably shouldn't in a way that made my dad want to know, and she was doing it on purpose. She said she needed a place to stay again, she had moved in and out of that house a lot, she moved in again and then.... December 8th came... my dad said "Hey we're going to see mama want to go?" I just stared at a TV and replied "no" I didn't want to see her in that bed again.... later that day my dad came to my room with my sister and said she was gone. I didn't cry.... I didn't cry at first.
Back at school during all this my grade in band was go down drastically and so that Monday morning I don't know what was wrong with me that I was bragging she was dead... I think it was my way of begging for help when I didn't want to. My band walked up and asked.
"Hey, how's your grandma doing I haven't been? able to get a hold of her" He was probably asking because of my grade.
"She passed away." I replied and he immediately changed.
"Oh.... I'm sorry..."
I told Sasha and she got worried I think. "Are you okay?" I didn't think she really cared but now I see she did.
"Yeah I'm fine." I was about to walk away and she stopped me, and I wasn't expecting that at all.
"Seriously are you okay? Losing someone like that is hard." I was caught of guard but I didn't really change, I smiled.
"I'm fine." I was lying to myself and I believed it
"Are you sure Nicole?" She asked one last time.
"Yeah." I didn't cry, she sighed.
"Alright Bye" She left me alone after that.
After a few months my dad remarried, and yes it was FAST, because of that my family thought it was a afar, but it wasn't... my dad was hurting and moving on was his way of dealing with it.
So it was hard as her being my, well basically step mom. As summer started my dad his job, company was shutting down, he's a truck driver. I didn't know that when he said "We're moving."
I was mad really mad but oh that wasn't the worst part. We had to have a yard sale.... it was after we already moved and I refused but my dad wasn't gonna let me stay in the new house alone, which was 2 hours from the old house. I was forced to go and I had to sell things.

One thing I didn't say is my dad, turn my mom to ashes, didn't even ask me, an then my aunt took them

I joined wattpad around this time and I was writing and enjoying it, but I will say this, that 8th grade year and that summer....
It was the beginning of my depression and life shattering breath me and drowning in it.

I was going to do the other thing and still may write a chapter but.... I needed to share this.... idk why.... but this is my first non fiction book...