(chapter thirty eight)

Rafe gripped the roots of his hair, the sweat coating his forehead. The worse about the high was the after. The lack of adrenaline pulsing on his veins, the confident exterior he seemed to have missed almost instantly, the short comfort — or happiness — leaving him void of any feeling. His brain tells him to do only one thing: lay down another line.

But he still hadn't known about the lack of the drug in his system. The abstinence was way worse.

He felt tired, his body thrown over the toilet as he couldn't keep any food in, and even with nothing, he found himself emptying the bile on his clear stomach.

And he wanted to cry, his eyes burning and he was so, so cold.

"Why are you ignoring me?" The angry, yet confused voice made him press his eyes even tighter than before, his teeth gritting.

"Leave me alone!" He yelled at nothing, his hand slamming on the ceramic toilet, and he hissed in pain right after.

The scene replayed in his head like it was mocking him, as his tall body felt so small under the invisible eyes as he curled his knees close to his chest, but Rafe would rather be dead than let anyone see him like that.

"Rafe-"

He closed his eyes once more, fingers pulling on his hair.

"I'm not ignoring you."

"Yes, you are? You haven't answered my texts in a week and even Topper noticed something is off," Clara's stressed voice was the only thing in his bedroom, and he barely even look up from his phone. "C'mon, at least look at me."

His electric eyes, as cold as blizzards left the home screen that he was pretending to be even more interesting than the girl before him and landed on the younger girl at the end of his bed. Her hand at the handle of the door she opened with force.

"Happy now?" He rolled his eyes as a frown appeared on her face. Don't do that.

"What happened?" She tried again, her voice a lot more quiet now.

"Nothing happened, Clara. I just need a break from you," Rafe shrugged one shoulder, forcing himself to ignore the way her face fall.

He needed to play indifferently. He couldn't have any distractions in his life at that moment, Ward needed for him to stay focused. Rafe was in the work to be the head of the company, he needed to focus — to study so he could get into the UNC.

He had everything in his life planned already, and Clara was distracting him, even if he caught himself just remembering when she sat on his lap at the Cameron party three months before. How the rays of the moon reflected on her eyes, and the sweetness of her lips- Don't.

Clara was a distraction.

And before she could even say something, he got up from the bed, taking calculated steps towards her.

"We're not kids anymore that our parents forced us to be friends, we don't need to keep pretending that we are," his words cut her deeper than a knife, her heart aching at that.

"Pretending we are friends?" Her voice was so quiet, and he could hear it breaking so clearly that he almost wanted to take it all back. "You were pretending..?"

"Yes," the cold in Rafe's voice made her look at him with betrayal — heartbreak. "Now we're settled, you can go."

"Rafe-"

"Just stay away from me!" He snapped, and she flinched away, hand holding the knob tight, tear-filled eyes as she just took on his angry appearance.

And after swallowing whatever she was gonna say, Clara only nodded, then she left.

"I'm sorry..." Rafe pressed the heels of his hand over his eyes, trying to contain the tears.

Three times.

His body was shaking from the stress and the cold he now felt.

++++

"Thank you, my hero." Clara smiled when John B passed her the cut-off coconut.

It had become quite a little nagging nickname of her for the boy. He did save her life after all, and she knew it would annoy him a little bit, but also she knew it would light up his mood every time with the small smile and the roll of his eyes.

"You're not gonna stop that, are you?" He asked, crossing his arms as she scrunched her nose and pretended to think.

"Nah," she then smiled too, bringing the coconut to her lips.

Sarah was sitting in front of her, a frown on her face as she continued staring only at her. Her own coconut was long forgotten on the sand by her side, and that also made John B worried. Sarah started to talk less and less every day, but it was not like he could blame her for everything that had happened.

The Campbell girl had pulled her hair into a bun on the top of her head, the hair completely tangled, and she felt like a mess. With a little of the coconut water she had spilled over the cauterizing wound, she bit back a hiss.

Looking up at the sun she could tell it was already past noon. Time seemed annoying still, and she hated it. Clara hated calmness because she knew that every time something worse would follow, that's how life always has been.

JJ flickered a small rock, hitting her in the arm and she looked up at him with a questioning look, he only crouched down beside her, his voice merely a whisper as everyone looked at Pope and Cleo who continued whatever conversation they were having.

"Wanna go with me to grab more wood for the fire?" He asked with a smirk, and Clara raised her eyebrows and nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, let's go," JJ held out his hand to help her get up, the other free one going to the side of her waist that wasn't hurt, as they walked away from their friends.

Sarah looked over her shoulder, attention away from Pope to the two walking away. Her brown eyes fell onto JJ was still holding onto Clara's hand as he pulled up the trail and then he said something that made her laugh. Sarah could feel the bitterness inside her mouth, and she frowned at the two as they disappeared between the trees.

Kiara followed her best friend's stare, then she looked back at Sarah. "What's wrong?"

"I was just..." Sarah let her thoughts hang in the air, biting her lower lip as she shook her head. "It's nothing, I was just thinking."

"Been a lot inside your own head lately," Kiara observed, and Sarah shrugged her shoulders a little, desperately wanting the topic to drop.

"Everything that happened... it was a lot."

Kiara hummed, eyes narrowing not believing that much.

"Yeah, it was a lot."

Sarah looked down at her hands, her mind going over and over about the same thing, and she felt anxiety bubble up in her stomach.

"Where're we going?" Clara asked as JJ kept pulling her even further inside the forest, and he just looked back quickly at her.

"You'll have to trust me on this one," he raises his eyebrows twice, stopping in front of a rock wall, then looking around for a bit.

"I trust you, what I don't trust is your navigation skills. Mind you, we're on a deserted island, and I prefer not to die again," she jokes, and JJ sent her an offended look.

That comment was a jab into his heart. JJ had noticed over the course of the week that Clara liked to say some self-deprecating jokes as a way to cope with what happened. He also noticed that it was probably a normal occurrence when both Kiara and Sarah didn't seem too much affected by it. The two would roll their eyes or just pretend like nothing happened.

Still, Clara Campbell was a mystery to him. She believes she's an open book and that everyone could easily read her, but there were times when she would fall completely quiet, a darkened look on her face as she contemplated something. How the smile would quickly fade away and come back like it never left.

But who was he to complain about it, he was the same, after all.

JJ shook his head, walking a little to the left with Clara following close his every step, a small rock path that needed to be climbed, but not too much steep, as he started walking up to it, his hand outstretched for her to grab it.

"If you can't do it now it's okay, just don't push your limits," he reassured, reminding himself that she was still in recovery. Clara hated when her friends were acting like she was incapacitated, but she appreciated the thought.

Grasping the blonde boy's hands in hers one more time, she started walking up slowly the rock path. JJ was in front of her making sure they were following the right path and he smirked when they finally reached the top.

Clara hissed a little until she finally stopped beside the boy, looking down to where his eyes were focused.

It was a small clearing, water cascading on a natural water pool below, rocks surrounding it and then there was the sand. The sun was hitting exactly in the right spot, the water then reflecting it like a diamond all around.

It was beautiful.

"How did you find this?" She asked still mesmerized by the sight, eyes still only focused on the waterfall and JJ only had a convinced smile playing on his lips.

"Well, you see, I was walking around to find some berries or something to eat, and I heard the sound of water," he started, pointing up to the start of the waterfall. "But I was up there, so I almost fell from the cliff."

Clara turned her head slowly to the boy, eyes widened. "But I didn't! Then I got down and tried to find a way here from the ground."

"You're crazy, JJ."

"Maybe," he mused, starting to make his way down to the pool. "C'mon."

Clara moved carefully after him, and when her feet finally touch the ground she hesitantly let go of his hand, feeling the cold from the lack of contact right away.

Her eyes went to the palm of her hand, and JJ was quick to notice. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I just..." she trailed out her thoughts and JJ sat down with his feet in the water, looking up at her. "I don't know, I feel different, I guess."

"Maybe elaborate a little? If you're comfortable," he said, hand going to play with the small loose rocks beside him.

Clara gulped, sitting down next to him, but different from him, she pressed her knees to her chest.

"I'm not sleeping well," she started, hand going to grab her other free one, playing with her own fingers, something she did whenever she felt anxious. "I know I should've said something, but it's the same thing, over and over."

His blue eyes paid attention to her every move, and he could see her eyes glazing over as she was remembering whatever was conflicting in her head.

"It's just the same, I keep continuously drowning, the burning sensation in my throat, and I keep swimming but I never seem to be able to get to the surface," Clara looked at the water, a frown on her face. "I used to love the sea, feeling the waves crashing, but now I'm so scared to even get closer to it. I'm waking up as if my brain forgot how to breathe."

JJ hummed, his lip between his teeth as he let the information sink in. She was scared of the water, of course.

So he just threw the pebbles on the water, propping himself up a little and letting the lower half of his body fall forwards into the water. His feet touched the ground, the water stopping a little under his shoulders, then he turned around to a confused Clara, his hands laying flat on the rock in front of her.

"Come here," he tries, blue eyes trying to pass her some comfort. "At least put your feet on the water, I swear it's not cold."

Clara bit the inside of her cheeks, but she complies after a few seconds of hesitance. Felt the warm water on her feet, her calves as she moved a little to the edge.

JJ rest his hands on her knees, letting his body float as she was the only thing keeping near the shore.

It felt nice. The water always felt nice.

And after a few more minutes in comfortable silence, JJ let himself under the water, then he stands up, his hair now wet and pushed back as he smiles, hands going to her calves as he gives her an encouraging smile.

"I'm standing up with my feet flat on the ground," he states, his fingers caressing her skin as she could feel the warmth of his eyes. "If you want to try it, I promise you won't drown. I won't let you."

Clara took a deep breath, and she nodded. Her hands went unconsciously to JJ's upper arms, as she was bracing herself to not drown, and his hands went to her hips, as he held her up a little bit.

Her feet were not touching the ground, and she swung them forward and backward. The shock from the difference between her body temperature and the water slowly dissipated, and JJ felt like he could let go.

Clara, however, was still not entirely confident, so her arms wrapped around his shoulders, face coming to hide on his neck as she could feel her heart hammering against her rib cage. And she could swear JJ could feel her heartbeats.

"Please, not yet." Her quiet voice broke his heart, and his arms wrapped around her waist, as he let his head lay on her shoulder, as he started swinging their bodies.

"In your time, princess."

He started walking back, Clara's legs now too wrapped around his hips, and he got closer to the waterfall, giving another squeeze to the side of her body that wasn't hurt, and her eyes snapped open when she felt the cold water falling on the two.

Her heart was as miles per hour, and she gripped even tighter her hold as she let out a squeak, JJ's laugh echoed around the clearing as she distanced her body from his.

"JJ!" She yelled at him, hands going to push her hair away from her face, too annoyed to notice what was his trick. "What was that about?!"

"Hey, won't you look at that!" He exclaims, pointing at her.

And Clara stopped what she was going to say, as she find herself standing alone on the water, which was barely touching her neck.

"You just needed a little push," he tilts his head a bit, a smile on his face and her expression softened. "Can't really let the so-called better surfer chicken out before we even have a chance to actually go surfing, can I?"

"You're so annoying, you know that?" She asks with a smile on her face, as JJ makes a face, as he got closer, hand going to grab her own.

"Yeah, I heard that once or twice, maybe." He shrugs his shoulder in a nonchalant manner. "Don't really believe them though."

"Maybe you should," she remarks, as she sees him getting closer.

"Maybe," he agrees, crouching down just a little, mirroring her actions, now being face to face with her.

"Well, I told you I wouldn't let you drown," he points it out.

He was so close that she could feel his breath against her face, his once cocky smile gone as he looked at her like she was really the only thing in his mind.

And she was.

His right hand left hers, moving out of the water he rested his hand on her cheek, caressing the warm skin with his finger. Alive.

"Thank you," she whispered back, and the corner of his mouth pulls up. Her hand rests on his forearm, keeping it there.

And JJ didn't need confirmation after seeing the look in her eyes, pulling her face closer to his and their lips met.

They were soft at first as if JJ was scared she would break under his fingers, but he pulls her even closer when he feels Clara reciprocate. Her hands go up his shoulders to keep balance.

JJ tips her head back a little to let his tongue pass her lips, the hand at her waist pulling her legs on his hips once more as he feels his back hit the pool wall.

He felt tingles in the places she touched, and he had waited for this moment for months. He could barely believe it was happening, but it was, and he is so sure as was her legs pulling him closer as possible to her.

Clara felt the anxiety and butterflies in her stomach, but it was really a great feeling. She felt safe. She felt alive.

And there they stayed for the next hour, laughing at whatever joke would leave JJ's lips, completely involved in their personal bubble, even if they had to come back to their friends eventually before they freak out.

What they couldn't hide would be the more than subtle glances and giddy smiles.

SOOO THAT HAPPENED🤭
I've been waiting for this one!

Don't forget to vote and comment!
Drop a follow if you can!

Tiktok: shdwmgumi