It was midnight, he realised as he looked at the clock.

It wasn't late enough yet. Or would it soon be too early?

Either way... Not yet. Not yet.

"I miss her..." he whispered to himself, staring at his pillow with a forlorn expression.

He never said his thoughts out loud anymore. He didn't want people to know he wasn't okay.

"I want her back."

It was a simple statement, true, but one that was deep in his heart.

Whenever he felt like that, he would normally just look at their photos for a while (they were placed at the front of his table) or spend some quiet time with Tony.

Except now it was midnight, and he couldn't do either of those things.

Spider-Man, maybe?

He thought about it for a second, before nodding, slowly rising out of bed.

It would be good for New York to see their hero, anyway.

(Their menace?)

Besides, he doesn't sleep much.

Not anymore.

~~~

Spider-Man was swinging through New York.

Not Peter. Just Spider-Man.

When the mask was on, he could act like he had no cares in the world. He could act happy, childish, even, and he didn't have to be upset.

Spider-Man didn't see Wanda as his sister, he saw her as a teammate. Yes, he was protective over her as was she.  He didn't have her anymore, but it was okay.

He had loads of teammates, right? Yeah. He was fine. Perfectly fine.

Not really. He wasn't going to be okay, not anymore.

It struck him when he realised that's all his enemies had to do to get him to break - kill a loved one.

No. He would protect them, they couldn't go, not yet. Not so soon.

He'd give his own life it meant keeping them safe. He swore on it.

Swinging his legs as he sat on the edge of a building, he pondered on everything that had happened so far.

Or rather, what hadn't happened.

He hadn't met Gwen yet. He didn't know if that was good or not - he knew that Harry was really excited for him to meet her (and he wanted to meet her as well) but he didn't know if he was ready.

Scrap that, he knew that he wasn't ready. But when was he ever going to be ready?

Never. Not really.

But he couldn't do much about that though. He wished he could.

Distantly, he could hear somebody crying. He cocked his head slightly, trying to figure out where it was coming from, if it was important.

It was... below him?

A fire escape. Somebody must be hiding out there.

He wasn't sure if they wanted company or not, but it was in his nature to check up on people, so he did.

"Hello?" he called out softly, not wanting to scare whoever it was. "Are - are you okay?"

He slowly climbed down the wall, shooting a web at the roof before carefully going down.

The sobbing stopped - likely the person was embarrassed they were caught.

"Don't be embarrassed," Peter said, frowning at the way this person obviously thought. "I cry a lot too."

The person had noticed who he was, he realised, since he (he seemed to have the body shape of a male, at least) quickly wiped his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Hi," he said quietly. "Sorry to bother you. You can go and fight crime or whatever it is you need to do now."

Peter shook his head, releasing his web and swiftly landing on the fire escape.

"Nah, I don't have anything to do right now," Peter admitted, hanging his arms over the edge. "If you feel comfortable, tell me what's wrong?"

The boy shrugged. "You'll think it's stupid."

Peter gave a little quirk of his lips, lifting his mask up to his nose so that the boy could see it, keeping it there.

"I doubt that," Peter said, giving a weak chuckle. "I've definitely cried about stupid things, and not as badly as you were, so it's not something stupid."

The boy looked away for a moment, before looking down at the floor.

"If it helps, we can just start off slow?" Peter offered. "What's your name?"

"... Jayson," he finally said after a long while.

"Well, Jayson, hi," Peter said, grinning. "I'm Spidey. How are you doing?"

"I - not so good," he admitted. His eyes looked a little teary again. "I just - something bad happened and I don't know what to do. Or think. Or anything."

Peter's eyes softened.

"Well, you know, I -" he gulped, "I know how you feel. I lost someone important to me as well."

The boy looked up, confused.

"Scarlet Witch? I read in the news... I didn't know you were that close though," Jayson said, his eyebrows raised.

Peter noted that this was a good way of distracting him.

(And he'd prefer to make this boy happy, even if it hurt him at the same time.)

"Well, we - we knew each other's civilian identities, so we went out a lot," he said slowly, thinking hard through each sentence. "She - she was an amazing person."

"Sorry for making you upset," Jayson said, eyes darting around. "I know you're only doing this to distract me. And thank you, really, but you don't need to do this."

Peter shook his head.

"As hard as it is to talk about it... You need to," he said, changing the subject quickly. "It's only going to get worse if you don't, and I understand if you don't want to talk to your family about it, but you can talk to me about it."

Jayson looked like he was struggling to answer, before he nodded.

"So - I - I - my grandmother died," he said carefully, trying to pick his words. His face went pale. "That - that's the first time I admitted it."

"That's good," Peter said, giving him an encouraging smile. "It takes a long time to actually realise it's happened, so I'm proud of you."

And the funny thing was, Peter actually did feel proud.

"Tell me more," Peter said, giving a patient smile.

(It hurt his heart to speak about this. He did it anyway. He would always do it for the citizens of New York, of Queens, anyone.)

~~~

SpideySupporter
So, Gwen's transferring to Midtown tomorrow! [23:27]
I'M EXCITED [23:27]
CAN YOU TELL [23:28]

DatGuyInDaChair
Kind of, yeah. [23:28]

SpideySupporter
haha sorry [23:28]
I just haven't spent so much time with Gwen in so long... [23:28]

Spooder-Man
It's okay :) [23:30]
It'll be nice to meet her. [23:30]

DatGuyInDaChair
I forgot that you haven't met her yet [23:30]
She likes science [23:30]
So it's practically confirmed you'll be friends [23:30]
:) [23:31]

Spooder-Man
Oh, cool. [23:33]
I'm going to do some homework. [23:33]
I'll see you later. [23:34]

Harry looked up from his phone, giving a mournful sigh.

Gwen sat next to him, giving him a concerned look.

"Is Peter still acting strange?" she asked.

"Yeah. He's really been broken by her death," Harry mumbled. "Knowing him, he probably blames himself."

"Why?" Gwen asked, frowning. "She chose to sacrifice herself, she knew what was going to happen. And Peter knew too, surely."

"You don't know this whole 'hero' thing he has in mind," Harry admitted. "If there was a plant on a railway, he'd save it. No matter what. Even if he died in the process."

"... That's pretty bad," Gwen admitted. "Maybe we can help lessen it somehow?"

"There's no way," Harry said, smiling ruefully. "Ned's been trying for years, and he was like this when I was friends with him when we were younger."

He gave a small chuckle.

"You should come here in the morning," Harry offered. "We can walk to the school together and get your schedule?"

"Sure," Gwen grinned, standing up. "I need to go, I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I hope Peter gets back to normal soon."

Harry gave a grim smile at the reminder, but waved her goodbye.

He collapsed onto his bed.

Just what was he meant to do now?

~~~

"Peter, grab some breakfast before you go!" Tony called as Peter walked into the kitchen.

"I'm okay," he said quietly. "I'm not hungry."

"Peter, you need to eat," Tony said softly.

"I'm not hungry," he said firmly before leaving, walking into the elevator.

He needed to prepare himself for meeting Gwen.

They got to the school sooner than he'd hoped, and Happy gave him an inquisitive look when he failed to get out of the car.

"Sorry, Happy," he mumbled, his voice not going much louder than a whisper nowadays. "Just nervous."

Happy nodded, understanding. The kid found it harder than everyone else considering it was his rescue mission Wanda had died on.

Nobody would blame him though. Nobody could ever blame him.

"I'll pick you up later, yeah?" Happy asked gently, not wanting to startle Peter - the boy often went into his own little world now.

"I - yeah. Yeah, sure," Peter agreed. "Normal time? And - and normal space? Right here?"

"Right here," Happy promised.

(He knew that he was promising a lot more to Peter than just being in the right place. He was promising to be there for him whenever he needed to be.)

"If you need me during school, call me, okay?" Happy said, shocking Peter out of his thoughts. "Sorry," he added as an afterthought.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure. And it's fine, Happy."

Peter turned and walked toward the entrance of the school. He looked back once, only to turn his head right back towards the school.

No need to show emotion.

As soon as he entered the school, however, a blonde girl bounded up to him, holding out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Gwen, Gwen Stacy," she said, smiling widely. "Sorry if I startled you, I've heard a lot about you and I'm really excited to get to know you."

Peter hesitantly took Gwen's hand (which was a lot more than Gwen had thought he would) and shook it, nodding.

He gave a small smile (and while not genuine, it was still the only smile he had given in a while).

"Hello, Gwen," he said, letting go of her hand and placing his own back in his pockets. "Nice to meet you."

She seemed to be able to tell that he wasn't the best at talking for the moment, but it was okay.

"Besides," she said, giving him a grin, "I would rather see how good you are in science. Both Ned and Harry were singing your praises."

Peter laughed quietly under his breath.

"Ned's an absolute genius," he offered up. "He knows exactly what to do and when to do it. Sometimes there are areas that he can't do, but that's the same with me. And anyway, you aren't too bad yourself."

Gwen linked her arm through his carefully, giving him full time to pull away if he wanted to.

He didn't. She would be a nice friend, he realised. And he could already tell the way Harry looked at her - she was smart, too. She was a good person.

Ned threw his arm around Peter's shoulders, also giving him ample time to move away - in which he did not - while Harry attempted to jump onto Ned's back.

Of course, it failed, with both Harry and Ned left sputtering on the floor.

"... I just wanted to join in," Harry groaned.

He felt it was worth the massive bruise he would get tomorrow, though, when he saw Peter's smile.

~~~

At lunch, Peter and Gwen seemed to talk more; or rather, Gwen was doing most of the talking while Peter was adding stuff here and there.

"How did you manage to create the trackers, anyway?" Gwen asked. "I can easily hack things and make quite a few things, but this was easily one of the most complex things I've seen!"

Peter joined in, his eyes brightening slightly at the talk of science.

(Ned was scared Peter would panic even the thought of the trackers, but no. Gwen had a miraculous power of taking his mind off things.)

Harry smiled widely.

"I have absolutely no clue what you nerds are talking about, but aren't you glad I introduced you to each other?" he exclaimed.

Gwen left it to Peter to answer. She hoped he'd say yes.

"Yeah, actually," he smiled shyly. "Gwen is really nice. How'd you manage to dig her up, exactly?"

Peter's humour was coming back.

Maybe he'd be okay after all.

(Later that night, when Peter was thinking through the good things of his day, his small, bright smile quickly vanished.

Another person they could use against him. He would protect her, the same as he protected Harry and Ned.

He would not allow somebody to hurt one of his own again.

Even if it took his life.)

I was planning on binge-reading psychological stuff but no, I finished the chapter instead because I felt bad XD

*CEMMY I INCLUDED ONE OF OUR CONVERSATIONS IN THERE DID YOU SEE DID YOU SEE*

I'm sorry for this being so late. I honestly am trying to get back to schedule, but it's rough. I had some counselling so it's all a bit better now, but I still find it tough.

(Also it was my little sister's birthday, then her birthday party thentwoweekendsofdoingnothing and then my next door neighbour's birthday then her birthday party so I've been hella busy)

^ I watched life is strange recently

Also, my school is crap. Discovered that I have... what... three friends there? One of my friends has completely abandoned me and I found it hard before I ultimately just pushed her away

My other friend was just rude, but she isnt getting my hints so that's awkward

On the bright side I'm seeing my cousin this weekend and we're trying to 100% complete Lego Harry Potter and its gonna be great

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

(IT WAS NOT A FILLER I REFUSE)

It was kinda hard for me to write the first part, but it's okay now :) I hope you guys are all okay!

Also I just thought of this but wouldnt it be funny if I came out by saying something like:

I hate reading, I'm a dude and I'm not straight. Which one is the lie? (Hint, I love reading, oh wait that wasnt a hint, surprise?)

I don't know, I think weird stuff.

Okay bye XD

See you next next Thursday, my young Wattpadians!

(I miss that catchphrase... imma go back to the schedule just for the catchphrase guys)

- Hunter

^ so, so much easier. Wow.

🕸🕷Until next next Thursday🕷🕸