Anorexia

It's not something that you just develop overnight... You develop it over time and you don't realize that you have it until you notice that you are actually scared

to gain weight...It's also not something that should be taken as a joke... It's serious and sometimes people just need love to try and recover... Recovery from

anorexia, is filled with patience, tears, and resistance... But in the end, if enough love and care is given, the recovery will be sucessful and without a relapse...

But anorexia is also, staying up late because you can't stop worrying about how you're gonna lie about eating the next day...it's being scared that they won't believe

your lies, and they will start to suspect... It's looking in the mirror, and wanting to be skinnier, and be so skinny that you might even disappear...It's wishing

you were skinnier, and thinking that no one will notce and no one will care... It's thinking that no one else is getting hurt but you...It's your rings slipping off

your fingers because they are too skinny for your rings to fit on...It's your pants falling off your hips... It's getting excited at having to tighten your belt a notch

...It's wearing bigger shirts, and stop hugging people so they won't notice and they won't find out...It's no longer changing in the locker room for the fear that

somone will notice, or they will try and say something...It's having Ana consume your thoughts when you're a week into recovery...It's being freezing cold all the time

...It's not wanting to get better because you just wanna reach that goal... It's telling your therapist that you're fine... It's fearing the number on the scale...

and it's also a living hell... It's hard to make other people understand and comprehend why you've been doing it to yourself...And it's hard to get over it....

Especially when you have swirling thoughts in your mind about how no one cares, and how you're ugly and worthless... Anorexia is also the recovery process...

Recovery

It is getting a text from a friend in the middle of the night telling you how beautiful and strong you are... It's having one group of friends that knows everything

that's going on with the recovery, and they are as helpful as they can be... They are rooting for you... They are protecting you from the outside world... They're

protecting you from the cruel words people say... They are your shield and they will stand by your side no matter what life throws at you... They will not let you

suffer in the hell that is anorexia... They will not let Ana control you any longer... They won't let you be alone, so that you don't have to cry yourself to

sleep again... They are gonna tell you and keep reminding you about the things that you have achieved, and they won't let you forget the love that you give to others...

They won't let you rest without telling you how much they love and appreciate you... They support your decisions in getting better even if it hurts for you to leave

them for a while... They just want you to be happy... They just want you to get better... They love you....

Relapse

I haven't had a chance to relapse yet... I hope that I never will... I hope that I will keep my head held high, and I won't forget about the people that love me, and

will stay by my side no mater what decision I make for myself...I hope that I will believe it when people say how strong I am... I hope that I will make myself happy

first instead of putting others before my happiness...I hope that I will recover from this hell I have lived in for 2 years... I hope that I can help others who

are going through the same things as me...I hope that I will stay strong, fully recover, and not relapse... But life is a journey, and we must take it with dignity

and pride... We need to hope for the best and prepare for the worst... We are all strong in this fight we call life... We are strong and we will make it thorugh

another day... I love you....