JD kept his word and picked me up the following evening. He drove Anna and me to Aiden's Grandparents' farm. We pulled up to the old farmhouse that had been in Aiden's family for generations. His grandparents went to Florida for a month every summer to visit his Aunt. The bonfires had become a yearly tradition when they were gone.

JD followed the long driveway to the back of the house and when we rounded the corner, I was surprised at how many cars were hidden behind the dilapidated place. JD slowly drove across the gravel and pulled behind an older style Toyota truck to park. He quickly turned off the lights and killed the ignition.

"Are you ready for a little fun?" Anna turned around to me and asked.

I gave Anna a quick smile that didn't reach my eyes. Even in the dark, she could tell I was not completely in the partying mood tonight.

"Aw, Ry Ry. It won't be so bad. We won't stay too long." She nodded to herself as if it would make me change my mindset. I did not feel well, and I was on the verge of tears. Nothing was going to change how I felt about showing my face tonight.

My stomach made a loud, grumbling sound and flipped a little bit. I took a deep breath and slowly moved to open the door handle. Why did they call it morning sickness when it could happen at all hours of the day?

I slowly reached for the handle of the creaky car door and opened it. I got out of the car and looked up to see JD and Anna were already moving towards the hill behind us. Looking down, I saw the blurred edges of a huge bonfire. Bodies were surrounding it on all sides as the flames flicked up, crackling and snapping.

"I'm going to let the guys know we're here and grab some drinks." JD said with a smile. He bounded down the hill towards a table filled with plastic cups and ice buckets of beer. He looked like a little kid in a candy store.

"Riley, are you ok? "I heard Anna ask over the noise of the fire and low music. Where did the music come from? There wasn't music before, was there?

"I'm fine, just a long day at work." I muttered. She shook her head, not believing my lie, but did not say anything else on the topic. She placed her arm in mine and we both headed toward the bonfire.

When we got close to the fire, I could see the perimeter was surrounded by old wooden logs. Anna and I found a seat quickly and sat silently, looking at the roaring fire. I was glad for the warmth radiating off the flames. The night had a slight nip in the air. All I would need would be to catch a cold on top of being in the first trimester of my pregnancy.

I sighed loudly without thinking about it, which caused Anna to look up at me. I could see the worry on her face.

"Riley, you look.... well... um..." she paused, trying to find the right words. "You look different. I didn't want to say anything with JD in the car, but I can tell something is wrong."

My breath hitched and my heart stopped. I was only a few weeks along. Could she really tell this soon? Had JD noticed too? I began to open my mouth and no words came out. I tried again, but it was like they were stuck deep in my throat. When I finally managed to make the tiniest of sounds, I saw JD out of the corner of my eye.

As he approached the warm circle, he had two plastic cups in each hand and a beer bottle tucked between his arm and torso. He handed one of the plastic cups to Anna and she took it immediately. He grabbed the beer bottle from under his arm and started to extend the other red cup to me. I paused and thought through my options, don't take the cup, and make him suspicious or take the cup and pretend to sip the liquor. I chose the second option. I could not risk JD finding out my secret yet. I was going to tell him next week after my ultrasound. I needed the time to prepare. My hand hesitantly took the cup from his hands and he gave me a big smile.

JD sat down next to Anna on the log and wrapped his arm around her tiny frame. They looked perfect together. I was happy for JD, but on the inside, my jealousy was overwhelming. I had thought Ezra and I could be like this. The perfect little couple. I was so wrong and it hurt.

I had waited for Ezra to call me or even find me. Today I finally gave up on him and made up my mind that he would have come back to me if he wanted to be with me. Maybe all the words he said to me at the park were true. Maybe he never really wanted to be with me.

I looked back up and saw Anna staring towards the driveway. A dark sedan was slowly pulling down it.

"Oh shit," JD said when he looked up, "I didn't think Ezra was going to make it. He had to work tonight. Guess he called in again." JD untangled himself from Anna and stood up. He began to get up and head back up the hill towards him.

I was completely mortified when I saw the long, lean black shape start to get out of the car. The shock spread to my face then to my limbs. My body started shaking uncontrollably and warm tears escaped my eyes.

"Riley, what the hell is going on?" Anna moved to me and knelt down. She grabbed my shaking hands with one hand and wiped the tear with the other. Then she lovingly wiped my hair back behind my ear and stared directly into my eyes. My eyes darted from hers back to the hill, where I could see Ezra's shape. JD had just reached him and proceeded to grab his hand and give him a quick one-arm hug. I felt so sick inside.

"I'm just not feeling well." I squeaked out. I didn't sound convincing even to myself, but I just nodded and tried to reassure her as much as I was trying to fool myself. "I'll be fine."

Another lie. I'm a liar.

Anna looked back up to where my eyes were and I saw her connecting the dots. Everything was falling into place like she had just found the last missing puzzle piece. "Oh, Sweetie." She sighed. "Please tell me you didn't."

I nodded at her and wiped the tears away from my face.

"I am such an idiot. Why didn't I see this sooner?" Anna was in shock. "He would always ask me about you when JD wasn't around. He has been finding ways to ask me about you since he met you on your graduation night. I knew I saw him looking at you the night of the Camo concert, but I shrugged it off. I convinced myself he just wanted to keep an eye on you for JD. You have to tell your brother."

I shook my head at her. I couldn't tell him. My breath was caught in my throat and I couldn't seem to find any air. She may have figured out we were together, but she hadn't guessed the worst part yet.

"Please don't make me." I begged her.

"Oh, honey." She stroked my hair softly. "You have to say something. I will be there for you if you need me. I won't make you tell him tonight, but you are going to tell him. The three of us can go to breakfast in the morning and you can tell him then."

JD and Ezra were walking down the hill towards the tables where the rest of the band and Brynn were congregated. I watched every little move Ezra made. He grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with something that was in a dark bottle. He sat the bottle back down and lifted the cup to his perfect mouth to take a drink. From the tilt of the cup, he must have swallowed the fluid in one gulp. He ran his hand through his thick dark hair, pushing it back off his face. My heart leaped at the sight. He was always so stunning without even trying. I shouldn't be staring at him this way. He made it clear how he felt when he told me he didn't want a relationship with me. He put the last nail in the coffin when he didn't call me for three weeks.

The guys stood for a bit talking and began to walk over to the bonfire. I froze. I was not ready to see him yet. This was all too fresh, too new. Would he pretend like everything was fine? I was so tired of the secrets and lies. My stomach flipped again and I felt myself start to heave. "Keep it together, Riley," my internal voice kept reminding me. "You have to keep it together."

Anna shook her head and got back up off her knees. She sat next to me on the log. I was glad for her nearness and the fact that I would not be forced to sit next to Ezra. She wasn't going to give him the opportunity to invade my space.

As the guys approached the fire, Ezra's face changed when he saw I was here. He didn't expect to see me tonight. I felt so small and pathetic as he looked down at me. He began smirking and drank again from his refilled cup. My eyes met his and he turned his head, raising his eyebrow at me. His light blue eyes were still bloodshot and had turned a stormy gray. I shivered from his icy stare. He broke my gaze and sat down on a log opposite of me. It was not a surprise that he chose the seat right in my line of sight.

Brynn leaned down to me and gave me a sympathetic hug. She whispered in my ear. "You've got this, don't let him see you sweat. He doesn't own you."

"What's up, Riley?" Mark asked.

I smiled slightly and tried to make my tone sound strong and confident instead of tired and broken. "Not much, Mark."

Ezra made a little grunt and rolled his eyes. Anna looked over at him like she was about to murder him. He took another long sip of his drink without even flinching.

I glared at Ezra.

Who was he to judge me right now?

He was the one who won't accept responsibility for the consequences of our actions, not me.

"Lil Bit, you going to drink or what? Don't tell me you're wimping out on us." JD poked fun at me.

I raised the cup in the air with a false lightheartedness and brought it close to my lips. I could smell the vodka and orange juice. I almost gagged to myself as it came near. I slightly tipped the cup to my lips, pretending I was taking a sip. I even remembered to look like I was swallowing. I mock wiped the corners of my mouth after I brought the cup down. I had gotten too good at being an actress lately.

"You happy?" I asked.

Ezra snorted and shook his head in disbelief. He had remained silent this whole time. So, this was how it is going to be with him from now on. He glared at me while taking another sip from his cup.

JD began talking about the next band gig they had next week. I couldn't concentrate on any of the words he was saying because of the dark-haired boy who was staring at me. I continued to pretend to sip from my cup while JD prattled on. My heart was beating hard in my chest and my stomach was churning. I needed to get away from those eyes that were continuing to watch every move I made. I jumped up quickly, which caused JD to stop midsentence.

"Something wrong, Lil Bit?" JD asked, concerned.

"No, I'm just going to grab another drink." I tried to smile.

"Cool." JD said, turning back to the group to continue his conversation.

I jogged away from the fire, unable to catch my breath. I was suffocating under the constant scrutiny of his eyes, Anna's sympathetic looks, and the words of encouragement from Brynn. It was overwhelming.

When I got to the table, I grabbed an empty cup and poured out my old one to hide the evidence. I opened the orange juice bottle and poured it into my cup. I could pretend I was still drinking as long as no one decided to try to drink from it.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Ezra angrily mouthed into my ear.

"Believe me. I don't want to be here either." I turned around to face him.

"You shouldn't be drinking." He said, looking down at the cup in my hand.

"You shouldn't be trying to tell me what I can and can't do." I said, bringing the cup to my lips and taking a sip.

Ezra reached up and knocked the cup out of my hands and the cold orange liquid spilled down the front of my clothes. I began shaking immediately from the cold.

"It was just orange juice, Ezra." I said, wiping the fluid off me the best I could. "Why do you even care? It's not like you want me to go through with this anyway."

"You're right. I don't care." He said through gritted teeth. He reached around me and I flinched. He rolled his eyes when he pulled a bottle of brown liquid and stuck it to his lips. He tilted his head back and took a long drink.

I was still shivering from my damp clothes when the wind swirled around us, sending a chill down my spine. My lips were quivering and I couldn't keep my feet still.

"What's wrong, Riley? You usually like it more when I make you wet." His mouth twisted in a devious way. "Maybe you aren't wet enough yet."

I looked down when he poured some of the brown liquid out on my shirt.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I jumped back from him and pushed him back.

I stormed away from the table, heading back to the bonfire. I smelled like orange juice and whiskey. I was about to get sick as the smell stung my nostrils.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ezra grabbed my arm.

"Don't you ever come near me again?" I said, ripping my arm away from him.

I continued my walk back to the safety of the group. He wouldn't dare pull another stunt like this with anyone else around. I had to find a place to clean myself up or find some other clothes to wear to change out of the wet ones. I couldn't go alone or he would follow me again.

"Riley, what happened?" Anna asked as she watched me walk towards the group. She looked back behind me as Ezra tipped the bottle to his mouth again.

"I'm just clumsy. Where's the bathroom?" I asked no one in particular.

"I'll show you." Aiden said. He got up from his seat and grabbed my hand to pull me to follow him. I looked over at Ezra and I could practically see the steam exploding from his ears. His face had turned red and his fists were balled up.

"What's wrong, Ezra?" Anna asked, mocking him. "Did someone take your ball away?"

"Fuck off." He mumbled under his breath.

Anna was smiling as she watched Ezra pouting like a child. I wanted to smile too, but Aiden began to pull me away from the situation before I made it any worse.

Once we were a few feet from the bonfire, I pulled my hand away from Aiden. I did not want any human contact tonight. It would break my shield I have been trying to put up. We walked back up the hill towards the dark house. Part of me wanted to run to the car and lay down to sleep, but the urge to get out of these wet clothes overtook everything I was feeling.

"That was awkward." Aiden said, trying to fill the silence. "Seriously, how did you get booze all over your shirt? I know you aren't drinking."

"He knocked my orange juice out of my hand and then poured his bottle on me." I said, disgusted with him.

"He needs to get his ass beat." Aiden said, fuming. "And here I was feeling kind of sorry for him. He's been drinking every night since he found out. He's been starting fights with anyone he can push. It's been really bad."

"Oh," I said, looking down at my feet while I was walking. I didn't know what to say back to him. My heart was torn hearing how bad the dark-haired boy was struggling, but he had done this to himself.