6
It's early in the morning, and I'm lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, something I seem to be doing quite often. Today, my mind is blank. No memories or thoughts pass through its desolate state. I suppose I should do something. Holly is at work, and I'm still off.
I sit up and stare at the other wall now. And I just sit there. I don't really do anything or think anything.
I look down at my hands, and, suddenly, I see clips of a horrible night that happened not that long ago. I see a face, a building, a street. I hear screams and cries and grunting. It's all a blur, going so fast I can barely see anything and then, as suddenly as it came, it's gone.
I'm shaking violently, and I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. Blinking rapidly, I wipe them away and get out of bed. I grab my coat and things then hurry out of that place. Everything seems to be so dark and gloomy even though the sun is out and people are laughing around me. It's as if there's a black filter over my eyes and now all I see is darkness.
I feel crowded and anxious and a horrible feeling is swirling in the pit of my stomach. I stumble around, hoping to find somebody who could help me, tell me why I'm like this.
I'm suddenly very dizzy and the world beneath me seems to spin out of my control, too fast.
I place a shaky hand against a building and lean against it, closing my eyes, hoping for it all to go away.
A hand tugs at my shirt, and I slowly open my eyes, instantly looking down. And there's Bella, staring up at me with concern.
"Angie? Are you alright?"
I look up at Isaac and he, too, is staring at me, though I can't tell with what.
I shake my head. I can feel the tears building up, trying to escape.
"Isaac, we need to take her home," she says, glancing up at her brother then taking my hand. Without confirmation from her brother, she leads me in another direction, and I let her. She walks slowly next to me, never saying a word.
Sometimes, she glances up at me with sadness and concern, and it's like she's my mother.
We come up to a large house with a border of trees and a front gate. She unlatches it then leads me up to their doorstep where she opens the door and lets me in. I hesitantly walk into their house, looking around. It's a lot nicer than my apartment.
"Come here." She lets me sit on her couch then makes me lie down, pulling a blanket over me. Then she sits down on the floor in front of me.
I stare back.
Isaac goes somewhere else. I can hear metal clanging in the background so I figure he's in the kitchen.
Bella pulls out her little pen and a pad of paper, holding them out to me.
I gently take them, sitting up.
"What's wrong?" she asks softly, looking at me.
I don't know, I scribble on the pad.
She takes a second to read it. "Yes, you do. What happened?"
I don't know what happened. Something bad.
Bella purses her little lips, thinking. "When did this bad thing happen?"
I think a few days ago. I'm not really sure though.
"Okay. We'll figure this out together, yeah?"
Isaac comes back into the room with a plate of fruit in his hands. He silently sets down the plate on the table in the middle of the room then sits down in an armchair.
"Do you like fruit? I like some fruit, but Isaac makes sure I eat all kinds or else I'll get sick. I really like apples the best, especially with caramel. What about you?"
I like caramel apples, too.
Bella smiles warmly at me. "Yes! Caramel apples for the win! Isaac doesn't really like caramel apples, though. He likes other food. I—"
"Bella, don't be pestering Angie with your stupid conversations. Maybe she just wants to be left alone," Isaac interrupts, shaking his head.
Bella frowns, her shoulders drooping a little as she sags to the ground.
No, it's okay. I don't mind.
Bella breaks into a toothy grin, and I notice she's missing a few teeth. "At least someone here likes me," she huffs, sitting on the couch by me and wrapping her little arms around my arm.
I sit there kind of stiffly since no one's ever done this to me before, but I soon relax a little. She's cute and warm and nice. There's no reason for me to act like this around her.
Bella picks up an apple slice from the plate and eats it quietly, deep in thought. I sit there silently, looking down at my lap, also thinking. I suppose I should consider myself lucky to have these two caring for me, although I'm still unsure about Isaac. He's really quiet. I look up at him through my lashes and notice he's staring at me. So, I stare back. We hold each others' gaze for a while until I break it when Bella tugs at my arm.
"What do you want to do? Do you like to colour?" she hops off the couch and pulls out a colouring book and crayons, setting it on the floor.
I look at her.
"Please?" she pats the floor next to her.
Without a word, I slide off the couch and sit next to her, watching as she picks up a crayon and starts colouring a bird.
"You can colour this next page. Sometimes, Isy colours with me and I'll do one page while he does the other. I like it, but he rarely does it with me anymore."
I pick up a crayon and start on a butterfly. I haven't done this in a long time. It almost feels surreal, as if I'm a kid again.
How simple it was back then. Not a care in the world. I had more than enough things despite the way my family struggled. They always managed to spoil me. And then I grew up.
I suppose we all have to grow up sometime, our childhood reminding us of the good times. But my parents never truly prepared me for the real world. I suspected it wasn't all rainbows and candy, but after college, I thought everything would be okay. They never taught me about heartbreak and failure and falling and...
I just wasn't ready.
The question still remains if I am. Is anyone ever really ready for bad things to happen to them?
Probably not.
Most believe there will be someone there to save them or comfort them. But that's not always the case. Sometimes, you're on your own. You have to fend for yourself. Find your own way. Fight your own battles. And there will be victories and failures. There will be ups and downs. Good days and bad days. But, I guess, it's all part of growing up and experiencing life. You have to face those bad days and just keep going. They'll knock you down and say you're not good enough, tell you how much of a failure you are. But then you have to stand back up and show them you're wrong.
Or, at least, that's what my parents always told me.
Look where I'm at now.
Beside me, Bella is almost done colouring, and I have yet to start. I guess I got too caught up in my thoughts.
"Okay, we'll finish another day." Bella closes the book and collects the few crayons on the ground, setting it all on the bottom shelf of the table.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Bella shoots up, racing to the door. I watch as her and a friend embrace each other in a tight hug. That would be nice to have. A friend.
Bella runs back over to me and gives me a tight hug. "I'm going to hang out with my friend, and I'll be back later, okay?" With one last squeeze, her friend follows her out the door to who knows where.
I sit back on the couch and bring my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
"What happened?"
My eyes slowly look up at Isaac who's on the other side of the room, staring intently at me with those deep eyes. His deep voice seemed to echo through the room.
I shake my head a little, breaking my eyes from his. I don't know why they keep asking that. Trying to remember what happened to me is like trying to remember what you did as a baby. It's just not going to happen. And maybe it's there, but it's buried away. If it made me who I am now, then I suppose it'ss a good thing and should stay that way.
I peek up. Isaac is still staring at me with those blazing eyes. He searches my face, me. But when he can't seem to find anything, he sighs. It seems like I'm a disappointment, and I'm not surprised. I am pretty disappointing.
"Bella really thinks she's helping you, and she seems to really like you. I don't know if she is helping or not, but if she ever isn't, just tell me or something, and I'll get her to stop."
I nod.
I can feel him staring at me still. Is this all he does? Stare at people and make them feel uncomfortable?
Though I can't say I'm uncomfortable. As of right now, I'm feeling nothing. Empty, as usual.
"By the way, I'd like to help you, too. I knew someone once who... who was like you. And I couldn't help them. Maybe, I could help you."
I look up and instead of those cold, hard eyes, instead, I see a messy, raw, vulnerable man sitting before me. There's genuine concern on his face. I suppose not everyone is the same. There is still some nice in this world.
I pick up the little pen Bella left here and scribble down a simple Okay.
He gives me a rare, small smile. And it looks amazing on him. I wonder what would happen if I smile.
"Is there anywhere you need to be?"
Not really. I have an apartment.
"Do you live alone? Sorry if that sounded creepy."
No, I have a roommate named Holly.
"Ah. Do you want to call her or something? It's getting dark out."
I nod and pull out my phone, sending her a quick text explaining a few vague things.
The more Isaac and I talked—well, he talked, I wrote— the more I figured that below his hard barricade is a soft, kind person who genuinely cares about the people around him. It just takes a while for him to warm up to them. I'm the same.
Bella comes back a few hours later, skipping into the house with a smile which grows even more when she sees that I'm still here.
"Oh, are you sleeping over?" she asks excitedly.
I nod, smiling a little.
"Yes, yes, yes! We're going to stay up all night talking and dancing and painting each other's nails and—"
"Or you could just sleep like every other normal person," Isaac grumbles.
Bella huffs. "What if I'm not normal?"
I shrug.
What would happen if I talked?
"By the way, I totally ship you two. Honestly, so cute," she quirks, crossing her arms playfully at us.
My eyes widen. Isaac coughs, glaring at Bella. "That's enough from you, missy. We just met, anyways. We're only helping her, that's it."
Ouch.
Bella shakes her head in a disapproving way then takes my hand. "C'mon, my room is this way." She leads me to a stairwell and before she takes a step, she looks over her shoulder at her brother, picking up the plate of fruit. "Oh, and, by the way, tonight is just us girls. So that means me and Angie minus you."
And with that, she leads me upstairs and into her room, closing the door.
"What do you want to do first? Whenever I have a sleepover with my friends, we usually do our nails, have a pillow fight, build a fort, watch some TV, and talk about boys."
Boys? She's so young, though...
I pick up two pillows and lean them together.
"Fort? That's my favourite. I always build the best ones." Bella smiles widely, taking up an armful of pillows and blankets. I watch as she builds pillows one on top of the other, laying blankets over them, and building the fort.
Soon, she's done. And the fort takes up her whole room. Just as she opens her mouth to triumphantly say something, the door opens and Isaacs' head peeks into the room.
"Isaac! What did I say? Us minus you." she huffs.
"I heard 'fort' and I want to have some fun. Angie is my friend, too."
Bella narrows her eyes at him, shaking her head. "I like boys sometimes, but, other times, they are so annoying."
I smile. She's not wrong.
The rest of the night, we sit in the fort and they each tell stories. We have a mini pillow fight and Bella ends up doing my nails.
To say the least, I'm having fun. Something that seems to be so rare these days. So, I lock this memory up and make sure to hold it close to me forever.
~~~
❝You have to fend for yourself. Find your own way. Fight your own battles.❞
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