My eyes widen in disbelief and hurt. I thought this was all supposed to be over. I thought everything was turning up. I thought I could be happy again. 

I guess Life had another thing coming. 

I step back into the corners of the room within the shadows. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. My heart actually seems to hurt. My mind is going crazy. Why would they do this to me? I thought I could trust them...

My heart broke again as I watch Holly climb on top of Isaac, her hands tangled in his hair. Isaac's hands roaming over her body, both of them making quiet noises. 

The tears wouldn't stop falling now, and I had to force myself to be silent. 

But why? I'm torturing myself, watching them. All the pain I thought I had just let go now comes back to me, flooding my heart and mind. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Bella hidden behind a corner of the wall, watching. I can see little drops of water on her face, and I know she's crying for me, too. And then she looks up and sees me and her eyes widen. 

I'm shaking. I'm shaking so badly. It's like I'm losing control of myself. 

I can't do this anymore. I simply can't. Everyone who I thought I could trust and love ends up hurting me. And I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. It's overwhelming and it's going to make me crazy. I can feel the pain coursing through my body, splitting my heart in two again. I watch, broken and tired, as my best friend and my second lover hold each other, kissing, touching. Just like what happened a year ago. History is repeating itself, and who's to stay it'll stop? What if I keep finding someone I think I love again only to later be betrayed by them? 

Can I ever keep happiness? Or am I simply undeserving of it? 

I can't keep love. I can't keep friends. All I do is hurt. All I can feel is pain. 

Bella's watching me silently. I look at her and I see someone innocent. I see a little girl with so much ahead of her, and I hope what's happened to me never happens to her. She's too good for this world. 

And then I look back at Isaac. He's supposed to show me that I'm good enough and that I can be loved. He's supposed to show me that I can have happiness again. He's supposed to be the one who helps me back up to the surface. He's supposed to save me.

But now I'm drowning and falling all at once. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm sinking deeper, and I can't find the surface. I can't find the light that's supposed to lead me back to the shore. All I see is darkness. All I can feel is pain and hopelessness. 

I'm drowning and there's no one here to save me. 

Like always. There's never anyone there to save me. I'm all by myself in this world. I've learned that now. 

But I don't think I can live with that. I can't do this alone. I can't be left by myself again. I can't stand on my own two feet independently like I used to. I need help. I need someone to help me and show me that I can be who I was. 

I thought that was supposed to be Isaac.

Everything everyone's said about me is true. I'm not beautiful because if I was, Isaac wouldn't be looking at Holly like he is now, kissing her. I am trash because, apparently, I'm not good enough for Isaac or anyone, for that matter. I'm so incredibly dumb and stupid to think someone could ever love me. I'm never going to be good at anything or go anywhere because I'm done.

I'm done.

I'm done hurting. I'm done being betrayed. I'm done being used and forgotten and broken. I'm done being hopeful and thinking anything good could ever happen to me. 

I'm just done.

I look at Bella again, and I hope she sees how much I'm hurting. I hope she knows that she deserves more than this. And then I hope she knows that I love her. 

I turn and run out the door, not caring if they hear. I've seen enough to know that my worst thoughts of them are true. 

I can feel the tears running down my face, blinding me, as I run down the sidewalk. I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm going to do. I know I just have to get away from all this. All this pain and heartache. 

"Angie? Angie!"

I can hear Daniel calling my name. Then a slam of a car door and his heavy footsteps behind me. But I keep running. I have to get away. I have to get away from all this. I can't do this. All this pain is destroying me from the inside out. It's too much for me. I can't handle all this. I can't do it. 

Suddenly, I'm tackled to the ground and a strong pair of arms are wrapping around me. My crying is out of control as I curl in a ball. 

"It's okay, shh. What happened?" Daniel cuddles me on the grass, neither of us caring if anyone sees us.

"Isaac... h-he... Holly..." I gasp in between cries as I start to hyperventilate. 

"It's okay, baby, shh." He rocks us back and forth gently and, after a few minutes, gets me to calm down.

Slowly, he lets go and stands up. "Come on. Let's go see what's happening." 

I shake my head violently. I can feel the tears forming again just thinking about it. While once the mere thought of Isaac made me smile, it now makes me cry. 

"Nothing bad will happen, I promise, okay?"

I swallow my tears and get back up, nodding. 

Daniel wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly then takes my hand in his and slowly leads us back to Isaac's house. 

https://youtu.be/etYse5kPC7Y

The whole time, Daniel talks about little nonsense things that have happened to him. I can tell he's trying to cheer me up. It's working a little. But I can't get the image of those two out of my head. 

We reach Isaac's house, and I stop. "I can't." I shake my head and stop in place. I'm not going back in there. I just can't.

Daniel sees my panic and tries to calm me down, hugging me and kissing my cheeks. "Okay, we won't today. Want to come back with me to my place? I'll get you a nice, warm blanket and some hot chocolate, yeah?"

I nod solemnly, taking one last look at Isaac's house before Daniel leads me back to his apartment. 

We walk silently down the sidewalk. One of Daniel's arms wraps around my waist. My thoughts are empty, though. 

Soon, we reach his apartment building. He takes me up to his floor, and we walk quietly into his room. It reminds me a little of my apartment with... Holly. 

"Here, sit, okay?"

I nod and sit on the couch, my eyes drifting out the window at the clear, blue sky. It's so blue and beautiful. 

My phone starts ringing. I see Isaac's face and number on it. I ignore it.

Daniel sets down a mug of hot chocolate by me and takes up my phone. "What?"

I can hear Isaac's muffled voice apologising profusely. Bella had told him everything.

"No, you can't."

I hear more words but they're jumbled.

"Fine. Apartment building just down the road from Holly's. 12th floor. Room 1245." Daniel hangs up the phone then looks at me apologetically. "He's coming here."

I look at him wildly. 

"It's okay. He just wants to explain. Besides, after what happened, I won't let him near you again."

I nod grimly. 

After about ten minutes, I hear a knock at his door. Daniel gives me one last look then goes over and opens it. 

I stand up shakily and see Isaac standing there, Holly right behind him.

"Where is—" Isaac spots me from over Daniel's shoulder. He takes a step towards me, but Daniel stops him. 

"Don't go near her."

Isaac growls. "If you don't recall, you weren't exactly her saviour last year either."

Daniel frowns. "Well, I'm here now."

I listen silently as they argue back and forth. I tune them out after a while though.

I'm in pain. And I'm causing pain, I can see that. I just cause trouble wherever I go. 

I look painfully at Daniel's back, and I silently thank him for coming back in my life and showing me that sometimes, the pain from the past can be forgotten. I look at Isaac and thank him for showing me love again, even if it was for a few days. I thank him for making me feel wanted, even if it was only just a short while. Finally, I look at Holly and thank her for everything she's done for me and for staying by my side after all that's happened. I thank her for being my rock for years. And, finally, I thank Bella for showing me there is hope in this world and happiness can be found in a person. 

I thank them all and silently forgive Isaac and Holly for what they did. I look once more at them all, and I catch Holly's eye. She looks at me frantically, her eyes wide. I give her a sad smile before I run over to the open window. One last look and I see them running towards me. But it's too late. It's always been too late to save me.

I jump.

As I'm falling, it's as time slows. I can hear Holly screaming and crying my name. I can hear the calls of Daniel and Isaac, their arms outstretched through the window. The building is slowly passing by me and the ground is coming up. I twist my head and look at them, and I smile sadly. This is for the best. This was never my time. 

Perhaps, I'll meet them all again someday and, when I do, I'll remember them with happiness and love. I'll remember all the good times we had, all the memories we made, all the laughter we shared. 

I was drowning, falling. It was inevitable, inescapable. This was always meant to be. Somewhere deep inside of me, I knew this was going to happen. Everything led up to this. All of the pain and hurt and tears. All of the joy and love and laughter. 

When the darkness engulfs me, I welcome it with a glad heart. A glad, tired heart. It feels peaceful and comforting. 

I was drowning but, now, I'm free.

~~~

❝I'm free.❞