"You know, you're really showing your true responsibility by skipping work all of the time." Oliva's mom scoffed as she started to drive out of the entrance of the school. Olivia just let out a deep sigh, and began to pull out her earbuds from her purse.

"Are you even listening to me? God, I feel like I always have to repeat myself for you. Maybe you'd be more self aware if you didn't have those things in your ear all of the time! At least listen to happier music instead of this dark crap." Her mom resumed to drag on, as Olivia popped in one bud in her left ear, not caring less what her mother was nagging about.

"Okay, I get it, mom," Olivia thought, "I know I'm such a disappointment. No need to remind me every single day."

Music was the only way to drown herself from the world. It was the only drowning she could take that wouldn't lead to her pleading for the blade. Besides drowning from music, Olivia had her tendencies to drown in her own thoughts. Ever since her parents got divorced and her mom got a new, strict boyfriend, things have never been the same for Olivia. Her entire world was turned upside down. Olivia's mom began to mirror her boyfriend's strict, demanding ways, and made life a lot harder for her daughter. She never felt good enough for her mother—she never felt good enough for anyone. It was always one mistake after another. Olivia had self hatred constantly bubbling inside of her that no one could really understand.

For over two years, Olivia has had depression. She has a therapist, takes daily Prozac, and has currently been to two mental hospitals. Everything has been nothing but a vicious cycle for her. Starting with hitting rock bottom, to getting help, to feeling confident and better, to feeling miserable once more until the cycle continues. The 16 year old girl is now getting close to the point of hitting rock bottom once more as she begins to scratch at her wrist. She wanted nothing more than to feed her cravings to her destructive habit; cutting.

As soon as her depression began, her addiction followed right behind.

It was her way to cope.

It was her way to punish herself.

It was her way to feel.

It took over her life.

Every time her mother took away her blade, Olivia immediately found a new one. She was disgusted by herself and what she has become. But ever since she lost hope in recovery after her second hospital visit, she accepted how she was. She embraced it. Olivia could care less about getting better anymore; her thoughts consume her, and she was numb. Cutting made her feel alive, but it was slowly killing her. Of course, though, she did not care.

"You're so fucking careless. Selfish. How am I even going to send you to college without you trying to commit suicide or cutting yourself? I can't take you sometimes." Her mom continued to distinguish her feelings. This was a daily routine for Olivia.

"You are quite the trigger for me , mom, I must say." Olivia muttered, turning up her music.

"Oh quit your pity party. Oh woe is me! My life is so horrible! Do you even listen to yourself?" Her mom mocked in response. "Get it together."

In goes the other earbud.

As soon as the two arrived home, Olivia shuffled herself out of the Jeep, carrying her books and purse with her. She immediately made her way to her room, going upstairs. She turned the knob—

Locked.

"Fuck, why does she always lock my damn door?" Olivia frustratingly thought to herself, letting out a sharp exhale.

"What are you doing upstairs, Olivia?" Her mom asked at the bottom of the steps.

"Nothing, mom. Just going to the bathroom." Olivia shrugged.

She then opened the door to the bathroom that was right next to her locked bedroom, and shut the door behind her. Her eyes immediately brought their attention to her reflection in the mirror.

"God, you're so gross."

"How do people even like you?"

"Fucking disgusting."

"Oh my god, no, fuck. I'm drowning again. Please not now."

She firmly placed her purse on top of the counter, and rummaged through it until she found her blade. Her pupils were contracted and focused. It was a small blade, but it got the job done.

"You're a mistake."

"You are so unwanted."

"How fucking pathetic."

Olivia pressed the cold, sharp object on her wrist.

"Do it, you selfish pig."

"You deserve this."

"You're such a failure."

She pressed deeper and her muscles tensed.
"Why are you even like this?"

"Why are you alive?"

"There is no hope."

She shut her eyes tightly and quickly dragged the blade across her scarred skin.

And pulled again.

And again.

And again.

"Again."

"Olivia, what are you doing up there?" Her mom shouted with concern in her voice. "N-Nothing, mother." Olivia replied almost immediately. Tears swelled in her eyes as she pressed herself up against the bathroom wall, her eyes still glued to the mirror. Blood flowed down her wrist and onto her hands, staining them a dark crimson. She then collapsed to the ground. Her mind was silent. All she could feel was the liquid dripping from her limb and now onto the floor.

Her head started getting dizzy as her vision became a blur. The blade dropped from her fingers and onto the ground. Her breathing was short.

"Olivia! I'm coming up there!"

"Is this my end? Fuck, wait. Am I actually dying? No. no. Wait no! I don't actually want this!"

A shriek of horror could be heard from outside the home as a mother found her bleeding, dead daughter on the bathroom floor.

She drowned, but this time, couldn't reach the surface.