The next day at school I caught Jordan by his locker. I knew he saw me but he made no moves to come near me. It hurt but I expected it. What he didn't know was that I wasn't going to let him avoid me.

I tentatively walked over to him and I watched his body stiffen. He tried to ignore me but once I tapped his shoulder he had to face me.

I wrung out my hands as I spoke. "Can I talk to you?"

He shrugged as if to say he didn't fucking care.

"Will you ride the bus with me tomorrow?"

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Please. I know I don't deserve it but I need to show you something. It's really important."

He sighed. "Maybe Charlotte. I got a lot going on right now so  we'll see."

I bit back tears.

"Okay. I just have to say I promise if you come I can make this right again."

A flicker of interest sparked in his eye but it quickly disappeared as his face went back to neutral.

"I can't promise anything but I'll try my best."

I nodded.

"I gotta get to class."

"Okay." I said hoarsely.

I watched him walk past me and head to class.

Internally, I was panicking but I knew if he didn't show I wasn't going to give up.

***

The next morning I settled back into an old pattern. I actually walked to the bus stop and listened to music again on my morning commute.

I listened to my indie music and tried to settle back in and relax. I waited anxiously for the bus and tapped my foot.

I was just praying that Jordan came on the bus today. Even if it was nothing more than a pity thing. A sad little look at my ex-girlfriend thing.

As the bus pulled up I smiled anxiously at the new driver and scanned my card.

I turned to face the bus goers and for a split second they all just stared at me. 

I tried to remove the awkwardness with a stupid little wave but Annie decided that that wasn't good enough because she stood up, walked to the front of the bus and hugged me. And eventually when I got myself together I hugged her back.

"Missed you kid."

"Missed you too," I whispered.

When we broke apart I turned to face everyone, still not knowing quite what to do or say. But luckily for me I didn't need to say anything because I could tell by their faces they understood.

I tucked my hair behind my ear before speaking after a beat of silence.

"I missed all of you guys."

Mrs. Lorraine smiled.

"You doing better Charlie?" She asked.

"I'm doing a lot better," I told her.

"Proud of you," she said.

I felt tears rushing to the surface but I blinked them back.

"Also just so you know. Jordan and I broke up."

They all collectively gasped in shock.

"But don't worry I'm going to get him back."

"How?" Travis said.

"When he comes on this bus, you'll see."

"What are you ta-"

"Shhh!" I said as I shushed him. "He's right there."

I rushed to my seat while everyone stared at me like I was crazy.

I took a few deep breaths as he walked on the bus and as we made direct eye contact

auto pilot took over.

"Hey Jordan," I said.

As usual there was no response but for a fraction of a second his lips tipped up. And it made my heart race.

After he scanned his card he looked at me for further instruction so I pointed out where I wanted him to sit.

It was directly across from me and because we were currently so far apart it reminded me of the giant space we had between each other. The reminder pushed me to continue but it hurt all the same.

It was dead quiet and it seemed like even the bus driver was listening in which only packed on the pressure.

I swallowed loudly and cleared my throat. This was it.

"So I have to admit that everything that happens from here on out is going to be cheesy and gross. But it's the good kind of cheesy because everything I say from here on out I mean 110%."

Jordan nodded and waited for me to continue.

"Recently, well after we broke up, I had a series of epiphanies. And the biggest one I had was that you make me feel safe." I said softly.

"After Ray died I think everything just felt so uncentered. My life felt totally different and the only thing that kept me together was you.

I spent so much time worrying about us because I was trying to protect my heart. I lost Ray and I knew that with college coming I could have lost you. Call it self preservation or stupidity but either way it was never about you. It was about me feeling like if I protected myself now, maybe when you had to leave it wouldn't hurt so bad.

And then you did leave. And it hurt so bad that I was forced to realize that I did this to myself.

Harper told me two days ago that this couldn't be the end of us. And then I realized that this isn't the end and that she was right.

You and me began together and it only makes sense that we end up together.

You're my best friend, you're my compass and you're the only person who truly lights up my soul.

I met you sitting right across from me and one look told me all I needed to know. That I loved you. And that feeling never changed even though it seems everything around me did."

Jordan's face had softened and I knew I had gotten through. But I wasn't done.

"The other day I got all these pictures from Mrs. Mcallister and I went through them all and every single picture was of us. Together doing something.

So I went digging for more of us. Growing and changing. Holding hands. And laughing. And crying. And riding the bus and standing with our moms. And playing on the playground. And hanging out at that arcade. And just being together.

I found our old friendship bracelets, a valentine you gave to me, tickets from movies we had seen.

And then I thought about your favorite song. That growth spurt you got the summer before high school. The drawings you used to show me in the second grade. I pinpointed places of importance like where we had our first date and our first kiss and where we met for the first time.

I thought about us and all the little pieces that led us to where we are now and I realize that I am so lucky."

My voice cracked at the end because I could feel the emotion rushing to the surface. 

When I paused for a moment, Jordan thought it was his turn to speak but I put my hand up to shush him and he smiled.

"When I found all those pieces I put them together. And then I bundled it all up in a little book" I rummaged through my bag and pulled it out. "Because it's the story of us. It's all that we are and all that we are going to be. And when I saw it all put on paper I could see us. I could see the story we're going to tell our kids.

And maybe it's cliche and stupid to say this but I know no matter what happens I will never regret the time I spend with you.

Because you and me, we just fit." I said, finishing on a tearful sigh.

I studied his face and as my breath filled my lungs I knew we were going to be okay.

Jordan cleared his throat. 

"I can't lie. That was the most corny apology I've ever heard."

I grinned.

"But, I love you," he told me. "And I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's okay."

The sound of the bus driver clearing his throat shot me back to reality. I shook my head as if it would help and then I remembered that this basically just played out in front of a live studio audience.

I turned to gather my stuff to get off at the stop. And when I turned to face everyone to say my goodbyes, they were all smiling at me. Creepily. Mrs. Lorraine even shot me a thumbs up.

I grinned at them knowingly while my tucking hair behind my hair. "See you guys tomorrow." I told them as I walked off.

As the bus pulled away, for the first time in what felt like years Jordan kissed me. 

Only this time it meant more because my mind was finally at rest.

"You wanna know something?" He asked when he broke away.

I figured that was rhetorical so I just looked at him expectantly.

"I was pissed but I wasn't going to let you go.

I was mostly just holding on to it because I was hurt. The more I thought about it the more I knew that if you didn't come to me I would have come to you."

"But why? I suck."

"Cause I know you. I know you maybe more than you know yourself. I thought about what you said and honestly when you said it I knew that you didn't mean it.

I was too angry to see past the words you were saying but looking back on it I know you didn't mean it.

And because I know that you're a good person, I knew that you were going to make it right. Deep down I knew you were going to apologize before me because that's the kind of person you are."

***

We were sitting in Jordan's car and he was flipping through the memory book I made when he stopped suddenly.

"Do me a favor," he muttered.

"What?" I asked.

"Burn this picture."

I laughed. "Let me see."

I looked at the picture and then looked at him and started dying. Literally wheezing. It was for sure one of my greatest looks.