"Janus, we need to talk about this-"

"There's nothing to talk about!" Janus hisses before gagging again, vomiting up the alcohol from last night. Logan sighs and holds his hair back. He waits for him to finish before pulling away and helping Janus to his feet. Flushing the toilet, he hands Janus a washcloth and he immediately rubs at his face before brushing his teeth.

"Why did you drink last night Janus?"

Janus huffs behind his toothbrush and soon spits, rinsing his mouth out after. "I just did."

"Janus, if you don't tell me I can't help you through this," Logan insists, catching his hips as he attempted to storm away. Janus struggled as Logan lead him towards their bed and ended up trapping him in between his legs. Logan has his arms wrapped around Janus, who is leaning his back against his stomach. Logan rests his head on Janus', pressing his lips to his head.

"Talk to me Little snake."

Janus bit his lip, unwinding in his hold, his tense shoulders loosening. His eyes begin watering all over and he lets out a loud sigh. "It's easier to drink than face it, Ya know?" He mumbles. "It's a lot easier to drink your feelings and emotions away than face them. Why feel guilty when I can shove a bottle of wine down my throat?"

"Why do you feel guilty?" Logan asks softly, rubbing at his hips with his thumbs as he held him in a tight, yet gentle embrace.

"Because," He chokes out. "It was my fault."

"What was little one?"

"About ten years ago," Janus explains, swallowing harshly. "I messed up."

"I see," Logan mumbles against his head. "Would you like to tell me how?"

Janus sniffled. "I don't want you to hate me too."

Logan frowned and gently turned Janus over so that he's facing him and grabs his chin. "I would never hate you, Janus." He says firmly. "Don't ever think that, I love you so much."

Janus smiles softly and kisses Logan. Logan accepts the kiss and pulls away after a moment. Janus wiggles down, resting his head against Logan's chest as he held him.

Janus breathed in harshly before beginning. "Fifteen years ago Virgil was with this guy, his name was Kenneth. He was a decent guy, he treated Virgil well and that's all I wanted. Well, he did. On their fourth year, Kenneth started talking to me," Janus sucked in a breath once more, biting down on his bottom lip momentarily. "We started hanging out and before I knew it he was in my bed."

Logan tightened his hands on his hips. "You slept with your brother's boyfriend?"

"Yes," Janus admits. "And I regret it, but I made a mistake, I deserve his hate."

"So Virgil found out?"

"Not exactly," Janus mumbles. "I slept with him once. I told Virgil myself. He didn't take it well, but then again who would? He had every right to be angry with me, I have no excuses. I wasn't intoxicated, and honestly, I have no good reason that I slept with him," Janus admits. "You were working on your career, and we weren't together yet. Remus had his own life, I didn't have anyone, I had nothing. Kenneth gave me something, he listened to me rant, and it felt nice to have the company. I was lonely, looking back on it I wished I would have just tried a dating app or something," Janus says with a sigh.

"After a few months, Kenneth texted me again, telling me that he and Virgil are fighting and he needed a release. I refused and he got pissed off. Came to my apartment screaming that I'm a whore and a slut so I walked out and slammed my fist into his jaw," Janus explains. "I didn't realize the kind of man Kenneth was, I didn't think Virgil was going to stay with him, he had already cheated once, when that happens, rarely, it won't happen again."

"I tried explaining it to Virgil, but he had blocked me and threatened to call the police on me if I came back to his house. So I didn't," Janus says softly. "After I had punched Kenneth I received one last call from him, he asked for us to meet, and I complied."

Janus sucked in a shaky breath and Logan gave him a reassuring kiss on his head. "We met up. He wanted to fuck, Virgil and him were at such a rough place, on the verge of breaking, and I refused. He attacked me," Janus admits. "We were near the Wallflower Bridge, he swung at me, pushed me to the ground, and pinned me. I thought he was going to rape me, he pulled out a pocket knife. We fought and he ended up cutting my eye," Janus mumbles, pressing a hand over his left eye. "That's how I got the scar."

"Where did Virgil find this guy? Craigslist?"

Janus couldn't help the small burst of laughter that left him at the joker, tears beginning to run down his cheeks. He wiped them away and shook his head. "I forgot how they met," He admits before swallowing.

"We fought, it wasn't a very fair fight. He had a knife and we were about the same built," Janus admits, biting his lip. "It happened so fast, we were struggling and-he tried to lunge at me, I wasn't paying attention, I didn't know we were by the bridge," Janus insists, choking back a sob. "I moved and kicked him. He fell over the edge."

"I killed him Logan," Janus sobs, burying his face into Logan's shirt. Logan hugged him close and pressed his body against his, frowning.

"Janus, baby, it was self-defense. He attacked you," Logan explains softly.

"I should have never slept with him in the first place Logan!" Janus sobs. "It was all my fault I shouldn't have-"

"Janus," Logan calmly cuts him off, pushing him away gently to grip his chin. "You made a very idiotic mistake, you apologized, that's all you can do. That was your only mistake, everything after wasn't, you were assaulted, his death wasn't your fault."

"Virgil," Janus chokes. "Blames me for his death, he said if I would have never slept with him their relationship would have been fine and he would still be alive and he's right!" Janus cries. "It's all my fault!"

"Janus, if he didn't sleep with you he would have slept with someone else! He slept with you because you trusted him! You talked to him, he knew you were lonely and vulnerable, he knew you wanted someone and he gave it to you. If he didn't sleep with you he'd found another lonely, vulnerable man to sleep with instead. His and Virgil's relationship was never meant to last because Kenneth was a cheater and violent man. Virgil fell in love and was blinded by his flaws, I wouldn't be surprised if Kenneth had hit Virgil as well,"

"But-"

"There are no buts, that's the truth Janus," Logan assures, holding the man as he cried. "You made a mistake, and you're paying for it. Kenneth made a mistake and he paid for it. The next thing to do is try and make amends and move on. That doesn't mean he has to trust you, he may never trust you again, but living in the past does nothing but cause pain."

Janus hiccups through his tears, it felt wonderful to let it all out, he hadn't told anyone that story, only Virgil knew. Janus didn't have anyone after he killed Kenneth, he dealt with the guilt, drowned his sorrows away. Logan helped him through his depression the first round and they ended up together, now Logan's helping him again and Janus couldn't express how grateful he felt, he could only cry out the guilt and pain he had kept inside for ten years.

And Logan held him through it.

---

Wow. That was fun so yeah, um, that's why Virgil hates Janus-