The entire story is from Bichen's POV

I loved him.

I lost him.

Maybe we never had a chance but that didn't mean I ever stopped yearning for him. I will never stop. Not until we meet again. Every breath I take, every second I am awake, I wait for the Peonies to bloom. Because when they bloom, I'll get to meet you. Even if it is for one night, I wish to spend that one night forever with you. You in my arms, my warmth in yours, these tears dry when they see your smile.

My Suibian.

You were lost to the world but not in my heart for one day we'll be together, this I know my love. 

My heart like my master's never knew to love, often in trance of Wangji's music, I'd find myself aloof, away from other spiritual beings often wandering around aimlessly. This heart knew nothing albeit blood and war is something that was familiar.

Wangji, my sole friend in the spiritual realm often cautioned me "Bichen, one day you will love another soul, never to leave their side alone". I always did scoff at his words.

Who would I love?

There is no spirit born for me.

But I was wrong. So wrong.

There was a spirit who graced the realm for me. Solely for me.

I met him.

I fell for him.

I rose for him.

I lived only for him.

~The day I met him~

"Bichen" Wangji's calm voice resonates through me and I look at his ever smiling face "Master seems to be weary of someone" he cautions out "you better be ready".

That night master did summon me and I was indeed ready. The moment I was unsheathed to fight the other soul, he too unsheathed his sword and right that very moment a spirt with dark mane, ink black eyes, chiseled physique appeared in front of me with a mischievous smirk on his face.

That very second, time stood still for me and I lost my heart to him. I knew my soul would never be the same. But did I dare acknowledge the fact? No. I avoided him.

"What's your name beautiful?" he enquires and I glare. His voice was melting my heart.

Turning away from his hypnotic gaze, I leave him behind when he decides to follow me.

"Hey beautiful, atleast be kind enough to tell me your name" he continues to tease me and I sigh.

He isn't going to leave me alone is he?

"Don't call me beautiful" I warn him and he chuckles melodiously.

"If you would give me a name, I promise not to call you beautiful" he matches my pace and I huff. The hilarious scenario was he didn't give up. The entire night he was by my side, exasperating me and finally as the first rays of sun painted our realm with its golden hues, I closed my eyes to welcome the warmth.

He was by my side, mesmerized by the very beauty in front of him, when I finally succumbed to his charms and revealed my name "Bichen".

Turning to peer into my eyes, he grins and introduces himself "Suibian".

Suibian.

The name was sealed to my soul. I knew we were fated. Without Suibian there can be no Bichen.

"Bichen" he whispers.

My heart thunders.

"Nope, you're still 'Beautiful' for me" he teases and I roll my eyes.

From that day on he never did leave my side. Maybe he knew we didn't have much time. I wish I had known too.

~The day we became friends~

"Your master is like you" he comments and I glare at him, though it has no effect and he continues "how can someone be so cold? Oh wait, if he's like you then my master Wei Wuxian will definitely win his heart in no time".

"Confident much?" I close my eyes and sit under the shade of the tree while he continues to spout some nonsense "Oh yes, well you both have this facade which others can't see. My master is smart. He'll warm your Lan Wangji's heart soon" he laughs and his words anger me.

Blinded by rage, I push him on the ground, striding against his waist and growl "Respect my master or else I won't hesitate to end your life here". In return he smirks as one of his hand snakes around my back and pushes my body closer to his. Face just breath apart, I hold in my gasp and his face glows radiantly "I would be happy to die in your arms Bichen. I will be a happy soul".

For some reason his words hurt me. No I didn't want him to lose his life. Not now. Not ever. Noticing my solemn aura, he whispers "Bichen, I know you. You have this strong facade and I am glad that others are unable to see your soft heart but let me bear witness to it. Will you be my friend?"

His question baffles me. Friend? Oh Suibian if only you knew my heart is meant to be yours forever.

I nod and he pulls me into his warm embrace. Strange feelings play within my heart and even though I wasn't used to this, it just felt right.

Friends we are.

I smile.

~Our last kiss~

The realm was used to seeing Bichen and Suibian together. Even Wangji had met Suibian.

Wangji once told me that "Suibian is a pure soul Bichen. He reminds me of someone". When I asked him who, he said "you".

Our masters were friends and that made it easy for Suibian and me. We grew closer each day. I was used to his incessant chatter and he was used to my silence. At night his warmth let me sleep peacefully and during day it was his abundant heart that made me feel... More.

Life was funny. Just when I thought we found eachother, the next second we were ripped apart.

That day we finally found the courage to profess our love. None of us ever knew the next day Master Wei Wuxian would give up his Golden Core forever.

Had I known, I would have kissed him more than once. Had I been aware, I would have taken him into my arms and never left his side. Just once more.

I am sorry Suibian.

Dui bu qi...

I remember that night vividly. Under the Cherry Blossom tree is where I found him sleeping. Walking closer to Suibian, my steps felt heavy that night. My heart was brimming with these UNTAMED emotions. As I neared, his elegant eyelashes fluttered open and they glimmered under the moonlight.

I couldn't hold back my emotions any longer and so kneeling in front of him, cupping his face, I kissed him. He tasted just like I always imagined.

Pure. Chaste. Love.

"Beautiful?" He whispered but I had no words to explain the exquisite pain in my heart. Maybe I had known that we'd never share this moment again. That night, I didn't want to leave his side.

Bringing me onto his lap, we kissed a little longer. His succulent lips against mine made me realise how much I love him. I did. When we parted, he sported this most gorgeous smile I had ever seen.

"Bichen"

"Hm?"

"Wǒ ài nǐ" his words were true and so was my response. I love you too.

That night, under the shade of the tree, the stars bore witness to our confession of hearts. We didn't hold hands nor did we kiss again. We just laid down by eachother's side under the assumption that the world was ours.

We were so wrong.

The next morning had arrived, I woke up and never saw Suibian again for a very long time.

He was gone.

They say a soulmate's intuition is the strongest when it comes to their partners heart and I for one knew he was alive. Where he was in this realm was unknown to me but I could hear his heartbeat.

I wasn't going insane. I knew I could hear him.

Wangji appraised me with the situation. He informed me that Master Wei Wuxian no longer possessed his Golden Core but I didn't believe Wangji.

If Master Wei Wuxian had did indeed given away his Golden Core then I wouldn't be able to hear Suibian's beating heart. No, he was in this realm. He definitely was.

Where were you?

Can't you hear my plea?

You confessed your heart! Where are you?

I didn't want to believe but... did I lose him?

I never got an answer.... until 13 years later.

~Fading Heart~

Each year was excruciating. Each breath was throbbing. Wangji became lonely. He said Master Lan Wangji was in pain too. I understood his feelings. We both lost our soul and there was nothing we could do.

Each time I closed my eyes, I heard his heart beat. They were fading. They were almost non existent. I tried to shy away but was unable to. I tried to resent him but that tore open my wounds.

I wondered a scenario where if he hadn't opened my heart, would I be sane? But then I mocked myself to even think these redundant thoughts.

I would live thousand such pains for one more breath of his.

Suibian.

Tears went unanswered. Time went by. The only solace for me was when Master Lan Wangji summoned me. He fought with an empty heart, I reciprocated with an empty soul.

I was simply living. No one to talk to. I shunned myself from the worldly affairs. Nothing mattered.

Until one night after 13 years, Bichen clashed with Zidian and Suibian was unsheathed again.

Right there, translucent in nature he stood, pale yet mine. With a weak soul, he was unable to bear his own weight when I caught him in my arms.

So pale.

He was fading.

I carried him gently back to the place that now became my abode. It was the same tree where we shared our last kiss. His life was at the brink when he recounted the events that transpired all these years. Master Wei Wuxian had transferred his Golden Core to his brother Master Jiang Cheng. Due to the tranfer, it affected his powers and sealed himself. After Master Wei Wuxian's life, there was no chance of Suibian to live again and by law of nature and loyalty, he sealed himself permanently.

"How have you been, beautiful?" His voice was coarse and I let a lone tear fall.

Beautiful.

"I yearned to hear you call me beautiful" caressing his face on my lap, I kiss his forehead and he sighs. "I didn't want to leave you that morning but..." before he could apologise, I kiss his lips.

"Don't" I kiss him again "don't apologise please. You had no control and neither did I" he wipes my tear and I hold him close to me.

"How long do you have?" He looked so pale.

"I don't know. I think I will survive. Master Wei Wuxian has a new body and Golden Core" he assures and I nod.

I was happy that he was by my side. I was glad. Contented.

We continued to fight by eachother's side and Suibian started gaining his strength and just when we thought life gave us another chance, we were torn apart.

~Purgatory~

They often say war brings out the worst and often the innocent are succumbed to the pain and brutality. In a battle for weak and power, it was one soul who lost his life forever and that was my Suibian.

Imagine the pain where this time, there was no goodbye kiss. There was no prolonged hug, no last smile. Nothing.

I simply lost him.

I didn't even get a chance.

Blink of an eye he passed by.

The battle was one for truth to prevail. When Master Lan Wangji summoned me, I fought with valour. I wasn't worried for Suibian. He was safe and waiting for my safe return. How wrong was I!

When Master Wen Ning passed Suibian to Master Lan Wangji, my heart shattered.

No!

He unsheathed Suibian and I knew, Suibian accepted my master as his. Together we used our strength to ward off the evil but in that very moment forever I would never see my soul again. He used his power, his core, his life to protect my master and me.

In seconds Suibian was gone and this time there was no way to bring him back.

I lost him forever.

Truly.

Closing my eyes, I reminisced the days we spent. We didn't have much time between us, he was fading and I was constant. I should have known. Should have learnt from my mistakes. One kiss. One hug. One more time.

Now I had none.

"Bichen" I heard a familiar voice. Opening my eyes, I saw Master Wei Wuxian and by his side Suibian.

My Suibian.

We were in purgatory.

"I know you love my Suibian. I need to apologise Bichen. You have always protected my Lan Zhan but I was unable to protect you're Suibian. Please forgive me" he looked around and I realise that there is a tree of Peonies showering it's petals on us. It was beguiling.

"For now I can give you this blessing. Every year as this tree blooms, for one night you two can spend your precious time with eachother until the day you reunite for eternity".

Master Wei Wuxian fades away and Suibian walks towards me "I don't have much time. I need to leave. But until then" he cups my face and kisses me "I'll be here for you. Come back to me soon".

I close my eyes and on opening them again, I was back in my own realm.

Until we meet again.

I smile.

Maybe we did have a chance after all.

~Million Kisses~

Waves of sorrow often hits a soul,
When tears flow by,
No end of pain visible to the naked eye,
Know that one day love will shine,
Darkest of nights filled with millions of starlights,
Soulmates will meet,
Be it in heaven or earth,
Love will blossom even in the harshest desert.

We did meet.

Every year for that one blessed night. We shared millions of kisses for lifetime to go by. Our meeting was joyful, parting was sorrow but we knew we would be back, until then we were in eachother's arms.

I was his. He was mine.

~Immortal Realm~

"Beautiful" his voice rekindled an old emotion as I turned to greet him, my lips met his. Today was not the year to meet. Nor was there a blossoming tree. Nor did I greet him in the purgatory.

I was here. In his immortal realm. I was by his side forever. Nothing could make us part. My master gave up his mortal body and I joined him here too.

"You're here" he flashed me a mammoth smile.

"I am" I pulled his waist to mine and kissed him again.

"Don't you wish to greet your master?" He enquires and I shake my head "I am sure he won't be summoning me for a long long long time which makes me happy because I can finally have my way with you" I grin at his shock.

"What makes you think I'll submit?" he challenges and I smirk.

"Punishment for making me wait for a lifetime" I tease and he laughs.

Eventually I did greet Master Lan Wangji, but it was only after I had my time with Suibian. When Master Wei Wuxian joined Master Lan Wangji, I was ecstatic for my master. I knew the pain and I was thankful for the blessings.

Now that Suibian is by my side forever, there is never a day which goes without a kiss.

We're souls who often drift away but when you find an anchor to hold onto, never lose the way.

Dui bu qi : Sorry in Chinese.

Wǒ ài nǐ: I love you in Chinese.