Triggering content ahead: self harm. Read at your own discretion. This might be disturbing to a few readers ,but reality is a sore prick in the eye.

"This had to happen one day. What else do you expect from women going to schools wearing short skirts and exposed head?"

"You are right. Do you know I've heard she already knew the boy beforehand."

"You mean she was in  affair with a man, out of wedlock. This is horrible. Educated women are bound to lose their path and morals. These new revolutionaries nowadays preach about all equality and bullshit, spoiling our society."

"I fear what will happen to our daughters and  sisters, when they hear about such women. Keeping illegitimate relations before marriage and then getting tainted for life. I feel I might puke." He might made a disgusted face.

"I doubt she was raped. Maybe she did it willingly, and then blamed on that man, when he refused to marry an impure girl like her."

"That might be true. Which man would want a used stuff?  But what about the house that got burnt?"

" That could be an accident or maybe her own intrigue along with her lover, so that they could run away with all the money. After all, Purohit ji has lots of money."

"He should have got his daughter married in young age. Why wait for these girls to cross puberty? It becomes difficult to leash them after they start bleeding. And to make matters worse , he sent her to school. This is how you dig your own grave. Well ,quite literally in this case. " He laughed at his own sick pun.

"True, but to his unluck , she had manglik dosh in her kundali. Nobody agreed to marry her inspite of his father promising huge dowry."

"I know yaar, such a disgrace. Its better her parents died or they would have become live corpse after seeing the benchmarks she has set." He laughed.

"True, bloody slut!  Even if she was raped, she invited it on her own. Showcasing legs and expecting men to keep their hands to themselves. What can we do? It's like serving mutton to us on silver platter and  expecting us not to devour it." He laughed.

"I heard she is indeed ravishing."  He might have licked his lips meaningfully.
"I just got a glimpse of her chest in her torn saree when she was brought . Alas! Couldn't see much. Her attending doctor covered her immediately, and after that she was shifted in this private ward. Access is restricted to this room. But she is worth every risk , I must tell you."

" Really! Now now don't tempt me. It's been too long I've got a release. You see the workload here. Hospital to home, home to hospital. Very tiring. I had very politely asked that new nurse who came for internship few months back for two nights. Just two. Such a chicken, left the hospital after a few days." They might have a different definition of politeness.

"Really? That's why she left the training? What a boring bitch !"

"I know yaar. Sad life!"

The male nurses, outside my room in absence of the constable who was supposed to guard my room,  were assassinating my character in thin shreds just like my clothes were. Their words are like pointed spikes in my ears making them bleed.
Now even tears have dried, it seems. The bodyache is too dull to perceive infront of the ache in my heart.
How my whole life had turned upside down in one single night?

It's been six weeks I've been brought here ,they say , I don't know by whom. Nightmares are part of my life now. I've woken up from my deep sleep a week back. But it feels like it happened just yesterday.
The faces are very blur, the scene keeps on rotating. I hear my own screams and devilish laughters in sleep.
But one thing is sure I was violated. I can feel it in my bones, in my still sore core (they had to do a sugery, they were saying) and in my shattered heart. It doesn't feel my body. It's like I'm wearing a filthy garment that is itching and biting my skin but I can't remove it. The faded bruises and scars  on my body are like the mocking reminders of my misery. My left ankle is covered in white cast. And yellowish bandages adorn my body like jewellery. Funny! Mockery! 

My mind is completely blank canvas , only that dark night is stroked on it with pitch black paint.
They say I had parents, they died. They died? What else I've lost that I don't even remember. What else should i mourn upon?

***
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? LEAVE ME! I SAID LEAVE ME! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE! LEAVE ME! " I was dragged by almost eight hands, when I had attempted to jump from the window of this room. I should not have chosen this time. Time of the doctor's visit. But how would I know , they didn't even keep the clock here?

They dragged me to the bed and chained my legs to the footboard of the iron bed. How dare they remove all the sharp objects? They removed the bedsheet too. Made me wear this good for nothing hospital gown. A saree would have done the needful. They removed the fan too. They don't trust me at all. Smart, I must say. Even I don't trust myself.

What do I do now? Last week when I had tried to swallow soap, that time also they saved me. So heartless they are. Why don't they understand it pains me, to live , to breathe. I have nothing else to think about. My mind is all blank except for some blur faces and deafening screams. I have no identity . No existence.
Right now, I'm just a number. Private ward 2 , patient number 33.

***
Yesss!!! My plan worked! I had given up eating since 4 days. It feels a bit dizzy and nauseous , but it's okay. I have to fulfill my ulterior motive. I had used gag reflex to remove whatever content I had in my stomach. Maybe that will prompt them more.

The doctor came with a bored expression, answering none of my questions, and pierced a sharp needle with a plastic tubing  in it, in the back of my hand, and connected it to a bottle hanging on a stand.  Just a few minutes more and I'll be free forever. Free from this torturous life.

As soon as he goes out, I pluck it out, a  slow stream of colourless liquid running through the needle. I detached it from the pipe of the bottle. My pierced skin oozes out thick drops of blood. Where would it be most appropriate to make a cut?
Here!
Here!
Here!
Here!

After making several cuts on my left hand, I felt none is working.
I tried a few more places.
I think I should follow the greenish lines under my skin. What are they called veins maybe?
Until I reached my skin tracing a green vein ,and just a bit deeper to it exactly at the junction of my hand  and wrist, the blood spluttered out at speed.
Black spots covered my eyes, and the room started rotating.
Yayyy! Mission accomplished!
I laid on the bed silently waiting for my death. Come soon !Come soon! 
I tried to remember the face of my mother whom I will be going to after I die.
She must be sad without me being there.
Would my father be angry , because apparently I caused their death, according to what I've heard?

With these questions, I fall into the abyss of darkness, waiting for my misery to end.

When I opened my eyes groggily, I registered the white background. I'm in heaven. Isn't it? Yes. It pains in the heaven too. Great! What was with the myth we leave this body on the earth and all bhagavadgita gyan. I am impressed I remember that stuff.
Everything looks white, but I couldn't make out the shape of things as I could hardly open my eyes.

I tried to remember my life before death. As I closed my eyes, the horrifying scene replayed back. No! No! This couldn't happen. Why do I still remember it? This should be forgotten. I must have been free.
I tried to put my hands on my ears to stop the  horrible screams beeping in my ears, but i couldn't move them.
I tugged on them hard, but they felt tied. I opened my eyes with great effort and looked at my hands, they were tied to the headrest of an iron bed.

Iron bed? Iron bed?
I looked around.
The whitewashed walls of that jail. That bloody hospital.
That means either I've not died or I've become ghost.

"I don't think you are ghost because I can hear you. And believe me , I don't have this special power of talking to ghosts and spirits."
Did I say my last thoughts aloud? Apparently I did.
His voice had a playful teasing. Exactly what I hate. He was a 'he'. And he was happy. He was playful.
Was he mocking me?

"Who are you? And why have you tied me?" I tried to look at his face , but the green curtain between us didn't allow me to. His voice was so sweet , it's melody was soothing my heart. But the happiness in his voice , made me remember my own pain. Why is everyone happy except me?

"Sorry, but I've not tied you. The hospital staff did. Perhaps you tried to do suicide, thrice in a week?"

"That's none of your business. Why would you even care." I tried to act rude.  I don't care if I made him angry? What else can he do to harm me? I've nothing to lose, and if he becomes angry enough to kill me, it's a win-win situation.

His gleeful nature was making me feel to die more. But also I wanted to live more. A bit more before dying , with the only sweet memory in my mind of his voice. A bit more to listen to what different he has to say apart from these routine doctors and nurses. Such an oxymoron he was.

" Maybe that's not my business, but... I won't be able to sleep at night ,  thinking that I had the chance to stop someone from taking their life, and I didn't even try. So yes, I do care."

"There's nothing that can stop me from dying. It's just a matter of time."

" Look ,I know.  I can understand how yu---"

" NO! YOU CAN'T! Don't you even pretend to make me feel that you understand what  I'm going through." I screamed at him.  How dare he make a statement like that?
He belonged to a happy world behind this green curtain , colourful world full of happiness, love and family.
And I on the other side of this curtain, lonely, destroyed and broken, with  only colors being ,white of the walls and black of my thoughts.

Two different worlds, two opposite universes.

"Sorry sorry , I ...I didn't mean to offend you. Please don't shout. Or I'll get into trouble." He sounded worried.

" Why would you get into trouble and why  are you whispering?" I said getting irritated by his whisper-shouts.

"I...I ..uhm... I'm not supposed to be here in this restricted area. I'm not qualified yet for it."

"Restricted area. Right. I'm tired of this word. As if I'm a monster who will wolf down everyone." I said trying to throw my hands in air out of frustration but couldn't because of ties.

"It's for your safety."

"Safety?" It started as a snicker but snowballed into a full blown belly laugh.
"Safety ...... safety.....from .....whom?"  I said between my breathy laughs. Tear drops collected at the corner of my eyes. My God! It's been so long , I laughed that it hurts my chest.

"Uhmmmm...." He seemed at loss of words.

" Don't tell me 'men'. Because I'm far from safe from them. They can't even spare me solitude in my sleep. Don't get offended okay, but even you don't scare me now.  You can come in front of this partition, to  my side and have your way. I am anyways going to die soon." I said it casually as if I was telling how good the weather is.

A long paise trailed in the room making me realise I'm talking to a normal person, after so long. I wanted to keep the conversation going because it momentarily drifted me from my haunting memories.

"So, why did you come here , if it is restricted?" I tried to make him talk.
I doubt he came for what I had just insinuated because he seemed to be taken aback at my blunt jab.

" I told you--"

"Oh just stop it. Will you?"

"What?"

"Believing that there is a solution to whatever this is happening with me. Believing that there is something left to live for."

"Why not? Your family might--"

" Don't give me all that emotional garbage. You have no idea what I've been through. And may you never get the idea too.
Stop trying to find a way out of this. There isn't  one."

" But---Ohh!!! I think someone is coming. I should leave. Don't die please! " He  whisper -shouted. A distant sound of  footsteps could be heard.

"W-wait!....Will...." A sound of door unlocking, opening and closing followed soon.
'Will you come back tomorrow?' I wanted to ask. But he had left by then.

I closed my eyes, my head has started hurting again.
But now I've something else to think about, until I plan another way to kill myself.

The voice behind the curtain!!
The voice behind the curtain.

*** Victim shaming is as sinful as committing this horrendous crime. It is equal to encouraging the culprits/devils.

***Some tracks have been inspired from Raikirth. Hope you realised that. Because why not? That's my favourite couple.

*** Please do tell me , how did you perceive the chapter?

***Thankyou everyone for following this story till here , I can't tell how much your votes and comments mean to me. *Wipes a fake tear, but my eyes pooled, okay*